I am a TERRIBLE mother

[Heather in Neverland]

As I sat cuddling with my almost-3-year-old dd this morning, happily chatting about Christmas, I asked her, "what do you want Santa to bring you?"

 

She said, "I want a dolly with brown skin and black hair like me."

 

And it hit me: despite the fact that she has been spoiled by both grandmas and me and has several dolls, they are ALL white-skinned, blonde-haired beauties.

 

OF COURSE she wants one that looks like her! And of course it didn't even occur to me being the white-skinned, blonde-haired person that I am. How typical. How cliche. How could I be so insensitive????? And how is it my 3yo is able to articulate a need that didn't even occur to me, a grown woman and her MOTHER??

 

So off I went today to the mall, on Christmas Eve, the one thing I always swear I would not do, to find my beautiful brown-skinned, black-haired baby girl a dolly that looks like her.

 

Stunningly, for a country that is full of brown-skinned, black-haired people, I could not find anything! Apparently, they have also succumbed to the blonde-white stereotype of beauty. Now I am so sad and there is nothing I can do because it is too late for me to order anything. Even worse, her birthday is the day after Christmas so she won't even get it for her birthday.

 

I know it isn't the end of the world, but I feel just awful. She won't die without the doll but I can't believe I never even thought to do it.

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[lovemykids]

I know what you can do! Order it online, print the picture, and wrap it up for her…she will be happy knowing it’s on the way. All we can do is try to be good moms. I think kids can sense the effort we put into it. I am sure she knows you love her. Tee hee. Hey, look at it this way; at least you now know this is an issue so you can address it while she is still relatively young (so there will be many more adorable brown skinned babies you can get her over the years!)

 

Happy Holidays!

[Melissa in Australia]

that is a great idea

[funschooler5]

I know what you can do! Order it online, print the picture, and wrap it up for her…she will be happy knowing it’s on the way. All we can do is try to be good moms. I think kids can sense the effort we put into it. I am sure she knows you love her. Tee hee. Hey, look at it this way; at least you now know this is an issue so you can address it while she is still relatively young (so there will be many more adorable brown skinned babies you can get her over the years!)

 

Happy Holidays!

 

:I agree: and :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

 

I think printing out a picture of the doll is a great idea! Or maybe you could sit at the computer with her and she could pick one out?

 

 

 

[Giraffe]

 

 

:iagree: and :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I think printing out a picture of the doll is a great idea! Or maybe you could sit at the computer with her and she could pick one out?

 

Maybe you could tell her that Santa wanted to be SURE she got exactly the doll she wanted so he wanted her to pick it out and he'll send it special to her.

 

 

[BugsMama]

:grouphug:

[Reya]

My daughter always likes the brunette dolls best. So far, she has ZERO Asian dolls--much less any dolls that look "mixed"--other than a single Mulan (who doesn't actually look the least bit Asian) because they are so dang hard to find without shelling out $$$. Belle and Tiana look-alikes are mostly her stand-ins.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Before we started fostering, we picked out a few toys to start (knowing we'd add to them). Because we only were getting boys at first, we weren't as worried about dolls. But I knew that I wanted the one I got not to be white. I asked somewhere online and got a link to a place, but have never used them. I found our little doll at Goodwill. A very very young baby with little hair, but brownish skin (not nearly as dark as my ideal, but definitely worked). She matched our first two boys (one hisp and the other hisp/aa). Our first girl baby, a hispanic princess, matched perfectly :)

 

Anyway, if you care to look, here is where we planned to buy from: http://www.pattycakedoll.com/18_inch_dolls

 

Gifts and filling desires can be done any day of the year.

[sgo95]

I know what you can do! Order it online, print the picture, and wrap it up for her…she will be happy knowing it’s on the way. All we can do is try to be good moms. I think kids can sense the effort we put into it. I am sure she knows you love her. Tee hee. Hey, look at it this way; at least you now know this is an issue so you can address it while she is still relatively young (so there will be many more adorable brown skinned babies you can get her over the years!)

 

Happy Holidays!

 

:iagree: and :grouphug: to you. Here in the US I've found a line of dolls at Target called Hearts for Hearts GIrls. Here's a few of them on target.com and amazon. They have Consuelos from Mexico, Nahji from India, and Rahel from Ethiopia that all have brown skin (listed from lighter to darker brown skin) and black hair. In the store, they run around $35 for the doll and $13 for additional outfits. My kids are mixed asian/white and I got a Tipi from Laos doll for them for Christmas. HTH!

[TravelingChris]

When I was little, I longed for this doll with red hair, like mine. Almost all dolls had either blonde (most popular by far) or brunette, So I especially asked for a doll by name. Except it had growing hair and my parents mistook my attraction and got me the blonde version with growing hair. I was so disappointed.

[Pippen]

OF COURSE she wants one that looks like her! And of course it didn't even occur to me being the white-skinned, blonde-haired person that I am. How typical. How cliche. How could I be so insensitive????? And how is it my 3yo is able to articulate a need that didn't even occur to me, a grown woman and her MOTHER??

 

 

Heather, I am sorry to say that you're going to have to do a lot better than that if you want the Terrible Mother Award around here. Competition for the coveted Terrible Mother Award is usually pretty stiff.

 

Seriously. I once locked my baby in the car. Another time I dropped my kindergartener off at school on a day when he didn't have school. I tried to dress my little daughter in her brother's hand-me-downs only to be told "They're bad!." And I had a toddler who liked to brush teeth in the toilet.

[bettyandbob]

Definitely order something online and print the picture. Some sites may have started after Christmas pricing today. If you want to keep the Santa thing going attach a note to the picture saying there was a back up in Santa's workshop, but he knows this is an important toy.

[GailV]

Maybe you could tell her that Santa wanted to be SURE she got exactly the doll she wanted so he wanted her to pick it out and he'll send it special to her.

 

I love this idea!

 

Dd got the printed pictures from her aunt, and then the item arrived a couple of days later from Amazon. She was just as excited to do things that way. She's 13, so that might be a bit different. But having some things to open on Christmas Day, and one item to anticipate, sounds like a pretty good deal.

[Tammyla]

:grouphug: Would you be able to sew a quick rag-doll with yarn hair? They're cuddly, and pretty easy to make; you might enjoy making one together.

[Jenny in Florida]

 

:iagree: and :grouphug: to you. Here in the US I've found a line of dolls at Target called Hearts for Hearts GIrls. Here's a few of them on target.com and amazon. They have Consuelos from Mexico, Nahji from India, and Rahel from Ethiopia that all have brown skin (listed from lighter to darker brown skin) and black hair. In the store, they run around $35 for the doll and $13 for additional outfits. My kids are mixed asian/white and I got a Tipi from Laos doll for them for Christmas. HTH!

 

My daughter and I saw those at Target the other day and thought they were just gorgeous! Honestly, it was all I could do not to buy a couple to put away for the grandchildren I likely won't have for another 10 - 15 years!

[Heather in Neverland]

These are some amazing ideas!!! I didn't know about the doll line at Target. I am going to get her one and have my mom ship it (Target doesn't ship here) even if it won't be here for a while. I'm still mad at myself for such a stupid oversight but the "dropping the kid off at school when there was no school" made me laugh pretty hard. I guess I am not alone in this mothering business even when I feel like I am!

[Starr]

And those Bitty Baby Twins are pretty cute.

[MercyA]

I think printing out a picture of the doll is a great idea! Or maybe you could sit at the computer with her and she could pick one out?

 

Or, maybe you could make a little construction paper "catalog" full of dolls she might like?

[clarkacademy]

I agree with the wrapping a picture! Especially since Santa is bringing it, you could say he is making it extra special for her.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

 

 

Anyway, if you care to look, here is where we planned to buy from: http://www.pattycake...m/18_inch_dolls

 

 

I checked it out and that company has some great toys. The multicultural dolls are quite pretty. I was equally impressed with Snuffleupagus and the Fraggles.

[happypamama]

Oh, Heather, you are far from a terrible mother -- you are a wonderful, caring mother who braved the mall on Christmas Eve for your little girl. That puts my amazon stalking to shame, LOL! I'm sorry you couldn't get the doll in hand for her, but I love the idea of wrapping a picture of it, or even making a catalog for her so she can choose just the right one.

 

(As an aside, the stereotype bothers me too. Although my children and I are Caucasian, DD and I have brown hair and blue eyes. It always bugged me that dolls were either blonde and blue-eyed or brunette and brown-eyed.)

[BlueTaelon]

If you have Amazon Prime if your quick you can order now and pick 1 day shipping and it will get there Dec 26th for her birthday at least:) If your not prime I'm willing to bet someone here would order it for you with prime (I would) if you paypal'd them the money. Its just an idea:)

[plansrme]

Don't laugh, but Cracker Barrel, of all places, had some lovely soft multicultural dolls this morning. They were called "Butterflies" and were adorable.

 

Terri

[Durriyyah]

I wonder if you could scout something on CL at the last minute? I love the idea of making the doll, too. Maybe not for her birthday/Christmas, but it could be a fun mother/daughter activity together.

[goldberry]

This reminded me of when DD was littler and had a party with a Barbie cake. Her best friend at the time was a little black girl, and at the store she saw they had dark-skinned Barbie toppers. She asked to get one light skinned and one dark skinned so she could have one like her friend too. She gave it to her after the party to take home. It was so sweet! Kids are so sensitive to things.

[jenangelcat]

The only non-white dolls I've ever seen in stores were Cabbage Patch dolls and there's usually only a handful amongst all the white ones. You can definitely find stuff online. I'm sure she won't mind getting a "just because" present after Christmas.

[Kertie]

I saw some beautiful brown-skinned Cabbage Patch dolls at Target the other day, too.

 

Don't feel too badly--while I always wanted a doll with brown hair like mine back when all the dolls were blonde, my daughter has chosen a wide variety of dolls from obviously Hispanic to blond/blue-eyed. She herself has brown hair and hazel eyes and fair skin. She also imagined that she shouldn't marry someone with dark skin because their babies might be STRIPED. This despite the fact that our neighbors' children are definitely not striped, and neither is her own cousin. You just never know what kids are thinking!!

[Excelsior! Academy]

As I sat cuddling with my almost-3-year-old dd this morning, happily chatting about Christmas, I asked her, "what do you want Santa to bring you?"

 

She said, "I want a dolly with brown skin and black hair like me."

 

And it hit me: despite the fact that she has been spoiled by both grandmas and me and has several dolls, they are ALL white-skinned, blonde-haired beauties.

 

OF COURSE she wants one that looks like her! And of course it didn't even occur to me being the white-skinned, blonde-haired person that I am. How typical. How cliche. How could I be so insensitive????? And how is it my 3yo is able to articulate a need that didn't even occur to me, a grown woman and her MOTHER??

 

So off I went today to the mall, on Christmas Eve, the one thing I always swear I would not do, to find my beautiful brown-skinned, black-haired baby girl a dolly that looks like her.

 

Stunningly, for a country that is full of brown-skinned, black-haired people, I could not find anything! Apparently, they have also succumbed to the blonde-white stereotype of beauty. Now I am so sad and there is nothing I can do because it is too late for me to order anything. Even worse, her birthday is the day after Christmas so she won't even get it for her birthday.

 

I know it isn't the end of the world, but I feel just awful. She won't die without the doll but I can't believe I never even thought to do it.

 

Don't feel bad. This is the first year that I clued in my 8yo might want something to match his skin tone. Someone gave him some football player figures. He was enamored with the dark skinned ones. It was the wakeup call that knocked me upside the head. He is getting Legos with a brown skinned figure.