Is it unfair to my current children to have more children?

[susancollins]

I have been talking to several friends about my desire to have more children. I would like at least one or two more. We have four children they are 9, 7, 5, and 1. I love homeschooling but there are some days I want to pull my hair out. The majority of the days are great. I have given up my income to homeschool. Some of my friends think that is selfish but that is another story. I have had several people tell me that I need to think about cars, college, and many more cost. We are middle class mid 50's income wise. Our house will be paid off in 13 years if we keep the same automatic draft coming out every two weeks. My children have activities Awana, dance, soccer, Tae Kwon do. Is it selfish to have more children and expect they will have to contribute some money to their education. I recieved Academic achievement scholarship and I paid my own expenses. We will help but we can't foot the entire bill.

FWIW I love my children and they idea of a large family.I dream of Christmas 20+ years from now with children and grandchildren I love the memories we make and the things we do together. I told my friend last night I will regret not having another when I wanted one but I will never regret having another child. Our children having been such a blessing to our family. I really get tired of societies view of children as a burden physically and financially. I guess that is how some people see them. I see them as a gift from God. I also see that God has a purpose for everyone and everything. Give me your honest opinion?

Edited August 21, 2012 by susancollins

[Guest]

I have the same view of children that you do. You are not selfish to have more.

[BakersDozen]

Oh, the things I could write in response to anyone telling someone else that having more dc is selfish because of cars/college, etc. Whatever. Children are a beautiful blessing, the gift of gifts, the joy of joys (in my humble opinion, of course :D). No value can be placed upon the life of a child. Selfish to have more? No way.

 

I really get tired of societies view of children as a burden physically and financially. I guess that is how some people them.

This view makes my heart hurt. :(

[Plucky]

I wanted more. Dh did not because of finances. It is a big strain on the sole breadwinner. We stopped having kids and now that I have 4 teens I am glad. We have extra kids here all the time so you can have kids without giving birth to them. I did mourn for a while though. I love babies but they don't stay little long enough.

[Shellers]

I don't think it's selfish to want more kids. Stop talking to your friends about having more kids, and do what you feel is right for YOU.

[Soror]

I wouldn't call such people friends and I'd tell them that it was not up for discussion.

[amy g.]

Here is my feeling on the subject, having more children would take some things away from your current children, and give other things to them...opportunity cost and all of that.

 

I never have planed on paying for my children's college, or buying them cars. That is just not my value system.

 

I absolutely have less time with each one when I choose to have another child, but then again, each child has another sibling to get time and attention from.

 

My best friend growing up was one of 6 children. She has a successful, but stressful career. Her marriage did not last. Her only child is wonderful, but he has had trouble in the past with drugs and running away.

 

Her siblings and their children are the BIGGEST blessing to her. They are her cheering section, her reality check, her support system. How empty her life would feel without them.

 

I think about that when I start to feel guilty. I have the money to give my children a wonderful childhood. I focus on preparing them to provide a wonderful adulthood for themselves.

 

I am very grateful for how close they are to each other. They will take care of each other long after my husband and I are gone.

 

Giving them more money could not compare to that in my book.

[I.Dup.]

I believe that siblings are potentially the biggest gift we can give our children. Hopefully we will die before they do, and then they will always have each other.

 

No, I do not think you are selfish. You seem to be doing a great job. I, on the other hand, feel just about at my max. ;) :tongue_smilie:

[myfunnybunch]

My honest opinion is that if they actually called you selfish for considering another child, then your friends are rude.

 

And no, you're not selfish. Of course you should consider whether you will be able to meet your own standards when it comes to providing financially for your family. But you are certainly not obligated to adopt the goals and standards of anyone else, and choosing a different standard certainly doesn't make you selfish.

 

Cat

[stripe]

I don't give my friends vetoes over my life choices. :grouphug: Do your best to make the right choices for yourself.

 

Our neighbor told my husband, after I had my second kid, "Congratulations...if that's what you want." Well then!

[Kathryn]

I'd rather have more children than more activities. I really want to have more. What holds me back is dealing with ODS's autism. He's already half my weight and restraining him during his rages is hard enough while dealing with one other child. I dont know how I could do it with another.

[gardenmom5]

I have five, so I'm biased. ;) (yeah, dudeling is much younger. he took his own sweet time getting here!)

[susancollins]

Thank you all for your responses. You have affirmed my decision to have another baby. I believe having another baby is not selfish but a gift to my family and my children like many have said. I just need the opinion of a neutral group of people to tell me what they thought. Thank you all for taking the time to answer! I really do appreciate it.

[Swirl]

Some of my friends think that is selfish but that is another story. I have had several people tell me that I need to think about cars, college, and many more cost.

 

Maybe you need new friends.

[susancollins]

It amazes me how some people can be so rude. I had a man ask me the other day, how many of "them" do you have. His wife apologized and told me we have a beautiful family.

[susancollins]

My husband thinks I need new friends he told he the same thing last night.

[jenangelcat]

You're friends are out of line. That said, I'm not having more kids because it would be a selfish decision for me. I'm stretched very thin and I feel it would be neglectful to the three I have to add more. But then, I also believe that having children is a selfish act so I'm clearly the oddball out in this conversation!

[Trish]

I have been talking to several friends about my desire to have more children. I would like at least one or two more. We have four children they are 9, 7, 5, and 1. I love homeschooling but there are some days I want to pull my hair out. The majority of the days are great. I have given up my income to homeschool. Some of my friends think that is selfish but that is another story. I have had several people tell me that I need to think about cars, college, and many more cost. We are middle class mid 50's income wise. Our house will be paid off in 13 years if we keep the same automatic draft coming out every two weeks. My children have activities Awana, dance, soccer, Tae Kwon do. Is it selfish to have more children and expect they will have to contribute some money to their education. I recieved Academic achievement scholarship and I paid my own expenses. We will help but we can't foot the entire bill.

FWIW I love my children and they idea of a large family.I dream of Christmas 20+ years from now with children and grandchildren I love the memories we make and the things we do together. I told my friend last night I will regret not having another when I wanted one but I will never regret having another child. Our children having been such a blessing to our family. I really get tired of societies view of children as a burden physically and financially. I guess that is how some people see them. I see them as a gift from God. I also see that God has a purpose for everyone and everything. Give me your honest opinion?

 

I'm Child #1, my sister is Child #6. I can't imagine my life without my sister.

[*Michelle*]

They will take care of each other long after my husband and I are gone.

 

Very true. Both of my parents (and one of my husband's) had died before I reached 31. I would feel adrift without my siblings.

[Impish]

Well, I have 5 :D

 

Honestly, when it comes to family size, either an only or many, the only ppl's opinions that REALLY matter are those of you and your dh.

 

Nobody else will be raising the child(ren).

 

I see pluses and minuses to onlies and manys. True indeed that NOTHING in life is perfect! :lol:

 

So, do what is right for *your family*, b/c at the end of the day, only you truly know what is right for your family. Nobody else needs a vote.

 

Of course, if you're contemplating something illegal, then all bets are off :tongue_smilie:

[Kathryn]

NOT having kids is far more selfish. As I said, I want more, but I don't know how I would be able to deal with it.

 

ETA my later clarification and more:

 

Okay, let me clarify first, that I'm mostly talking about my own situation. I want to give my children more siblings, but I don't think I personally can handle it. And, second, I don't think as negatively about the word selfish as most people seem to. I've been taught through over two decades of therapy that being selfish can be a good thing, that it's something I need to do. It is placing concern for yourself over others, and at times we all need to do that. So, while I think it would benefit my children to have more siblings, at this time I don't think it would benefit me, and so I am choosing not to. I consider that selfish, but not bad. That's me taking care of myself.

 

I grew up with an extremely self-centered mother that always placed my needs last. My therapists have taught me that I need to be "selfish" sometimes, that selfish is not the same as self-centered. I've used the term in this way once before on a message board and I forgot what I learned then--this isn't the generally accepted way to look at the word. Anyway, my thought here was that the choice to not have another child is to benefit the parent in some way, whether financially or emotional stability, etc., while the choice to have more seems to be a more selfless choice, as parenthood in general is a selfless act. I truly didn't mean to offend, and I'm sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings. Perhaps the cold medicine I've been on for a week now can earn me an "altered state" exemption on my foot-in-mouth moment.

Edited August 23, 2012 by kebg11

[TravelingChris]

Well I will hold an unpopular view on this board, though I do know some people here who share my sentiments. I don't think it is necessarily unfair to the other children if you have more since no one guarantees anyone a wealthy upbringing or even a middle income upbringing. HOwever, I think it is only moral to consider seriously the financial and energy costs of additional children before having them. I do not hold with the popular, on here, view that seems to be have all the kids you want and things will work out. I know many here and ones I know IRL do consider can they care adequately for addiitional children. But some here and IRL are only able to care for their families with others help, be it government, relatives or charity. I think that is a highly irresponsible view and don't endorse it at all. However, the things I think the OP should consider is not about whether they will be able to buy cars or pay for college but whether things like necessary orthodontics, potential medical bills for either the older children who may develop a condition that is costly if you don't have insurance or very good insurance or the potential costs of a baby who is born prematurely and needs lots of medical care.

[Impish]

NOT having kids is far more selfish. As I said, I want more, but I don't know how I would be able to deal with it.

I really, seriously, totally disagree w/that statement, just as much as I disagree on the negative commentary about large families.

 

Size of a family is a completely personal decision, and not selfish. You have no idea how or why someone may have made the decision about family size that they have, and to label ANYONE selfish based on the # of children they have, is really insulting and offensive.

[Mommy22alyns]

NOT having kids is far more selfish. As I said, I want more, but I don't know how I would be able to deal with it.

 

Really?!! :blink:

[brownie]

Regardless of the decision I would make, this is between you and your dh. I don't know why you would ask your friends' opinions. If I asked my friends opinions I probably wouldn't homeschool. If you have the desire to love another child and the money to feed him/her, go for it.

Brownie

[Jen500]

Well I will hold an unpopular view on this board, though I do know some people here who share my sentiments. I don't think it is necessarily unfair to the other children if you have more since no one guarantees anyone a wealthy upbringing or even a middle income upbringing. HOwever, I think it is only moral to consider seriously the financial and energy costs of additional children before having them. I do not hold with the popular, on here, view that seems to be have all the kids you want and things will work out. I know many here and ones I know IRL do consider can they care adequately for addiitional children. But some here and IRL are only able to care for their families with others help, be it government, relatives or charity. I think that is a highly irresponsible view and don't endorse it at all. However, the things I think the OP should consider is not about whether they will be able to buy cars or pay for college but whether things like necessary orthodontics, potential medical bills for either the older children who may develop a condition that is costly if you don't have insurance or very good insurance or the potential costs of a baby who is born prematurely and needs lots of medical care.

 

I pretty much agree with you. I think of the number of children one has as partially a practical decision...can our family provide financially and emotionally for our children the things I feel are necessary for a comfortable life? I know this will be different for every family, and I would NEVER comment to someone about having more (or not having any) kids.

[Kathryn]

Okay, let me clarify first, that I'm mostly talking about my own situation. I want to give my children more siblings, but I don't think I personally can handle it. And, second, I don't think as negatively about the word selfish as most people seem to. I've been taught through over two decades of therapy that being selfish can be a good thing, that it's something I need to do. It is placing concern for yourself over others, and at times we all need to do that. So, while I think it would benefit my children to have more siblings, at this time I don't think it would benefit me, and so I am choosing not to. I consider that selfish, but not bad. That's me taking care of myself.

[ErinE]

The decision is between you and your husband, no one else. When we made our decision to have more, a small part of my reasoning was dh and I will be gone one day. My kids will still have each other as family. Both of my parents have only grown closer to their siblings as they've aged and lost their own parents. I know not everyone has the best relationship with his or her family, but I feel blessed to have the siblings I do.

Edited August 21, 2012 by ErinE

[Belacqua]

I've been called selfish for having just one. My friend's co-worker said she was "unforgivably selfish" for not wanting kids at all (we couldn't figure that out and finally decided not to hurt our brains trying). Moms of many are called selfish. People with more dogs than kids are called selfish.

 

Perhaps "selfish" means "not in accordance with how I have decided to do things in my life."

 

And "selfish," it turns out, is one of those words that loses all meaning when repeated too many times. Selfishselfishselfishselfish.

[lea_lpz]

No, you are not selfish. If having more children is your dream and you are able to do that you should have more. People who say you need to pay for college, cars, etc. for their kids are creating children who are not self reliant. I think the benefits on children from big families outweigh the negatives. Children from big families are going to be less selfish, more self reliant, and have some fabulous memories. If they want a car and college education, they can work for it, and there's nothing wrong with that!

[UnsinkableKristen]

And "selfish," it turns out, is one of those words that loses all meaning when repeated too many times. Selfishselfishselfishselfish.

 

 

:lol::lol:

[Audrey]

I believe that siblings are potentially the biggest gift we can give our children. Hopefully we will die before they do, and then they will always have each other.

 

No, I do not think you are selfish. You seem to be doing a great job. I, on the other hand, feel just about at my max. ;) :tongue_smilie:

 

On the other hand.... Siblings are also potentially the biggest burdens we can give our children. Not all children are "blessings." Some are very, very difficult to like, let alone love, yet because they are "family" we are forced to suffer them and shoulder the burden of them.

 

That said, if you are not married to those friends, they really don't have any say in how/what/when/where you reproduce.

Edited August 21, 2012 by Audrey

[amy g.]

Audrey, I agree that siblings are often a burden.

 

I have really focused of raising my children in a way that builds their close relationships.

 

I have also raised them to not be takers...in relationships or from the world at large.

 

I don't think a new baby is a blessing to it's siblings just by being born, but through thoughtful, consistent parenting and modeling, it can be accomplished.

 

I feel very secure in the statement that my children will take care of each other. They already do, but that does not mean that I think it is automatically true for every family.

[magnificent_baby]

Haven't read the other responses, but no it is not unfair to the other children if you were to have more. Children are a blessing.

 

As I look back, growing up in a big family was awesome. We didn't have much at all, and my parents scraped by to raise us, but I wouldn't change that for anything. I think I am a hard worker, frugal and a "team player" because of growing up in a large family. Of course there were rough times when my teenage sisters fought like crazy, but now we all get along really well and look forward to family gatherings. You could re-evaluate homeschooling year by year, if you found it to become harder. But I would not let that aspect stop me from adding another blessing. :001_smile:

 

I don't think you would ever regret more children. :grouphug:

[Mommy22alyns]

No, you are not selfish. If having more children is your dream and you are able to do that you should have more. People who say you need to pay for college, cars, etc. for their kids are creating children who are not self reliant. I think the benefits on children from big families outweigh the negatives. Children from big families are going to be less selfish, more self reliant, and have some fabulous memories. If they want a car and college education, they can work for it, and there's nothing wrong with that!

 

 

Is it not possible to allow families to make their own personal decisions about how many children to have without being negative towards smaller families? :confused:

[PeacefulChaos]

I have been talking to several friends about my desire to have more children. I would like at least one or two more. We have four children they are 9, 7, 5, and 1. I love homeschooling but there are some days I want to pull my hair out. The majority of the days are great. I have given up my income to homeschool. Some of my friends think that is selfish but that is another story. I have had several people tell me that I need to think about cars, college, and many more cost. We are middle class mid 50's income wise. Our house will be paid off in 13 years if we keep the same automatic draft coming out every two weeks. My children have activities Awana, dance, soccer, Tae Kwon do. Is it selfish to have more children and expect they will have to contribute some money to their education. I recieved Academic achievement scholarship and I paid my own expenses. We will help but we can't foot the entire bill.

FWIW I love my children and they idea of a large family.I dream of Christmas 20+ years from now with children and grandchildren I love the memories we make and the things we do together. I told my friend last night I will regret not having another when I wanted one but I will never regret having another child. Our children having been such a blessing to our family. I really get tired of societies view of children as a burden physically and financially. I guess that is how some people see them. I see them as a gift from God. I also see that God has a purpose for everyone and everything. Give me your honest opinion?

 

NO it is NOT unfair to your children for you to have more. :D

I think everyone is different. If you and your DH want more kids and feel that you can provide for them re: food, clothing, a home, etc (basic necessities) then I don't see anything wrong with it.

Paying for all of your kids to go to college isn't a necessity. If it were something that you guys, as parents, deemed super important, then you would adjust accordingly. Just like going to WDW or on huge vacations isn't a necessity, but for some people it's extremely important. I'm just saying that everyone is different.

Example: DH and I had two totally opposite upbringings. Not in terms of how we were raised (Christian homes, same denomination, etc) or that we had good parents (we did), but I was an only child living with my grandparents and he was the 3rd of 4 boys with their parents. Where I took vacations at least yearly and drove across the country multiple times, DH and his family went to WDW once but never did anything else (other than go to the beach, where his grandparents lived, because the cost was minimal). Where I ate out 4 nights a week in high school, DH's family never ate out. But the point is this: Both of us had wonderful childhoods that we don't look back on and regret. We were two opposite ends of the spectrum but we were both loved children in families that had fun however they could.

Being me and having the childhood I did, I struggled when we first got married with not being able to eat out a lot (sounds silly, but it's true!) ---I also struggled (and still do some) with not being able to take big vacations as often as *I* would like. But DH and I have found a comfortable compromise between what he had and what I had, but you know... the kids won't know any difference. :) When it comes up that 'Mom's been here' DH doesn't care. He's the one reminding me that we don't need to go see everything in the country in order for the kids to have a great childhood - and I trust him, because he knows. :D

Anyway, it sounds to me like your reasons are valid. I think your friend must just have a different mindset - neither better nor worse (though, IMO, she should save her own personal preferences on the matter for herself and realize not everyone has to think alike ;) )- just different.

[imagine.more]

I've been called selfish for having just one. My friend's co-worker said she was "unforgivably selfish" for not wanting kids at all (we couldn't figure that out and finally decided not to hurt our brains trying). Moms of many are called selfish. People with more dogs than kids are called selfish.

 

Perhaps "selfish" means "not in accordance with how I have decided to do things in my life."

 

And "selfish," it turns out, is one of those words that loses all meaning when repeated too many times. Selfishselfishselfishselfish.

 

Lol!! And yes i think that second paragraph is most likely true :)

 

I would not consider having more children selfish in the least. I wish I'd come from a bigger family myself honestly. If you had another baby and kicked out your oldest to make room that might be cruel ;) lol, but assuming that there's food and beds to go around i say the only person to discuss it with is your dh and then go for it!

[elegantlion]

Well I will hold an unpopular view on this board, though I do know some people here who share my sentiments. I don't think it is necessarily unfair to the other children if you have more since no one guarantees anyone a wealthy upbringing or even a middle income upbringing. HOwever, I think it is only moral to consider seriously the financial and energy costs of additional children before having them. I do not hold with the popular, on here, view that seems to be have all the kids you want and things will work out. I know many here and ones I know IRL do consider can they care adequately for addiitional children. But some here and IRL are only able to care for their families with others help, be it government, relatives or charity. I think that is a highly irresponsible view and don't endorse it at all. However, the things I think the OP should consider is not about whether they will be able to buy cars or pay for college but whether things like necessary orthodontics, potential medical bills for either the older children who may develop a condition that is costly if you don't have insurance or very good insurance or the potential costs of a baby who is born prematurely and needs lots of medical care.

 

:iagree: if you can provide for them, have all you want. I don't think it's selfish.

Edited August 21, 2012 by elegantlion

[justamouse]

Man, is there a bunch of pregnancy police out there today?

 

1. It is NO ONEs business but yours how many kids you have.

 

2. It is a privilege to love and raise so many people. Bring it on. :D If I didn't stupidly get my tubes tied, I'd be pregnant again. I think I've gotten better at this parenting thing, finally.

 

3. My kids love the fact that they have so many people to love and have as family. They truly love our family, and each other. Big brother just got off the phone with all of his siblings, and they were all screeching to talk to him first.

 

4. Love is sacrifice. We love each other, we all live with each other, and we sacrifice for each other. On a daily basis. It's only a hardship if you treat it that way, we prefer to look at it as a privilege.

 

That is NOT selfish, it's the exact opposite.

[PeacefulChaos]

I really, seriously, totally disagree w/that statement, just as much as I disagree on the negative commentary about large families.

 

Size of a family is a completely personal decision, and not selfish. You have no idea how or why someone may have made the decision about family size that they have, and to label ANYONE selfish based on the # of children they have, is really insulting and offensive.

 

:iagree: 100%

[justamouse]

:iagree: if you can provide for them, have all you want. I don't think it's selfish.

 

We stopped at one for many reasons, but it feels complete for us. He's quite unselfish, self-reliant, and, wow, even with one we're building some great memories. Imagine that.

 

You know, I really appreciate so many of your posts, but do you have to come onto every sibling thread and say how happy you are with just one? I don't think I would have said anything except for the , "Imagine that." It's these little digs you post on threads like this. Like it's just inconceivable that people couldn't image your reality and still want more kids.

[scrappyhappymama]

And "selfish," it turns out, is one of those words that loses all meaning when repeated too many times. Selfishselfishselfishselfish.

 

:lol:

 

I really get tired of societies view of children as a burden physically and financially. I guess that is how some people see them. I see them as a gift from God.

 

I know what you mean here, and I agree that every child is a blessing. But, the fact is that children DO add to the financial burden of a family. I don't think there is anything wrong with someone weighing out the cost and making sure it will not affect their current children more negatively than positively.

 

I've been blessed to have five healthy children with no major medical needs that drastically affect our finances. But even so, whenever we have another child, we accept that we may be able to fund fewer outside activities or will have to make cuts elsewhere. Worth it? For us, yes. But I have many friends who have fewer children who deal with enormous financial or emotional or physical burdens related to their care, and I would never imagine that they do not consider their children to be blessings even though they may have decided to stop having them.

 

SO, I don't think it is selfish to choose to have more children, but I do think it is foolish to do so without counting the cost and being willing to make the sacrifices.

[besroma]

I have the same view of children that you do. You are not selfish to have more.

 

Oh, the things I could write in response to anyone telling someone else that having more dc is selfish because of cars/college, etc. Whatever. Children are a beautiful blessing, the gift of gifts, the joy of joys (in my humble opinion, of course :D). No value can be placed upon the life of a child. Selfish to have more? No way.

 

 

Happiness is much more than colleges, TKD, cars, and other luxuries. If your friends can't mind their own business, I would suggest finding new friends.

 

 

 

Having more children is a decision between you and your husband alone.

 

I wouldn't call such people friends and I'd tell them that it was not up for discussion.

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

[SKL]

I don't think it's selfish, but I've heard people say that sort of thing.

 

I was one of six kids, and my parents were lower working class. I have never for one moment felt badly about having so many siblings. I think it is a huge blessing.

 

We didn't get to do the stuff my kids do. But honestly, life was never dull. We had each other to play with, team with, learn from, emulate. We learned to pitch in early and be happy with little things. There was never a shortage of humor or empathy. If that's what you provide for your kids, I don't see how people can fault you for that.

 

That said, I have two and I'm through. But, I'm 45 and single, so . . . .

[elegantlion]

You know, I really appreciate so many of your posts, but do you have to come onto every sibling thread and say how happy you are with just one? I don't think I would have said anything except for the , "Imagine that." It's these little digs you post on threads like this. Like it's just inconceivable that people couldn't image your reality and still want more kids.

 

Well, it's snarky, I'll give you that. But I forgot to quote the post I was referring to. I wasn't going to say anything about that, and shouldn't have, it's just one of those days. There was no dig intended. I know some people have one by choice, others by chance. As far as I read the question wasn't limited to those with large families.

 

I just wanted to add to the thread that as someone with a small family I also like large families. I don't think it's anyone's business about family size, large or small, or to say that one is superior and one isn't. My dh is from a large family, my mom is from a large family. I wanted to tell the OP that as someone who sits on the other side of the fence, so to speak, I don't think she's being selfish. I should have left it at that and will edit my snarky comments as to not distract this thread further.

Edited August 21, 2012 by elegantlion

[lea_lpz]

Is it not possible to allow families to make their own personal decisions about how many children to have without being negative towards smaller families? :confused:

 

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way but I could see why you could take it that way :001_smile:

 

I actually have only 2 children of my own and a stepson we share custody of, so relatively speaking, we are a small family. We make a conscious effort to instill the desirable character qualities I described the children of large families having, but I feel like this would stem naturally from a larger family out of necessity.

 

I would also love more children, but right now we're holding off because of financial considerations. My situation, financially is very similar to OP, but the cost of living us pretty high were I live and we don't own a home yet. And, I'm young, so waiting a couple more years isn't an issue. I'd like 2 more maybe.

[Audrey]

You know, I really appreciate so many of your posts, but do you have to come onto every sibling thread and say how happy you are with just one? I don't think I would have said anything except for the , "Imagine that." It's these little digs you post on threads like this. Like it's just inconceivable that people couldn't image your reality and still want more kids.

 

Well, quite honestly, the same could be asked of you. Why do YOU come on all these threads and feel the need to expound on how wonderfully perfect your very large family is and how all your children are so very special and you'd certainly have more if you could?

 

Everyone is entitled to express themselves. If you don't like what elegantlion -- or anyone else, for that matter -- has to contribute to the discussion, then ignore her. Don't attempt to police someone's ability/right to post on a given topic.

[Audrey]

Audrey, I agree that siblings are often a burden.

 

I have really focused of raising my children in a way that builds their close relationships.

 

I have also raised them to not be takers...in relationships or from the world at large.

 

I don't think a new baby is a blessing to it's siblings just by being born, but through thoughtful, consistent parenting and modeling, it can be accomplished.

 

I feel very secure in the statement that my children will take care of each other. They already do, but that does not mean that I think it is automatically true for every family.

 

 

I said what I said in a bit of a devil's advocate role. There are recent threads on here about very difficult situations with siblings (grown siblings) that were on my mind.

[FairProspects]

However, the things I think the OP should consider is not about whether they will be able to buy cars or pay for college but whether things like necessary orthodontics, potential medical bills for either the older children who may develop a condition that is costly if you don't have insurance or very good insurance or the potential costs of a baby who is born prematurely and needs lots of medical care.

 

Geez, if this happened to anyone of us we would not be able to afford it. Having more babies might add to the risk mix, but I might as well give back the ones I have if this is a serious determinant! I can't control the future for any of us concerning healthcare and related bills.

[amy g.]

I said what I said in a bit of a devil's advocate role. There are recent threads on here about very difficult situations with siblings (grown siblings) that were on my mind.

 

I can see that, but I still agree with you.