Halcyon Posted January 6, 2013 Share Posted January 6, 2013 I have finally, after 11 years of marriage, gotten DH to agree tentatively to my budget idea. His income is variable, so he has never felt comfortable with putting money aside, because he feels as though he doesn't know what the next month will bring and he doesn't want to put the money into "savings" lest he feel he needs to touch it next month. I, otoh, have always wanted a set amount that I am "allowed" to spend each month, and his response has typically been "just spend as little as you can" LOL. At the same time, he HATES the idea of feeling deprived, feels very anxious when the fridge is starting to get empty, and does not like to deprive the kids of things (they're not spoiled, however). He also recognizes that he spends too much on certain business expenses, but he always justifies them as neccesary. Anyway, I proposed an idea to him yeseterday and after thinking it over, he has tentatively agreed. Here's my idea. I went over our Amex for the last 18 months (we charge 90% on our amex for rewards reasons, and pay it off each month religiously). I figured out our average monthly bill. I took that amount, reduced somewhat as I believe we overspent towards the end of the year as we just bought a house, and said "This will be my budget each month. Anything UNDER the budget will go into our savings. If we go over, we will figure out why, and either re-evaluate the budget or determine if it was a one-time expense that caused the overage." His concern is that I will "tighten the belt" too much just to save money (I like to do that :) ) and he will feel "deprived". I told him we willl take it month to month and see how it goes, but I really, really, strongly feel that we need to start setting up a consistent savings plan, and not just hope for that "big job" for him that will magically solve all our savings issues ;) What do you all think of this? I am actually pretty pleased that he has agreed to this, because it will give me a sense of just how much I can spend, and allow me to budget things more carefully. As I said, I have been wanting something like this for years and years, so I do hope it works. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted January 6, 2013 Share Posted January 6, 2013 Do you have an emergency fund? Or some type of fund for months when pay is down? I'd focus the excess money in that direction first, which I think perhaps give your dh piece of mind. Perhaps telling him that you are going to set it up so you can both have peace of mind on those low months. Then after establishing that fund moving on to general savings. Although, I know here dh wasn't nearly as on board with our savings plan until we had a goal he was really interested in meeting- paying off the house. Saving, just for the sake of saving, can seem like deprivation for no reason to some. Perhaps a talk about financial goals and figuring out what you are saving for would motivate him. Also, after we had cut back for awhile dh had an idea that at the end we should set aside some money just to spend on whatever we wanted. I really resisted the idea at first but on thinking more it seemed very reasonable and a good reward for our hard work and the percentage was reasonable compared to our savings amount. I can easily cut things too much as well but have found that finding common goals and then compromising a bit as to what is or isn't reasonable makes everyone much happier and our progress is much greater as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairy4tmama Posted January 6, 2013 Share Posted January 6, 2013 I could have written your post word for word! The only advice I have to offer is to try to "make a date of it" this is something I heard on NPR to pick a date to do it each month and make it as pleasant as posible ( thier suggestion was a glass of wine :)). DH and I are working on this and it is getting easier...good luck! I am eager to read the replies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted January 6, 2013 Author Share Posted January 6, 2013 Technically,we do not have an emergency fund. We do have some extra money, but like I said, DH likes to hold onto it in case "he needs it". He is very resistant to an emergency fund as he thinks we dont have enough money to set one up. This seems like backwards thinking to me, but he grew up very deprived and the word budget is a bad word LOL. So yes, I will set up an emergency fund first. I want 3 months expenses to start. Then I want to start saving for the extra month's mortgage we hope to pay each year so that our mortgage will last a fewer number of years. I think the bank said our mortgage will be only 18 years instead of 30 if we pay an extra month each year. This seems impossible, but I have to do the math. Thank you!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted January 6, 2013 Author Share Posted January 6, 2013 I could have written your post word for word! The only advice I have to offer is to try to "make a date of it" this is something I heard on NPR to pick a date to do it each month and make it as pleasant as posible ( thier suggestion was a glass of wine :)). DH and I are working on this and it is getting easier...good luck! I am eager to read the replies. What has sorta worked for us is to divide up bill responsibilities. However, like I said, I have always wanted him to just give me a fixed amount each month to work with, so that I can prioritize, but he has been reluctant to do that. So he pays mortgage, health insurnace and electric, and I pay most of household reelated stuff. It has worked better than anything else for us, minus the fact that he doesn't want to save! (until now. Think positive!!!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted January 6, 2013 Share Posted January 6, 2013 It's amazing what you can do by paying extra on your mortgage. If you want to get even more serious about that debt, check into how much it would cost to go to a 15 yr mortgage. Interest rates are super low right now. We refinanced a few years ago and only ended up paying $200 more a month. I just about fell over when I saw how much it would save us in interest. I love seeing our mortgage bill every month because that principal just keeps shrinking. Anyhow, just a thought on that. We have a kind of variable income. We budget for his base salary and anything extra is for special things or savings or trips. So, I think staying on a budget and saving the rest is a great plan. Just don't let it rule your life. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted January 6, 2013 Share Posted January 6, 2013 We also budget on the base salary and any bonus goes towards long-term financial goals like retirement, paying off DH's student loans, the down payment on our house, replacing the roof on the house, orthodontic work for the kids when they're old enough, replacing our vehicle when it dies, etc. That way we'll still be okay even if the bonus turns out to be $0 (which hasn't happened so far but in 2011 a bunch of folks we know got zero bonus and we still don't know yet about 2012). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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