Guest heuriskein mom Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 My DD-6 has always been very intense, but recently she has upped the bar and is very very touchy and prone to anger. She reacts to nearly everything with harsh angry tones. I have been trying to model good behavior, even more so lately, and also explain to her that her feelings are not wrong, just the way she is acting. Has anyone else experienced this? I don't want to rush to a psychologist or counselor or anything. I'd rather like to try a more holistic approach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloy Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 yeah... sounds familiar. I have an *intense* guy and it got really intense around 6. I think part of it just comes with the age, but also, does she have enough time to do her own thing? There maybe something brewing inside that she hasn't yet been able to identify and express... but it will come out eventually. I can deal with it, it is when it comes out on other children (his little brother seems to handle it okay most of the time), especially kids at the park or play group, that I cringe. He doesn't suffer fools gladly, if you know what I mean. I'm thinking of looking up some kind of anger management for kids and spending a bit of time on it each week, just to give him the tools to cope. But I haven't looked for what is out there, yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Academy of Jedi Arts Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 6 year old girls? Oh yeah, I hear ya! I found that it works best if I don't respond at all when she talks that way. If she needs something, she needs to ask nicely. She can go into her room and say whatever she wants to say, however she wants to say it. If she gets nasty with me I am likely to not put in TV passwords and grant other privileges. Dd also does not suffer fools gladly, but she knows how to grin and bear it, then talk to me or dh about it later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmoira Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 My DD-6 has always been very intense, but recently she has upped the bar and is very very touchy and prone to anger. She reacts to nearly everything with harsh angry tones.This describes my 6yo to a T these last couple months. Since talking about it has been making it worse rather than better, I've taken the drastic step of just stopping everything when it happens. If we're going somewhere or getting ready to, I just stand with a dumb look on my face. If she asks, I explain that I am not willing to go anywhere until she is able to exhibit self control, and she can have all the time she needs to compose herself. This has been making a big difference. Initially, everything took 3x longer, but now she knows I'm serious and manages to "get over" it. I do take pains to remind her that I'm talking about behavior, not thoughts... but after the fact. In other situations I just say, "That's not an appropriate way to speak to anyone. I'm willing to listen to what you have to say when you can speak to me in a civil tone." The hardest part is maintaining a civil tone myself. :glare: ... :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kissy Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 My son got like this..he is 10 now and it got so bad that he was having total breakdowns from it..we went to a counselor and it is soo much better. He still has feeling issues because he is uber sensitive and seems to feel things ten time more than anyone else I know. He is very intense. I didn't want to take him to a psychologist or anyone that would want to prescribe anything so I took him to a regular counselor and she is sweet and they talk. It basically gives him someone neutral to talk to about everything in his life. I confess I waited until it got bad and he was 8 when I took him. It had started affected his relationships with others and his schoolwork. It did turn out to be him hiding his feelings about something totally unrelated but he couldn't talk about at the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch at Home Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 We have similar issues with both my 6 and 8 year old. Some but not all of it is food related. They are more likely to totally loose it if they are hungry. Protein does wonders in these instances if I can get them to eat. For the youngest she can also loose it after having had too much dairy, particulary cheese. You might want to watch for patterns and see if there are any external factors affecting your child, food or otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hypermusicmom Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 I love these books by Ames... they go all the way through teens, each book devoted to an age. It rings true what she describes equalibrium and disequilibrium. By the title, can you guess your six year old is probably behaving like every 6 yo. Your Six-Year-Old: Loving and Defiant Louise Bates Ames, Frances L. Ilg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted July 25, 2008 Share Posted July 25, 2008 As I type this my very intense 8 yo is sitting at the kitchen table writing lines because he threw a water bottle at my head full intending on doing me harm. He's had a bad day. I'm trying not to catch his bad day! I called his dad and we agreed on a punishment. Of course, for the first time in over 3 years, I swatted his butt and now I feel aweful about it. Violence can't be stopped with violence. But frankly, it really scared me. So he lost video games for today and maybe even tomorrow and we're working on some of the biggies: courtesy, respect, integrity, kindness. (And I apologized for spanking him-personally I just think he's too big). I'll definitely look into these books. I don't think he has anger issues, per se. This is the first time this has happened as far as I can remember but I don't want it going any further than this. Thanks for that little vent. I needed that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmchr6 Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 Yup, I've had one of those. Allergies is a good point, mine had trouble with dairy & wheat. But the biggest thing was probably personality and the fact he needed to be taught to learn to control himself. He needed to learn that angry outbursts, screaming, yelling and so on is not appropriate, but the hardest part was that his parents really needed to follow through with him. He also needed to learn to follow instructions that I give him, and if he didn't want to, he needed to learn to disagree appropriately. This took a lot of time to do, but he's sooooo much better now. He spent much of his 4th through 6th years in time out. We also did the "X" method, where if his behavior was inappropriate or he misbehaved, he got an "x". If he got 5 "x's" he lost all privileges for 24 hours (privileges he helped come up with - like having snacks, playing with friends, riding his bike, etc.) He's now 7 and hardly ever loses his privileges or gets into timeout anymore. I got most of the method we use from http://www.teachingselfgovernment.com. I still need to do a better job implementing this method with the other kids, because the funny thing is that now my 7 year old is the most obedient kid (we ended up spending most our energy on HIM!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest heuriskein mom Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Thank you all so much for your support and advice. I am so relieved knowing that my dd is not the only one out there! I have narrowed part of the problem down to a preoccupation with perfection--her own and in general--which we are currently working on. She was in tears yesterday when I gently told her that even though she felt like the fastest reader in the world, there was probably somebody faster and she would get faster and faster all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmoira Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 I have narrowed part of the problem down to a preoccupation with perfection--her own and in general--which we are currently working on.If you haven't read Mindset by Carol Dweck, I'd highly recommend you do. It was a tremendous help with issues related to perfectionism in our home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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