I need help with my son

[scrapbabe]

Okay, I very rarely ask parenting questions because everyone is so different. But I am at a strange crossroads with my almost 8 year old son and I need help. Mostly I'm looking for sources for books or articles that I can draw ideas from. But anything would be helpful.

 

First of all I normally have a good relationship with all of my boys. The youngest (almost 8) has been my little buddy. He's been a little babied perhaps but not spoiled. However, we are expecting baby number four in 4 weeks and I think he's realizing he's not mom's baby anymore. He used to crawl into my bed most nights in the middle of the night and sleep there until morning. I didn't mind because I loved having my little guy to snuggle with. But I've had to wean him of that because he won't be able to do that when the baby comes. He's super excited to be a big brother and can't wait to meet the new baby, but since being I got pregnant he's had some crazy attitude/emotional changes.

 

Also, he and my next oldest son (12) used to play together really well. My 12 year old is a bit of a late bloomer and they enjoyed each others company. Well, as my 12 year old nears his teenage years he has started to want to do more big boy stuff and more things independently (as well he should). This always leaves my 8 year old angry and screaming because my 12 year old doesn't want to play with him.

 

With this pregnancy I've also been sick a lot and now at 36 weeks my energy is zapped. I'm not able to give him the attention and do the things I used to do with him.

 

So given all of these things happening at once, he has become extremely difficult. He whines about EVERYTHING. It really doesn't matter. He just whines. He whines when he's bored, he whines when he's hungry, he whines and screams that his brother won't play with him. I am unable to discuss anything with him and try to help or he just whines even louder. If I happen to get through and I help him to see that whining isn't the answer, he finds something else to whine about. He's only content if his brother is doing exactly what he wants him to do, or he is watching tv or something to occupy his mind. Now, this isn't normal, this is all in the past few months. We have gotten into this viscious cycle of whining and me losing my temper and him shouting and me shouting more. I can't do this. Where did our fun little relationship go? How do I help him? I feel so lost!

 

When he wants his brother to play with him I usually ask that they work something out, where my older son agrees to 15 minutes or something. But sometimes I realize my older son needs his private time and so I encourage my younger son to do something on his own. But then the whining starts. "You always take his side". "There's nothing I want to do". "It's not fair".... and on and on and on.

 

I want to cry because I've never experienced this. I honestly for the first time in my parenting can't think of how to help him. No matter what I say the situation always escalates. I try calm and kind, I try sending him to his room, I try reasoning with him. But we always end up going in circles and fighting.

 

I would greatly appreciate any advice you have. Thanks for listening.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

:grouphug: Sometimes I long for the days when kids had to do farm chores all day and were too exhausted to whine and complain about stuff. :D

 

I don't have any advice, just sympathy for the whining and complaining about everything.

[Live2Ride]

Whining gets an instant room placement until said child can verbalize more appropriately what is wrong. I still deal with my DD doing this and we just point towards the back of the house when she gets going. I've not always been good at avoiding her attempts at engaging me into her behavioral issue, but I am much better now.

 

I also suggest maybe some couch time coloring together or a board game and talking while hanging out. I started taking DD on a little lunch date and it has been really good to sit and chat with her.

 

Hugs!

[Catwoman]

No answers here, except to suggest that you try to give him as much of your attention as you can. He is probably scared and worried that you will love the new baby more than you love him, and that you won't have as much time for him any more.

 

I'm not surprised that he's acting out in a negative way, and I wouldn't punish him for it. I would just try to find ways to be close to him and to give him special time with you. I would also keep telling him how much you love him and how you will always love him just as much as you do right now, and that while the new baby will take up some of your time, you'll still always make time for him, too.

[Dandelion]

What Catwoman said.

 

Because of the timing and recent onset of this issue, to me it's clearly an expression of anxiety over what the new baby's arrival will mean to your DS. I would focus on carving out more special 1:1 time with your DS so he feels reassured, rather than on disciplining the whining. If I did address it, it would be very gently and that wouldn't be my primary concern. My guess is that once his anxiety has been addressed and he feels secure in the knowledge that he isn't being displaced, the whining and negative behaviors will stop.