How do you avoid repeating nouns in a short writing?

[Kendall]

I wasn't sure where to post this. We are using WWS 2 (beta version) but I think this applies more universally. The instructions were to not use the same noun or verb more than twice. But the two paragraphs are about the Venus Flytrap. He used Venus Flytrap six times. Should I enforce this rule even for the subject of the paragraphs? If so, then I'm not sure how to help him. I can't think of ways to do it without changing to the passive. I'll post his paragraphs below in case that helps.

 

 

The Venus Flytrap does not live merely by photosynthesis or the nutrients of the soil, it must have meat. To catch its meat, the Venus Flytrap produces a scent like sweet nectar. This attracts flies, which, led on like fools by its smell, come to their death. A fly lands on the jaw-like leaf. It bumps against two small hairs on the surface of the leaf. Suddenly the jaw snaps shut, trapping the foolish fly inside. During the two weeks after this, the Venus Flytrap breaks down the fly and digests it.

Though the Venus Flytrap seems very harsh, it has its soft side as well. When conditions are right, it produces a white flower in the spring. Predator though it is, the Venus Flytrap is helpless against other predators that eat it. Raccoons, rodents, caterpillars, aphids, and grasshoppers all enjoy it for their lunch. Still, the Venus Flytrap tries to help. Some doctors are researching its abilities to aid cancer patients.

 

 

 

Thanks in advance,

Kendall

The instructions were to not use the same noun or verb more than twice. But the two paragraphs are about the Venus Flytrap. He used Venus Flytrap six times. Should I enforce this rule even for the subject of the paragraphs?

 

 

The Venus Flytrap does not live merely by photosynthesis or the nutrients of the soil, it must have meat. To catch its meat, the Venus Flytrap produces a scent like sweet nectar. This attracts flies, which, led on like fools by its smell, come to their death. A fly lands on the jaw-like leaf. It bumps against two small hairs on the surface of the leaf. Suddenly the jaw snaps shut, trapping the foolish fly inside. During the two weeks after this, the Venus Flytrap breaks down the fly and digests it.

Though the Venus Flytrap seems very harsh, it has its soft side as well. When conditions are right, it produces a white flower in the spring. Predator though it is, the Venus Flytrap is helpless against other predators that eat it. Raccoons, rodents, caterpillars, aphids, and grasshoppers all enjoy it for their lunch. Still, the Venus Flytrap tries to help. Some doctors are researching its abilities to aid cancer patients.

 

 

 

I would absolutely enforce this rule. Ways to reduce repetition are to use pronouns, to use synonyms, and to use more specific terms. When he uses synonyms, he can decorate them with adjectives to add more meaning. So, he could use "This plant" or "This strange plant", or "This jungle-dwelling plant". An example of replacing the subject with a more specific term is in the last sentence of the first paragraph -- does every part of the plant as a whole eat the fly? Or can you mention the more specific parts and functions that do?

[happyhomemaker]

You could encourage him to try to structure the sentences differently. So "To catch its meat, the Venus Flytrap produces a scent like sweet nectar," could become "To catch its meat, a scent like sweet nectar is produced." That way he isn't using "it" too much as a substitute. It seems like a challenging assignment!

[KathyBC]

Pronouns, synonyms.

[Cosmos]

I wasn't sure where to post this. We are using WWS 2 (beta version) but I think this applies more universally. The instructions were to not use the same noun or verb more than twice. But the two paragraphs are about the Venus Flytrap. He used Venus Flytrap six times. Should I enforce this rule even for the subject of the paragraphs? If so, then I'm not sure how to help him. I can't think of ways to do it without changing to the passive. I'll post his paragraphs below in case that helps.

 

 

The Venus Flytrap does not live merely by photosynthesis or the nutrients of the soil, it must have meat. To catch its meat, the Venus Flytrap produces a scent like sweet nectar. This attracts flies, which, led on like fools by its smell, come to their death. A fly lands on the jaw-like leaf. It bumps against two small hairs on the surface of the leaf. Suddenly the jaw snaps shut, trapping the foolish fly inside. During the two weeks after this, the Venus Flytrap breaks down the fly and digests it.

Though the Venus Flytrap seems very harsh, it has its soft side as well. When conditions are right, it produces a white flower in the spring. Predator though it is, the Venus Flytrap is helpless against other predators that eat it. Raccoons, rodents, caterpillars, aphids, and grasshoppers all enjoy it for their lunch. Still, the Venus Flytrap tries to help. Some doctors are researching its abilities to aid cancer patients.

 

 

 

Thanks in advance,

Kendall

 

We are still in WWS 1, so I'm not familiar with this assignment. With that caveat, I think he is using "Venus flytrap" too much. On the other hand, using it just twice sounds difficult! As others have mentioned, pronouns and synonyms are key.

 

What I think I'd do is make him stick to the "just twice" rule and ruthlessly get rid of all the extras. Then I'd have him read a well-written article in a science journal. Maybe you could even find one about the Venus flytrap. Have him observe how a professional writer solved the same problem and compare with his own solution.

You could encourage him to try to structure the sentences differently. So "To catch its meat, the Venus Flytrap produces a scent like sweet nectar," could become "To catch its meat, a scent like sweet nectar is produced." That way he isn't using "it" too much as a substitute. It seems like a challenging assignment!

 

 

Here you are recommending using the passive voice, which may be discouraged at this age.

[Kendall]

Thank you so very much everyone for these comments!! Just a few days ago my 8 year old was reading aloud to me from World Within a World:Everglades by Ted Lewin. He uses the following words instead of garfish. Immense garfish, the fish, the gar, the struggling gar, her reluctant dinner, her dilemma, her unhappy garfish,

 

As I type these I see what you were mentioning about adding adjectives. I would have viewed that as a repeat of the word, so I'm glad you mentioned it and this book backed it up.

 

We'll apply this tomorrow - Thanks!!