Mom arrested for using her 13 year old as a babysitter

[Laurie4b]

http://newcanaan.patch.com/articles/chimney-scam

 

Basic story: Mom left 13 year old in charge of 3 siblings (youngest two were 4 and 1 1/2) for 1/2 hour between the time she left for church in the afternoon and when another sitter was due to come. 4 year old wandered into neighbor's yard. Neighbor calls police, rather than walk the 4 year old home. Mom is arrested. :confused:

 

I used to babysit at night when I was that age.

 

Also, I have a friend who had her 2 year old wander off and cross a couple streets in their neighborhood on a Saturday morning before she and her husband realized she was gone. She was horrified, but it can happen to anyone. No one called the police on her, either.

 

Maybe there is "more to the story", but it seems ridiculous on the face of it.

[lovinglife]

Yes, without knowing more I have to say it is ridiculous!

[Audrey]

Seems like there has to be more to it than just that. I don't know what the rules are in that state. Here, you can babysit at age 12 solo. This wouldn't even be a blip on law enforcement's radar. They'd probably take the call, and perhaps give you the "friendly lecture," but they'd have no ground for arrests -- unless there was something else at play.

[Guest inoubliable]

I'd say there has to be something more to the story. I took a Red Cross Babysitting course when I was 12/13 and was babysitting at night for hours at a time.

[MistyMountain]

I used to babysit at age 13. I wouldn't be shocked if there wasn't anything more to the story. There are cases of where they get overzealous taking kids away. A friend of mine is going through that right now.

[Guest inoubliable]

There are cases of where they get overzealous taking kids away. A friend of mine is going through that right now.

 

 

:( That's so sad. I knew young moms in my college classes years ago who were constantly jumping through hoops to prove to the state that they were good parents. And then you hear the stories of kids who were left in dangerous situations and something awful happened.

[StartingOver]

Here in Texas there is no definite age to babysit or stay home alone, it is all determined on a case by case basis. I know this because my ex had his daughter removed from his ex's home when they left her alone one evening, and she was 16. It is called minor unattended, and since the father had an issue with it, it was deemed that it wasn't ok.

 

Now I might get flamed, but I have a real issue with saying that their kids slipped out, the child was found, the cops were called. But they could have been attending that baby's funeral. I have seen many young children in my area that have "gotten away" and have been killed. It seems almost epidemic here.

 

There is one simple way to keep the little ones safe, just buy a .25 cent hook and put it at the top of the door, and be aware of where your children are. This is something that can be taught. If your kids are older, then put a keyed deadbolt at the top of the door. It is our responsibility to take care of our children.

 

Evidently this 13 year old was not responsible enough to watch her siblings.

[Jean in Newcastle]

The comments are rather interesting. One person is vehemently against the mother and others are accusing her of being the neighbor who made the call!

[Kirch]

The comments are rather interesting. One person is vehemently against the mother and others are accusing her of being the neighbor who made the call!

 

The comments are definitely interesting. I think it's sad that so many people today seem to think that teens are so incapable. One person posted something about some guidelines--13 to stay alone, 15 to watch ONE sibling? Don't people realize that it wasn't so long ago that girls were married with a couple of children by 19 or 20?

 

If teens today ARE so incompetent, IMO it's because we as a society have coddled them and held them to ever lowering standards.

 

ETA--I see that someone else brought up the history example.

[Hen]

I'm thinking there might be more to the story. We had a babysitter who was 11 watching our kids for a few hours in the evening (date night once a week). Normally, I would have looked for one age 12 or 13, but she was from a large family with 8 kids and was experienced and mature. I was babysitting for short periods at age 11 also.

[MinivanMom]

http://newcanaan.pat...es/chimney-scam

 

Basic story: Mom left 13 year old in charge of 3 siblings (youngest two were 4 and 1 1/2) for 1/2 hour between the time she left for church in the afternoon and when another sitter was due to come. 4 year old wandered into neighbor's yard. Neighbor calls police, rather than walk the 4 year old home. Mom is arrested. :confused:

 

I used to babysit at night when I was that age.

 

Also, I have a friend who had her 2 year old wander off and cross a couple streets in their neighborhood on a Saturday morning before she and her husband realized she was gone. She was horrified, but it can happen to anyone. No one called the police on her, either.

 

Maybe there is "more to the story", but it seems ridiculous on the face of it.

 

If you read through the comments, there is additional information posted by the neighbor who called the police. Apparently the 4-year-old child had wandered onto their property (which includes an unfenced lake) multiple times. After repeatedly returning the child, they finally called the police. The neighbor didn't realize the mother wasn't home and was concerned about the possibility of the child drowning (since this was an ongoing issue). So, yes, it sounds like there may be much more to the story.

[Unicorn.]

Here in Texas there is no definite age to babysit or stay home alone, it is all determined on a case by case basis. I know this because my ex had his daughter removed from his ex's home when they left her alone one evening, and she was 16. It is called minor unattended, and since the father had an issue with it, it was deemed that it wasn't ok.

 

Now I might get flamed, but I have a real issue with saying that their kids slipped out, the child was found, the cops were called. But they could have been attending that baby's funeral. I have seen many young children in my area that have "gotten away" and have been killed. It seems almost epidemic here.

 

There is one simple way to keep the little ones safe, just buy a .25 cent hook and put it at the top of the door, and be aware of where your children are. This is something that can be taught. If your kids are older, then put a keyed deadbolt at the top of the door. It is our responsibility to take care of our children.

 

Evidently this 13 year old was not responsible enough to watch her siblings.

 

Not flaming you, but with regards to the bolded, that isn't necessarily true. I had an escape artist (two actually). The first thing we did after buying our first house, was to install chains at the top of our doors. My son could get through any child safety lock by age 1, so I wasn't taking any chances. The twins were 1 at the time. When they were 2, I had put them down for the night, thought they were sound asleep, and dh left to go to school to grade papers. He forgot to shut the garage door, and because he was coming back, the door leading to the garage wasn't chained. I went to the bathroom; was gone maybe 2 minutes. My girls had gotten up, let themselves out through the garage, and I found them across the street, playing ring around the rosy w/ a fire hydrant. Sometimes it happens, even to vigilant parents. It doesn't mean they are irresponsible.

 

I do however, think there is more to this story. If not, then those cops are unbelievably stupid.

[Scarlett]

 

Not flaming you, but with regards to the bolded, that isn't necessarily true. I had an escape artist (two actually). The first thing we did after buying our first house, was to install chains at the top of our doors. My son could get through any child safety lock by age 1, so I wasn't taking any chances. The twins were 1 at the time. When they were 2, I had put them down for the night, thought they were sound asleep, and dh left to go to school to grade papers. He forgot to shut the garage door, and because he was coming back, the door leading to the garage wasn't chained. I went to the bathroom; was gone maybe 2 minutes. My girls had gotten up, let themselves out through the garage, and I found them across the street, playing ring around the rosy w/ a fire hydrant. Sometimes it happens, even to vigilant parents. It doesn't mean they are irresponsible.

 

I do however, think there is more to this story. If not, then those cops are unbelievably stupid.

 

 

Yeah, I had an escape artist at age 4. It was insanity. I couldn't keep that kid in. Then I had a neighbor bring him home at 11:15 and within days they were sending us registered mail threatening to 'call the authorities if you can't keep your child off our property.'

 

Ds (then age 4) decided to stop. It was nothing I was able to do. Except read him the letter which threatened his parents with the police.

[Laurie4b]

Seems like there has to be more to it than just that. I don't know what the rules are in that state. Here, you can babysit at age 12 solo. This wouldn't even be a blip on law enforcement's radar. They'd probably take the call, and perhaps give you the "friendly lecture," but they'd have no ground for arrests -- unless there was something else at play.

 

In a link in the article, it says CT guidelines are 13 ETA: oops 12) to be left alone and FIFTEEN to be babysitting. :svengo:

I'd have been in jail on both counts.

[Forget-Me-Not]

I was thinking maybe the neighbor just didn't know who the kid belonged to (because if an unknown kid showed up in my yard, I'd probably call the police too, esp if nobody came looking for her after a bit), but it says that the woman told the police the child lived across the street. I wonder why she wouldn't have just walked the kid back over and knocked on the door to see what was going on?

 

I was babysitting regularly at 11.

[Guest inoubliable]

Sounds like the neighbor was being a real peach.

[Anne in CA]

I do get the neighbor being worried about the child drowning. It would be a horrific thing to find a drowned child. Some people do not watch their children vigilantly, and some children will escape no matter what. If the 4yo was a total escape artist IMO the mother should not have made someone else responsible for the 4yo. Arresting her was extreme, but I have a friend whose 18mo child fell into the family pool and has extreme brain damage. There were seven older children there and the child managed to fall into the pool unattended. Their whole family paid a huge price for this. Arresting someone before something happens sounds horrible, but hopefully it stopped a future accident even if it was over the top.

[Durriyyah]

Wow, I would not want to be in that mom's shoes. I would be concerned for the little child also if they kept wandering around outside. I wonder if she spoke to the sibling (babysitter) so she could keep a better eye on her.

[Parrothead]

What state/country is this from? Someone in the comments said 13 for self sitting only and 15 to watch sibs. What do people do for babysitters in that area? Weird.

[goldberry]

If this happened more than once, with the child coming on to my property with an unfenced lake, I would be right along with the neighbor in taking it very seriously. Would you want to be the neighbor and have an unattended child die in your lake? The possibility would terrify me.

[Audrey]

 

In a link in the article, it says CT guidelines are 13 to be left alone and FIFTEEN to be babysitting. :svengo:

I'd have been in jail on both counts.

 

 

 

Oh. :blink:

 

Well, at least now I know that the next time I need a large quantity of bubble wrap, I should go to CT.

[jennynd]

I had a babysitter I think she was 12 to watch my back then 3 yr. but her house was right beside of ours. her parents were home and her Dad is a pediatrician. So I felt very comfortable leaving my kid to her. I probably will not leave 3 kids to a 13 yrs old though. It is a bit much for a 13 years old to handle. I don't think I can handle 3 kids...

 

It does seem a bit over the top to arrest Mom for this.

[I.Dup.]

I babysat at night for hours at a time when I was 12. And I was a darn good babysitter. At 13, I was watching a family once a week with 5 kids age 5 and under. Again, I did a terrific job and still keep in touch with the family.

 

This is ridiculous.

[swellmomma]

Then I guess I am doomed for jail. My 13 yr old dd watched to 2 youngers today while I went to pick up the 14 yr old from work. She often does. There must be more to the story. Here the legal age to babysit is 12. And my dd has her babysitting cert, and her 1st aid. I can not see someone being arrested for leaving the 13 yr old unless the 13 yr old is not mentally/emotionally/physically able to properly watch the kids. Like I do not leave my 14 yr old to babysit, he would not properly care for the youngers, whereas my 13 yr old no problem.

[Impish]

Oh. :blink: Well, at least now I know that the next time I need a large quantity of bubble wrap, I should go to CT.

:smilielol5: :smilielol5: :smilielol5:

Wolf and I would be in jail. Diva's 14, and babysits. And has babysat for others.

 

I babysat at 12. Red Cross certified, whole shebang. 15 to babysit other kids is ridiculous. Completely. First off, you can work for McDs around here at 14...and I'm betting the age for driving a car is 16 there. So, they go from being deemed capable of minding younger children to driving a vehicle in a yr? Wow.

[staceyobu]

I've paid 12 year olds to watch my kids. I would *rather* have someone 16+, but a lot of those kids wind up with "real" jobs and aren't available as much. I was babysitting at that age. And, this was in a day before cell phones when you couldn't rapidly contact parents with a question.

[mommaduck]

I was caring for a child at 10/11...sibling and cousin (cousin being the infant that was on heart/respiratory monitors, in cloth diapers, and formula fed). By 13/14, I was watching other children. At sixteen, I was a nanny when I wasn't in school and several of my peers were parents. Some of us were married before we left highschool or had toddler children. (btw, though teA may have been considered irresponsible, my peers were darn good parents).

 

If I had been that neighbour, I would have approached the mother directly. It sounds like she just kept returning the child to the thirteen year old without speaking to the mother (the thirteen year old would not have mentioned it and the mother would not have known).

[A.Balaban]

If this was a recurring issue, then the age of the babysitter should not be a factor. The parents or neighbors needed to fence their yard. I agree with safety being priority. If this was a one-time issue, then I see this getting blown out of proportion...but the fact there was a lake on neighboring property is worrisome (you would not let a child wander into a pool area unattended!)

 

I wish I had known about the age to be left alone in CT before, interesting. I am from CT and had no idea. Wonder if it is recent,

[delaney]

Well my 12 year old DD babysits for sometimes 2-3 hours at a time for me with the younger siblings. SHE is way more responsible than my 17 yr old DS! I called CPS on my nutty neighbor one year because she was leaving her 6th grader and 4th grader home all day during the summer and one day I looked out and they were lighting paper on fire in the front yard and the DS was swinging an ax around!!! What happened? Nothing.

[Georgiana Daniels]

I babysat all day, nearly every day, by the time I was 12. The mother had to realize her little one was an escape artist, or so it seems from the neighbors further comments. That said, someone needs to be held accountable for the child. Of course, there could be more even still to the story (like neighbor exaggeration so as not to be the bad guy in public.)

[Terabith]

According to ct.gov's web page, it does not appear that there is a law in CT about legal age to be left home alone. They do, however, list the SAFEKid's guidelines about 12 being the minimum age and 15 for babysitting. (It also says that these are minimums. Crazy.) Legally, however, that seems to be a recommendation and not a law. This is ridiculous and I hope the mom has a good lawyer. However, I can see the neighbor's point about the lake, etc and can understand him calling CPS after repeated instances. A fence should be the minimum. But I find the stated reason for arrest being a 13 yr old babysitting to be ridiculous and an arrest seems like a lousy way to deal with the problem.

[butterflymommy]

My daughter was paid to babysit for another family at age 12... so I'm surprised by this, even given the danger of the pond on the property. The child got out multiple times in the past or just while being watched by the sibling that one time?

 

I started leaving my younger ones with my son at age 10 for ~15 minutes at a time. By the time he was 13 then up to 1-2 hours at a time (though rarely). My state has no age minimum laws for being left alone or babysitting.

 

We had neighbors who left their 5 year old daughter in the care of her 12 year old brother all day every day during the summer. That did strike me as kind of scary but other people I mentioned it to didn't seem alarmed.

[Laurie4b]

If you read through the comments, there is additional information posted by the neighbor who called the police. Apparently the 4-year-old child had wandered onto their property (which includes an unfenced lake) multiple times. After repeatedly returning the child, they finally called the police. The neighbor didn't realize the mother wasn't home and was concerned about the possibility of the child drowning (since this was an ongoing issue). So, yes, it sounds like there may be much more to the story.

 

 

The additional info is confusing. For instance, the neighbor also posted this:

 

"I am the neighbor. We live on a lake, which young kids and dogs have drowned in before." (Note the plurals.) :svengo: Yet the neighbor states the lake isn't fenced even under multiple drownings? They still have a home and insurance after multiple drownings on their property? That just does not add up to me.

 

Neighbor also later states the 4 year old had been on their property 3 times before.

 

Another neighbor, not the one who called in, stated that the child was walking across the yard to get to another home, not going down toward the lake (which she referred to as a pond/lake). She's in a position to know how the property is situated. She also stated this family has lived there for 2 years, so 3 times a child has wondered onto your front yard may not exactly be an epidemic.

 

In ground pools are required to be fenced in many areas. It would seem that if there had been multiple drownings, that the pond/lake would be fenced in too.

 

There is no indication from anyone that the other times the child wandered that the 13 year old was babysitting. I'm guessing it's a child who is good at slipping out. If that's the case, who is watching the child may not matter much.

 

I find the "guidelines" for CT to be bizarre in terms of age to be left alone and age to be babysitting.

[Terabith]

I am also disturbed that these guidelines are not Connecticut's, but from the SAFEKids council, which is national in scope. They are only recommendations, but if CT is using them as the basis for arrest, all the rest of us in other states are subject to the same "recommendations." Again, they aren't laws, but as recommendations, they are disturbing and bizarre. Personally, I find the idea of not allowing a child under 15 to babysit to be neglectful. It is child neglect, in my mind, to not allow/ teach children and teens how to be appropriately responsible, and to appropriately loosen the reigns and teach them independence. These kids, who have rarely been home alone and not been able to babysit younger siblings until 15 are then expected to be fully independent and responsible adults at 18. How is that supposed to work? I feel like my JOB as a parent is to equip my kids to not need me, and putting them in situations where they care for themselves and others for short periods of time is part of that skill (and importantly confidence) building that is necessary. Obviously, you have to look at your kid, and you want them to be safe, and I'm not going to leave my 7.5 year old home alone for hours. However, I have left my then 8 yr old home alone for 15 minutes a couple of times while I picked up my younger daughter. (She had a phone; I was close by; she is very safety conscious and responsible, was eager to stay home alone, and knows safety and first aid.) On the other hand, I will not be leaving my younger home alone at age 8. But by 10, I think most children should be able to stay home alone for an hour or two, and by 12 they should be able to babysit. (Again, most children, who have been gradually taught and role played situations, have shown maturity, etc. Not all.)

[MinivanMom]

I am also disturbed that these guidelines are not Connecticut's, but from the SAFEKids council, which is national in scope. They are only recommendations, but if CT is using them as the basis for arrest, all the rest of us in other states are subject to the same "recommendations." Again, they aren't laws, but as recommendations, they are disturbing and bizarre. Personally, I find the idea of not allowing a child under 15 to babysit to be neglectful. It is child neglect, in my mind, to not allow/ teach children and teens how to be appropriately responsible, and to appropriately loosen the reigns and teach them independence. These kids, who have rarely been home alone and not been able to babysit younger siblings until 15 are then expected to be fully independent and responsible adults at 18. How is that supposed to work? I feel like my JOB as a parent is to equip my kids to not need me, and putting them in situations where they care for themselves and others for short periods of time is part of that skill (and importantly confidence) building that is necessary. Obviously, you have to look at your kid, and you want them to be safe, and I'm not going to leave my 7.5 year old home alone for hours. However, I have left my then 8 yr old home alone for 15 minutes a couple of times while I picked up my younger daughter. (She had a phone; I was close by; she is very safety conscious and responsible, was eager to stay home alone, and knows safety and first aid.) On the other hand, I will not be leaving my younger home alone at age 8. But by 10, I think most children should be able to stay home alone for an hour or two, and by 12 they should be able to babysit. (Again, most children, who have been gradually taught and role played situations, have shown maturity, etc. Not all.)

 

I agree.

 

In fact, the more I think about the situation the more disturbing it is to me. I also live in a state that has no minimum age for babysitting or for leaving children home alone. On the surface that makes it sound like it's up to the parent, but in reality it could leave any police officer or social worker free to decide what they think is the proper age.

[TravelingChris]

13 year olds are old enought to babysit if they are mature. I was babysitting at 13 and one of the jobs was a family with identical triplet boys aged 3 and their six year old sister. I did fine. No one escaped and no one ever got hurt. I think the family needs to put some better strategies in place with the wandering child, but arrest seems to harsh.

[Firefly]

Don't most states have bizarre and/or archaic laws on the books? Most are only enforced when there is something else going on. That said, I don't believe there is such a law here in CT. And fwiw, DD13 and her same-age friends babysit all the time, as I did starting at age 12.

[Keniki]

Arresting the mother may be extreme, but there was a 13 yo and a 10 yo to watch a 4 yo and a 1 1/2 yo. Somebody wasn't doing their job!! The 4 yo was not just in a neighbor's yard. The yard was across the street. What were the 13 yo and 10 yo doing???

[misty.warden]

The neighbor returned the child multiple times in the 30 minutes the 13 year old was watching the kids? :confused1: And another sitter was coming later, seems like to watch all 4 kids, 13 year old included since otherwise why have another sitter coming if the 13 year old was able to babysit... but the mom decided to leave early? Too many extra questions for my comfort.

 

What state/country is this from? Someone in the comments said 13 for self sitting only and 15 to watch sibs. What do people do for babysitters in that area? Weird.

 

They have to either find an older teenager who doesn't have a job of their own and isn't in party mode or hire an adult or send them to daycare. IMO this is a big reason why single parents have a hard time affording to work since quality daycare can be ridiculously expensive (mine is more than my rent) and for last minute short times it can be near impossible.

 

Personally, I find the idea of not allowing a child under 15 to babysit to be neglectful. It is child neglect, in my mind, to not allow/ teach children and teens how to be appropriately responsible, and to appropriately loosen the reigns and teach them independence. These kids, who have rarely been home alone and not been able to babysit younger siblings until 15 are then expected to be fully independent and responsible adults at 18. How is that supposed to work? I feel like my JOB as a parent is to equip my kids to not need me, and putting them in situations where they care for themselves and others for short periods of time is part of that skill (and importantly confidence) building that is necessary.

 

This. The saddest thing I can think of is the way teenagers and young adults have been given pretty much free reign to be irresponsible because parents allowing them to learn how to be an adult by practice has become virtually illegal.