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I'm trying to reduce stress in my life, but these picky eaters are going to kill me!


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My husband is the worst of all. Or maybe it's ds2. Can't decide, yet. Ds1 will at least try new foods, even though he's the diagnosed Aspie in the house.

 

I don't even try to feed my husband. If I happen to make something he likes, great. If not, he's on his own.

 

But for the kids, it's next to impossible to make something that both of them like. I'm starting to have a modicum of sympathy for my MIL. She used to make 3 different dishes at each meal. I always thought she created more of a monster by catering to their demands, but now I'm starting to see that she just gave up and made 3 meals for the sake of her peace and sanity. DH was the kid who WOULD rather starve than eat what he was served. The school sent Children's Services to the house when dh was in kindergarten because they thought he was being starved. No, the stubborn a$$ just refused to eat anything he didn't like. So, MIL just made different meals for him.

 

THERE WAS NO WAY IN H-E- DOUBLE TOOTHPICKS I WAS GOING TO DO THAT WITH MY CHILDREN! (Is there a self righteous smiley?)

 

Then I actually had the children. Older ds will eventually eat SOME things he doesn't like to prevent starvation. Younger ds won't. I made a rule that if you don't like what is being served, then you are responsible for finding yourself something to eat. But then, I have to purchase things to have available for them to eat when they don't like the meal. All of this is extremely annoying to me.

 

I don't buy cereal, but even if I did, they wouldn't like the same kinds.

One likes oatmeal, one doesn't.

One likes eggs, one doesn't.

One likes French toast, one doesn't.

One likes strawberries, one doesn't.

One likes blueberries, one doesn't.

One likes peanut butter, one doesn't.

One likes jelly, one doesn't.

One likes sliced meats for sandwiches, one doesn't.

One likes mayo, one doesn't.

One likes carrots, one doesn't.

One likes peas, one doesn't.

One likes broccoli and cauliflower, one doesn't.

One likes beef, one doesn't.

One like chicken, one doesn't.

One likes fish, one doesn't.

One likes ham, one doesn't.

One likes bacon (not the one who likes ham), one doesn't.

One likes potatoes, one doesn't.

One likes pickles, one doesn't.

You get the idea.

 

Neither one will eat salad, celery, or quinoa, but dh will eat these things.

 

Nobody (including dh) except me likes:

 

Peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers, stew, meatloaf, tacos, spaghetti, casseroles, stir-fry, or pretty much anything most normal American families eat for dinner.

 

Dh has an aversion to sauces or most seasonings.

 

So, that leaves us with plain noodles, plain rice, corn, apples, bananas, oranges, home made pancakes, and my home made chicken noodle soup (the chicken hater just avoids the chicken pieces) as dishes we can all agree on. Except, they don't really like the brown rice noodles that I make, so sometimes I make them wheat flour noodles. The potato hater will also eat mashed potatoes occasionally if the planets are aligned in a certain way.

 

I cook and eat for myself. I always have. Fortunately, I have a sister who lives with us, and she will usually eat the stuff I make for myself, too. Sometimes I freeze portions of my food for my mom, too. It takes a lot of time and effort for me to prepare fresh, delicious, healthy meals for myself, and I just wish these people would eat some of it SOMETIMES! I'm not asking that they like everything, but this extreme pickiness drives me insane.

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You're battling cancer and your kids are old enough to prepare simple meals themselves. I might consider just "striking" in this area for a while. Cook what you like/can eat. Tell the kids and DH if they don't like it, they are on their own to fix something they will eat, and you expect them to clean up after themselves too.

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{{{hugs}}}

 

Picky eaters (of any age) are difficult to respond to. One of the biggest "problems" is that picky doesn't have the same etyology across the board. There is picky due to allergies. There is picky due to sensory issues. There is picky due to some other organic, physiological origin.

 

And then there is the created and exacerbated picky - the picky that is created by parents catering to whims. Or the picky that is created by palate - if you start feeding kids fast food, hot dogs, mac and cheese, you create picky.

 

Those in the first group typically get upset and defensive about picky - especially as adults or parents of children in the first group. They often tend to not admit the second group exists.

 

I guess I'd give the humans in your home age/developmentally appropriate freedom to feed themselves. For the kids, I'd list acceptable options, provide those through shopping, and then do my best to let it go.

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Dh has been on his own since we got married, since I refuse to deal with his ridiculous food issues. I do buy some things that the kids can make and prepare themselves, but it's mostly junk that I really don't want them to eat. I'm trying to not care about it and just focus on my own health, but it's not easy to do. My almost 10 year old is very small for his age, so he's not tall enough to reach the stove well, or even the top shelves in the refrigerator. They do clear their dishes and unload the dishwasher.

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{{{hugs}}}

 

Picky eaters (of any age) are difficult to respond to. One of the biggest "problems" is that picky doesn't have the same etyology across the board. There is picky due to allergies. There is picky due to sensory issues. There is picky due to some other organic, physiological origin.

 

And then there is the created and exacerbated picky - the picky that is created by parents catering to whims. Or the picky that is created by palate - if you start feeding kids fast food, hot dogs, mac and cheese, you create picky.

 

Those in the first group typically get upset and defensive about picky - especially as adults or parents of children in the first group. They often tend to not admit the second group exists.

 

I guess I'd give the humans in your home age/developmentally appropriate freedom to feed themselves. For the kids, I'd list acceptable options, provide those through shopping, and then do my best to let it go.

 

 

 

I agree. People think I'm picky because I don't eat gluten, and I try to eat only organic produce, and buy humanely raised and properly fed animal products. I get it. I'm kind of a pain in the arse about food, but I don't expect people to cater to me.

 

I have done everything in my power not to cater to these people. I provide them healthy well-balanced food, and most of it ends up in the trash. I'm really at my wit's end about it, and of course, I get no support from dh, because he's exactly like this. So, do I just let them eat yogurt tubes and pizza rolls to their hearts content and stop worrying about their health?

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I provide them healthy well-balanced food, and most of it ends up in the trash. I'm really at my wit's end about it, and of course, I get no support from dh, because he's exactly like this. So, do I just let them eat yogurt tubes and pizza rolls to their hearts content and stop worrying about their health?

 

 

 

Yes.

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I have the same problem in my house, give them all vitamins, and cook what you want to eat. They have never known the pang of hunger. They will get hungry, and begin to cave in here and there. Even green foods start to smell nice after a few days starving. Eventually they will all get in the kitchen, and learn to cook, or give in. Don't buy as many snacks, and hide the few you buy, lock them up if you must. Oh, and sometimes I take them for a long park day, then bring them home to feed them vegetables for snacks.

 

When I grew up, we had three meals with an occasional desert. If you skipped a meal there was nothing to replace it with, no snacks whatsoever. We licked our plates clean sometimes, and asked for more. My older brother tried to get my piece of venison by telling me we are eating Bambi, I told him Bambi was good and continued eating, I was four. The instincts to survive will kick in, trust me.

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The instincts to survive will kick in, trust me.

 

 

I don't know. My husband told me he'd rather die of cancer than to have to eat a different diet than he does now. I've never experienced the level of stubbornness from anyone else about anything else that he has about food. Unfortunately, ds2 seems to be the same way. Ds1 would give in and eat, and has done it on occasion.

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I have seen large tupperware-type containers with multiple divisions. Could you prepare one for each with a variety of the things they eat? Then, they could choose from that during the day.

 

 

 

That's the annoying thing. They don't eat the same things. So, I'm preparing two entirely different tupperware containers, and then preparing my own meals? This is the kind of thing I'm trying to avoid.

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I'd start serving meals family style. They need to sit at the table for family togetherness, but they choose what and how much to eat of what you offered on the table. If they eat, they eat. If they don't, they don't. I'd try and include whatever healthy food they will eat as one of the options for lunch & breakfast, and occasionally dinner. I'd also stick to set meal times, not allow snacking, and let them figure out how to overcome their own pickiness, or starve.

 

I've had several friends with extremely picky eaters use this above strategy and they have eliminated the argument and seen there food likes grow. Are they over the pickiness? Not yet, but they aren't starving. And because they are in charge of what goes on their own plate rather than mom putting it there, they are slowly starting to choose more because they are hungry. The biggest, and hardest, change was no snacking. But it was the one thing that made them hungry at mealtimes.

 

Sorry if I sound hardcore, but pickiness for pickiness sake makes me bonkers. I get allergies and things like that. But to refuse food because you prefer junk is a pet peeve of mine. My husband was extremely picky when we met. Now he eats almost anything and prefers homemade to processes by far. But it didn't happen overnight, and he still says he has to remind himself that he does like certain things because he trained his brain in childhood that he doesn't. My kids are great eaters too, though my toddler looks at me like I'm nuts for some of the things I offer him. That doesn't mean they, or even I, will eat anything. We all have our preferences.

 

Okay, I'm done :)

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Yeah, we do have family meals. I'm trying to tell you they don't eat the stuff I make and serve. DH was 43 when we got married. He's 54 now. He's not changing. If I make some plain baked chicken, plain rice, plain peas for dinner, dh will eat all of that. One kid will eat peas and maybe a couple scoops of rice. One will eat the chicken and rice. That's about the only family style meal I can serve where at least some of the food will be eaten by everyone. Try having that dinner 7 days a week. It gets really old, really fast. If I try something new or any food with any flavor whatsoever, Dh will drive to the store and get cold cuts if he doesn't like it. The kids just won't eat.

 

I don't think I can describe the level of pickiness. I've gone through phases where I will let the kids pick whatever they want from Trader Joe's. One likes TJ's frozen pizza, one doesn't. One likes the chicken nuggets, one doesn't. One only eats green apples, while the other only eats red apples. One only eats green grapes, while the other only eats red grapes. I'm freaking exhausted by this.

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So the list of food they will all eat is:

 

Plain noodles, plain rice, corn, apples, bananas, oranges, home made pancakes, and my home made chicken noodle soup.

 

So that is what I would buy, and then let them deal with making their own meals. At least there is some fruit there. :)

 

As for yogurt and pizza rolls, if you can afford it, buy organic or the non-gmo kind (if that matters to you). Will they eat any sort of prepared foods that have some 'better' ingredients? Amy's pizza rolls, burritos, or other type products? I wouldn't have the energy to do more, especially with the ages you're talking about

 

 

If they like bananas and oranges, maybe they would like avocado and pineapple? For those who like certain veggies, buy the frozen kind (does anyone like butternut squash? ) You won't have to worry about waste. What about baby carrots? They are already peeled and washed. (Thinking of ways to get more nutrients into picky people.)

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Sigh--I hear you! My dh and 3 of my 4 dc are extremely picky, and all in different ways! There are very, very few things I make that they will all eat. And I add my own constraints: I won't serve white rice or any kind of white bread, and I won't buy meat that is not organic. This has made the whole area of meal planning/cooking highly stressful for me.

 

What I do these days is cook meals, and whoever doesn't want to eat them may find/cook themselves something else, which must consist of, at a minimum, a protein and a veggie or fruit. What I'd prefer to do is what my mom did: prepare something, and whoever doesn't like it can wait for the next meal. But dh is horrified by that and thinks it borders on child abuse, lol. Also, honestly, I don't have the energy (guts?) to have every mealtime be a battle. I see what I do as a compromise.

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I'm sorry you're dealing with this, especially given your health situation. :grouphug:

 

Would more "European-style" meals work for your family? Growing up in Germany, our dinner was generally a platter of sliced bread or rolls, deli meats, cheeses, veggies, and fruit. Nothing cooked - only work involved was washing the veggies/fruit and some slicing/cutting. Everyone helped themselves to what they wanted. Once done, just wrap up the platter, stick it in the fridge, and bring it out again for the next meal.

 

Maybe serve it with some healthy dipping sauce to make the veggies more appealing to your kids?

 

I agree that your health and stress-reduction is more important than catering to three different sets of food preferences. Vitamin supplements can offset a lot of pickiness. ;) :grouphug:

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I do have an extremely picky eater, so I get it. I too, have one of the kind that would rather starve than eat a food he does not like, extremely strong willed, will detect anything that is "hidden" in sauce or hamburger.

My solution: modular family meals= a meat, a starch (rice, pasta, potatoes), separate veggies, sauce in a separate little pot. No casserole-type dishes or mixed-in sauces. I make sure that in each meal there is ONE thing my picky eater eats. Sometimes that is the meat, sometimes it is plain pasta or rice (he is free to get cheese or pasta sauce from a jar in the fridge). All serving bowls are on the table, everybody takes what he wants.

If he dislikes the entire meal, he is free to fix himself some cereal or a sandwich or take an apple. No child starves just because he does not like the *cooked* food.

 

ETA: So for your picky eaters, alternate the dishes: one day it is the meat that child A eats and the side dish child B likes; the other day reverse. Have red and green apples at hand, so each can have their preferred color.

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I am a picky eater so I thought I'd reply so maybe you would stop worrying about them so much on a daily basis so you can focus on your own healing. Just let them find their own way within healthy choices. I find when people focus on what I am eating, it gets my back up and there is very little chance I am going to agree to whatever small change is being requested of me. Even "try one bite, it won't kill you" feels like indeed it will kill me when I am put on the spot. As a child it resulted in projectile vomiting and pretty much meant I wouldn't be trying anything again for a good long time.

 

Now, over time I have tried new foods on my own timetable. I am currently trying to "innoculate" myself against the imo "horrible" taste of green peppers so I can add them to my diet. This means that I take one tiny bite of the green pepper I am preparing for others every day. I have been at this for two months now and still don't like them, but I can see in a few more months they might be "okay" and in a year they will probably be in my diet. Remember, dietary changes can take years, and that is where your goal should be--not on today's meals. This should relieve some of the pressure you have been feeling.

 

So the first thing is to disengage from the meal-to-meal battles. I love Justme824's idea of family style meals. They will get used to the look and smells of new foods just from seeing them on the table regularly. Only serve two "definitely-will-eat" foods per person per meal. These do not have to be cooked foods, in fact, better for you if they are not. If they are starving, they may choose an "unliked but passible" as survival food to round out their plate on occasion. If you have nothing but healthy food in the house, then you can rest assured that they will somehow eke out enough nutrients to survive at least until you are stronger yourself.

 

Remember, this is part of who they are, but not part of who you are. You must not get wrapped up in their struggles with food. Your job is to provide healthy options and let them work it out. It helps to ignore the current fads about what you must eat to be healthy. People around the world, throughout time, have survived and done well on many different diets. For goodness sakes, the Maasai people succeeded on a traditional diet of raw meat, raw milk and animal blood!

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They don't like the healthier version of pizza rolls. The one who will eat nuggets doesn't like the healthier version of those, either. We've tried Ian's, Amy's and maybe some other brands. Neither will touch a burrito of any kind with a ten-foot pole. The only pizza both of them will eat is Donato's thin crust with cheese. One will eat Trader Joe's 3-cheese pizza. Those are the only two pizzas passing either of their lips. One likes baby carrots raw, the other will only eat them cooked. One likes pineapple sometimes when the mood strikes. Neither like avocado. I LOVE avocado, and have frequently tried to serve it to them. I went through a whole Jessica Seinfeld phase and tried to sneak veggies into other things. They wouldn't eat them. They won't eat beans, either.

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One likes baby carrots raw, the other will only eat them cooked.

 

So, whenever you cook carrots, set a portion for the raw eater aside to have raw with his meal and cook the rest. Not more time consuming than cooking them all.

 

I have not been successful "sneaking" veggies either - my kid is not stupid.

 

If it is any comfort to you: my picky eater does not eat ANY vegetables. He ate a baby tomatoe and a slice of cucumber in the 13 years of his life, under horrible gagging and out of politeness only. For a long time, I could have absolutely no sauces and seasonings on meat. It is getting slowly better.

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I do not have any picky eaters in my house, but for some reason cooking organization is something I like to think about. They all like some things that are healthy, right? Just not the same things? And it sounds like you really do not need to be spending a whole lot of extra energy trying to feed them. But you still want them to have balanced diets. At this point, you are probably right, you are not going to be able to change anyone. Some people really cannot control their pickiness no matter who it came about. I would rotate your family meals in four shifts. Make a double batch of a complete meal that you know at least one person will eat. Serve that to the one person and freeze the rest of the batch in individual servings. Repeat the procedure for the next meal but for a different person. The others can each (on their own) get an individual portion of "their" meal from the freezer and warm it up. You are still only cooking one meal at a time but everyone is eating well at each meal. After a few weeks (if you have the freezer space), you will get into the groove and there will be enough individual meals for each person that they will be able to pick what they are in the mood for that day.

 

I do this for dh's lunches. He likes my food but is often tempted to go out with his coworkers. That is not only unhealthy but breaks our budget. He is much less likely to do that when he can poke through the freezer each morning and pick the meal that appeals to him that day. It is no extra work on my part as these meals are just extras of past dinners. I double batch everything I make and freeze half in individual portions. This has also saved me on many a day that I am too busy or sick to cook.

 

The down side to this is that it will take time to build up the "bank" of foods and it will take a degree of extra planning. But if it saves you from actually making several meals at a time or from stressing about their health, then it is probably worth it.

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I'm sorry you're dealing with this, especially given your health situation. :grouphug:

 

Would more "European-style" meals work for your family? Growing up in Germany, our dinner was generally a platter of sliced bread or rolls, deli meats, cheeses, veggies, and fruit. Nothing cooked - only work involved was washing the veggies/fruit and some slicing/cutting. Everyone helped themselves to what they wanted. Once done, just wrap up the platter, stick it in the fridge, and bring it out again for the next meal.

 

Maybe serve it with some healthy dipping sauce to make the veggies more appealing to your kids?

 

I agree that your health and stress-reduction is more important than catering to three different sets of food preferences. Vitamin supplements can offset a lot of pickiness. ;) :grouphug:

 

 

I know it's going to seem like I'm shooting down solutions, but I refuse to buy traditional cold cuts, and dh refuses to eat the "healthier" organic, nitrate-free cold cuts. Dh would eat celery and carrots, and one son would eat carrots, but the other would eat absolutely nothing from that tray except fruit. Have you seen my blog? I have fresh cut veggies available almost always.

 

I do have an extremely picky eater, so I get it. I too, have one of the kind that would rather starve than eat a food he does not like, extremely strong willed, will detect anything that is "hidden" in sauce or hamburger.

My solution: modular family meals= a meat, a starch (rice, pasta, potatoes), separate veggies, sauce in a separate little pot. No casserole-type dishes or mixed-in sauces. I make sure that in each meal there is ONE thing my picky eater eats. Sometimes that is the meat, sometimes it is plain pasta or rice (he is free to get cheese or pasta sauce from a jar in the fridge). All serving bowls are on the table, everybody takes what he wants.

If he dislikes the entire meal, he is free to fix himself some cereal or a sandwich or take an apple. No child starves just because he does not like the *cooked* food.

 

ETA: So for your picky eaters, alternate the dishes: one day it is the meat that child A eats and the side dish child B likes; the other day reverse. Have red and green apples at hand, so each can have their preferred color.

 

 

I do this. I'm sick of doing this. I make completely separate and plain things. Last night I made plain grass fed hamburger patties. Plain boiled potatoes. Plain peas. Dh ate some of everything. Ds1 ate potatoes. Ds2 at 2 bites of hamburger and peas.

 

I always have tons of fruits of all colors, so the picky freaks can eat the RIGHT ones.

 

I am a picky eater so I thought I'd reply so maybe you would stop worrying about them so much on a daily basis so you can focus on your own healing. Just let them find their own way within healthy choices. I find when people focus on what I am eating, it gets my back up and there is very little chance I am going to agree to whatever small change is being requested of me. Even "try one bite, it won't kill you" feels like indeed it will kill me when I am put on the spot. As a child it resulted in projectile vomiting and pretty much meant I wouldn't be trying anything again for a good long time.

 

Now, over time I have tried new foods on my own timetable. I am currently trying to "innoculate" myself against the imo "horrible" taste of green peppers so I can add them to my diet. This means that I take one tiny bite of the green pepper I am preparing for others every day. I have been at this for two months now and still don't like them, but I can see in a few more months they might be "okay" and in a year they will probably be in my diet. Remember, dietary changes can take years, and that is where your goal should be--not on today's meals. This should relieve some of the pressure you have been feeling.

 

So the first thing is to disengage from the meal-to-meal battles. I love Justme824's idea of family style meals. They will get used to the look and smells of new foods just from seeing them on the table regularly. Only serve two "definitely-will-eat" foods per person per meal. If they are starving, they may choose an "unliked but passible" as survival food to round out their plate on occasion. If you have nothing but healthy food in the house, then you can rest assured that they will somehow eke out enough nutrients to survive at least until you are stronger yourself.

 

Remember, this is part of who they are, but not part of who you are. You must not get wrapped up in their struggles with food. Your job is to provide healthy options and let them work it out. It helps to ignore the current fads about what you must eat to be healthy. People around the world, throughout time, have survived and done well on many different diets. For goodness sakes, the Maasai people succeeded on a traditional diet of raw meat, raw milk and animal blood!

 

 

Seriously, check out my blog. I have TONS of healthy and delicious food in this house, and on the table. The don't get used to the sights and smells. They run away screaming. I'm not kidding. If I dare to make myself some Chinese, Indian or Mexican style food, or anything with onions and garlic, all three of them run around like they are being murdered and turn on fans and open windows. Dh has been known to walk around with a towel over his face to avoid my cooking smells.

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I do not have any picky eaters in my house, but for some reason cooking organization is something I like to think about. They all like some things that are healthy, right? Just not the same things? And it sounds like you really do not need to be spending a whole lot of extra energy trying to feed them. But you still want them to have balanced diets. At this point, you are probably right, you are not going to be able to change anyone. Some people really cannot control their pickiness no matter who it came about. I would rotate your family meals in four shifts. Make a double batch of a complete meal that you know at least one person will eat. Serve that to the one person and freeze the rest of the batch in individual servings. Repeat the procedure for the next meal but for a different person. The others can each (on their own) get an individual portion of "their" meal from the freezer and warm it up. You are still only cooking one meal at a time but everyone is eating well at each meal. After a few weeks (if you have the freezer space), you will get into the groove and there will be enough individual meals for each person that they will be able to pick what they are in the mood for that day.

 

I do this for dh's lunches. He likes my food but is often tempted to go out with his coworkers. That is not only unhealthy but breaks our budget. He is much less likely to do that when he can poke through the freezer each morning and pick the meal that appeals to him that day. It is no extra work on my part as these meals are just extras of past dinners. I double batch everything I make and freeze half in individual portions. This has also saved me on many a day that I am too busy or sick to cook.

 

The down side to this is that it will take time to build up the "bank" of foods and it will take a degree of extra planning. But if it saves you from actually making several meals at a time or from stressing about their health, then it is probably worth it.

 

 

This actually might work. I don't like to use the microwave, but if I'm not caring about their health ( :tongue_smilie: ), then they can just heat the stuff up themselves in the microwave.

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At this point, I agree with disengaging (easier said than done, I know). Good luck!

 

 

I know this is what I need to do. I'm not the only one. This behavior drives my sister absolutely nuts, too. The things that gets her the most is that they suddenly stop liking something they used to eat. She will buy them something that she knows they like, and then they won't eat it and tell her they don't like it. She will argue with them that they JUST ATE THIS VERY SAME THING LAST WEEK!, but to no avail. They won't eat it. It rots and gets thrown away. I think she has finally had enough and has stopped trying to buy them anything.

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This actually might work. I don't like to use the microwave, but if I'm not caring about their health ( :tongue_smilie: ), then they can just heat the stuff up themselves in the microwave.

 

 

If you can invest in enough pyrex storage, you can actually heat in the oven. I sometimes even use old deli/yogurt/sour cream/other plastic food containers. When ready to defrost, I run them under hot tap water for a second and "pop" the food out onto oven-safe plates/bowls/whatever and heat in the oven. Dh does this at work, but with a toaster oven. Microwaves freak me out, so we don't use one. My 9 yo dd can and does heat her own frozen meals this way with no problem. Mason jars are another inexpensive vessel that I use frequently. You are only "supposed" to freeze wide-mouth jars but I confess that I use all the different types and just deal with the very occasional wasted portion from a cracked jar. Meals can also be frozen in any parchment-lined metal baking container. Those jumbo-sized muffin tins are awesome for this. Once it is frozen, I run briefly under hot water then pop the food into bags for long-term freezer storage. Then I can just grab one or more "chunks" out of the bag and put in oven-safe containers for heating. You only need the parchment paper if you baking pans have coatings. Those coatings sometimes shed when you are popping out frozen food. I imagine silicone bakeware would be even better. There are all sorts of tricks like this to minimize the cost of containers and maximize freezer space.

 

I will say that labeling is your friend. Nothing looks the same when it is frozen. In your case I might even color code the labeling by person. I put the date on everything too. That way I can be sure to use up things that have been in there for a long time before they get freezer-burned.

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So, whenever you cook carrots, set a portion for the raw eater aside to have raw with his meal and cook the rest. Not more time consuming than cooking them all.

 

I have not been successful "sneaking" veggies either - my kid is not stupid.

 

If it is any comfort to you: my picky eater does not eat ANY vegetables. He ate a baby tomatoe and a slice of cucumber in the 13 years of his life, under horrible gagging and out of politeness only. For a long time, I could have absolutely no sauces and seasonings on meat. It is getting slowly better.

 

 

 

Dh doesn't like cooked carrots, either, so if I do cook carrots with a roasted chicken or something, only ds1 and I eat them. There are usually raw carrots available for the other two.

 

It would be a comfort to me that my children may eventually outgrow some of this- if I didn't know their father. He hasn't outgrown it at all.

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If you can invest in enough pyrex storage, you can actually heat in the oven. I sometimes even use old deli/yogurt/sour cream/other plastic food containers. When ready to defrost, I run them under hot tap water for a second and "pop" the food out onto oven-safe plates/bowls/whatever and heat in the oven. Dh does this at work, but with a toaster oven. Microwaves freak me out, so we don't use one. My 9 yo dd can and does heat her own frozen meals this way with no problem. Mason jars are another inexpensive vessel that I use frequently. You are only "supposed" to freeze wide-mouth jars but I confess that I use all the different types and just deal with the very occasional wasted portion from a cracked jar. Meals can also be frozen in any parchment-lined metal baking container. Those jumbo-sized muffin tins are awesome for this. Once it is frozen, I run briefly under hot water then pop the food into bags for long-term freezer storage. Then I can just grab one or more "chunks" out of the bag and put in oven-safe containers for heating. You only need the parchment paper if you baking pans have coatings. Those coatings sometimes shed when you are popping out frozen food. I imagine silicone bakeware would be even better. There are all sorts of tricks like this to minimize the cost of containers and maximize freezer space.

 

I will say that labeling is your friend. Nothing looks the same when it is frozen. In your case I might even color code the labeling by person. I put the date on everything too. That way I can be sure to use up things that have been in there for a long time before they get freezer-burned.

 

 

 

Great ideas!

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Ugh.

 

Honestly, I think you're kinda hooped. Your dh has set the example for the kids, and they're following. That he'd walk around w/a towel over his face is just mind boggling to me.

 

Disengaging is about the only hope you have of any sanity, imo.

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Maybe it is time for them to prepare meals? Share in the responsibilities? Esp dh but really I do not see why the kids can't share a night. As long as whatever they serve, you are ok with....well.....maybe you better have some categories...lol.

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Ugh.

 

Honestly, I think you're kinda hooped. Your dh has set the example for the kids, and they're following. That he'd walk around w/a towel over his face is just mind boggling to me.

 

Disengaging is about the only hope you have of any sanity, imo.

 

 

 

You are so right. Before we had kids, I made dh promise not to make any negative comments about food around the kids. He tries not to, but apparently he just can't help himself sometimes. He does have sensory issues, and certain smells are very difficult for him. I get it. (I know he's an Aspie, too, even though he would never admit or believe it about himself.)

 

I have family members who have wanted to do him bodily harm at holiday gatherings because of his food attitudes. I was hoping my good, healthy eating habits would have an equal effect on the the kids. Guess not. Pizza rolls and yogurt tubes it is!

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Maybe it is time for them to prepare meals? Share in the responsibilities? Esp dh but really I do not see why the kids can't share a night. As long as whatever they serve, you are ok with....well.....maybe you better have some categories...lol.

 

 

 

I have been trying to get the kids more active in meal prep. Last year, we actually had meal planning as part of our curriculum. It was very difficult to find any meals we could actually plan together.

 

Dh is a lost cause. He's never even prepared a meal for himself in his life. He will go buy cold cuts and a loaf of bread or an order of plain chicken wings if he's hungry. He can polish off a bag of pistachios or a sleeve of Ritz crackers (which I won't buy, either) in no time. If I didn't have such good friends and family, I would have starved to death after my surgery.

 

ETA: Which is why he's on medication for high blood pressure, high triglycerides, type 2 diabetes, etc. I never had any of those problems and I'm the one with the cancer. What's up with that? <_<

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How the heck did your dh not die of scurvy? He was living on his own til he was 43 when you got married. How'd he not fall down and die from malnutrition?

 

 

I really don't know. He did eat at his mom's occasionally, and she makes him a salad with iceberg lettuce, carrots and celery, with no dressing. He will eat Granny Smith apples and all kinds of berries if they are served to him. He's certainly not in the best of health.

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Can you turn the yogurt tubes into smoothies with fresh fruit (sneaking in some protein powder?). They are easy to customize and may be a different meal replacement option.

 

I've already tried this, too. The only combo of anything I can get them to drink as smoothies is frozen bananas with milk. Banana shakes. I've wasted lots of fresh fruit trying to get them to drink smoothies.

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I hear you - hubby will strape gravy, sauces off meat, so I stopped making them. He can't stand mushrooms, either, so I don't use them (I am a hobbit, though, and miss my mushrooms!) The kids balk at onions - I HATE cooking w/o onions! Often I make two versions of something like fried taters just to have some I like with onions!

 

My biggest problem is my now adult son with autism. He has self-limited himself so much that there is little he will eat - and most of it is bad (high in sugar or fat or white carbs). Yet, he HAS to take his meds twice a day - I am talking seizure meds so HAS to take them - and I HAVE to get something in him first. So starving him out to get him to eat won't work.

 

He eats:

 

plain dry Cheerios or buttered white toast for breakfast. Sometimes donuts or dry waffles or dry Eggos. Obviously I seldom offer the donuts - they are a treat on blood draw days.

 

juice - I mix in a scoop of plain protein powder and, thank goodness, he drinks it!

 

One soda per day - I only get sugar-free with Spenda (no one else in the house gets soda at all)

 

White rice with tiny dabs of butter.

 

Steamed buckwheat kasha once in a while - again, dry and plain.

 

Pasta - he will accept either a bit of plain Ragu or homemade pesto, plus romano cheese.

 

Once in a blue moon he will nibble part of a few large lettuce leaves.

 

He also loves McD fries, and slabs of greasy garlic bread, but I do try and limit these.

 

About once a week he gets cheese pizza - he can eat an entire one! Cheap Little Caesars or slightly better, more expensive Papa Johns if we can afford it. He refuses to eat pizza homemade - I ahve tried several times!

 

He will gladly fill himself up on cake, cookies, and candy..

 

Obviously I give him a multi-vitamin, extra cal/mag/zinc and vitamin D3

 

Each night he accepts, and drinks most of, a concoction of 1% milk mixed with a tablespoon of chocolate Instant Breakfast and a scant scoop of chocolate whey protein powder. If he drinks it all he gets close to 50 grams of protein. he rarely drinks it all :-(

 

On school days (he ages out this May) he takes white bread with a bit of grape jam on it, a pudding cup, and a container of his juice mixed with protein.

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The don't get used to the sights and smells. They run away screaming. I'm not kidding. If I dare to make myself some Chinese, Indian or Mexican style food, or anything with onions and garlic, all three of them run around like they are being murdered and turn on fans and open windows. Dh has been known to walk around with a towel over his face to avoid my cooking smells.

 

 

Oh my goodness. This would drive me batty. ((((hugs))))

 

It does sound like your dh has genuine sensory issues, otherwise I can't see a grown man behaving this way. (I can see my drama-king son doing it, though!)

 

Sorry, no additional advice to offer. I agree with disengaging however you can. Maybe treat yourself to a weekly lunch or dinner out at a Mexican, Indian, or Chinese place?

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I hope something eases for you soon.

 

The situation you describe would really drive me 'round the bend, so you're a far better woman than I, having managed not to lose your mind, LOL

 

 

 

One of my sisters (not the one who lives with me) is actually a super, secret and private member on this board. (She has much more discretion than I will ever have!) She has posted maybe a dozen times. My post last year about my husband's clothes shopping issues were what made her finally break down and post on this board. I'm wondering if she'll chime in here, because I know she wanted to pummel him and almost did lose her mind when she stayed here after my surgery. :seeya: Hi, Sis! :D

 

My sister is also a fabulous homeschool mom who gives me lots of advice and encouragement, as is really the only person in my family who gets as excited over curricula as I do.

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Seriously, check out my blog. I have TONS of healthy and delicious food in this house, and on the table. The don't get used to the sights and smells. They run away screaming. I'm not kidding. If I dare to make myself some Chinese, Indian or Mexican style food, or anything with onions and garlic, all three of them run around like they are being murdered and turn on fans and open windows. Dh has been known to walk around with a towel over his face to avoid my cooking smells.

 

This is absolutely ridiculous.

 

Ugh.

 

Honestly, I think you're kinda hooped. Your dh has set the example for the kids, and they're following. That he'd walk around w/a towel over his face is just mind boggling to me.

 

Disengaging is about the only hope you have of any sanity, imo.

 

:iagree: Time for them to make their own meals. You said your dh doesn't cook, but he can at least do the shopping for himself and the boys. You just cook for you for a while. Maybe you can try again when your own health is better. :grouphug:

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*hug*

 

I'd cook dinner for yourself and yourself alone. Given what you're going through should not be expected to cook two meals, let alone three. If one or the other child will eat what you're eating, make a bit extra.

 

For the kids, I'd take a weekly prep day and organize food types by shelf and each child has to pick a certain number of foods from each shelf/drawer. If you have the energy, the kids should help. :) Keep containers of cheese cubes/slices, lunch meats, cubed chicken, yogurt, boiled eggs, cleaned and fruits and veggies, pasta, rice, ready-made dips, a variety of frozen breadstuffs, whole grain waffles, etc. Keep it it easy for you to prepare and reheat, if necessary. Canned foods (e.g. Mandarin oranges), jarred foods. What the kids are able to prepare, they should prepare.

 

I'd also keep a "now serving" whiteboard on the fridge... with weekly "specials," and a reward/point for children who finish a sample-sized portion of said "special." ("Specials" could be broadened to include what you've prepared for your own meals.)

 

ETA: I have the best luck with my picky eater when samples are optional.

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*hug*

 

I'd cook dinner for yourself and yourself alone. Given what you're going through should not be expected to cook two meals, let alone three. If one or the other child will eat what you're eating, make a bit extra.

 

For the kids, I'd take a weekly prep day and organize food types by shelf and each child has to pick a certain number of foods from each shelf/drawer. If you have the energy, the kids should help. :) Keep containers of cheese cubes/slices, lunch meats, cubed chicken, yogurt, boiled eggs, cleaned and fruits and veggies, pasta, rice, ready-made dips, a variety of frozen breadstuffs, whole grain waffles, etc. Keep it it easy for you to prepare and reheat, if necessary. Canned foods (e.g. Mandarin oranges), jarred foods. What the kids are able to prepare, they should prepare.

 

I'd also keep a "now serving" whiteboard on the fridge... with weekly "specials," and a reward/point for children who finish a sample-sized portion of said "special." ("Specials" could be broadened to include what you've prepared for your own meals.)

 

 

 

Before the surgery, I was kind of doing that. I had individual snack bins in the cupboard, and large ziplock bags in the fridge for each of them. First thing in the morning, I would fill their snack bins and bags with stuff, and they could eat from them freely, but once they were gone, that was it. I should try to get back into that. It worked out kind of well. It's just trying to come up with meals that is really tiring.

 

I've offered to buy ds2 a huge Lego set he was coveting if he would try either one grape tomato or one slice of cucumber. Nope.

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I do not have any picky eaters in my house, but for some reason cooking organization is something I like to think about. They all like some things that are healthy, right? Just not the same things? And it sounds like you really do not need to be spending a whole lot of extra energy trying to feed them. But you still want them to have balanced diets. At this point, you are probably right, you are not going to be able to change anyone. Some people really cannot control their pickiness no matter who it came about. I would rotate your family meals in four shifts. Make a double batch of a complete meal that you know at least one person will eat. Serve that to the one person and freeze the rest of the batch in individual servings. Repeat the procedure for the next meal but for a different person. The others can each (on their own) get an individual portion of "their" meal from the freezer and warm it up. You are still only cooking one meal at a time but everyone is eating well at each meal. After a few weeks (if you have the freezer space), you will get into the groove and there will be enough individual meals for each person that they will be able to pick what they are in the mood for that day.

 

I do this for dh's lunches. He likes my food but is often tempted to go out with his coworkers. That is not only unhealthy but breaks our budget. He is much less likely to do that when he can poke through the freezer each morning and pick the meal that appeals to him that day. It is no extra work on my part as these meals are just extras of past dinners. I double batch everything I make and freeze half in individual portions. This has also saved me on many a day that I am too busy or sick to cook.

 

The down side to this is that it will take time to build up the "bank" of foods and it will take a degree of extra planning. But if it saves you from actually making several meals at a time or from stressing about their health, then it is probably worth it.

 

 

This is similar to what I was thinking. It sounds like they are willing to have healthy diets, just not varied ones. Instead of freezing whole individual meals, however, what if you had a variety of steamed veggies, starches and proteins available in the fridge and allowed everyone to choose their own balanced meal. Honestly, if they're causing this much stress, I would have the kids make their own plates, requiring them each to choose a green veg, an orange veg, a starch, and a protein (or whatever combination you choose) and then reheat.

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My recent solution to dealing with the picky eaters in my house - which is the main reason that I absolutely hated cooking (the picky eaters) is that NO ONE is allowed to whine, complain, or otherwise make a comment about food. Instead, they can say "No thank you", and make themselves (I'm not doing it for them!) a peanut butter sandwich and have some veggies or fruit. I got tired of the fight all the time. They can eat PB every day for supper, if that's what they want. I am past caring at this point.

 

I am lucky in that I introduced my kids to ALL kinds of foods when they were starting to eat solids, starting with veggies (I didn't *do* baby cereal) so they eat most veggies in some form or another to supplement their PB sandwich.

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I know it takes more energy (which you may not have right now), but 3rd and 4h grade are not too young to learn to cook with supervision. Maybe sis can help? Pasta and rice are both easy, as are pancakes and the other things on the "everyone eats" list. That might help with at least two meals a day if they can help get their own.

 

This idea helped us for dd11 who, while not picky, was on a med for a while that killed her appetite. Things she cooked herself were somehow "better" and she would at least try them. Honestly, I think some of it was just about having control over her food (since there were so many other things that she couldn't control going on...)

 

((hugs))!!!!

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