Those of you with lots of kiddos...

[gabbymom]

:001_smile:

Edited June 22, 2012 by gabbymom
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[Soror]

Yes, they sound bossy to me. IMO it wasn't their place to be acting as the children's parents. If they see an immediate safety issue then yes, hold the hands, but lecturing and such, I would find annoying. The only one I know with bossy kids is one with just 2 kids, it seems to be more the child's personality and the mom is very uptight.

 

eta: fwiw- The mom thinks it so wonderful that her child is so responsible. Your kids can be responsible and respectful as well and I don't believe that is respectful, especially if said child then tells the parents what they need to do. It is one of the reasons that I don't do playdates with them anymore. Kids need to know that different families have different rules and unless it is a serious safety issue they should butt out.

Edited June 21, 2012 by soror

[Carrie12345]

I've never been told so, but mine probably are! They appear to manage it okay. If they were in school, I worry they'd be queen bees. :glare:

 

To me, it sounds like your kids are actually better socialized in theory, but not conditioned to actual social practice (of ignoringothers' social foibles.) I don't call that bossy, and you may or may not want to tell them to curb it. The other kids have parents who are supposed to teach them those things. Supposed to.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I think the problem in the above scenarios is that there were parents available to direct their own children. Your children may need to learn when to give direction and when not to. Additionally, it is often wise to do the least amount necessary. For example, ds may have kept kid from a dangerous situation, but then takes kiddo to parent who would decide the appropriate discipline (teaching, guidance, punishment) if the parent didn't see the situation.

 

Anyway, so it looks like your kiddos may just need a little guidance on boundaries. We *all* learn when to say something and when not to. It seems your kids may just be overstepping those boundaries. Their hearts are in the right place which should be commended. Then some coaching to help them see when and when not to tell or do something would be helpful.

Edited June 21, 2012 by 2J5M9K

[littlebug42]

If it was a one time event, it probably wouldn't bother me but I think if someone else's children were continually behaving this way, I would think they were bossy. If you choose to have them watch/instruct their siblings, fine but I wouldn't think they would need to keep an eye on someone else's children.

[happypamama]

I think it's tricky. On the one hand, sure, maybe there were other parents involved, and your kids might have overstepped their bounds (it sounds like the parents thought that, anyway). Otoh, perhaps a gentle reminder from a friend or a loving talk from a respected older cousin might sink in better than "Mom bugging me again." Sometimes my 3yo will do stuff for his older siblings better than me, and sometimes I have to tell the big kids that the 3yo has two parents, neither of whom are either of them.

 

I would have a chat with your kids about not stepping in when someone else is handling the situation, and deferring to another child's own parents. But they sound caring; "bossy," to me, connotes one child wanting to control the others.

[Mimm]

Yes, it sounds like they are parenting younger children and while you may find that just fine in your family, other parents often don't appreciate that from anyone, adult or child. I've seen this happen in a large family when the oldest kids are taking on too much responsibility. Yes, your son should have kept his cousin from wandering off but pick him up and take him to his mother and leave her to be responsible for her own child.

[fairfarmhand]

anyone who bosses another child in the presence of the child's parents is bossy. if the child is specifically told to look out for the younger kid then it is ok.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I want to move closer to you so my kids can play with your kids. :-)

 

My son "bosses" little sis around from time to time, but when she doesn't like it, she just stops playing with him, and quite often, he will realize it and let her choose/lead the next activity. But when I hear him giving her heartfelt direction (how to gently touch the baby, how to color in the lines, how to do a puzzle) using his "gentle teaching voice" instead of a bossy or rude one, it truly makes my heart happy. And she LOVES the special attention from big brother, and is much more likely to listen to him than me. :-)

 

If I was paying so little attention to my young child that another child had to grab him and tell him not to wander off, I would not call that child bossy, I would call myself incompetent.

 

For the "ladylike" comment, that was probably a little less necessary. It would probably depend so much on tone of voice, etc, of what was said.

 

I would take an objective look at your kids. Are they correcting other children for things that are not really wrong? i.e. That's not the right way to play THAT game! Do it MY way! We are going to play THIS game, and *I* will be the queen/teacher/mommy/whatever or are they simply trying to be helpful and being misunderstood?

[2squared]

Yes, it sounds like they are parenting younger children and while you may find that just fine in your family, other parents often don't appreciate that from anyone, adult or child. I've seen this happen in a large family when the oldest kids are taking on too much responsibility. Yes, your son should have kept his cousin from wandering off but pick him up and take him to his mother and leave her to be responsible for her own child.

 

:iagree: My kids probably aren't as old as yours, but I would not be pleased if I was on the receiving end of those situations. My olders help with my youngers, but they don't parent the youngers. In the first situation, my oldest would have retrieved my younger one and brought him/her to me to hold/watch/lecture/whatever. If it was a little cousin, she would have brought the little one to his/her parents with a very short explanation of why - as in "Little angel was making me nervous walking away in the crowd."

 

In the second situation, my 10yo dd would have casually shown the little girl how she should be sitting (if she was showing her underwear or exhibiting some other obvious faux pas) with something simple like, "Little angel, why don't you sit like me?" If the girl was beyond toddler age, my dd may have told me, but she wouldn't have done anything else. Some families aren't concerned with sitting ladylike, and that's a perfectly valid choice too.

 

FWIW, I wish my kids were bossy at times. :D

[2squared]

If I was paying so little attention to my young child that another child had to grab him and tell him not to wander off, I would not call that child bossy, I would call myself incompetent.?

 

While this is true, I think the safety lecture is what put this situation into bossy territory. Whenever I see toddlers wandering away, I grab them and redirect them or I let the parent know. Everyone has had a toddler wander at some point - isn't that part of a toddler's job description? :D I wouldn't retrieve them and provide a safety lesson, especially with a parent in attendance.

[BlsdMama]

I think it crosses boundaries a bit. You're right, in large families, the older children are used to correcting younger children and teaching them things... A certain line is crossed when they are older than the child, so respect is important. IMO, four rules.

 

1. Don't correct elders or guests unless it's a dangerous situation.

2. Is what you're about to say true?

3. If so, is what you're about to say necessary?

4. If so, is what you're about to say kind?

 

We all need filters, even those of us from a large family. If I saw my older children correcting people outside of their own family member I'd stop them. Actually if I saw them being unnecessarily "on" their younger sibs I'd stop them.

 

ETA: At my husband's work he gets evaluated on two things.

1. WHAT he gets done.

2. HOW he gets it done.

 

As I told my very "command" oldest son last night, they are equally important. It is a good thing to do the right thing and to organize the efforts of others so that much gets done, but it is equally important how you do it. People may not object HOW you do something IF you do it with kindness and consideration and a certain tone. Gotta work on those soft skills. :)

[ssavings]

It seems like your kids are well-intentioned. The thing is, IMO, every family operates differently, and sometimes kids need a bit of help to understand that. It's different to lecture a sibling (who shares the same rules/policies) than a friend/cousin (whose family may have different rules/policies/ways of dealing with things).

[Tarreymere]

In our large family, it's the eight year old who is bossy. I don't know why, but she likes to take it upon herself to parent everyone else. Even the siblings who are older than she is, teens and adults. She is so bad that I have a behavior chart to help remind her not to do it, including not to boss ME. She has even tried to boss Dh several times.

 

I sometimes wonder what kind of career this might help her with down the road.......drill sgt comes to mind. :001_unsure:

[gabbymom]

I've never been told so, but mine probably are! They appear to manage it okay. If they were in school, I worry they'd be queen bees. :glare:

 

To me, it sounds like your kids are actually better socialized in theory, but not conditioned to actual social practice (of ignoringothers' social foibles.) I don't call that bossy, and you may or may not want to tell them to curb it. The other kids have parents who are supposed to teach them those things. Supposed to.

 

Thanks! This is the part that I was wondering about...because the 3 people who told me this use public schools. Perhaps in public schools, kids do not correct/instruct other kids and so to see a "queen bee" who does seems bossy. And sometimes I do think they are not very good at ignoring others social foibles.

 

I want to move closer to you so my kids can play with your kids. :-)

 

If I was paying so little attention to my young child that another child had to grab him and tell him not to wander off, I would not call that child bossy, I would call myself incompetent.

 

I would take an objective look at your kids. Are they correcting other children for things that are not really wrong? i.e. That's not the right way to play THAT game! Do it MY way! We are going to play THIS game, and *I* will be the queen/teacher/mommy/whatever or are they simply trying to be helpful and being misunderstood?

 

Great point...my kids to play this way (MY way) with their siblings, but not with other kids. They are usually leading the game, but not bossing it.

 

And the cousin's mother was being very inattentive...insomuch that my kids were concerned for their cousin's safety. So the mother wanted my kids to babysit for free in public, but according to her ideas. I've noticed that mothers of public schooled kids are less attached to/concerned about their kids...they are not responsible for their kids safety/education 8 hours of the day. (I'm sure I've just opened up a can of worms!)

 

:iagree: My kids probably aren't as old as yours, but I would not be pleased if I was on the receiving end of those situations. My olders help with my youngers, but they don't parent the youngers. In the first situation, my oldest would have retrieved my younger one and brought him/her to me to hold/watch/lecture/whatever. If it was a little cousin, she would have brought the little one to his/her parents with a very short explanation of why - as in "Little angel was making me nervous walking away in the crowd."

 

In the second situation, my 10yo dd would have casually shown the little girl how she should be sitting (if she was showing her underwear or exhibiting some other obvious faux pas) with something simple like, "Little angel, why don't you sit like me?" If the girl was beyond toddler age, my dd may have told me, but she wouldn't have done anything else. Some families aren't concerned with sitting ladylike, and that's a perfectly valid choice too.

 

FWIW, I wish my kids were bossy at times. :D

 

Great suggestions, I'll pass them on to my kids.

 

A certain line is crossed when they are older than the child, so respect is important. IMO, four rules.

 

1. Don't correct elders or guests unless it's a dangerous situation.

2. Is what you're about to say true?

3. If so, is what you're about to say necessary?

4. If so, is what you're about to say kind?

 

We all need filters, even those of us from a large family. If I saw my older children correcting people outside of their own family member I'd stop them. Actually if I saw them being unnecessarily "on" their younger sibs I'd stop them.

 

ETA: At my husband's work he gets evaluated on two things.

1. WHAT he gets done.

2. HOW he gets it done.

 

As I told my very "command" oldest son last night, they are equally important. It is a good thing to do the right thing and to organize the efforts of others so that much gets done, but it is equally important how you do it. People may not object HOW you do something IF you do it with kindness and consideration and a certain tone. Gotta work on those soft skills. :)

 

I grew up with those rules too, but sometimes felt stifled...guess I need to work on soft too!

 

It seems like your kids are well-intentioned.

 

 

I guess this is why I got defensive...I felt my kids were trying to help!

[Murphy101]

anyone who bosses another child in the presence of the child's parents is bossy. if the child is specifically told to look out for the younger kid then it is ok.

 

:iagree:

 

I have never taught my children to take care of younger cousins and friends. That is not responsibility. That's rude. Those children have parents and their care is the responsibility of those parents. I have taught my kids if they are concerned they need to tell me or the parents.

 

For that matter, so are my younger children. They do a general keeping an eye out for the youngest one (we call it being The Guardian) but otherwise I expect them to all have each other's backs as good friends and siblings. Not caregivers. It means make sure he doesn't get hurt or eat anything he shouldn't.:tongue_smilie:

 

I'd be annoyed if your kid's were correcting mine unless I gave them that authority for some reason or they were stating some house rule while we were visiting you. So your kid telling my kid that they can't use your bathroom for hide and seek? Fine. You kid telling my kid how to sit like a lady or giving your rules for being in a crowd? Not fine. Double not fine if I am right there. I think if I had a problem with my kid wandering, I'd tell them so. Same goes for their skirt/sitting.

[SuperDad]

It seems like your kids are well-intentioned. The thing is, IMO, every family operates differently, and sometimes kids need a bit of help to understand that. It's different to lecture a sibling (who shares the same rules/policies) than a friend/cousin (whose family may have different rules/policies/ways of dealing with things).

:iagree:

 

IMHO, your children aren't bossy as much as unaware of the difference between caring for a younger sibling (when lecturing could be OK if warranted) and being around a friend or cousin (in which they are more on equal footing). It's just part of the hierarchy of authority that we all have to learn in life.

[Danestress]

the people in your life who are actually observing this think that your children are bossy. Asking people on a message board who aren't there to observe and who don't know your children seems like trying to get a second opinion from those who are really uninformed. If it was too bossy for the parents of the children involved, it was too bossy.

 

But even apart from that, yes. It sounds bossy. My oldest was often in charge of my younger kids. When he was in charge, they had to do what he said and I didn't consider it "bossy." But that didn't give him a right to parent other people's children in the presence of the actual parents. The "lady like" thing in particular sounds very inappropriate and out of line.

 

However, I can also see that maybe your son was stressed by the cousin who wanted to wander. Probably the parent should be in charge of a child who is creating a safety issue. So I wouldn't be too hard on my son about that one.

[Remudamom]

The first incident sounds fine. Who wouldn't want their child stopped from wandering? And I wouldn't mind the lecture from an older cousin either. Sometimes kids will listen better to another older kid.

 

Second is kinda iffy.

[catz]

Yes, they sound bossy to me. IMO it wasn't their place to be acting as the children's parents. If they see an immediate safety issue then yes, hold the hands, but lecturing and such, I would find annoying. The only one I know with bossy kids is one with just 2 kids, it seems to be more the child's personality and the mom is very uptight.

 

:iagree: I would be annoyed if some else's child started parenting my children. FWIW, my 2nd child is only 1 of 2 and is the youngest and I struggle with this for her. It's just her personality. She's a rules kid (generally) and reminds other kids of the rules constantly. I encourage her to be responsible for her own actions and not worry about what other kids are doing unless there is a real safety or bullying issue. Or occassionally she will be asked to play with a younger cousin or friend, and then I think a little reminding of rules can be ok. Telling someone else how to sit is rude IMO, younger child or no. I think these can be good personality traits when directed well.

[besroma]

If it was a one time event, it probably wouldn't bother me but I think if someone else's children were continually behaving this way, I would think they were bossy. If you choose to have them watch/instruct their siblings, fine but I wouldn't think they would need to keep an eye on someone else's children.

 

:iagree: I would especially teach them not to instruct other children when their parents are around.

 

It is nice that DS was trying to teach the other child not to wander. What a great father he will be! He is helping *and* teaching.

 

The second incident would bother me the most if this is a common occurrence. It is up to the parents to teach what manners are important to them, what is ladylike, what is modest. It would be better for DD to learn not to say something like that, even if she is thinking it. She should be more of a friend, less of a parent.

[Tammi K]

But 3 times in the past few weeks, I've been told my kids are bossy. These 3 folks have only 1 or 2 kids and don't homeschool. Is it their lack of experience with responsible kids who show leadership, or are my kids bossy?

 

I think you answered your own question here. You said that 3 different people all told you your kids were bossy. If it was only one person, maybe you should question their conclusion. But, if three different people, in the same week, all tell you the same thing, I think you should take it to heart.

 

Even if you disagree on how to label your children's behavior (i.e. responsible vs bossy), THEY see your kids as bossy. Their opinion is valid. Note, I didn't say correct - I said valid. It is an opinion, after all.

 

I think the question you should ask yourself is, "Do I value the opinion of these people?"

 

If your answer is YES, Work to modify your children's behavior.

If your answer is NO, consider the source and move on.

[gabbymom]

I think you answered your own question here. You said that 3 different people all told you your kids were bossy. If it was only one person, maybe you should question their conclusion. But, if three different people, in the same week, all tell you the same thing, I think you should take it to heart.

 

Even if you disagree on how to label your children's behavior (i.e. responsible vs bossy), THEY see your kids as bossy. Their opinion is valid. Note, I didn't say correct - I said valid. It is an opinion, after all.

 

I think the question you should ask yourself is, "Do I value the opinion of these people?"

 

If your answer is YES, Work to modify your children's behavior.

If your answer is NO, consider the source and move on.

 

Thank You! This is what I needed to hear. I do care too much about other's opinions!

[garddwr]

As a younger sibling of a "responsible" bossy older sister, this is not behavior that I allow in my children. It is natural for older siblings to try to direct younger siblings, even without parental encouragement, and I remind mine frequently that each child in the family already has one father and one mother and that is enough. The only time they have my blessing to intervene is if someone is in danger, at which point they need to do what needs to be done or come get me. In the cases you mentioned, where the other child's parent was nearby, I would not find it appropriate for an older child to direct a younger one.

 

Did you have older siblings? I know both my parents were oldest/virtual oldest in their families (dad was technically second oldest, but oldest son in a farming family where boys and girls had very different spheres). They encouraged and expected older children to be in charge of younger ones, but especially where the children were only a few years apart it created a lot of tension in the family. From my perspective, a sister 3 years older than me was my peer not my parent, and it was unfair to both of us to expect her to be responsible for my behavior. And older sibling helping a younger sibling as needed is very different from an older sibling trying to direct the behavior of a younger one--I encourage my olders to help a younger child who is getting dressed, zipping up a coat, washing hands, etc. This is nurturing behavior. I also encourage them to model positive behavior for the little ones who naturally look up to them. I do not put them in charge of each other or expect them to directly teach or correct each other's behavior, and actively discourage such inclinations when they pop up naturally. An older child correcting another child's manners/posture (cross your legs) is out of bounds by my standards.

[Tammi K]

Thank You! This is what I needed to hear.

 

:):grouphug:

[Rivka]

I've noticed that mothers of public schooled kids are less attached to/concerned about their kids...they are not responsible for their kids safety/education 8 hours of the day. (I'm sure I've just opened up a can of worms!)

 

Ooh boy. Do you want to walk this one back? There's still time.

 

I do want to point out that kids primarily learn their behaviors from their parents. If your kids are used to seeing you do a lot of monitoring, judging, and criticizing other people, they'll pick that up from you.

[fairfarmhand]

As a younger sibling of a "responsible" bossy older sister, this is not behavior that I allow in my children. It is natural for older siblings to try to direct younger siblings, even without parental encouragement, and I remind mine frequently that each child in the family already has one father and one mother and that is enough. The only time they have my blessing to intervene is if someone is in danger, at which point they need to do what needs to be done or come get me. In the cases you mentioned, where the other child's parent was nearby, I would not find it appropriate for an older child to direct a younger one.

 

Did you have older siblings? I know both my parents were oldest/virtual oldest in their families (dad was technically second oldest, but oldest son in a farming family where boys and girls had very different spheres). They encouraged and expected older children to be in charge of younger ones, but especially where the children were only a few years apart it created a lot of tension in the family. From my perspective, a sister 3 years older than me was my peer not my parent, and it was unfair to both of us to expect her to be responsible for my behavior. And older sibling helping a younger sibling as needed is very different from an older sibling trying to direct the behavior of a younger one--I encourage my olders to help a younger child who is getting dressed, zipping up a coat, washing hands, etc. This is nurturing behavior. I also encourage them to model positive behavior for the little ones who naturally look up to them. I do not put them in charge of each other or expect them to directly teach or correct each other's behavior, and actively discourage such inclinations when they pop up naturally. An older child correcting another child's manners/posture (cross your legs) is out of bounds by my standards.

 

yes, this is the dynamic in our family. Or at least it is the ideal. My bossy-pants kids cross this boundary regularly, and I try to correct it. Allowing an older to correct a younger (which is different from one sibling politely requesting a younger to help or stop or whatever) generally leads to conflict and resentment at my house.

[AndyJoy]

From what you've posted, it sounds like your kids are well-intentioned, but overstepping their bounds. I'm curious about the ages of the kids involved. I'm also curious if you are an oldest?

 

I was the bossy older sister. I just had one younger sister and was never homeschooled. I was mature, responsible, a leader, etc. But I was also taking on too much responsibility and probably power-tripping a bit. Plus, there is a big difference between reminding your siblings of your family's standards and enforcing them. As a young child, I would try to make my sister follow the rules. As I aged, I learned to come along side her and remind/educate/warn her. This didn't mean a lecture, but a simple, "Oh, remember mom told us not to...?" As I got older I could discern if it was truly a real issue that deserved my intervention. It's definitely a process for the naturally "in charge" kid.

 

There are two young homeschooled kids in my circle who irritate me with their bossiness/hovering/tattling/policing of my child. They will physically push/pull/grab him if they think he is doing something he shouldn't (like getting too close to the trash can). If he wanders further than their mothers allow, they will yell at him to come back, grab him, and come tell me "K's going too far!!!" No matter how many times I tell them, "It's ok--I'm his mommy and I'm watching him," they continue to intervene or tattle. Their mothers hear these exchanges, but never say a word. I wish they would just say simply, matter-of-factly, with no knowing smirk, "Don't worry. K's mommy is taking good care of him--go play!" But in their families they are expected to police their siblings and are rewarded for being "helpful" and "concerned" when others can see there is plenty of self-satisfaction and smugness going on.

Edited June 21, 2012 by AndyJoy

[gabbymom]

From what you've posted, it sounds like your kids are well-intentioned, but overstepping their bounds. I'm curious about the ages of the kids involved. I'm also curious if you are an oldest?

 

There are two young homeschooled kids in my circle who irritate me with their bossiness/hovering/tattling/policing of my child. They will physically push/pull/grab him if they think he is doing something he shouldn't (like getting too close to the trash can). If he wanders further than their mothers allow, they will yell at him to come back and come tell me "K's going too far!!!" No matter how many times I tell them, "It's ok--I'm his mommy and I'm watching him," they continue to intervene or tattle. Their mothers hear these exchanges, but never say a word. I wish they would just say simply, matter-of-factly, with no knowing smirk, "Don't worry. K's mommy is taking good care of him--go play!" But in their families they are expected to police their siblings and are rewarded for being "helpful" and "concerned" when others can see there is plenty of self-satisfaction and smugness going on.

 

I am not an oldest. My oldest is 13.5. I know what you mean about the kind of kids you mentioned...maybe I'm trying to make sure my kids aren't like that! But I think my kids would pick up on an annoyed Mom saying something like you mentioned to them. The cousin running away in the parking lot is 6. The younger friend is 9 (but with mental/social issues that render her about 5.)

 

The 3rd incident that I didn't mention was my mother...but didn't want to get into all that!

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

1. Don't correct elders or guests unless it's a dangerous situation.

2. Is what you're about to say true?

3. If so, is what you're about to say necessary?

4. If so, is what you're about to say kind?

 

 

 

I like those!

[garddwr]

I am not an oldest. My oldest is 13.5. I know what you mean about the kind of kids you mentioned...maybe I'm trying to make sure my kids aren't like that! But I think my kids would pick up on an annoyed Mom saying something like you mentioned to them. The cousin running away in the parking lot is 6. The younger friend is 9 (but with mental/social issues that render her about 5.)

 

The 3rd incident that I didn't mention was my mother...but didn't want to get into all that!

 

It sounds like you may need to teach your children that there is a difference between looking out for/helping others and correcting others. A child crosses the line from being nurturing/responsible to being bossy when they start trying to correct another child--telling them what they are doing wrong or what they should be doing instead, or trying to make another child behave a certain way. At this point in life, they are not responsible to correct anyone else's behavior. I guess if you want to give them responsibility within your own family to correct a younger sibling you (as the person who holds that authority) can delegate it to them--I don't personally think that makes for healthy sibling dynamics, but you are the only one who really knows and can be responsible for your family. With other people's children they do not have that authority and need to recognize that they do not. There will be times in the future when they will have authority, either natural (for example, as a parent) or delegated (i.e., as a summer camp counselor). Outside of those bounds, they need to learn that it is OK to let other people do things wrong and make mistakes, and that they should intervene only in case of danger. (The cousin in the parking lot may have been an appropriate time to intervene, but not an appropriate time to give a teaching lecture.)

[Murphy101]

As a younger sibling of a "responsible" bossy older sister, this is not behavior that I allow in my children. It is natural for older siblings to try to direct younger siblings, even without parental encouragement, and I remind mine frequently that each child in the family already has one father and one mother and that is enough. The only time they have my blessing to intervene is if someone is in danger, at which point they need to do what needs to be done or come get me. In the cases you mentioned, where the other child's parent was nearby, I would not find it appropriate for an older child to direct a younger one.

 

Did you have older siblings? I know both my parents were oldest/virtual oldest in their families (dad was technically second oldest, but oldest son in a farming family where boys and girls had very different spheres). They encouraged and expected older children to be in charge of younger ones, but especially where the children were only a few years apart it created a lot of tension in the family. From my perspective, a sister 3 years older than me was my peer not my parent, and it was unfair to both of us to expect her to be responsible for my behavior. And older sibling helping a younger sibling as needed is very different from an older sibling trying to direct the behavior of a younger one--I encourage my olders to help a younger child who is getting dressed, zipping up a coat, washing hands, etc. This is nurturing behavior. I also encourage them to model positive behavior for the little ones who naturally look up to them. I do not put them in charge of each other or expect them to directly teach or correct each other's behavior, and actively discourage such inclinations when they pop up naturally. An older child correcting another child's manners/posture (cross your legs) is out of bounds by my standards.

 

Youngest by a decade here and I completely agree!

[Loudwater School]

My ex and I have five kids between us and are lifelong lifestyle homeschoolers, and this sort of thing DRIVES. ME. NUTS. I feel like I am constantly telling my sons' older stepbrothers to stop trying to parent them. I am the parent.