amo_mea_filiis. Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 We have been on track for a while. Dd's showering and getting better with other hygiene. They're doing some chores a bit better. Dd absolutely refuses to follow this ONE SIMPLE RULE!!! Food and drinks are limited to the kitchen and dining room. PERIOD. Not even water in the bedrooms. It has always been this way, always will be. Last night, dd decided to take a water bottle with drink mix into her room. Then this morning, brought it downstairs in front of ds and i, while saying that she doesn't care if i have to yell (lecture) at her! This is like giving the police the finger while you speed by them going double the speed limit! I am extremely annoyed with her insistence on breaking this rule. I'm not increasing her positive attention time with me if anyone thinks shes begging for attention. I'm not going to lecture her about it. I do want to punish her. But i don't know how. I want her to think twice before doing this again, and not just think harder about hiding it. I realize some think it's crazy to want a hard consequence over something as simple as a drink in the bedroom. Obviously the point is the rule breaking and rubbing it in my face. My first thought is to have her clean the kitchen. What do you think? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 My best advice is to let it go this time, because it's Christmas Eve, and that is quite possibly one of the very worst days to get into a battle with your kid. Take it right off your radar for the next few days, and when it happens again, deal with it at that time. Right now, kids are excited and nervous about the holiday so they can get kind of obnoxious at times, and parents are stressed, too, so it's very easy for everyone to over-react... and then feel very guilty about it later. (If you don't celebrate Christmas, obviously, my advice does not apply! :blush:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 My first thought is to have her clean the kitchen. What do you think? Do you think this will really deter her from repeating the offense? Could you give her praise for the things she's done right and explain that going backwards on this one is tainting her overall improvement? It's awful to have to find a punishment at Christmas. It's not like you can take away items. That would seem so scroogish. I wish I could help more. I'm sorry. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted December 24, 2012 Author Share Posted December 24, 2012 Doesnt apply. Lol. They opened winter-whatever-name-holiday-you'd-like-to-call-it on Friday. Today is a normal monday. Ds got most of his school work done, I've got occupational therapy soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenncslp Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 While I wouldn't like her attitude and would address it. Did you ever think that it might be an unreasonable rule? Why can't your children have water in their rooms? I wouldn't be able to make it-I have water with me all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted December 24, 2012 Author Share Posted December 24, 2012 Rule is because we are NOT clean enough to allow it. Dd is very clumsy and spills/drops at least two things daily. We rent and the house is completely carpeted. Even water spilled is dangerous. I don't even allow myself or other adults to bring water or other food and drink off the hard floors (kitchen and dining room). The one time my father brought a coffee into the living room, dd tripped over it, and my father no longer argues. In other words, this is a non-negotiable rule for anyone who steps foot in my house. The worst of it is her attitude towards it. Eta- if it was a plain water, i would not be as upset. She added a pineapple mango drink mix. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faithr Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 It sounds like a power struggle and dd has ground in her heels and is ready to die on the battlefield. So instead of coming down hard on her directly, I'd post reminders about WHY you have the rule and then I'd just check her room a lot to make sure she follows it. I wouldn't say a word though. Just sweep in, pick the darn water bottle off the table and stalk back out again. And maybe I wouldn't buy anymore pineapple mango drink mix either. But I'm with others about this being a rather draconian rule. Can't you put down something on the carpets to protect them? Or ask the landlord to take up some, so you aren't so darn uncomfortable in your own home. Can you get them scotchguarded or something? I personally have to have a cup of water by my bed when I sleep and have since childhood. There are so many more important things to duel over it, I can see why you can't quite drum up the energy to wrestle over this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 I think it would be fine to have her clean the kitchen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 The rule seems harsh, but I think I see what you're saying. Most of the time, I feel like meeting a teenager head on is a recipe for disaster. Sometimes you have to, but I think you avoid at all costs. I think I would quietly remind her of the rule, then ban her from using the drink mixes - maybe just get rid of them. Maybe all drinks but water and milk would go for awhile. No one needs mixes or juices really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Durriyyah Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 I think it would be fine to have her clean the kitchen. I agree, and any future mess. Maybe she has to clean up any mess anyone makes by not following that rule for a month. It should illustrate pretty fast why the rule is important. I get the rule... we have a really small house and I'm not on top of it enough for people to be bringing possible rotting substances (water aids other things in rotting, including floor boards and and making clothes musty) around the home. I do allow ONE glass/bottle of water in her room (disappearing glasses, anyone? I need something to drink out of, too!) that the cat and her little sister can't reach. I told DD1 that we are not getting another cat after this one dies. She didn't get it until she became fully responsible for caring for the cat. About whether it is a holiday or not, I wouldn't choose to not give any punishment because it is a holiday (though I know this doesn't apply to you today), but rather tell her that she gets a pass until Wednesday. Then her punishment will be in effect and she'll learn what it is that day. I would also focus the power struggle on the struggle of keeping the house clean. She can either assist with that by following the rule, or cleaning up the mess - her choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 I'd take the door off her bedroom. Kinda hard since you live in a rental and might not have storage for the door, but it's what I'd do. If she can't be trusted to do the right thing in her room, then she looses the right to privacy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 I think, in this situation, it is important to think about how you might meet your daughter half-way. She is only a child, and she was trying to deal with a common problem (night time thirst) through a childish solution (sugar water!) with full awareness of the "cost" of her choice. She intelligently chose that she would rather endure a lecture than her thirst. You have two options: (a) choose a consiquence that will be significant enough that she would rather endure her thirst than the consiquence... Significant enough that enduring the thirst would still be her choice even when she is sleepy (decreases good judgement) and experiencing the thirst in the moment (when the consiquence would be delayed). Personally, consiquences with that degree of harsh effectiveness are off my list. Mild consiquences don't usually damage the parent-child relationship, but the harsh ones always do. Which leaves (B) find a solution to the thirst problem that isn't quite what she wants (sugar water at her bedside) but isn't quite the current situation (no liquids anywhere out if the kitchen for any reason). I think I'd suggest letting her keep a small serving of water (maybe with lemon juice for flavor) on the counter if a washroom near her room -- on conditions that it remains in the bathroom, that she dispose of any leftovers each morning, as well as preparing it herself each evening without causing bedtime delays. Perhaps make a special decorative spot for it, to emphasize the rightness of leaving it there. In conjunction with that, I'd add my voice to the idea of discussing the dynamics of renting a house, the concept of a damage deposit, the difficulty and expense of carpet cleaning, and probably a "science experiment" involving carpet scraps, underlay, 'just water' and water-with-sugar-flavor... And see what grows. And, one more thing. To help her not yeild to temptation when her impulse control is low (due to sleepiness) I'd make the sugar flavour powders difficult for her to access without drawing your attention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 In the post above, there isn't supposed to be a mocking smilie. It was supposed to be ( b ) -- to indicate that it is the alternative to option ( a ) which was already discussed. Sorry for the mocking implications of the accidental smilie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myra Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 I think I'd decide if this was a battle that I really felt like fighting to the finish. I have a no food/beverage out of the kitchen rule, too. But in battling this one of my teenage sons....I realized it was a power struggle that I didn't want to engage in right now. So instead, I bought a couple of water bottles (spill proof) and attached a post-it note saying "For water only" then without saying a word but making sure I had eye contact, I just put them on his bedroom desk while removing the offending glass already there and left his room. That was the end of that - no one really won and "face" was saved. And we both lived to tell the tale! Myra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misidawnrn Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 We have a "kids are not allowed food or drink anywhere but the kitchen" rule. DH and I drink our coffee in the livingroom. I have to have water by my bed. I get horribly thirsty at night to the point it feels like my throat is closing. Camelback makes water bottles that you have to kind of bite the straw part and suck at the same time so it is not spillable. Maybe you can compromise and get her one of those. Tell her that your rule still exists and she will not be allowed food or other drinks but she can have this one bottle with water only. Explain to her that her teeth don't need to sit an bathe in sugar all night. If she breaks that rule, think of an appropriate consequence like scrubbing carpets with a scrub brush. http://shop.camelbak.com/eddy-75l/d/1012_cl_162 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted December 24, 2012 Author Share Posted December 24, 2012 Thanks everyone! If this was a matter of night thirst and only water, it would be different. I would get them each a spill proof water bottle. Dd did not need this drink to get her through the night; she was just more comfortable reading on her bed and wanted the drink. I really wish i could make her clean her room, but her bad allergies dictate that i vacuum and dust. Her door should stay so she has a safe place when ds has a meltdown. Continued rule breaking could eventually lose it. Kitchen cleaning it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelly in IL Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 We do the same thing! I think it is a perfectly acceptable rule! And it keeps the house clean. The boys are allowed to use a Dixie cup for water in their bathroom, and then it gets thrown away. We also do not eat anywhere but the kitchen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 Why can't your children have water in their rooms? I wouldn't be able to make it-I have water with me all the time. We have this rule here. We used to allow straight water in the bedrooms. Until we got some sort of funk in the pad/carpet in a spot where water had been spilled repeatedly. It required a very expensive cleaning and deodorizing to get rid of, and it came back the next time the carpet got wet in that spot again. We are eventually going to have to replace the carpet in that bedroom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarkd Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 We have the same rule. I would not purchase the drink mix. Not sure about kitchen cleaning, depends on how it fits in with typical consequences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 I would tell her she has to pay to have the carpets clean if she spills anything in her room. Money talks, even with kids. Just be upfront. We have this rule, because we rent, and if the house is messed up, then we have to pay to repair it, and I have already told you not to take things to your room, so it is not a surprise. ETA: She would no longer get drink mixes until she proved they would stay downstairs too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted December 24, 2012 Author Share Posted December 24, 2012 She doesn't get an allowance, so would have no means of paying for repairs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renthead Mommy Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 I really wish i could make her clean her room, but her bad allergies dictate that i vacuum and dust. Give her a mask. You can buy a box of them for around $5. Or tell her she has to tie a bandana over her nose and face. Instead of dusting, have her wipe everything down with a damp rag. It will catch and hold the dust, not spread it around. Between the mask, doing a job not normally done by her, and the fact that her doing it should take a lot longer than when you do it (she'll need to rinse out that rag regularly) it should be significantly unpleasant. But aside from all that, if her allergies to are that bad, I wouldn't ever be dusting in the traditional sense, but always wiping everything down with a damp rag. Regular dusting just seems to throw it up in the air for the most part to then land somewhere else later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted December 24, 2012 Author Share Posted December 24, 2012 I dust with a microfiber cloth and spray everything with furniture polish first. I don't just fluff it all around. I will look into masks for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 drink mix? I'd stop buying drink mix. That would be my consequence. I know that means your ds can't have it either, but sometimes that happens. I like the suggestion of leaving cups in the bathroom for people to get tap water to drink at night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 Honestly, the drink mix should go. IMO drinking things other than water is not very healthy anyway and so it should be a no brainer that there would be no more drink mix. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brownie Posted December 25, 2012 Share Posted December 25, 2012 I feel your pain. DS eats and drinks EVERYWHERE and then leaves the wrapper/bottles or worse...hides them! I have a "food only in the kitchen" rule too because I am a horrible housekeeper and the kids' rooms are worse. I think this goes beyond simple thirst. It is the kid volunteering for a power struggle. Why? I wish I knew. I don't control what my oldest eats as long as he eats 3 decent meals a day and isn't constantly eating candy. We also have a "no pop" rule. I'm pretty lenient about what and when, so I don't get the sneaking around. We have removed his door - often. I like that punishment since it's logical. If you slam your door in anger or do something in your room you should not, then you lose your door in our house. Brownie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.