What do you think about church lock-ins?

[Nakia]

Title says it all. :D

[Mergath]

Heh. I went to two or three of those back when I was a teen and my mom made me go to the local Assembly of God church. They were a great chance to get to know the guys at the church better, if you know what I mean. ;) Definitely not something I'd be likely to let my dd do when she's older, if we were Christians.

[Carol in Cal.]

I hate them, but we do them. Kind of like listerine.

 

All the adults are totally whipped for days afterwards.

The parents worry.

The kids themselves are totally whipped, although not for as long.

I don't honestly get the point of them.

But it's all our church does for youth except short little lessons a couple of times a month during the Bible study hour, so we participate if it works into our schedule. It's really tough for the more academic kids like DD, though.

[1GirlTwinBoys]

I won't let my kids do any thing like that when they're older. Don't really get what the purpose of it is.

[Jennifer3141]

Heh. I went to two or three of those back when I was a teen and my mom made me go to the local Assembly of God church. They were a great chance to get to know the guys at the church better, if you know what I mean. ;) Definitely not something I'd be likely to let my dd do when she's older, if we were Christians.

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

I did this too but in an RCA church. I never did look at a certain pew the same way again. ;)

[laundrycrisis]

IMO they are not a good idea at all.

[Jenny in Florida]

When they are properly supervised and planned, I think lock-ins are harmless and fun and probably serve the purpose of helping kids bond with their peers. I've watched my son go from being acquainted with kids to thinking of them as friends after participating in lock-ins and similar programs.

 

I've chaperoned such events and never had the slightest concern about things getting out of hand. And I enjoy getting to know the kids and watching them get to know each other better, too.

 

I don't understand the negativity. (Well, I "understand" it, but I don't relate.)

[Galatea]

When I was a youth group volunteer a few years ago, I helped chaperone at two lock-ins, one HUGE and one small.

 

The huge one was held at a local college and there were hundreds, maybe as much as a thousand kids there. It was nearly impossible to keep track of our own teens, let alone know what was going on with all the rest that we didn't even know. It was sheer chaos. There is NO WAY I would let my daughter go to something like that unless I was there myself and I knew where she was at every moment, which I'm sure she wouldn't want anyway, so I doubt it will happen at all.

 

The small one was just at our little church, maybe 15 teens altogether, with 6 adults. The problem with the small ones is that they are often led by youth group leaders who have no children (and who often think more of the teens than their parents) or by parents of the teens who would not in a million years believe that their kid would ever do wrong. Many of the leaders are just not realistic about teens' decision-making abilities, peer pressure, and hormones gone wild. I can't count the number of times my husband and I were alone with 15 kids and there's no way I can keep track of that many kids.

[Joanne]

planned, I think lock-ins are harmless and fun and probably serve the purpose of helping kids bond with their peers. I've watched my son go from being acquainted with kids to thinking of them as friends after participating in lock-ins and similar QUOTE=Jenny in Florida;4436989]When they are properly supervised and programs.

 

I've chaperoned such events and never had the slightest concern about things getting out of hand. And I enjoy getting to know the kids and watching them get to know each other better, too.

 

I don't understand the negativity. (Well, I "understand" it, but I don't relate.)

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

 

 

I won't let my kids do any thing like that when they're older. Don't really get what the purpose of it is.

 

Fun? Supervised, organized, chaperoned fun?

 

Maybe I'm wrong due to the posts I've read of yours lately, but I get the impression that the ways in which kids today in the Western world have fun is not something you encourage or value.

 

Me? My kids have enjoyed many, many church events, parties, sleepovers, lock ins and other kid-centered activities. I'm glad.

Edited October 28, 2012 by Joanne

[Jenny in Florida]

When I was a youth group volunteer a few years ago, I helped chaperone at two lock-ins, one HUGE and one small.

 

The huge one was held at a local college and there were hundreds, maybe as much as a thousand kids there. It was nearly impossible to keep track of our own teens, let alone know what was going on with all the rest that we didn't even know. It was sheer chaos. There is NO WAY I would let my daughter go to something like that unless I was there myself and I knew where she was at every moment, which I'm sure she wouldn't want anyway, so I doubt it will happen at all.

 

The small one was just at our little church, maybe 15 teens altogether, with 6 adults. The problem with the small ones is that they are often led by youth group leaders who have no children (and who often think more of the teens than their parents) or by parents of the teens who would not in a million years believe that their kid would ever do wrong. Many of the leaders are just not realistic about teens' decision-making abilities, peer pressure, and hormones gone wild. I can't count the number of times my husband and I were alone with 15 kids and there's no way I can keep track of that many kids.

 

I'll agree that a huge event with multiple groups and kids who are not known to all of the leaders/chaperones sounds like a bad plan.

 

But smaller groups of known kids supervised by other parents and/or adult church members I know and trust? Leaders who've had training and are briefed in advance about the exact issues you cite? I'm always fascinated that folks get so weirded out by it.

 

Look, there's nothing that happens at 2 a.m. that can't happen at 10:00 a.m. I want my kids to learn to function in the world. And events like this have provided them with relatively safe places in which to practice.

 

Oh we had lots of lock-ins when I was coming up, and I loved them! There was no hanky-panky or monkey business at ours...we just played games and ate junk food and talked all night.

 

 

Add middle-of-the-night drum circles, worship services and talent shows, and that pretty much describes the ones at our church, too.

[Remudamom]

One of the hundreds of reasons my kids don't do youth groups. That and the idiots who come up with ideas like this.

[Jenny in Florida]

One of the hundreds of reasons my kids don't do youth groups. That and the idiots who come up with ideas like this.

 

Thanks.

[mom4him]

Title says it all. :D

 

My two won't be participating in anything of this nature. My middle son is very active in the leadership role of their young and has helped with some of these and is then upset because parents are upset about what goes on. I have told him, "No way, ho say!". He doesn't understand the problems. They are multiple for me. The youth groups seem to be doing a lot of things that I don't plan on my two participating in.:glare:

[MooCow]

My older children have done them with our Church. Fun fun fun! They loved it.

 

And considering I am an anal-retentive, neurotic, worrying momma I was able to get past all that and let them go and have fun because our Church has their p's & q's in order.

 

ETA: They are not big ones for all the kids, they have been for their particular small group.

Edited October 28, 2012 by MooCow

[AndyJoy]

When they are properly supervised and planned, I think lock-ins are harmless and fun and probably serve the purpose of helping kids bond with their peers. I've watched my son go from being acquainted with kids to thinking of them as friends after participating in lock-ins and similar programs.

 

I've chaperoned such events and never had the slightest concern about things getting out of hand. And I enjoy getting to know the kids and watching them get to know each other better, too.

 

I don't understand the negativity. (Well, I "understand" it, but I don't relate.)

 

Same here. I attended probably 5 or 6 lock-ins at my church as a teen and they were wonderful! One benefit for me was I only had one close friend but she attended a different school and lived 15 miles away so I rarely saw her except at church or when we could convince our parents to drive us. Lock-ins were a chance for me as an extrovert to re-energize and re-charge by interacting with peers whom I actually enjoyed and with whom I shared similar values. I felt isolated at school, but at a lock-in I could connect.

 

Our lock-ins consistent of a group devotion, lots of physical games (basketball, roller-skating/blading, giant four-pie (four-square on an AWANA circle)), creative group games often involving impromptu drama exercises, snacks galore, and Pictionary. The girls and boys slept in 2 separate rooms and the chaperones slept in front of the door.

 

I'm the games/music/girls' small group leader for my church's youth group. A few weeks ago I made sign up sheets for about 12 different possible activities for the coming months. Every single girl signed up for a girls-only lock-in, so we'll be doing one in November. I'm looking forward to getting to know the girls better than I can in 1.5 hours a week!

[AndyJoy]

One of the hundreds of reasons my kids don't do youth groups. That and the idiots who come up with ideas like this.

 

Where's my sign? Idiot here, apparently.:glare:

[8circles]

They can be great, they can be awful. Depends on the group.

 

None of the ones I attended were great. As a parent, I don't like the idea of them but I'm not ruling them out. Our church doesn't do them. Oh - I guess we did one. The youth group doing the 30-hour famine all spent the night at church. It was more for support than anything. Does that count?

[athomemom]

I have never understood the point of a lock-in. Frankly, given my experience with youth groups these types of things make me nervous.

[Galatea]

But smaller groups of known kids supervised by other parents and/or adult church members I know and trust? Leaders who've had training and are briefed in advance about the exact issues you cite?

 

I think this here is the key. You have to know the parents and leaders involved. Not just know them by name and talk in church here and there, but really know what kind of people they are and what kind of limits they set. Sadly, there are too many parents who don't know and don't care. And there are many teens who attend youth group functions who have no parental involvement at all. At least half of the teens in the youth group I assisted with had parents that I never met in six years of helping out. No one else ever met them either.

 

You also have to be realistic about the parents. Are the other parent supervisors the type who think their kids never do anything wrong? Because I think we all know those parents exist, and they can be youth group leaders/volunteers too.

 

I agree with you that youth activities like lock-ins could be beneficial with proper supervision. But proper supervision seems so rare, from my experience and from others' experiences that I have heard.

 

Also, how common is training about teen behavior in youth group leaders? They're usually volunteers with no pastoral training of any kind. I've never heard of training like that and I've been involved in a number of youth groups over the years, as a teen and a volunteer.

[Joanne]

IAlso, how common is training about teen behavior in youth group leaders? They're usually volunteers with no pastoral training of any kind. I've never heard of training like that and I've been involved in a number of youth groups over the years, as a teen and a volunteer.

 

I would not need to have "pastoral trained" volunteers for a structure, supervised fun event for teens.

[Sisyphus]

I went as a kid, and yeah- the hormones get out of control:glare:. There is ALWAYS somewhere to sneak off to. Did I do that? No, mostly because I didn't attend the Tony Christian school everyone else did, so only my cousin ever talked to me at those things. But I walked into the bathroom and saw two kids...uh...you know...in a stall. Two much loved, very christian, well behaved kids whose parents were pillars of the church (one was even there, too, as a chaperone, at all these thing).

 

To me, not wanting your kids out at a lock in is not the same as not letting them do normal every day activities. They are coed (well, ours always were) and how many of us would allow a coed sleepover?

 

I'm pretty liberal with my parenting, I don't know if my boys would go or not (moot since we don't attend church) , but I don't think it's odd to be concerned about lockins.

[tabrizia]

I think they work for some and they don't work for others.

 

I had a lot of fun at the couple of Temple Youth Group lock ins I went too. There was no hanky panky and we all had a great time. I do think that smaller groups are better (there were only 20 or 25 kids at the ones I went to). I won't send my kid to one with a couple of hundred other kids, but I think the Church/Temple specific ones can be lots of fun.

[Chris in VA]

The ones I've attended as a youth and the ones we host at our church are extremely well-supervised. There are only maybe 20-30 kids (at the most--usually less) and at least 4 adults. If we don't have the supervision, we don't do the event.

 

The point is both to bond as a group and to develop trust. They allow kids to have fun together in a wholesome way--no drugs/alcohol, no gross music/grinding-dancing, etc. Silly fun is GOOD. When trust is built, then real, quality discussions about things of the heart can take place. And, the "right to be heard" needs to be earned--the kids are more likely to listen to the adult leaders when they teach the Gospel, if they have developed a relationship with them. It's not the only way to build the relationships, but imo it's a good way, if done right.

 

We also do a single-sex overnight, and a co-ed (but separate sleeping quarters) 2 day retreat. They are extremely well-supervised with strong boundaries. They are AWESOME opportunities to present the Gospel.

[Mommyof4ks]

Lockins, no way! Our church does a fun variation of that concept though where the youth group is broken up by grade and gender and sent to homes around town for the night to bond with their peer group. We let our daughter go if we know the parents who own the home. She has a great time, and she has learned a bit about public school clicks, so she now understands what we mean by not being clickish. :) I do not see the value of traditional lock ins where genders are mixed and the lights are out at least for a few hours when kids were supposed to be sleeping...um, no.

[GSOchristie]

Heh. I went to two or three of those back when I was a teen and my mom made me go to the local Assembly of God church. They were a great chance to get to know the guys at the church better, if you know what I mean. ;) Definitely not something I'd be likely to let my dd do when she's older, if we were Christians.

 

:iagree:, yep, just Baptist instead of AoG.

[LucyStoner]

 

Look, there's nothing that happens at 2 a.m. that can't happen at 10:00 a.m.

 

I totally agree. I not only don't see the harm in these events, I see the benefits. And I went to church camp and retreats multiple times a year as a teen. The kids who were into monkey business while there were already into it when not there.

[Tammi K]

Our church does it twice a year and the kids love it. The youth pastor does a lesson. Several of the kids teach a lesson. They do goofy games and make silly skits. There is plenty of supervision. Sleep isn't even in the planning so there is no time when the adults are asleep leaving the kids to their own devices. At no time are the kids unsupervised.

 

The YP seriously discourages 'pairing' among teens in the group - and they are all like siblings - so sneaking off to an unused room isn't a worry. My kids are night owls so pulling an all-nighter isn't a big step for them. But, for the kids who need more sleep, they leave at mid-night.

 

If I had one complaint, it's that the lock-ins always end at 7:00 am and that is way too early to pull myself out of bed to go get them.

[PeacefulChaos]

Title says it all. :D

 

Oh, boy... I haven't read the responses, but a lot of people here seem to have a 'youth groups are horrid' mentality, so you'll most likely get some interesting horror stories and strong opinions against lock ins.

 

Then there's me. :D (And some others, of course)

 

I think that a lock-in, WELL DONE, is a great thing. They're fun, they're not scary, and they are well organized, led, and planned out.

Our youth have a lock in every NYE. It's well done. We block off/lock areas of the church that would provide privacy ;) with the exception of the leader's room. We have adults - lots and lots of chaperones - EVERYWHERE. We constantly police the areas the kids are in. DH and a couple other 'security' guys also police the areas the kids AREN'T supposed to be in (we're not stupid or naive). We have activities planned all night for the kids to participate in. We get big inflatables - some we've had in the past are an obstacle course, a bungee run, boxing, some sort of huge soccer/netted thing, and king of the mountain (most are usually set up in the gym, but we've used the youth sanctuary and even the main sanctuary). We've had the bull. We have a small bonfire outside in the open area of the parking lot where we allow the kids. We have 3 on 3 basketball tournaments, ping pong tournaments, and pool tournaments. We did a cornhole tournament one year, too. We serve them pizza and a soda (included in cost) around 12:30/1am (I've been at Domino's for the official new year a couple times :D ) and have the cafe open for them to buy drinks/snacks all night long. We've had local bands play a small 'concert' before. We've done '___'s Got Talent' before (which I got to help judge, and it was a dream come true ;) lol) around 3-4am. (The night starts around 10 - doors open at 9 and we take their keys, give them a 'paid' wristband and a ticket stub for their pizza/drink, and make them sign a form. Only kids in the correct age group are allowed in - 12-19. There is a short service before midnight, and all the inflatables and everything open up after midnight - they're released from the service and countdown to go get their pizza if they want, and then they can participate in whatever they choose.) We've also had Guitar Hero tournaments. Even when the tournaments aren't going on, we have video games set up and they are welcome to play any of our game tables. We send them all back into the youth sanctuary at 6:30am so we can get everything cleaned up, and their parents are supposed to come get them at 7 (and those that drive can obviously then get their keys and leave). There's never any sleeping/laying down or anything like that.

We haven't had any big problems in the years I've been here helping, and we moved here in 2002. DH and I are always there (I actually think it's REALLY fun) and we will absolutely let our kids go when they are youth age. The problems we have had are very minor - we're pretty strict on PDA so it's usually just kids sitting too close together, or maybe a kid wanders off alone or thinks they can get away with smoking (just regular cigarettes - which we still don't allow, obviously - but not like pot or anything), or they write 'f^^k' in the condensation on the window or something - really minor stuff.

 

Anyway. Like I said, a WELL DONE lock in is a great, fun thing. Not all are well done, and a well done one doesn't have to look like ours. They just have to be well supervised and keep kids out of areas/classrooms where they can get into trouble. ;) And keep them busy - lots of other things to do helps keep them occupied. :)

[Harriet Vane]

Oh we had lots of lock-ins when I was coming up, and I loved them! There was no hanky-panky or monkey business at ours...we just played games and ate junk food and talked all night.

 

It was fantastic practice for future church camps and missionary trips! It helped us be a cohesive group of kids, and also gave any new kids joining the church//youth group a chance to hang out with all of us all at once, in a super laid back environment. I want to say there was about 12-20 of us at any given time...Maybe they are different with lots and lots of kids?

 

:iagree:

[TranquilMind]

Title says it all. :D

 

Not a fan. My daughter did one for Awana once. But no, not a fan of too much junk food, no sleep and cranky kids.

 

Youth group. No.

[Galatea]

I would not need to have "pastoral trained" volunteers for a structure, supervised fun event for teens.

 

I agree with you, it's not necessary. Sorry, I was just responding to something the previous poster said and didn't quote the whole thing.

[Jenny in Florida]

I agree with you, it's not necessary. Sorry, I was just responding to something the previous poster said and didn't quote the whole thing.

 

"Pastoral" training, no. However, every adult who teaches or advises a class or group at our church attends training at the beginning of each year. It's a full day and includes information about developmental stages and stages of faith development. They go over the rules and guidelines of our religious education program. Everyone signs a contract promising to abide by certain standards of behavior.

 

We also sign permission for church administration to do a background check, although I don't know for sure if they actually do them on every volunteer.

 

Prior to chaperoning a lock-in type event, the chaperones meet with the religious education director to go over the guidelines and expectations for the event. Then, everyone, youth and adults, participates in brainstorming and writing a covenant regarding behavior, with the understanding that community breaking behavior will get a kid sent home.

 

My son sings with a choir based at another church. There, in order to be eligible to chaperone or even drive kids other than your own to any event or any kind, every adult volunteer must complete an online training and awareness program. I did it a few years ago, and I remember it took me couple of hours over two or three sessions. We had to forward our results electronically to the admin over at the church before we were allowed to be in charge of the choristers in any way.

 

In our particular case, I also know most of the kids in the youth group. In fact, we had several of them overnight here last night following a church event. And I have the kind of nerdy kids who aren't likely to engage in any terribly problematic behavior. (My son has been known to get out of hand, but not in the way most people seem to worry about with lock-ins.) So, perhaps we have a higher comfort level with this for several reasons.

[TranquilMind]

Many of the leaders are just not realistic about teens' decision-making abilities, peer pressure, and hormones gone wild.

 

This is the understatement of the year. And I'd add parents in there as well as leaders.

[Jenny in Florida]

This is the understatement of the year. And I'd add parents in there as well as leaders.

 

I guess I just don't go around thinking of my kids and their friends as ticking bombs. I'm realistic. (We had a mixed-gender group here last night, and one newly-officially-together same-sex couple. And my 17-year-old and I took it in turns to make sure one of us was awake and present the whole night.) But I just can't bring myself to think of this group of kids as dangerous.

[TranquilMind]

But I walked into the bathroom and saw two kids...uh...you know...in a stall. Two much loved, very christian, well behaved kids whose parents were pillars of the church (one was even there, too, as a chaperone, at all these thing).

 

To me, not wanting your kids out at a lock in is not the same as not letting them do normal every day activities. They are coed (well, ours always were) and how many of us would allow a coed sleepover?

 

 

Yeah...it's always those kids with those parents! :tongue_smilie:

[TranquilMind]

I guess I just don't go around thinking of my kids and their friends as ticking bombs. I'm realistic. (We had a mixed-gender group here last night, and one newly-officially-together same-sex couple. And my 17-year-old and I took it in turns to make sure one of us was awake and present the whole night.) But I just can't bring myself to think of this group of kids as dangerous.

 

Well, that's good because no one suggested they were "dangerous".

 

They are teens, and teens have impaired judgment, especially in groups. It's biologically true. Some escape serious negative consequences while others do not , and it's always the ones you are convinced would never do ANYTHING that are the first to participate.

[Joanne]

Not a fan. My daughter did one for Awana once. But no, not a fan of too much junk food, no sleep and cranky kids.

 

Youth group. No.

 

:confused: Awana? IIRC, isn't the age of participation in Awana elementary? I would not allow my elementary children to do a lock in.

[TranquilMind]

:confused: Awana? IIRC, isn't the age of participation in Awana elementary? I would not allow my elementary children to do a lock in.

 

It was high elementary- 6th? Maybe 7th? But lots of Moms stayed too. I stayed for the first one. Second one, I didn't because I knew the other Moms staying and her best friend was there. No problem with this, except that I had one CRANKY over-sugared, sleep deprived kid the next day. No more, and we both agreed on that.

[Starr]

The difficult thing is that you can't assume something is well run just because it's at the church.

[Just Jane]

When they are properly supervised and planned, I think lock-ins are harmless and fun and probably serve the purpose of helping kids bond with their peers. I've watched my son go from being acquainted with kids to thinking of them as friends after participating in lock-ins and similar programs.

 

I've chaperoned such events and never had the slightest concern about things getting out of hand. And I enjoy getting to know the kids and watching them get to know each other better, too.

 

I don't understand the negativity. (Well, I "understand" it, but I don't relate.)

:iagree:

[PentecostalMom]

My dc would not be permitted to participate unless it was only one gender and one of us or a close family member that also attends our church would be supervising.

[JenC3]

Had my first peach schnapps at a lock-in.

[Barb_]

When my 13yo was in a small charter school last year, they did a couple of single sex lock-ins to help the 6th and 7th graders bond. The female teachers supervised the girls and the next month the male teachers supervised the boys. While that was a terrific experience and I'd give permission to do it again, there's no way I would have given permission for a co-ed lock-in at that age. My 18yo was friends with a large group of girls from a nearby mega church back when she was in 9th and 10th grade. They would all giggle about their sexual exploits at the latest lock-in. I'm willing to be wrong, but I think in general, encouraging co-ed lock ins is borrowing trouble.

[TravelingChris]

Never had had a problem with them at all. Not at lock ins, not in retreats. Not in camps. One church we attended for a while when my children were young did have inappropriate supervision of young people. But we left that church and none of the others did.

 

My youngest liked them best of all. So she is the one going to the greatest amount of them.

 

Anyway, I haven't had to worry about inappropriate sexual behavior in my kids. No, not because they are such perfect kids or anything but, like my dh and I, they all matured much later than many of their age peers in liking and acting on an interest in the opposite sex. So far, with the oldest two, that has been at 18 or older. It pretty much was that way for dh and I too. Not that we weren't interested in the opposite sex earlier, but we never acted on it really until after 18. Our kids are following our pattern with no specific rules set down by us at all. I think it is mostly an introvert type of thing. So , no, I haven't had to worry. My last one was more of an extrovert but living with all introverts has molded her more into our way of thinking anyway, and now she acts more introverted too.

[Barb_]

ILook, there's nothing that happens at 2 a.m. that can't happen at 10:00 a.m. I want my kids to learn to function in the world. And events like this have provided them with relatively safe places in which to practice.

.

 

While this is true, it's a lot easier to sneak off somewhere under the cover of darkness. Kids can and do have more sex at 2am then at 10am.

[SorrelZG]

My own experiences exposed me to undesirable opportunities and influences that I otherwise was not exposed to outside of the youth group and it's activities and prejudice me against the whole deal. I'm relieved for those who got/get to enjoy church youth groups and lock-ins without cause for regret.

[TranquilMind]

Had my first peach schnapps at a lock-in.

 

Really? :blink:

[TranquilMind]

My own experiences exposed me to undesirable opportunities and influences that I otherwise was not exposed to outside of the youth group and it's activities and prejudice me against the whole deal. I'm relieved for those who got/get to enjoy church youth groups and lock-ins without cause for regret.

 

That's how I feel about the high school my oldest attended.

 

If only we could re-do that decision.

[Coffeemama]

scarey:leaving:

[emzhengjiu]

While this is true, it's a lot easier to sneak off somewhere under the cover of darkness. Kids can and do have more sex at 2am then at 10am.

 

:iagree:

 

There are so many other ways a group can have fun and bond. I don't like the concept of lock-ins.