Christmas and gift giving relatives - anyone else have these issues?

[zillymom]

It doesn't show love to disrespect the wishes of others. It's no longer a gift when it's too much, it's a burden. Insistence on overgiving, when requests have been given to scale back or give more wisely, is just burdening those you love (general you, not anyone on this thread).

 

 

I love this point. I've been mulling over the whole love languages thing. I feel that, if someone's "love language" is truly gifts, they will be considerate of their recipients when selecting gifts. It doesn't mean they can't give generously, it simply means that they won't give so excessively that it burdens the recipient. A style of gift-giving that is grossly excessive with zero concern if it makes others feel uncomfortable... I'm not convinced that's either "love" or "language." I would think that someone whose "love language is gifts" would hold back in the future if they noticed that others felt uncomfortable, because the point is to communicate love, not to create stress and a burden. (I haven't read the book about love languages, so maybe I'm misunderstanding.)

 

Joshin, I also loved your story about your grandmother's cards. :001_wub:

[Zebra]

 

Cat, what you're doing here is basically saying that it is not okay for the parent to impose their views on the grandparents, but it is okay for the grandparents to impose their views on the parents. I completely understand that gift giving is your love language and that you experience tremendous joy in giving. What is not okay is getting great joy at the expense of somebody else. Of course kids love presents, but they don't understand the dynamics involved and when a situation is stressful between grandparents and parents it's not a valid argument to point at the kids and say, "see, they're enjoying it!." My kids would enjoy a lot of things - heck they'd love it if grandma brought cake and ice cream over every day (and my mom would!) - but I'm their parent and I impose the rules on what is acceptable in our home. For some parents the ginormous amount of gifts are a real burden no matter how much the kids enjoy opening all the gifts on Christmas morning. If one person's need to feel "joy" imposes a burden on somebody else then that joy does not override consideration for the other's burden.

 

Let's reverse the situation. Say the parents' love language was gift giving and the grandparent did not have sufficient funds to give lots of expensive gifts. If the parents started complaining how *obviously* the grandparent did not love their grandkids enough you'd definitely consider the parents to be in the wrong. In this case, the parents wish for a joy filled/present filled Christmas is putting a burden on the grandparent.

 

That's great that you enjoy giving presents to your DS. And that's great that he is really appreciative of it. But, before you start accusing those who have had to impose limits in their own homes realize that different families have different priorities.

 

Anyway, I'm off, we're heading to visit Grandma for Christmas.

 

I hope you have a blessed holiday.

 

 

Thanks for putting this so much better than I could.

 

Cat, if you want to get your DS whatever amount of gifts, that doesn't concern me in the least. Whatever works for your family, is none of my business. However, if you want to get my dc 200 gifts, then yes, I do think we need to come to some sort of agreement over that. And it sounds like when you are giving you are being generous and truly wanting people to like your gifts. I wish YOU were related to me and you were getting me stuff I actually could use or want, it would be nice.

[Catwoman]

Whatever works for your family, is none of my business. However, if you want to get my dc 200 gifts, then yes, I do think we need to come to some sort of agreement over that. And it sounds like when you are giving you are being generous and truly wanting people to like your gifts. I wish YOU were related to me and you were getting me stuff I actually could use or want, it would be nice.

 

 

LOL! I grew up with really big Christmases and lots of gifts, so all that stuff seems normal to me, but I can understand how overwhelming it could be if you're not into it.

 

I would never think of buying someone's kids a bunch of gifts without clearing it with the parents first. As an example, I saw a HUGE Barbie house that I thought would be adorable for an employee's dd... but I didn't buy it before I made sure the mom was OK with it, and that she knew that it would take up a lot of space. As it turns out, she was fine with it, and the little girl loved it, but I never would have purchased something gigantic like that without asking the mom first. (And no, I never ask the dads -- I go straight to the moms, because many dads will agree to anything, but the moms tend to know exactly which toys are which, and they also know which ones their kids will like, which ones they want to buy for the kids themselves, and which ones they can fit into the kid's room. :))

[Catwoman]

Oops -- double post!

[lewelma]

If you move overseas, the gift size will reduce. :001_smile: It costs about $60 to mail a reasonable size package here! This year my kids got ONE present from their relatives (an Aunt on my husband's side). The rest was in cash.

 

Ruth in NZ