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First Research Paper


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I've been wanting to post this for some time and hadn't yet, but I wanted to get opinions on dd's first research paper. I let her choose the topic and gave her the assignment length. I didn't make her do footnotes or endnotes, just a simple bibliography. She chose to write on Ancient Greece's influences on modern American culture.

 

 

 

We live in a world of many cultures, whether it be racial, national, or religious. Every culture is unique and distinctly different. The ancient Greeks had a very interesting culture of their own, filled with duty and honor. Greek plays were a center of attention along with their art and literature. In particular, they are known for their great philosophers Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle. Although they were a great civilization, division between the city-states Athens and Sparta weakened them, and the Greeks were taken over by Phillip II of Macedonia. He united Greece under his rule and planned future conquests, but it wasn’t until his son, Alexander the Great, came to the throne that Greece became a superpower. Alexander soon invaded and conquered Persia, Egypt, Pakistan, and even made it so far as India. Because of him, Greek culture spread throughout the world and became an inescapable part of life. Over time, the Greek civilization fell apart, but it’s culture continued to influence the world for centuries afterwards. Today, we can still see the effect of Greek culture through our architecture, sporting events like the Olympics, and even in the way we govern our country.

 

In ancient Greece, the people believed in hundreds of gods; therefore, numerous temples scattered the country, all with similar designs. An excellent example of Greek architecture is the Parthenon, which sits on the acropolis of Athens. The Parthenon was a temple built to honor Pallas Athena, the goddess of wisdom, battle, and useful arts such as weaving. Because much of Greek architecture was meant to reflect order and harmony, the Parthenon had a simple yet powerful design. Doric style columns surrounded the building, acting as walls and supporting the roof. The space between the columns was left unfilled, so the entire structure was breezy and open. Inside the building stood a towering statue of Athena made of gold and ivory. This style of columns surrounding a statue has been reflected in numerous structures throughout the years. One especially good example is the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C. This memorial has Doric style Greek columns for walls, leaving the interior exposed like the Parthenon. Also, a statue of Abraham Lincoln himself sits inside, just like the large Athena at the Parthenon. Still, the Lincoln Memorial is not the only example of Greek architecture in today’s world. Many states use Greek influences in their government buildings.

 

A second example of Greek culture still thriving today is the Olympic Games. The ancient Olympics were held once every four years during a religious festival honoring Zeus, the king of the gods. It started strictly with the Athenians and only had one event and winner. Over time, the surrounding city-states entered their own athletes and added new events, gradually expanding the games to include five days of competition. Eventually the athletes began to train professionally. The Olympics became a way to gain personal fame and fortune instead of merely honoring the gods. In A,D, 394, Roman Emperor Theodosius I finally put an end to the games due to pagan influences, but that was not the end of the Olympics. Today, modern Olympics are held every two years, alternating Summer and Winter games. When they were first reinstated in 1896, only thirteen countries participated, and only nine events were planned, but the Olympics grew over time, and today over two hundred nations compete in over four hundred events. Professional athletes compete for both themselves and their countries, just like they did in ancient Greece. The winners of each event are honored with a medal, as in ancient times they were honored with a wreath of live tree leaves. So even though Greece ceased to exist long ago, Greek traditions still thrive thanks to the Olympics.

 

One last influence of ancient Greece today is their democratic style of government. Democracy first became prominent in ancient Athens through the reforms of Cleisthenes. He created an assembly of all free male citizens to discuss and vote on the passing of laws. This is known as a direct democracy, meaning that the citizens make all decisions themselves. This new form of government was much welcomed in Greece, as many city-states had been under the rule of a tyrant. Democracy allowed the common man to have a voice in decisions affecting everyone. In present times, the United States of America is a Republic, a democratic form of government that makes use of a representative democracy. All citizens age eighteen or older have the right to vote on people to represent their interests in voting assemblies such as the Senate and the House of Representatives. Though this form of government is not exactly the same as that used in ancient Athens, it still operates on the same principles of equality and the right to participate in one’s own government.

 

In conclusion, we can still see Greek culture today through our architecture, sports like the Olympics, and in our government. Even now, over two thousand years after the fall of Greece, their influence continues to impact people all around the world. It is amazing to think that one nation could affect so many others for as long as Greece has. One can only hope that many years from now, people will be writing papers about the United States, and how American culture still impacts their world in the future.

Edited by mom31257
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It might be more helpful to have clearer picture of the assignment. It looks more like a 5 paragraph essay than a research paper.

 

The introduction is fragmented.

 

Sentences 1 and 2 are about world diversity.

Sentence 3 starts to talk about Greek duty and honor, but doesn't develop that idea.

Sentence 4 starts to talk about about Greek plays, art, and literature, but doesn't develop that idea.

Sentence 5 starts to talk about Greek philosophers, but...

Sentence 6 starts to talk about war between Athens and Sparta, but...

And so on for the rest of the paragraph.

 

Each paragraph should have a topic sentence, and the body of the paragraph that develops that topic sentence. This introduction does not stick to a single topic for more than a few words, and it zigs and zags over many concepts that are not developed in the paragraph or even later in the paper.

 

For the body paragraphs, I think she could have done a better job narrowing her topic, and going into more detail on one of the three subtopics chosen. When I think of research papers, I think of "diving deep" into a topic, and this just reads like an overview.

 

Paragraph 3, last sentence: I think there are some people who would not agree that "Greece ceased to exist long ago." You need to be careful of your facts in a research paper.

 

--Janet

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It might be more helpful to have clearer picture of the assignment. It looks more like a 5 paragraph essay than a research paper.

 

The introduction is fragmented.

 

Sentences 1 and 2 are about world diversity.

Sentence 3 starts to talk about Greek duty and honor, but doesn't develop that idea.

Sentence 4 starts to talk about about Greek plays, art, and literature, but doesn't develop that idea.

Sentence 5 starts to talk about Greek philosophers, but...

Sentence 6 starts to talk about war between Athens and Sparta, but...

And so on for the rest of the paragraph.

 

Each paragraph should have a topic sentence, and the body of the paragraph that develops that topic sentence. This introduction does not stick to a single topic for more than a few words, and it zigs and zags over many concepts that are not developed in the paragraph or even later in the paper.

 

For the body paragraphs, I think she could have done a better job narrowing her topic, and going into more detail on one of the three subtopics chosen. When I think of research papers, I think of "diving deep" into a topic, and this just reads like an overview.

 

Paragraph 3, last sentence: I think there are some people who would not agree that "Greece ceased to exist long ago." You need to be careful of your facts in a research paper.

 

--Janet

 

Thank you for your thoughts. I guess I did let her pick too broad a topic. She's done opinion essays, but I wanted her to do some writing from her own knowledge and research of a history topic.

 

I think in the first paragraph she was trying to set up the history of Ancient Greece before showing some of it's influences on today's culture. I think in the body paragraphs she was trying to show each item's place in history before showing how it is used today. Would that be okay if she added a topic sentence that brought the two together?

 

I agree that saying Greece cease to exist is wrong, maybe she should have said Ancient Greek culture instead. Do you know of any good resources that teach you step by step how to write research papers?

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Do you know of any good resources that teach you step by step how to write research papers?

 

The ones my 8th grader used the most this year were the History Day guides, but they are really pricey for what you get. (30 bucks for a magazine-sized guide!) Other than that, we grab stuff from a variety of resources.

 

--Janet

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