I just read an article that the shooter was homeschooled...

[staceyobu]

For most of high school? Anyone else seen that?

[Snow]

Uggg. That stinks.

[happi duck]

It appears that people have mentioned that he might have been homeschooled. However, this article mentions things about high school that make it sound like he was not homeschooled or if he was it must have been a short time. (mentions classmates commenting about him and it sounds like info from freshman and sophmore year and then his 2010 yearbook is mentioned)

http://www.telegraph...ent-killer.html

[Elizabeth in MN]

It's a aunt that said he was homeschooled. Not looking forward to the next few weeks if it's true.

[mazakaal]

Yeah, I just read one article on CNN where the aunt is quoted as saying he was homeschooled, then later someone else who was quoted went to Newtown High School with him. Either he was only homeschooled for part of his education, or someone is very confused. It frustrates me that they have conflicting info in the article and make no attempt to explain it. It almost makes me think that parts of the article were written by different people and then it was cobbled together without anyone ever reading the whole thing through. Doesn't show CNN editors in a very good light.

[Dandelion]

This article explains that he was likely pulled out of public school at some point during 10th grade and then homeschooled after that (sounds like his mom had issues with the school district):

http://abcnews.go.com/m/story?id=17985433

[BugsMama]

I saw the same article. At this point in the investigation, it seems that people are just trying to find some way to explain it. I've read so many things, possible autism, possible bipolar, homeschooled, goth, nerd, video games, divorced parents, single mother, guns in the home.... reason after "reason" trying to make sense of it. They want something to blame....

 

But here is the thing, there is *not* going to be a nice and neat explanation for how a person, let alone someone SO young, described as bright with a loving mother, could do this. We can't blame anything but him.

 

I suppose the best thing we can do is keep on keeping on. Hug our children, send whatever support we can to that community, and continue to educate our children with love the best way we can.

[Negin]

I saw this yesterday on the BBC site and it stinks.

[CyndiLJ]

Ugh! And I just fielded a question from a family friend last week about being concerned that our kids would not be socialized well enough, wouldn't know how to appropriately handle boyfriend/girlfriend relationships if they don't "practice" now...at 13 and 14 years old. This will add fuel to his fire, no doubt.

 

Cindy

[VaKim]

Even if it turns out that he was actually homeschooled, do people ever stop to think that perhaps he was brought home because he already had problems his mom was trying to deal with? The problems were the cause of him being homeschooled; being homeschooled was not the cause of the problems.

 

Come to think of it, he was male too. Ever notice that all of these mass shootings have been done by males? Hmmm. Maybe we should make being male illegal, or place stricter regulations on it. ( Sarcasm totally intended.)

[Violet Crown]

http://www.courant.com/news/connecticut/hc-adam-lanza-newtown-shooting-1216-20121215,0,2311968.story?page=2&obref=obinsite

 

"I want people to know he wasn't always a monster," Foy said. "He became one, but he wasn't always that way."

 

Foy said she and other students accepted his shyness because, she said, he had been home-schooled and "hadn't really been socialized."

 

-------------------

 

I'm not convinced that non-homeschoolers are going to analyze this the same way we are.

[Durriyyah]

The information coming out has been all over the place. I hope the truth of everything comes out soon. Even if he was homeschooled, I think this will in the long run be a blip on the radar. I don't think it'll have a lasting impression of homeschoolers.

[VinNY]

Adam attended elementary school, middle school and most of high school. He was homeschooled for a short period of time. The child had a personality disorder. She homeschooled because of his issues. His behavior was the same throughout public, catholic and homeschool education. He wasn't able to "socialize" no matter what. The mother was known as a bit of a perfectionist (a little rigid). She was known to be worried about her son. He began to dress goth and become absorbed in gaming. She was told to get parenting education at her divorce judgement.

 

Over the next few years: he was allowed to become fully consumed with gaming (mostly violent), she appeased his fascination with guns by taking him shooting,and he became estranged from his brother.

 

This isn't about homeschooling.

[Violet Crown]

 

This isn't about homeschooling.

Agreed. But that's a rational analysis that the general public may not be interested in making.

 

The gun control issue is intractable. The mental health care issue has been made intractable by the current health care wars. New regulations on homeschoolers, in the name of "something must be done"? Not so intractable.

[VinNY]

Agreed. But that's a rational analysis that the general public may not be interested in making.

 

The gun control issue is intractable. The mental health care issue has been made intractable by the current health care wars. New regulations on homeschoolers, in the name of "something must be done"? Not so intractable.

 

Agreed

[Violet Crown]

:)

[pdalley]

Dare we hope this leads to a dialogue about why she felt forced to homeschool him? That a typical school environment doesn't work for all kids? That people who can't homeschool their kids with struggles (job situation, etc) can get some real help and these kids can get the education they need?

 

I also wish it would help us refocus on mental health reform specifically. Mental health and developmental disability funding are usually one of the first things cut in a state budget.

[unsinkable]

Dare we hope this leads to a dialogue about why she felt forced to homeschool him? That a typical school environment doesn't work for all kids? That people who can't homeschool their kids with struggles (job situation, etc) can get some real help and these kids can get the education they need?

 

I also wish it would help us refocus on mental health reform specifically. Mental health and developmental disability funding are usually one of the first things cut in a state budget.

 

Dare we have the dialogue if we find out the mom herself made choices that exacerbated her son's problems?

 

 

[Denisemomof4]

Even if it turns out that he was actually homeschooled, do people ever stop to think that perhaps he was brought home because he already had problems his mom was trying to deal with? The problems were the cause of him being homeschooled; being homeschooled was not the cause of the problems.

 

Come to think of it, he was male too. Ever notice that all of these mass shootings have been done by males? Hmmm. Maybe we should make being male illegal, or place stricter regulations on it. ( Sarcasm totally intended.)

 

It has been said that the mother left her job to care for him. I have not heard the homeschooling link yet.

 

I do not think gun control will help anything. People who want guns will get them one way or another. Same with illegal drugs.

 

Parents needing help for their mentally ill kids, whether minors or not, often times (dare I say MOST times) are left to suffer alone, sometimes under the mentally ill person's wrath. Getting a system in place to help those suffering from mental illness is desperately needed. What we have right now is HORRENDOUSLY inadequate.

[Denisemomof4]

The information coming out has been all over the place. I hope the truth of everything comes out soon. Even if he was homeschooled, I think this will in the long run be a blip on the radar. I don't think it'll have a lasting impression of homeschoolers.

 

I disagree with you. This will support those who already have their ideas and opinions of a grossly stigmatized homeschooling community.

[pdalley]

Dare we have the dialogue if we find out the mom herself made choices that exacerbated her son's problems?

 

 

Why? Of course she did. As a parent you've got a 50/50 shot at making the wrong choice. Unless she was a super human I'm sure she did make some wrong choices. I know I have. I'm sure his treatment team made some wrong choices (if he had one), I'm sure the schools he attended made some wrong choices. Everyone does make wrong choices sometimes. If we didn't obviously these sorts of things wouldn't happen.

 

Maybe she really didn't feel she had a choice but to homeschool him. That's how we started homeschooling. I've been dealing with mental health/developmental disabilities (it was just mental health thirty years ago here) for over forty years. This is part of the problem - as I see it. The lack of resources available for parents - lack of access to those. A lot of times you get a diagnosis and that is it. No - go here for help or maybe try this.

[Mommy22alyns]

I saw this and was pretty upset about it. Like Denise said, people will look for any reason to stigmatize homeschooling, and this is just more fuel for the fire.

[unsinkable]

 

 

 

Why? Of course she did. As a parent you've got a 50/50 shot at making the wrong choice. Unless she was a super human I'm sure she did make some wrong choices. I know I have. I'm sure his treatment team made some wrong choices (if he had one), I'm sure the schools he attended made some wrong choices. Everyone does make wrong choices sometimes. If we didn't obviously these sorts of things wouldn't happen.

 

Maybe she really didn't feel she had a choice but to homeschool him. That's how we started homeschooling. I've been dealing with mental health/developmental disabilities (it was just mental health thirty years ago here) for over forty years. This is part of the problem - as I see it. The lack of resources available for parents - lack of access to those. A lot of times you get a diagnosis and that is it. No - go here for help or maybe try this.

 

Because there have been MANY threads on this board abt not blaming parents for anything.

[Denisemomof4]

Adam attended elementary school, middle school and most of high school. He was homeschooled for a short period of time. The child had a personality disorder. She homeschooled because of his issues. His behavior was the same throughout public, catholic and homeschool education. He wasn't able to "socialize" no matter what. The mother was known as a bit of a perfectionist (a little rigid). She was known to be worried about her son. He began to dress goth and become absorbed in gaming. She was told to get parenting education at her divorce judgement.

 

Over the next few years: he was allowed to become fully consumed with gaming (mostly violent), she appeased his fascination with guns by taking him shooting,and he became estranged from his brother.

 

This isn't about homeschooling.

 

How can anyone make sense of this? A mom who knows her son is struggling emotionally, who apparently had a personality disorder, ( they are also reporting autism or aspergers as well) who neighbors were uncomfortable with due to his outbursts and oddness, and yet she takes him target shooting? And one can only assume he had access to those guns, which friends (or was it the aunt.) say she got for personal protection. I will never understand this.

 

I feel badly for that mother. i imagine she was unable to get adequate help for her son. (I think this is safe to assume) But you just don't place a gun into an emotionally unstable person's hands.

 

[butterflymommy]

It has been said that the mother left her job to care for him.

 

The mom didn't need to work-- she was receiving 240k/ yr in alimony and was given a $1 million+ home in the divorce settlement. One article said he was paying more alimony than required by the courts. To me that translates that the new Mrs. Lanza started out as mistress Lanza.

 

We really don't know enough details yet-- how impaired was the son, did he show warning signs, were there enough warning signs that she should have kept the guns under lock and key... etc..

[pdalley]

Because there have been MANY threads on this board abt not blaming parents for anything.

 

 

The parents are not solely to blame and probably not intentionally to blame. If they had foresight I'm sure they would have made other choices if they could have known what they were doing was not helping or making things worse. But none of us have that. It appears this mother at least attempted to do her best to help this shooter. I've seen parents that have done a whole lot less than what it appears that she did do to help her child. But regardless, I'm sure she made some mistake down the line and so did the father. Parents are human and we make mistakes.

 

But then I'm of the firm belief that people will make mistakes regardless of intentions. What might look like a good choice now may turn out to be a poor one later or vice versa. There are no guarantees in life and especially not in parenting.

 

And yes, I am worried that people will use this to further stigmatize not only homeschoolers but kids on the spectrum.

[Denisemomof4]

 

Ok, lets assume she couldn't handle the situation on her own. What are the options? There aren't many. Unfortunately I have friends in this predicament, friends who fear for their lives due to their mentally ill ADULT kids. They have had this fear since their kids were mi ors. There is NO help for them unless and until something illegal happens. And we all know that by that time it is far too late.

[cin]

This article explains that he was likely pulled out of public school at some point during 10th grade and then homeschooled after that (sounds like his mom had issues with the school district):

http://abcnews.go.co...ory?id=17985433

 

 

I haven't read the rest of the thread, but the impression that I got from the report that I heard was that the district was not meeting his educational needs so she pulled him. Of course I am on the other side of the school spectrum. :p

[Denisemomof4]

Edited by moderator: Not helpful.

Edited December 16, 2012 by Moderator
Not a helpful reaction.

[Denisemomof4]

 

 

The mom didn't need to work-- she was receiving 240k/ yr in alimony and was given a $1 million+ home in the divorce settlement. One article said he was paying more alimony than required by the courts. To me that translates that the new Mrs. Lanza started out as mistress Lanza.

 

We really don't know enough details yet-- how impaired was the son, did he show warning signs, were there enough warning signs that she should have kept the guns under lock and key... etc..

 

I did see that about her financial freedom and assumed she taught as a passion.

 

The neighbors and kids he went to school with did say there were plenty of warning signs. I just don't understand how she thought putting a gun into his hand was ok.

 

 

[cin]

 

I feel badly for that mother. i imagine she was unable to get adequate help for her son. (I think this is safe to assume) But you just don't place a gun into an emotionally unstable person's hands.

 

 

This article from 'The Anarchist Soccer Mom's Blog is a PRIME example of how hard it is to get help. These kids don't belong in Jail. They haven't committed any crimes. Yet.

Thinking the Unthinkable

 

 

 

Michael holding a butterfly In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness.

 

Three days before 20 year-old Adam Lanza killed his mother, then opened fire on a classroom full of Connecticut kindergartners, my 13-year old son Michael (name changed) missed his bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants.

 

 

“I can wear these pants,†he said, his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises.

 

“They are navy blue,†I told him. “Your school’s dress code says black or khaki pants only.â€

 

“They told me I could wear these,†he insisted. “You’re a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to. This is America. I have rights!â€

 

“You can’t wear whatever pants you want to,†I said, my tone affable, reasonable. “And you definitely cannot call me a stupid bitch. You’re grounded from electronics for the rest of the day. Now get in the car, and I will take you to school.â€

 

I live with a son who is mentally ill. I love my son. But he terrifies me.

 

A few weeks ago, Michael pulled a knife and threatened to kill me and then himself after I asked him to return his overdue library books. His 7 and 9 year old siblings knew the safety plan—they ran to the car and locked the doors before I even asked them to. I managed to get the knife from Michael, then methodically collected all the sharp objects in the house into a single Tupperware container that now travels with me. Through it all, he continued to scream insults at me and threaten to kill or hurt me.

 

That conflict ended with three burly police officers and a paramedic wrestling my son onto a gurney for an expensive ambulance ride to the local emergency room. The mental hospital didn’t have any beds that day, and Michael calmed down nicely in the ER, so they sent us home with a prescription for Zyprexa and a follow-up visit with a local pediatric psychiatrist.

 

We still don’t know what’s wrong with Michael. Autism spectrum, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant or Intermittent Explosive Disorder have all been tossed around at various meetings with probation officers and social workers and counselors and teachers and school administrators. He’s been on a slew of antipsychotic and mood altering pharmaceuticals, a Russian novel of behavioral plans. Nothing seems to work.

 

At the start of seventh grade, Michael was accepted to an accelerated program for highly gifted math and science students. His IQ is off the charts. When he’s in a good mood, he will gladly bend your ear on subjects ranging from Greek mythology to the differences between Einsteinian and Newtonian physics to Doctor Who. He’s in a good mood most of the time. But when he’s not, watch out. And it’s impossible to predict what will set him off.

 

Several weeks into his new junior high school, Michael began exhibiting increasingly odd and threatening behaviors at school. We decided to transfer him to the district’s most restrictive behavioral program, a contained school environment where children who can’t function in normal classrooms can access their right to free public babysitting from 7:30-1:50 Monday through Friday until they turn 18.

 

The morning of the pants incident, Michael continued to argue with me on the drive. He would occasionally apologize and seem remorseful. Right before we turned into his school parking lot, he said, “Look, Mom, I’m really sorry. Can I have video games back today?â€

 

“No way,†I told him. “You cannot act the way you acted this morning and think you can get your electronic privileges back that quickly.â€

 

His face turned cold, and his eyes were full of calculated rage. “Then I’m going to kill myself,†he said. “I’m going to jump out of this car right now and kill myself.â€

 

That was it. After the knife incident, I told him that if he ever said those words again, I would take him straight to the mental hospital, no ifs, ands, or buts. I did not respond, except to pull the car into the opposite lane, turning left instead of right.

 

“Where are you taking me?†he said, suddenly worried. “Where are we going?â€

 

“You know where we are going,†I replied.

 

“No! You can’t do that to me! You’re sending me to hell! You’re sending me straight to hell!â€

 

I pulled up in front of the hospital, frantically waiving for one of the clinicians who happened to be standing outside. “Call the police,†I said. “Hurry.â€

 

Michael was in a full-blown fit by then, screaming and hitting. I hugged him close so he couldn’t escape from the car. He bit me several times and repeatedly jabbed his elbows into my rib cage. I’m still stronger than he is, but I won’t be for much longer.

 

The police came quickly and carried my son screaming and kicking into the bowels of the hospital. I started to shake, and tears filled my eyes as I filled out the paperwork—“Were there any difficulties with....at what age did your child....were there any problems with...has your child ever experienced...does your child have....â€

 

At least we have health insurance now. I recently accepted a position with a local college, giving up my freelance career because when you have a kid like this, you need benefits. You’ll do anything for benefits. No individual insurance plan will cover this kind of thing.

 

For days, my son insisted that I was lying—that I made the whole thing up so that I could get rid of him. The first day, when I called to check up on him, he said, “I hate you. And I’m going to get my revenge as soon as I get out of here.â€

 

By day three, he was my calm, sweet boy again, all apologies and promises to get better. I’ve heard those promises for years. I don’t believe them anymore.

 

On the intake form, under the question, “What are your expectations for treatment?†I wrote, “I need help.â€

 

And I do. This problem is too big for me to handle on my own. Sometimes there are no good options. So you just pray for grace and trust that in hindsight, it will all make sense.

 

I am sharing this story because I am Adam Lanza’s mother. I am Dylan Klebold’s and Eric Harris’s mother. I am Jason Holmes’s mother. I am Jared Loughner’s mother. I am Seung-Hui Cho’s mother. And these boys—and their mothers—need help. In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness.

 

According to Mother Jones, since 1982, 61 mass murders involving firearms have occurred throughout the country. (http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2012/07/mass-shootings-map). Of these, 43 of the killers were white males, and only one was a woman. Mother Jones focused on whether the killers obtained their guns legally (most did). But this highly visible sign of mental illness should lead us to consider how many people in the U.S. live in fear, like I do.

 

When I asked my son’s social worker about my options, he said that the only thing I could do was to get Michael charged with a crime. “If he’s back in the system, they’ll create a paper trail,†he said. “That’s the only way you’re ever going to get anything done. No one will pay attention to you unless you’ve got charges.â€

 

I don’t believe my son belongs in jail. The chaotic environment exacerbates Michael’s sensitivity to sensory stimuli and doesn’t deal with the underlying pathology. But it seems like the United States is using prison as the solution of choice for mentally ill people. According to Human Rights Watch, the number of mentally ill inmates in U.S. prisons quadrupled from 2000 to 2006, and it continues to rise—in fact, the rate of inmate mental illness is five times greater (56 percent) than in the non-incarcerated population. (http://www.hrw.org/news/2006/09/05/us-number-mentally-ill-prisons-quadrupled)

 

With state-run treatment centers and hospitals shuttered, prison is now the last resort for the mentally ill—Rikers Island, the LA County Jail, and Cook County Jail in Illinois housed the nation’s largest treatment centers in 2011 (http://www.npr.org/2011/09/04/140167676/nations-jails-struggle-with-mentally-ill-prisoners)

 

No one wants to send a 13-year old genius who loves Harry Potter and his snuggle animal collection to jail. But our society, with its stigma on mental illness and its broken healthcare system, does not provide us with other options. Then another tortured soul shoots up a fast food restaurant. A mall. A kindergarten classroom. And we wring our hands and say, “Something must be done.â€

 

I agree that something must be done. It’s time for a meaningful, nation-wide conversation about mental health. That’s the only way our nation can ever truly heal.

 

God help me. God help Michael. God help us all.

[unsinkable]

Edited by moderator: Don't react, please.

Edited December 16, 2012 by Moderator
Don't react.

[pdalley]

I haven't seen a thread that says that parents are not to blame for anything. I'm not saying they don't exist - just that I haven't seen them.

 

I read that blog Cin linked. Heartbreaking and another reason why there needs to be a dialogue on mental health reform. My brother was hospitalized many times in the 70's and early 80's. The pendulum has swung way in the other direction. We need a middle ground - desperately. I want a better system for individualizing services based on that particular person's needs. Some people need hospitalization, some need it temporarily, some don't need it at all. But options are needed, badly.

[Trish]

I saw this and was pretty upset about it. Like Denise said, people will look for any reason to stigmatize homeschooling, and this is just more fuel for the fire.

 

We've got a kid living on our street, same age as one of my boys (tween), who has been kicked out of four local schools that I know of. (three private and one public) He is now "homeschooling" through a virtual school, with his working mom supervising, I guess. There's homeschooling, and then there's "homeschooling."

[unsinkable]

I haven't seen a thread that says that parents are not to blame for anything. I'm not saying they don't exist - just that I haven't seen them.

 

 

They are here.

 

My point is that a rational dialogue about this horrible mass-killing spree would be useless if it can't be recognized that choices might have been made by his parents that exacerbated the problem.

[Denisemomof4]

Cin, that is the horrific reality of too many people. Parents are desperate for help, taking extreme measures of locked doors, alarms, locked up knives, etc. To keep their family safe.

 

That 13 year old boy will grow older. My friend had a 15 passenger van and that mentally ill kid grew into a HUGE, mentally ill older teen. As she drove that van to the police station in fear for her life (and she had to HIDE that fear because he would have enjoyed it and only taunt her more) he rocked that van so violently she is shocked it didn't roll over. He didn't realize she was driving to the police station. When she arrived, he punched his fist through the windshield as she ran inside for protection.

 

This adopted kid (yes, that matters because we don't know his full genetic make up and don'tt know the mental illnesses he's prone to) is now 21. It is hard to get a job since he never got a diploma from that pubblic baby sitting service, called alternative publlic school, offered for these troubled kids. My friend and her dh fear the only answer will be to leave all her other adult children behind and move to another state to protect their lives. Their son is an adult now with no job, no high school diploma, several diagnosis, years and years of therapy behind him. He has nowhere to go but home. His parents fear the wrath on them that would come if they left him homeless. They are TRAPPED and there IS NO HELP.

 

The monster who killed all those in CT was also an adult who lived at home, and I assume that mom felt she also had no other options. I do know I shouldn't assume.

 

 

[pdalley]

They are here.

 

My point is that a rational dialogue about this horrible mass-killing spree would be useless if it can't be recognized that choices might have been made by his parents that exacerbated the problem.

 

I agree, as long as it doesn't stop there. There are probably reasons she made some of the choices she made and some of those reasons could be due to a lack of services. It would appear that Daddy decided he wanted to be married to someone else and left the responsibility with the kid with her. Not a good decision, if true. But then we don't know the whole story. May never know it at all.

 

We can't just say it was solely because a parent made a poor choice and leave it at that. It's just not that simplistic a problem IMO.

[Denisemomof4]

 

 

I agree, as long as it doesn't stop there. There are probably reasons she made some of the choices she made and some of those reasons could be due to a lack of services. It would appear that Daddy decided he wanted to be married to someone else and left the responsibility with the kid with her. Not a good decision, if true. But then we don't know the whole story. May never know it at all.

 

We can't just say it was solely because a parent made a poor choice and leave it at that. It's just not that simplistic a problem IMO.

 

Absolutely!!! But what we see all to often both here and in the media, is to blame the parent and leave it at that. That is a HUGE problem.

[unsinkable]

 

I agree, as long as it doesn't stop there. There are probably reasons she made some of the choices she made and some of those reasons could be due to a lack of services. It would appear that Daddy decided he wanted to be married to someone else and left the responsibility with the kid with her. Not a good decision, if true. But then we don't know the whole story. May never know it at all.

 

We can't just say it was solely because a parent made a poor choice and leave it at that. It's just not that simplistic a problem IMO.

 

 

Yeah, I agree with your agreement.

 

I'll guess the parents made a series of choices: poor, good, and in between. And that it's not a simplistic problem AT ALL.

 

But forensic psychology starts with immediate family for a reason...

[VeritasMama]

Our society and culture are to blame as well, but that is a conversation most people don't want to have.

 

Raising Cain was an interesting book about the havoc our current culture can wreak on the psyche of young boys, who eventually grow into troubled men.

[redheadmom]

I know that there were reports he had some form of autism. This article makes it sound like something much more...to not feel physical pain is more extreme than that. There is real need for reform and options for parents.

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/15/adam-lanza-pain-loner-teacher_n_2308641.html

[DawnM]

Of course he was homeschooled. That is why he shot up a bunch of Kindergarden students where his mother was a teacher.

 

In case you miss the sarcasm here, I am beyond irritated with the media in this ENTIRE case......shotty reporting, half truths, and plain mis-information all in the name of getting the story out there before the other guys.

 

On a serious note, I saw the aunt interviewed a couple of days ago and she clearly stated he was brought home from high school BECAUSE of his issues. He was in public school from K-10th grade and I thought they said he actually went back to graduate, but I am not positive......so if he had any social issues, they were formed AT PUBLIC SCHOOL!

[Spy Car]

As a parent of a child in public school, I know—as do all involved parents—parents who have removed children from our school when their children were troubled, emotionally disturbed, or otherwise not thriving. And some, acting out of compassion, have turned to homeschooling to do the very best they could for their children.

 

Homeschooling did not "cause" these children's problems, but was the best option caring parents had to help their kids. I think intelligent people understand this.

 

I hope we get past a need to assign "blame" for this heart-breaking tragedy and use our positive energies to show compassion for individuals and families that struggle with mental illness.

 

This is so incredibly sad.

 

Bill

 

 

[Denisemomof4]

Of course he was homeschooled. That is why he shot up a bunch of Kindergarden students where his mother was a teacher.

 

In case you miss the sarcasm here, I am beyond irritated with the media in this ENTIRE case......shotty reporting, half truths, and plain mis-information all in the name of getting the story out there before the other guys.

 

On a serious note, I saw the aunt interviewed a couple of days ago and she clearly stated he was brought home from high school BECAUSE of his issues. He was in public school from K-10th grade and I thought they said he actually went back to graduate, but I am not positive......so if he had any social issues, they were formed AT PUBLIC SCHOOL!

 

 

But will ADEQUATE reporting point out the fact that he was homeschooled for a very, very short time, and only brought home because of his problems? I tend to doubt that.

 

I am with you on all your other frustrations.

[Crimson Wife]

How can anyone make sense of this? A mom who knows her son is struggling emotionally, who apparently had a personality disorder, ( they are also reporting autism or aspergers as well) who neighbors were uncomfortable with due to his outbursts and oddness, and yet she takes him target shooting?

 

 

She might have been trying to channel his fascination with guns into a sport. One of my brothers as a teen was obsessed with the computer game Doom. My parents got him into riflery as a sport and he got so good at it that he worked as a camp counselor teaching riflery. They thought maybe he'd join the military or become a cop, but he decided to pursue a career in an unrelated field. I'll have to ask him if he ever still goes down to the range, but he's in his 30's now and has never had any brush with the law more serious than a traffic violation.

 

ETA: It was obviously NOT the correct decision in the Lanza case, but I can see where she might have been hoping it would be helpful.

[YourFidgetyFriend]

The information coming out has been all over the place. I hope the truth of everything comes out soon. Even if he was homeschooled, I think this will in the long run be a blip on the radar. I don't think it'll have a lasting impression of homeschoolers.

 

 

I agree. I'm on several other boards (the others are not tailored to homeschoolers) and this is the only one where anybody has even paused on him possibly being homeschooled. Everyone else doesn't seem to care in light of the bigger issues.

[Farrar]

I don't think we know enough to speculate much at this point. I can't quite get a handle on this family at all at this point. Many of the things that have been reported about them don't match up in my mind at all - they're just incongruous facts. It's all very odd.

 

As for parental blame, it's seems beyond obvious that it's a complicated question and that the media will oversimplify it. The "I Am Adam Lanza's Mother" blog post that is making the rounds and was copied here seems to sum up for me the difficulty in addressing these questions.

[Denisemomof4]

 

 

She might have been trying to channel his fascination with guns into a sport. One of my brothers as a teen was obsessed with the computer game Doom. My parents got him into riflery as a sport and he got so good at it that he worked as a camp counselor teaching riflery. They thought maybe he'd join the military or become a cop, but he decided to pursue a career in an unrelated field. I'll have to ask him if he ever still goes down to the range, but he's in his 30's now and has never had any brush with the law more serious than a traffic violation.

 

I can understand this.

 

Early reports were stating that he was unstable, prone to angry outbursts, had a personality disorder, the neighbors were worried about him, etc. IF this is true, and that is a huge IF, then we all likely agree that putting a gun into his hands was wrong. Making the guns accessible was also wrong but we don't know if that is true. He apparently shot his way into the school. We don't know what measures he took to get the guns.

[TranquilMind]

Even if it turns out that he was actually homeschooled, do people ever stop to think that perhaps he was brought home because he already had problems his mom was trying to deal with? The problems were the cause of him being homeschooled; being homeschooled was not the cause of the problems.

 

Come to think of it, he was male too. Ever notice that all of these mass shootings have been done by males? Hmmm. Maybe we should make being male illegal, or place stricter regulations on it. ( Sarcasm totally intended.)

 

 

No kidding!

[TranquilMind]

 

 

What a horrendously sad article.