x-post: Feeling nervous about teaching Things One and Two!

[Twinmom]

I'm getting REALLY nervous about adding my twins into our home school class this year. With all the love in my heart, I call them "Thing One and Thing Two" for a reason! They were born to a meth addict, and they can be challenging as a result. They tend to be all-encompassing kiddos. In my nicer moments, I call them "busy." In my more frustrated moments, well...I won't share! ;) They are very hard to keep still, they talk constantly, they are strong willed and they make it difficult for DD8 and DS7 to focus on their work. DD already is dealing with a visual processing disorder and DS7 (also a highly distracted child!) is gifted and hard to keep up with.

 

The twins are smart, they want to do kinder with me, they love to learn and love to go, go, go! I can see some real advantages to teaching them at home. I think they are also gifted, like their bio brother DS7 (who was born when birth mom was not using drugs). However, I'm worried about the older two falling behind because of the twins, and I'm frankly very worried about my own stress level. At the end of last year, I tried to sign them up for kinder at their church preschool. My thinking was, one more year of maturity and I can handle them! However, the school decided not to offer it, but rather to offer a strong transitional kinder program with the same teacher they had last year. She is amazing, and the boys did really well with her. However, I know they are intellectually ready for kinder and may find the work repetitive and boring (kiss of death for these two!).

 

So, here I am wondering still what to do with them. I'm hedging my bets...I have all the kinder curriculum ready, and still have them signed up for transitional kinder. I am considering having them home two days a week and in school three days (8am-12pm), but something about that feels like a cop-out. Still, I have essentially four kiddos with special needs, and I'm not superwoman! Oh, and for those who will rightly ask...the twins have been in ECI since they were 9 months old, and are still in speech therapy. So far, speech is the only long term issue noted. The "activity level" could end up being ADHD, but for now no one knows if it is just 5 yr old boy x 2 or an issue. They ARE significantly better when separated, and are making significant strides in their preschool class with attention/behavior/academics.

 

Any advice? A Valium or two to share? ;) Seriously, talk me down here...I'm literally having nightmares about either screwing up my kids' education or ending up in the psych ward! :o

[MicheleB]

Jennifer,

First, (((HUGS))).....

 

Second, I kind of understand your situation. Three out of four of my dc have special needs. It *is* overwhelming and scary to think about not just teaching them, but *raising* them as well!

 

I think you are being too hard on yourself to feel that you're copping out if you send the twins to school three mornings a week! It will give you the time you need to really focus on the older two. Then the time you have together with all of them could possibly be along the lines of "fun" learning things that all can do, instead of stressing each day because the twins are there possibly interrupting and feeling like you aren't making progress with any of them.

 

I think like you said, another year of maturity for T1 and T2 and *also* for your older two will be helpful. The older two will hopefully be that much more independent next year, and the twins will be in the groove of formal learning at school and also learning the ins and outs of homeschool as well.

 

So, no valium to offer, but... HTH a little anyway. :001_smile:

[Ottakee]

I only have 3 special needs kiddos but it can be hard.

 

I do NOT think it is a cop out for you to send them to school--be it 3 days a week, public school K, or another option. You need to do what is best for ALL of the kids.

 

You said that they were doing very well in the program and it could be that they need the added structure of a school program--at least for a while.

 

I try to look at each of my kids individually each year (well, 20ds is in an adult special program now) and figure out what is best for THEM. DS went to a public school for 6-12 and that was very good for him. We were thinking of sending 12dd for 6th grade but the special ed. teacher that I LOVE moved to the highschool level. For her, home is still the best. 11dd is at home as well but that might change in the future.

 

I don't have prenatal drug exposure here but we do have fetal alcohol, bipolar, mental impairments, ADD/ADHD and on and on. It is tough to figure out what is best for each child.

 

Please don't see school (public or private) as a cop out. If the child does well there and it is good for the whole family, it can be a very good option. At other times, home is the best option, despite some difficulties.

[Twinmom]

Thanks so much, ladies! You all are great. I appreciate the encouragement and the advice to do what's right for everyone. I'll try not to be so hard on myself and not expect myself to be superwoman! And, I guess I'll :chillpill: and go ahead with my plan to do preschool at least 3x a week for this year. Hopefully, the two days a week I have them will be enough to teach reading, which should be all they will lack for kinder. Not for classical kinder, but at least for the basics. We can catch up on the rest later.

 

I'll not look for another Valium, but I am going to get a GOOD night's sleep tonight and not worry about it. Thanks!

[Twinmom]

Just from my experience..... Beware of thinking "just one more year and then it will be ok". I have been saying that for 3 years with my almost 7 yo. At some point you may have to admit that "just one more year" is a coping strategy line of thought. Not that it is bad and maybe for you it really will be just one more year. I sure hope so, ... but , for me, until I gave it up a few months ago I didn't seek all of the help we needed, because I assumed some things would get better on their own.

 

You are absolutely right about this. I think I probably took that position with DD while I focused on the twins and DS's genetic issues. DD now gets her turn...VT 3x a week!

 

As for the twins, we are definitely keeping an eye on them. However, for now I think they are basically ok. I've had them in ECI from ages 9m to 3 yrs, then on to a special needs preschool 3x a week, now in the public special needs dept. for speech. So far, evals have been good and teacher feedback improves every year. Their behavior at home is actually worse :confused:, but as long as we do as DH says and "run 'em everyday," we're hanging in there! When they are older, I may need an ADHD eval, but for now we're pretty tickled that they don't have any of the issues we were told to fear: frontal lobe issues, withdrawal issues, chronic asthma (they went dormant!!), huge developmental delays, etc. I think I'd consider ADHD a gift after all those scary labels! I may be old, tired and gray by the time I'm done with them, but they'll be okay in the end. They are exhausting, but they are truly my miracle babies.

[obiandelismom]

One thing jumped out at me - you said that they are much calmer when separated. How about putting them into the transitional K on opposite days (M&T for one, T& Th for the other, and friday for both)? You'd always have one of them at home, but things would be calmer since they wouldn't be together. Maybe that would also help 'train' them to ratchet down a little for 'school' time at home?

[Twinmom]

That was actually the plan should they have gone to the private school we were attending back in Dallas. We planned on it for the teacher's sake as much as their own! After we came here, it wasn't an option in their preschool, and they started doing better. I don't know if it was the twins or the teacher's gift for handling them, but they were in a class with 29 four year olds (yes, I said 29! :eek: A teacher quit, it wasn't planned!) and they did great.

 

If they are still berserk in the fall, I may go for that idea. It would be good for them. They aren't the dependent on each other kind of twins...they are the competitive type. In the meantime, DD seems to have decided it is HER job to get them ready for school. She's been playing teacher with them at the school table every day this week...SO cute!