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I need serious help concerning my grandson


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#1 nuttman

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Posted 19 December 2012 - 11:58 AM

We adopted 3 of our grandkids. I homeschooled them. I am still homeschooling the oldest. He is in 12th grade. This concerns their younger brother who my daughter had after she couldn't take care of these three.
He is 9 years old and has never been to school. She says she has "homeschooled him", but he is very behind. He does not know the days of the week. months of the year, etc, concepts which should have been taught at kindergarten level. He cannot read. He does manage to sound out some words. It is not his fault. My daughter is to blame. She has been reported to family services on several occasions. They actually came out to her house one time. She got a Dr. Seuss which he had memorized for him to "read" to the social worker. She has not kept or sent in any of the required forms.
She says she is putting him in public school in the fall.I have no idea which grade he will be placed in. I want to convince her to let me homeschool him, starting now and continuing through the next school year. I think I could get him close to grade level, which at that time would be 4th grade. My problem is that I live 10 miles from her and I don't know if she will bring him every day.
Does anyone have any suggestions or other ideas? Thanks.

#2 Ellie

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Posted 19 December 2012 - 12:12 PM

Bless his heart. And bless you for taking this one. :grouphug:

Would it be possible for him to stay with you during the week and go home on weekends? You could easily catch up his reading and math skills if you have him daily.

#3 Tibbie Dunbar

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Posted 19 December 2012 - 12:29 PM

Thank you for caring and getting involved. You are what is "right" with our society!

I also wondered if Mom would let him stay at your house through part of the week. One way to present that possibility would be to suggest a four-day school week, so he's with you 4 days and at home 3 days.

I tutor teens online, but I don't know if that would be a good option for such a little boy who needs help learning to read. It seems you'd need to be able to snuggle on the couch with a book, and be there in person to keep him engaged and enjoying his lessons. But I wanted to throw out that option in case he loves computers and you think it might work to teach him over Skype or something.

My last idea is this: Do you belong to a church or other organization that might be willing to fund transportation for your grandson, so he could come to your house for school? Again, with a four-day week, maybe you could go get him and take him home on school days. I hate to suggest that when you are already going so far beyond the extra mile for your grandchildren.

#4 MinivanMom

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Posted 19 December 2012 - 12:30 PM

Bless his heart. And bless you for taking this one. :grouphug:

Would it be possible for him to stay with you during the week and go home on weekends? You could easily catch up his reading and math skills if you have him daily.


I agree. It sounds like this is a neglect situation, so staying with you during the week could help with more than just academics.

If your daughter doesn't want you to homeschool him, then putting him in school may be the best thing for him. He would be getting regular instruction and there would be more adults watching out for him on a regular basis. I know it's scary to think of him being behind, but they have dealt with those sorts of situations before. If you are hoping to gain custody of him, then having school officials document the neglect could potentially help you down the road.

#5 Sameera

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Posted 19 December 2012 - 12:51 PM

Could your daughter drop your grandson off at your place to learn? How about skyping your grandson and digitalizing his homeschool learning? Perhaps the eldest could encourage his Mum, to leave his little brother with you some days of the week. If she agrees then I would suggest concentrating on the priorities. If your grandchild needed to learn reading, I would advise on teaching this first.

Some of these lessons in the books below can be completed within weeks, with producing great results.

Reading:

Ordinary Parent's Guide to Teaching Reading by Jessie Wise

Mc Guffy Primer (free)

Starfall - (free) Interactive

Phonics:

A First Book in Phonics (free)

Jan Brett's Phonograms (free flashcards)

Language & Grammar:

First Language Lessons Jessie Wise - covers days of the week, calendar, narration, etc.

Arithmetic:

First Lessons in Arithmetic by W. J Milne (free) The book isn't very clear online, but most of the work is done orally so the text is not used with kids. I wrote out some of the written work for my kids to copy whenever we came to that part.

Science Narrations:

First Encyclopedia of Animals- Kingfisher (use other library books too)

Peterson cursive handwriting have free e-books. You can print out pages your grandson needs for writing.

Penmanship

It was sufficient for my kids learning from one, A Beka cursive handwriting sheet. While copywriting and with some little instruction on how to join up, they done quite well.

See also a copy of The Well Trained Mind.

Best Wishes

#6 CatholicMom

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Posted 19 December 2012 - 09:09 PM

Yikes. That is a hard situation, and your daughter and your grandson are both lucky you have their backs. I, too, think he would be better off out of public school if it's possible for you to homeschool him. I cringe at the thought of him getting put in 1st or 2nd grade, struggling in school, being made fun of, etc. And if that would be his first real experience with formal learning it will affect him for the rest of his life... I really hope your daughter thinks about that and lets you help.

I would try to work out with your daughter a plan to pick up / drop off her son. Maybe if you do the harder work of picking him up every morning, she could at least pick him up from your house every afternoon, 4 or 5 days a week? Or the other way around. I think one trip for her every day is not much to ask when she is clearly in desperate need of help.

Could your twelfth grader serve as part-time taxi, getting him to and fro a couple times a week?

Anyone else coming your direction in the morning or afternoon that your grandson could carpool with? Your husband coming home from work, maybe? Then you could work with him in the afternoons...


I would so hate for him to go to public school in this situation, if none of these options work out, I would probably volunteer to get him and take him home every day if at all possible. The thought of the alternative - going to public school so woefully behind - would be motivation enough... though obviously your daughter should really help out in any way she can since this is her doing (no offense, of course - I'm sure this is hard for you to witness).

Good luck! Keep us posted!

#7 Farrar

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Posted 19 December 2012 - 09:15 PM

Could your twelfth grader serve as part-time taxi, getting him to and fro a couple times a week? Anyone else coming your direction in the morning that your son could carpool with?


That was my first thought too. Also, "ten miles" can mean a lot of things depending on the roads. Is this fifteen minutes away or forty minutes away? How big an impediment is this?

Good luck to you. I hope you're able to make this work. Surely giving him a year of one on one solid educational attention would help get him more prepared for school and I hope you're able to help your dd see that.

#8 CatholicMom

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Posted 19 December 2012 - 09:20 PM

Another, somewhat "out there" thought: What if you contacted a local homeschool group (like on yahoo groups) and just put out a plea for help... for rides, tutor, someone who could take your grandson under their wing and do the work you were hoping to do with him? Who knows, maybe there is an experienced homeschooling family only a few miles from your daughter who could take him in. Can't hurt, right? I think a lot of homeschool families would feel for your grandson in this situation.

#9 CyndiLJ

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Posted 19 December 2012 - 10:21 PM

I think that unless someone gets custody of him, it will be a losing battle. Mom sounds like she will not be supportive no matter what, and that does not bode well for anyone who gets involved. He is so far behind that he needs some intensive one on one work. Is there any way at all you can gain temporary custody for a year? I just think you will be climbing uphill while the dirt slides beneath your feet.

Cindy

#10 Paradox5

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Posted 19 December 2012 - 10:56 PM

Math:

Saxon or Rod and Staff. Start with Grade 1.

Phonics/Spelling: Sounds like he needs Orton-Gillingham methods: All About Reading. He might need to start with the PreLevel 1.

#11 Hunter

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Posted 20 December 2012 - 06:18 PM

I think that unless someone gets custody of him, it will be a losing battle. Mom sounds like she will not be supportive no matter what, and that does not bode well for anyone who gets involved. He is so far behind that he needs some intensive one on one work. Is there any way at all you can gain temporary custody for a year? I just think you will be climbing uphill while the dirt slides beneath your feet.

Cindy


I was thinking the same thing. I don't think you can fix this. I'm not advocating pushing for custody, though; there is far too much I do not know about the situation to suggest that.

#12 Homeschool Mom in AZ

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Posted 20 December 2012 - 10:43 PM

Maybe you could pick him up and drop him off? She sounds unreliable. I'm assuming (I could be dead wrong) based on the scant history you laid out that she was not doing an adequate job with the other kids and now history is repeating itself? If that is the case, is it best for you to try to get custody of this one too? If not, what's different about this time? (This is a rhetorical question for you to consider objectively the situation. I'm not expecting you to give out details or answer.)

I think it's terrible that she'll put him in ps because most 4th grade teachers are not set up to do rudimentary work with a kid his age while they have a couple dozen other kids at grade level needing attention. What are they going to do? Put him in a class with his age mates where he's terribly behind or put him in a class with kids at his academic level but he's far too old to be with them? It's not fair to the teachers, your grandson, or the kids involved in those scenarios. I have a SIL who teaches homeless and poor 1st graders. A child of illegal immigrants came here and put their 8 year old in her class. He had never been in a classroom before. He'd never had to sit at a desk all day before. She was very frustrated because he took so much time away from the other kids so she could deal with him 1 on 1. He needed to be caught up with a tutoring situation before they moved him into a classroom. He needed lots of 1 on 1 and she couldn't do it with 25 kids in her class.

#13 idnib

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Posted 20 December 2012 - 11:01 PM

I think these are all good suggestions and I don't have any to add. I just want to thank you for doing what you can.


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