amo_mea_filiis. Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 To be hard on dd. Yes, ds gets away with stuff. He does minimal chores, but he is doing his school work. His trantrums, while severely intense, are much shorter in duration. After only 2 weeks on a new schedule, i can tell him to go brush his teeth and he does. I am addressing his verbal vomit (mostly cursing) by ignoring it, on the advice of his new therapist. When he finishes his school work and chores, he can use electronics. Ds is complex and I'm working on finding the right diagnosis and therapies for him. In the meantime, life continues. Dd is not doing nearly as much as ds. I have to stand over her to make sure she showers, brushes her teeth, or does anything else. When i take her ipod away, she just reads. When i stay on top of her she just whines and complains. Dd is 11, has asperger's, and wants to go to public hs. This is not going to go over well if things continue. Give me permission to crack the whip on dd. tell me it's ok that it will look like ds is a little prince getting his way. Tell me it's ok that dd will think she's forced into slave labor. Or tell me it's not ok. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 Permission granted. Unless they somehow merge into one body, you are required to treat them as two different individuals. What is good for one, is not the best for the other. Allowing a capable child to slide because a less able child happens to live in the house isn't right. Do what you need to do Momma. BTW, She doesn't need to understand or agree. She will complain. She will say you aren't fair. That doesn't matter. You are doing what is best for her, even if she can't see it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 I don't see you being hard on her for pushing basic hygiene. Society sort of frowns on dirty people. Unfortunately, people assume that an unkempt looking person has a low IQ. But you can't always get an Aspie to understand what society deems normal. If you don't want her in school because of it, tell her that. You have the power to decide where she is educated and if school will be a bad place for her, you might choose to avoid it. My Aspie thrives on routine and I've made daily hygiene part of his routine. He is a rule follower and understands life in our society does have rules and he'll stand out if he ignores them. That bothers him more now than it did when he was younger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted November 30, 2012 Author Share Posted November 30, 2012 She thrives on routine, too. It's just that we were stuck in a non functional routine for sooooo long, and now I'm changing that. Change and aspie is not a fun thing. I dreaded ds during this change, but i shouldn't have been worried about him. I deal with his tantrums daily. The world could revolve around him and he could be doing and getting everything he wants and would still tantrum! Dd, OTOH, is well behaved when she is left alone with no expectations. I guess I've been dreading HER tantrums. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 Sounds to me that she's found a way to get your attention, instead of fading into the background by being compliant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted November 30, 2012 Author Share Posted November 30, 2012 That's the thing, imp, she doesn't seem to want attention. If she were up my butt all the time and refusing to do things, I'd believe it was attention. She wants to be left alone in her room with her art and ipod. She avoids all things difficult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 *shrug* I only can base things on my experience. And, w/my teen dd, she pulls stuff like this in a quest for attention. She *wants* me to come to her, to notice she's hiding in her room. Arguing over the most ridiculous things (ie hygiene) also ensures she has my attention. Nobody said kids, esp teens make sense. But, it's what I've learned w/my dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 She thrives on routine, too. It's just that we were stuck in a non functional routine for sooooo long, and now I'm changing that. Change and aspie is not a fun thing. I dreaded ds during this change, but i shouldn't have been worried about him. I deal with his tantrums daily. The world could revolve around him and he could be doing and getting everything he wants and would still tantrum! Dd, OTOH, is well behaved when she is left alone with no expectations. I guess I've been dreading HER tantrums. Isn't it weird how we avoid conflict, even when we don't realize we are doing it? You are a good mom. Honest! Can you do things in stages, or would that just prolong the agony? Maybe add flossing to her daily routine, and consistently nag her about it, but ignore the fact that her hair is a rat's nest (okay, so that's my DD). Conquer just one demon and once that routine is solid, you can move on to the next. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted November 30, 2012 Author Share Posted November 30, 2012 Sensory and hygiene are good. She has a vibrating toothbrush, kid floss sticks, soap she likes and shampoo and conditioner that she loves. Liberty- i think one at a time will take too long. She's already 11 and is physical capable of what I'm asking. I think I'm going to dive right in this weekend. I'll be sure to keep ds on his routine which leaves tons of positive time for dd and i. Her school work is bare minimum and we need to add back in the rest of my plans. We just got back from the library, so I'm off to battle school with dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted November 30, 2012 Author Share Posted November 30, 2012 And thank you all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted November 30, 2012 Share Posted November 30, 2012 Dd, OTOH, is well behaved when she is left alone with no expectations. Aren't many people like this? With no expectations, a person can do as he wants and conflict is minimal. But she has to learn that life does have expectations...and high school will surely have a great many of them. You have to start pushing her, in appropriate ways to fit her special needs, of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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