Article: "I Am Adam Lanza's Mother"

[catz]

Another related link making the rounds now ...

 

"I Am Adam Lanza’s Psychiatrist": A Response From the Mental Health Trenches to "I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother"

 

 

 

http://www.xojane.co...as-psychiatrist

[jelbe5]

I have not read all the replies, but want to chine in.

 

I have a son with autism. He is a sweet, loving young man. We try to make our life as normal as possible. Overall, it is a good life. But he is 15 now and is bigger than me. He is not normally violent, but we worry things will go in that direction. Picture a 15 year old teen having a 2 year old toddler tantrum.

 

I worry about what will happen when dh and I are gone. Options for residential placement here in IL are very limited.

 

My prayer is that things change for the better for families such as ours. But I am a realist. My belief is that the best solution, with the way things are currently, would be if God takes our son before my dh and I die. I could then leave this earth in peace, knowing I don't have to worry about his care anymore. :-(

[Denisemomof4]

 

 

My dh works for a company that helps these kind of people live in the community, and the hardest thing is that the state CONSTANTLY changes the rules on them. When budgets are tight care for the mentally ill is the first thing cut. They are adults, they have rights, they can't be forced to do anything, even take their meds. There is very little inpatient care anymore - they keep trying to run mental health care for profit but there is no profit to be made, so the care is less and less. The state needs to spend money on these people's care or WE WILL ALL PAY. Jail is not the appropriate place but it's the only option in many cases now.

 

 

So true. :(

[6packofun]

Another related article/response: http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2012/12/17/i_am_adam_lanza_s_mother_liza_lang_essay_libels_her_son.html

[Denisemomof4]

I have not read all the replies, but want to chine in.

 

I have a son with autism. He is a sweet, loving young man. We try to make our life as normal as possible. Overall, it is a good life. But he is 15 now and is bigger than me. He is not normally violent, but we worry things will go in that direction. Picture a 15 year old teen having a 2 year old toddler tantrum.

 

I worry about what will happen when dh and I are gone. Options for residential placement here in IL are very limited.

 

My prayer is that things change for the better for families such as ours. But I am a realist. My belief is that the best solution, with the way things are currently, would be if God takes our son before my dh and I die. I could then leave this earth in peace, knowing I don't have to worry about his care anymore. :-(

 

Oh, I am soooo sad for you. I also hope things do get better. :grouphug:

[jelbe5]

Thanks Denise. Like I said, our lives are very blessed and happy - it is the future for my son I worry about most. I have faith in God, but I still worry.

 

I have several friends with disabled children, and we all have confided in each other that this is our biggest fear; and our secret hope that our disabled children would somehow naturally and peacefully proceed us in death. I felt so guilty for feeling that way until my friends and I talked about it and I learned I was not unique in this thinking.

[Denisemomof4]

Another related link making the rounds now ...

 

"I Am Adam Lanza’s Psychiatrist": A Response From the Mental Health Trenches to "I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother"

 

 

 

http://www.xojane.co...as-psychiatrist

 

 

Wow.

 

While I wish this tragedy never took place, I am so glad the doors to communication about mental illness have FINALLY opened.

[cathmom]

 

 

Wow.

 

While I wish this tragedy never took place, I am so glad the doors to communication about mental illness have FINALLY opened.

 

Let's hope they stay open!

[Denisemomof4]

Thanks Denise. Like I said, our lives are very blessed and happy - it is the future for my son I worry about most. I have faith in God, but I still worry.

 

I have several friends with disabled children, and we all have confided in each other that this is our biggest fear; and our secret hope that our disabled children would somehow naturally and peacefully proceed us in death. I felt so guilty for feeling that way until my friends and I talked about it and I learned I was not unique in this thinking.

 

There is nothing to feel guilty about. It is obvious you love your son very much. I hope there will be more Options available to you when he is older.

 

My mom and dad met in grades 3 and 4 and married right out of high school. They never dated anyone else. Dad had his first of several heart attacks when he was only 27. He never took good care of himself. We always assumed he'd go first. Mom was strong as an ox and in picture perfect health. She went in for a hysterectomy at age 51 and her health shot down the tubes after that. Diabetes, Parkinsons, ulcerative colitis, high bp. She was diagnosed with moderate dementia at age 63. She progressed very quickly. My dad's heart broke more and more each day as the love of his life slowly withered away. My dad used to lie awake at night in fear and crying about my mom. He suffered silently and never told me this until the end. A therapist was sent to him to help him cope with his fears. My mom was so far gone at this point and she needed full care. Their assisted living facility did not provide good care yet it was for rich people. :angry:My poor dad hung on and cried and prayed and cried and prayed because he didn't want to leave my mom behind. When he told me he wished she would die first and told the nurses not to send her to the hospital for her UTI. I couldn't allow that. UTI's are very painful and in mom they always turned septic. I insisted we get her treated. In his desperation he was going to allow her to suffer because he knew his time was running out. He didn't care about himself, he was consumed with worry for my mom, worry of the unknown of what would happen to her. He did not want one of his kids to have the burden of caring for his wife who no longer could do anything for herself, not even stand. Worse, he knew the facility was not taking proper care of her and said nothing to me.

 

Mom got treated for the UTI but both continued to decline. A short time later dad all but forced me to continue with my plans for a mini vacation. I knew I shouldn't go but dad, always putting everyone else ahead of himself, made me promise I would go. I was spending all of my time overseeing my parent's care at that point. I did go and I called him daily, sometimes several times. Something wasn't right and I knew it but he insisted he was fine.

 

I got home on a saturday night very late. I got to bed in the wee morning hours. i was startled awake by the phone early in the morning. He was in The ER and it wasn't good. By the end of the day we realized it was not pneumonia this time along with heart failure, there was a huge mass in his chest. The following day an MRI revealed that his entire chest cavity was consumed with a HUGE, cancerous mass. He looked at me, said "Time is up," and was gone within 12 hours. He fought so hard to be there for my mom and he died in fear not knowing what was going to happen to her. His suffering tormented me for years. I never realized how bad things were.

 

I brought mom home to live with us. It was the hardest thing I have done but one of the biggest blessings in my entire life. She had an excellent end of life here. She was happy (the best she could be with end stage dementia), well cared for, well fed, and WELL LOVED. I can only hope dad was looking down on us and thankful that his loving wife was being well cared for. I wish he had that peace before he died.

 

i shared all of that to give you hope. Keep praying for your son. I do believe in the midst of the CT tragedy there will be change for our inadequate mental health care. (I do know autism is not a mental health issue but there are a lot of autistic peope who will need assistance, too.)

 

Also, there is a cute little woman at the retirement home where dd13 volunteers. She never married or had kids but her best friend's kidsare now the ones to oversee her care, she calls them her nieces.

 

I do hope you get your answers before you leave this life behind. :grouphug:

[jelbe5]

Denise, hugs and thank you so much for your loving tribute/testimonial to your parents. You are also a testimonal and encouragement. What a blessing you were to your mother.

 

You have been a blessing to many here and to me in particular tonight. Thank you for reaching out to me and encouraging me through cyberspace.

[Denisemomof4]

 

Let's hope they stay open!

ABSOLUTELY!!!! I am shocked and comforted by what I am reading and hearing.

[Denisemomof4]

Denise, hugs and thank you do much for your livening tribute/testimonial to your parents. You are also a testimonal and encouragement. What a blessing you were to your mother.

 

You have been a blessing to many here and to me in particular tonight. Thank you for reaching out to me and encouraging me through cyberspace.

:grouphug::grouphug:grouphug: please remember this when you have those worries about your son. He is so lucky to have you!

[asta]

I was listening to a talk show today and the host talked about a recent study about the mentally ill, homicide rates and the level of care in given states that was available. There was a direct correlation with not having proper facilities for the mentally ill and having mass murders occurring. That is because, unlike regular murders, mass murders are normally done by the mentally ill, particularly either bipolar or even more commonly paranoid schizophrenics. So according to this professor, the answer is having appropriate mental health facilities and the laws to enforce placement in them. I think there could very easily be safeguards in place not to let the bad practices of old occur. I don't think most people with MI relatives are looking to clog up facilities with promiscous teens or whoever used to be wrongly placed in these facilities. But when you have a fully grown adult hell bent on either committing suicide or hurting others, you need to have safe place for them which isn't jail. Oh and it isn't just a problem with young adults. The mental health units in Florida are full of elderly patients kicked out of nursing homes for being violent. The units can't find anyone to accept them and so they stay in a mental health facility which is not set up to deal with Alzheimer people at all. I mean every one else there is a major depressive, bi-polar or schizophrenic and they are Alzheimer patients who have turned violent. It really isn't the same and they become both victims and victimizers of others because it is hard when the old man is over six feet tall, big and violent.

 

This is incorrect information.

 

From an Australian study:

 

Relationship Between Mental Disorder And Violence

 

Similar scrutiny must also be applied to the theory that people with a mental illness are more violent than the general population.

 

Violence and violent crime are commonly regarded by the public as the domain of the mentally ill (Australian Institute of Criminology, 1990). Public misconception about the true nature of mental illness, as distinct from personality disorder or behavioural disorder, frequently links extreme violence with mental illness. This misconception is enhanced by media depictions of the involvement of the 'schizophrenic' or 'psycho' in violent crime. The Victorian Government's health information website, BetterHealth Channel, gives the following content analysis:

'A one-year analysis of television drama programs (for example, soap operas, plays and films) in the USA found that 73 per cent of people with a mental illness were depicted as violent, while 23 per cent of people were portrayed as homicidal maniacs. When the same study analysed media reports about mental illness on television and in newspapers, it found that nearly 90 per cent of stories depicted people with mental illness as violent and usually homicidal.' (BetterHealth Channel, 2002)

 

The evidence base has long displayed greater scepticism. Monahan's 1983 study observed no relationship between mental illness and general crime, when controlled for age, race, socio-economic status and previous hospitalisation or imprisonment.

 

Of far greater threat are people without a mental illness who abuse drugs and alcohol, and young men aged 15-25.

 

This particular article partially disputes the former, but only because half of the participants in the study were inpatient, where the individuals involved are already considered a danger to self and others and the environment is considered much more dangerous.

 

This article "Mentally Ill unfairly portrayed as violent" requires a free sign up to the Boston Times. Excerpts:

 

Yet the impression that we are awash in a sea of psychotic violence is clearly unfounded. Writing in the Nov. 16, 2006, New England Journal of Medicine, Dr. Richard A. Friedman of the Weill Cornell Medical College notes that only about 3 to 5 percent of violence in the general population is attributable to those with "serious mental illness," conventionally defined as schizophrenia, major depression, or bipolar disorder. The combined lifetime prevalence of these conditions in the US general population is estimated at 19 percent - far larger than their contribution to violence.

 

The MacArthur study found that the prevalence of violence among discharged psychiatric patients without a substance abuse disorder was similar to that among community-dwellers who didn't abuse substances. Furthermore, violence by these discharged patients rarely involved vicious attacks on strangers or clinicians. Usually, it resembled violence committed by other community-dwellers, such as hitting a family member inside the home. Lethal violence among the discharged patients was very rare.

 

In the February 2008 issue of Psychiatric Services, Monahan and Steadman conclude: ". . . for people [with mental illness] who do not abuse alcohol and drugs, there is no reason to anticipate that they present greater risk than their neighbors."

 

The image of the violent mentally ill person must also be tempered by research from Linda A. Teplin, of Northwestern University. Teplin finds that those with mental illness are much more likely to be victims than perpetrators of a violent crime. Among psychiatric outpatients, about 8 percent reported committing a violent act, whereas about 27 percent reported being the victim of a violent crime.

 

 

a

 

 

P.S. Scary Stat Alert- 1 in 100 men are sociopaths. One in 300 women are sociopaths. In men, this is approx. the same number as BPAD (1%) [bipolar]. (I need to dig up the source on this one)

[asta]

P.S.

 

Not having jack to do with the CT issue, but probably having much to do with the article heading this thread:

 

Sociopathy is not something any amount of psychotropic medications or therapy can "fix". It is a word used by psychologists and psychiatrists to describe a person who literally has no conscience. Not "a loner". Not "anti-social". No conscience. None. Would wipe out a village and sit amongst the ruins and broil a steak.

 

These people have always existed in society. They are the consummate 'fakers'. The difference nowadays is simply that we have a 24 hour news cycle / the world wide web in which to see some of them.

 

 

a

[Denisemomof4]

Yes and this does not describe most people with a mental illness. I hope people don't think it does!

 

If anyone has done any reading about mental illness at all they will know that being a sociopath is ENTIRELY different.

[Denisemomof4]

 

 

People are throwing these terms around like all mental illness is about being sociopaths. Not at all!

I haven't seen that. It is entirely incorrect!

[unsinkable]

Another related article/response: http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2012/12/17/i_am_adam_lanza_s_mother_liza_lang_essay_libels_her_son.html

 

 

The perils of mommy blogging...and sharing on the Internet in general. People can always go back and re-read what is written forever.

 

It's too bad the children don't have any say in what their parents put out there because it is permanent.

 

[Lolly]

And then, there is the problem that the treatment may be the problem. Most of the kids/people who are committing these crimes are being treated. The medications they are taking are possibly responsible for their behavior. Why the increase in this type of crime? Because in the past, children were not being put on antidepressants and mind altering drugs. Now, they are. That is one that the public really doesn't want to talk about or consider. The drugs that are making life more bearable for the parents and families could be the cause of the horrific violence.

[Denisemomof4]

 

 

 

The perils of mommy blogging...and sharing on the Internet in general. People can always go back and re-read what is written forever.

 

It's too bad the children don't have any say in what their parents put out there because it is permanent.

 

Sharing and learning on the internet has been a sole lifeline for many, many moms in Nancy's predicament. It has been more helpful than the professionals for so many people. For some it is all they have.

 

Kids don't have a say in pretty much anything a parent says or does, not only about internet posting.

[Denisemomof4]

And then, there is the problem that the treatment may be the problem. Most of the kids/people who are committing these crimes are being treated. The medications they are taking are possibly responsible for their behavior. Why the increase in this type of crime? Because in the past, children were not being put on antidepressants and mind altering drugs. Now, they are. That is one that the public really doesn't want to talk about or consider. The drugs that are making life more bearable for the parents and families could be the cause of the horrific violence.

 

And when a parent raises these concerns to the professionals they are poo-pooed away.

 

This is such a compkex issue with no easy answers.

[unsinkable]

 

 

Sharing and learning on the internet has been a sole lifeline for many, many moms in Nancy's predicament. It has been more helpful than the professionals for so many people. For some it is all they have.

 

Kids don't have a say in pretty much anything a parent says or does, not only about internet posting.

 

Who is Nancy?

 

I don't know who Nancy is.

[Denisemomof4]

 

 

Yes. I am not sure if I would share information like that on-line, but honestly, what is the big deal? Nobody says anything when they post about their child's cancer or failing heart. Why should this be seen so differently?

 

Not that I have no clue why this would be seen differently, but I wish it weren't.

 

It is going to be judged. On GMA this morning they were saying how parents are often blames, parents are often judgded, parents parents parents.

 

The internet is a sole source of support to too many people suffering silently. When I first joined my online adoption support groups I was shocked to see so many moms isolated and suffering alone. I am so lucky not to be one of them but many, dare I say most, are.

 

So people can judge away for internet posting but the growing community of suffering moms NEED it, learn from it and helped by it.

 

There will always be critics of everything. Oh well. :rolleyes:

[unsinkable]

 

 

Nancy is the shooter's mother.

 

 

I know Nancy is the first name of the mass murderer's mother.

 

I thought there was another Nancy who had a blog or blog response since that is what my post referred to.

[unsinkable]

Another related article/response: http://www.slate.com...ls_her_son.html

 

 

For those of you who are loathe to click on links, this is some of the stuff that is being said in response to the author of "I am AL's Mother"

 

Liza Long, the woman who wrote the viral post “I Am Adam Lanza’s Motherâ€, is being held up as a heroic woman warranting sympathy for bring the plight of her mentally ill son to the public.

 

Her blog tells a different story. Long has written a series of vindictive and cruel posts about her children in which she fantasizes about beating them, locking them up and giving them away. In most posts, her allegedly insane and violent son is portrayed as a normal boy who incites her wrath by being messy, buying too many Apple products and supporting Obama.

I feel uncomfortable speculating about someone’s private life based on a blog. But since these children are likely to be the object of enormous media attention, someone should be paying close attention to the words of their mother.

 

These children could be in real danger if her goal was to capitalize on the Newtown tragedy by creating a media campaign designed to give her sympathy. If I am wrong about this, I truly apologize. But there is a 13-year-old boy who has already had his reputation destroyed and who may be facing serious harm.

This “national conversation†on mental illness needs to include the mental illness of mothers and the online privacy of their children.

 

So we have Long, who has long kept a blog. Then we have Kendzior who went YEARS back into Long's blog and re-blogged Long's family interactions which Kendzior claimed painted the Long family (mom and son) in a completely different light.

 

I think mommy blogging can be perilous to families and in certain cases a violation of the parent-child trust.

 

It is sooo beyond, "oh, shrug! Haters be hatin'; judgers be judgin'!"

[Kathryn]

I've tried to stay out of this whole thing. I have so many things in my head and so many that I don't feel comfortable writing online. I don't feel like Ms. Long should have been so public about her son's issues precisely for the reason I try not to detail my day-to-day struggles with my son: if he has a shot at a "normal" life, I don't want my thoughts of childhood-him to haunt him. But, having said that, bring the parent of a special needs child--especially one showing signs of violence--is incredibly challenging, depressing, and isolating. The thoughts that run through your head during the bad times, they're things that nobody should ever feel. You simply can't understand what it does to a person to be that terrified of what your own child is capable of unless you're living it. So, I will not begrudge Ms. Long her post or her outlet. I'm not her and I'm not living her life. My marriage hasn't disintegrated yet and my son isn't yet big enough to seriously harm me with his fists, fingernails, feet, and teeth. I do have another child who witnesses and is occasional victim to him though. And I do worry every minute about what the future holds for him and am angry about the complete lack of help we've received. I know how parents get to that point.

[Impish]

nm

[Denisemomof4]

 

 

For those of you who are loathe to click on links, this is some of the stuff that is being said in response to the author of "I am AL's Mother"

 

Liza Long, the woman who wrote the viral post “I Am Adam Lanza’s Motherâ€, is being held up as a heroic woman warranting sympathy for bring the plight of her mentally ill son to the public.

 

Her blog tells a different story. Long has written a series of vindictive and cruel posts about her children in which she fantasizes about beating them, locking them up and giving them away. In most posts, her allegedly insane and violent son is portrayed as a normal boy who incites her wrath by being messy, buying too many Apple products and supporting Obama.

I feel uncomfortable speculating about someone’s private life based on a blog. But since these children are likely to be the object of enormous media attention, someone should be paying close attention to the words of their mother.

 

These children could be in real danger if her goal was to capitalize on the Newtown tragedy by creating a media campaign designed to give her sympathy. If I am wrong about this, I truly apologize. But there is a 13-year-old boy who has already had his reputation destroyed and who may be facing serious harm.

This “national conversation†on mental illness needs to include the mental illness of mothers and the online privacy of their children.

 

So we have Long, who has long kept a blog. Then we have Kendzior who went YEARS back into Long's blog and re-blogged Long's family interactions which Kendzior claimed painted the Long family (mom and son) in a completely different light.

 

I think mommy blogging can be perilous to families and in certain cases a violation of the parent-child trust.

 

It is sooo beyond, "oh, shrug! Haters be hatin'; judgers be judgin'!"

 

Of course you will find people like yourself who look for the negative in these things.

 

You will also find many people, including many THERAPISTS in support her. I am not going to go do research on her and site all my sources but there is a lot of this stuff going around in private online groups run by SOCIAL WORKERS and THERAPISTS. They do not believe she is going to violenty attack her kids when she speaks of wanting to throttle them because they drove her insane that day. Living with crazy makes one feel crazy at times. But those not living with MI people who act out DAILY simply have NO CLUE.

 

Therapists have been on TV speaking about her story and how people like you are judging and critizing people like her and other parents like her. Therapists are going on tv saying the judgment and criticizing has to stop. The parental blame has to stop. They are admitting they as a medical community have failed families like this in need and it is because they don't have the answers. The medical community will do what it can then release the ill person, ready or not, back to the parents due to insurance issues. Therapists DO turn people away because they are not qualified to help. The best help can't rehabilitate the worst of them but what happens? They are forced back onto the family.

 

I am not saying I agree with what I did read of this Long woman's blog. But she doesn't need you or anyone else critizing her and blaming her. She needs GOOD, ADEQUATE HELP. She needs her energy to take care of her kids, not worry about those ignorant people who have NO CLUE what she faces is thinking about her.

 

Moms like her are cying out for help and not getting it. Either support them, help find a solution, or leave them alone. If her blog bothers you, or if posts here or elsewhere bother you, DON'T READ THEM. It is as simple as that.

[justamouse]

Of course you will find people like yourself who look for the negative in these things.

 

You will also find many people, including many THERAPISTS in support her. I am not going to go do research on her and site all my sources but there is a lot of this stuff going around in private online groups run by SOCIAL WORKERS and THERAPISTS. They do not believe she is going to violenty attack her kids whsn spe speaks of wantong to throttle them because they drove her insane that day. Living with crazy makes one feel crazy at times. But those not living with MI people who act out DAILY simply have NO CLUE.

 

Therapists have been on TV speaking about her story and how people like you are judging and critizing people like her and other parents like her. Therapists are going on tv saying the judgment and criticizing has to stop. The parental blame has to stop. They are admitting they as a medical community have failed families like this in need and it is because they don't have the answers. The medical community will do what it can then release the ill person, ready or not, back to the parents due to insurance issues. Therapists DO turn people away because they are not qualified to help. The best help can't rehabilitate the worst of them but what happens? They are forced back onto the family.

 

I am not saying I agree with what I did read of this Long woman's blog. But she doesn't need you or anyone else critizing her and blaming her. She needs GOOD, ADEQUATE HELP. She needs her energy to take care of her kids, not worry about those ignorant people who have NO CLUE what she faces is thinking about her.

 

Moms like her are cying out for help and not getting it. Either support them, help find a solution, orl leave them alone. If her blog bothers you, or if posts here or elsewhere bother you, DON'T READ THEM. It is as simple as that.

 

 

This is exactly what I thought, and I'm so glad YOU Said this because I really don't have the same authority as you.

 

I know I would think those things, too, if I were in her situation, and I think they are valid cries for help she's not getting.

[unsinkable]

Of course you will find people like yourself who look for the negative in these things.

 

You will also find many people, including many THERAPISTS in support her. I am not going to go do research on her and site all my sources but there is a lot of this stuff going around in private online groups run by SOCIAL WORKERS and THERAPISTS. They do not believe she is going to violenty attack her kids whsn spe speaks of wantong to throttle them because they drove her insane that day. Living with crazy makes one feel crazy at times. But those not living with MI people who act out DAILY simply have NO CLUE.

 

Therapists have been on TV speaking about her story and how people like you are judging and critizing people like her and other parents like her. Therapists are going on tv saying the judgment and criticizing has to stop. The parental blame has to stop. They are admitting they as a medical community have failed families like this in need and it is because they don't have the answers. The medical community will do what it can then release the ill person, ready or not, back to the parents due to insurance issues. Therapists DO turn people away because they are not qualified to help. The best help can't rehabilitate the worst of them but what happens? They are forced back onto the family.

 

I am not saying I agree with what I did read of this Long woman's blog. But she doesn't need you or anyone else critizing her and blaming her. She needs GOOD, ADEQUATE HELP. She needs her energy to take care of her kids, not worry about those ignorant people who have NO CLUE what she faces is thinking about her.

 

Moms like her are cying out for help and not getting it. Either support them, help find a solution, orl leave them alone. If her blog bothers you, or if posts here or elsewhere bother you, DON'T READ THEM. It is as simple as that.

 

Denise,

 

I say this kindness.

 

You completely missed my point.

[Kathryn]

 

 

Of course you will find people like yourself who look for the negative in these things.

 

You will also find many people, including many THERAPISTS in support her. I am not going to go do research on her and site all my sources but there is a lot of this stuff going around in private online groups run by SOCIAL WORKERS and THERAPISTS. They do not believe she is going to violenty attack her kids when she speaks of wanting to throttle them because they drove her insane that day. Living with crazy makes one feel crazy at times. But those not living with MI people who act out DAILY simply have NO CLUE.

 

Therapists have been on TV speaking about her story and how people like you are judging and critizing people like her and other parents like her. Therapists are going on tv saying the judgment and criticizing has to stop. The parental blame has to stop. They are admitting they as a medical community have failed families like this in need and it is because they don't have the answers. The medical community will do what it can then release the ill person, ready or not, back to the parents due to insurance issues. Therapists DO turn people away because they are not qualified to help. The best help can't rehabilitate the worst of them but what happens? They are forced back onto the family.

 

I am not saying I agree with what I did read of this Long woman's blog. But she doesn't need you or anyone else critizing her and blaming her. She needs GOOD, ADEQUATE HELP. She needs her energy to take care of her kids, not worry about those ignorant people who have NO CLUE what she faces is thinking about her.

 

Moms like her are cying out for help and not getting it. Either support them, help find a solution, or leave them alone. If her blog bothers you, or if posts here or elsewhere bother you, DON'T READ THEM. It is as simple as that.

 

Thank you.

[unsinkable]

And another thing...

 

I DO have experience with mental illness. Up close, this close, helping with funeral arrangements close.*

 

Just because I don't post about it doesn't mean I don't have it.

 

I don't know ALL the burdens others are carrying, just like they don't know mine.

 

*edit to add: visiting in locked wards close, visiting in prison close, driving the streets looking for the lost one close, driving to the ER to get the loved one admitted close...

 

I could go on and on and on...

[Denisemomof4]

Lets not forget that NL tried to get help. She was distraught and telling her friends (who were interviewed for tv) that she was "losing him.". She tried. And initially there was all kinds of erroneous crap circulated about her. i am glad the police said they will track down false i formation and press charges. I hope people will be more responsible with their reporting right now.

 

And Long and NL have three things n common

 

Mentally ill kids

 

Failed therapy

 

Absent fathers. NO MOTHER should have to face this hell alone EVER. And then when she has a breakdown the ignorant are ready to throttle her. These women need and needed support and EVERYONE can help with that.

[Denisemomof4]

And another thing...

 

I DO have experience with mental illness. Up close, this close, helping with funeral arrangements close.

 

Just because I don't post about it doesn't mean I don't have it.

 

I don't know ALL the burdens others are carrying, just like they don't know mine.

 

 

Then IMO it makes it that much worse that you publicly criticize and judge these people.

[Denisemomof4]

 

 

It is going to be judged. On GMA this morning they were saying how parents are often blames, parents are often judgded, parents parents parents.

 

The internet is a sole source of support to too many people suffering silently. When I first joined my online adoption support groups I was shocked to see so many moms isolated and suffering alone. I am so lucky not to be one of them but many, dare I say most, are.

 

So people can judge away for internet posting but the growing community of suffering moms NEED it, learn from it and helped by it.

 

There will always be critics of everything. Oh well. :rolleyes:

 

 

Was the point I missed covered in this response above?

 

 

[unsinkable]

Then IMO it makes it that much worse that you publicly criticize and judge these people.

 

 

Show me where I criticized.

 

I didn't. You won't find it.

[Denisemomof4]

 

 

Show me where I criticized.

 

I didn't. You won't find it.

 

 

I am not going to go back and read all your entries but your judgment and criticism aren't isolated to this thread.

 

Are you saying that you are posting about Long in a positive light? I am sure she would disagree.

[Mommee & Baba]

Heart-breaking truth for many families and the struggles they go through.

 

Mental illness is just as dangerous to ones self and others as many other crimes!

[Kathryn]

And another thing...

 

I DO have experience with mental illness. Up close, this close, helping with funeral arrangements close.*

 

Just because I don't post about it doesn't mean I don't have it.

 

I don't know ALL the burdens others are carrying, just like they don't know mine.

 

*edit to add: visiting in locked wards close, visiting in prison close, driving the streets looking for the lost one close, driving to the ER to get the loved one admitted close...

 

I could go on and on and on...

 

 

I had experience *being* that one searched for, *being* that one in the ER, *being* that one in locked wards. I had experience with all that and with lengthy prison sentences with a close, much-loved family member. None of that prepared me for the emotions of dealing with it with my own child. It is vastly different.

[unsinkable]

I am not going to go back and read all your entries but your judgment and criticism aren't isolated to this thread.

 

Are you saying that you are posting about Long in a positive light? I am sure she would disagree.

 

 

Because you won't find it.

[unsinkable]

I had experience *being* that one searched for, *being* that one in the ER, *being* that one in locked wards. I had experience with all that and with lengthy prison sentences with a close, much-loved family member. None of that prepared me for the emotions of dealing with it with my own child. It is vastly different.

 

 

Of course it is.

[Denisemomof4]

 

 

Because you won't find it.

 

 

You are speaking in a negative tone about her and others like her.

 

I won't address this again but i want to say BOTTOM LINE - these people need help and support. They do NOT need negativity, criticism, blame or judgment.

[justamouse]

Another related link making the rounds now ...

 

"I Am Adam Lanza’s Psychiatrist": A Response From the Mental Health Trenches to "I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother"

 

 

 

http://www.xojane.co...as-psychiatrist

 

 

I *love* this article. THANK you. I really needed to read that and now I have some hope that these things might be addressed.

 

Locking down CCD and the grammar schools are NOT the answer (both of which our town has done in response to this, and it breaks my heart).

[klmama]

Wow, are we all reading the same post??? If unsinkable had come up with all that stuff in bold, I would better understand why you would be upset, but she didn't. The bold was the other person's writing from the article she was linking, the regular type was hers. I don't see unsinkable's own words as horrible criticism of that mom. She was sharing something someone else wrote about the mom and seemed (at least to me) to be pointing out how it was pretty jerky of the writer to go back through years and years of a family blog to try to paint the mother in a bad light. She did point out that blogging about our children may be a violation of their trust, and I don't think she's far off on that. When we share negative things about our children with others, they may remember them years later even if the issue is no longer present. I don't read that as a criticism of Mrs. Long at all, but as a caution to all of us to be careful about what we say about our precious children.

[unsinkable]

Wow, are we all reading the same post??? If unsinkable had come up with all that stuff in bold, I would better understand why you would be upset, but she didn't. The bold was the other person's writing from the article she was linking, the regular type was hers. I don't see unsinkable's own words as horrible criticism of that mom. She was sharing something someone else wrote about the mom and seemed (at least to me) to be pointing out how it was pretty jerky of the writer to go back through years and years of a family blog to try to paint the mother in a bad light. She did point out that blogging about our children may be a violation of their trust, and I don't think she's far off on that. When we share negative things about our children with others, they may remember them years later even if the issue is no longer present. I don't read that as a criticism of Mrs. Long at all, but as a caution to all of us to be careful about what we say about our precious children.

 

 

Thank you.

 

:grouphug:

 

My post was/is a caution. Mrs. Long shared and look what another blogger did.

 

Mommy bloggers risk that happening to them. They can take the risk or not.

 

And I strongly feel my children are entrusted to me...and there are certain things I need to do to protect them.

[Denisemomof4]

Wow, are we all reading the same post??? If unsinkable had come up with all that stuff in bold, I would better understand why you would be upset, but she didn't. The bold was the other person's writing from the article she was linking, the regular type was hers. I don't see unsinkable's own words as horrible criticism of that mom. She was sharing something someone else wrote about the mom and seemed (at least to me) to be pointing out how it was pretty jerky of the writer to go back through years and years of a family blog to try to paint the mother in a bad light. She did point out that blogging about our children may be a violation of their trust, and I don't think she's far off on that. When we share negative things about our children with others, they may remember them years later even if the issue is no longer present. I don't read that as a criticism of Mrs. Long at all, but as a caution to all of us to be careful about what we say about our precious children.

 

 

The negativity about the Long blog and other mothers that I speak of are not isolated to this thread and not isolated to Unsinkable. The thing I am trying to make clear is that these moms need nelp and support but instead are judged, criticized, blanketed in negativity, shunned, blamed, etc. I am so glad the media and medical community are finally realizing how wrong this is and how these moms need help.

 

Some moms have nothing at all. Some moms only have internet support. My best resource ever in getting help for my dd IS the internet. We would not be where we are today without ut.

[klmama]

Of course these moms need support and encouragement. They need all the help they can get. And no one is saying not to use the internet. If that's a mom's only place for information and support, that's where she should get it. When moms do go online, though, they can choose to protect their dc's privacy by not writing their real names or using photos.

[beaners]

The negativity about the Long blog and other mothers that I speak of are not isolated to this thread and not isolated to Unsinkable. The thing I am trying to make clear is that these moms need nelp and support but instead are judged, criticized, blanketed in negativity, shunned, blamed, etc. I am so glad the media and medical community are finally realizing how wrong this is and how these moms need help.

 

Some moms have nothing at all. Some moms only have internet support. My best resource ever in getting help for my dd IS the internet. We would not be where we are today without ut.

 

I think unsinkable's point is that you may feel you are getting help, but what else is your daughter getting? If I ever met your family, or even saw you all on the street since you use a photo avatar, I would know that you think adopting your daughter ruined your life. You think she is dangerous and destructive and manipulative. I've never met either of you, but that's what I have read here.

[asta]

Of course these moms need support and encouragement. They need all the help they can get. And no one is saying not to use the internet. If that's a mom's only place for information and support, that's where she should get it. When moms do go online, though, they can choose to protect their dc's privacy by not writing their real names or using photos.

 

People simply don't think.

 

I wonder if Ms Long has considered the more 'global' consequences of her latest piece of writing: that someone may look at her son, believe him to be another 'massacre maker' lying in wait, and decide to 'nip the problem in the bud'.

 

Or maybe she has considered that. Who knows.

 

 

a

[I.Dup.]

I think we have all complained about our kids. I print my blog yearly so I will often take out anything that is too negative and delete it (although there isn't much of that at all, I usually just post pictures of places we've gone or projects we've done, etc). But in years past when all my kids were really small, I complained quite a bit.

 

I feel for the author of the article, but you'd think she would have gone back and deleted anything really incriminating on her blog as she knew the article was getting a lot of publicity, especially when she wrote in such detail. I think getting help from private or semi-private groups is a great thing, even forums like this one where most of us don't use our real names- complain all you want. But putting it on a personal blog where you are trying to drum up traffic is something else.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I've been thinking about this thread in the shower. I do not have a child with a mental illness but I have worked with a lot of families who do. I have seen (as much as one can see from the outside) just how devastating this is to deal with day in and day out: the constant wash of stress hormones, the fear, not only physical for yourself but the fear that they will hurt someone else, the feeling of desperation as you try one thing after another that psychiatrists have suggested. . . I think that many in that situation, including Ms. Long want to be understood and they want to help others in the same situation as themselves. The emotions they feel are complex and yes, there are some emotions that others that aren't in that situation are very uncomfortable with. But they don't have the luxury of armchair quarterbacking themselves or of handing them back to their parents or of holding their distance.