PrincessMommy Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Birthdays have always been stressful for me. I'm just not a good birthday present giver and now that several of my children have reached adulthood, it's getting even harder! My oldest's b-day is this coming week. She's married and off on her own. I have NO IDEA what to get her - or if I even should anymore. Last year I gave her money for her b-day, but honestly, I'm a bit uncomfortable with it because it seems kind of tacky. If you have adult children - how do you deal with birthdays???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 My children are still little, but I absolutely plan to give them birthday gifts as adults. DH and I give our parents and siblings birthday gifts and they're all adults. What about making up a photo album on Shutterfly or other site? That's what we usually do for the ladies in our family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quiver0f10 Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 I still give my adult children gifts and plan to continue to do so. Maybe ask your daughter what she would like for a gift? A card and a gift certificate are nice options. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 I don't have adult children, but I am an adult child. ;) My mom and dad give my brother and I (along with our spouses) money for our birthdays. They buy us gifts for Christmas. My in-laws also give money for birthdays (as well as Christmas since they live far away), so it doesn't seem tacky at all! Btw, we always buy ourselves something special with the money, rather than just including it in the household budget. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Well, no one is married, and they are barely adults--but yeah, we still give birthday gifts. I'm definitely married and an adult--and my mom and dad give me gifts! lol Some suggestions--a nice blouse or other item of clothing, a book you enjoyed, movie passes, some flowers (either for her to plant or sent to her), something for her kitchen (new dishtowels with some potholders, for example, although my mom would probably send these because mine are cruddy! lol), a restaurant certificate, a certificate for a mani/pedi with you (or without you)... Cash is always welcome here. That's usually what they give us. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBear Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 I don't have adult kids, but my parents (and inlaws) have always given me and DH birthday presents, and we presents for their birthdays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chicagoshannon Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 My parents typically give me either clothes or a restaurant gift card. DH usually gets a restaurant gift card from my parents. From the I laws I usually get some sort of gift card. I love getting gift cards for restaurants! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted May 12, 2012 Author Share Posted May 12, 2012 Thanks for the ideas. Our extended family is different. We don't do presents as a rule. We will call or send cards to in-laws and siblings, but not presents. Now, my mil used to give presents for b-days when she was younger. She was a great present giver - always knew the right thing to give to someone. But that was her. No one else really did that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Yes, definitely! My young adult married children are living on very skinny budgets, and they could really use our gifts more now than when they were younger. Now we tend to get them things that they need but can't afford -- more practical stuff. Like, decent long underwear and wool mittens, or something for their apartment. Sometimes we'll get them a gift certificate for the local movie theater, since that's not something they can easily spend money on right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Coming from another viewpoint here. My mother has been halfhazard about my birthday since I was in my teens. My family isn't very good with regards to consistancy. Dh's grandmother always remembers my birthday. It is really nice to have someone think of me instead only sending gifts to the children. Just because I grew up doesn't mean I stopped existing. Sometimes I feel this way when the children are the only ones that get presents (esp at Christmas). My father only sends birthday and Christmas presents to my children, but what about ME? I am HIS child. A card with a twenty would be great, something that says "I was thinking of you, and go get a coffee and have a small splurge" Perhaps if money wasn't so tight I wouldn't want this, but I don't think so. I don't want anything big, just a note that says I matter to my own parent at least as much as the grandchildren. I don't know what is in the heart of your children, but I know that everyone wants to be remembered. I come from very strange family dynamics and that makes me not want a big deal made of my birthday, I would be embarrassed with a party or an expensive gift (even from DH). But I would like to be special enough for a card and a thoughtful, small token gift. Lara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 My parents still give my sisters and I birthday gifts. I plan to give my children birthday gifts when they are grown. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 I vote for restaurant gift cards as well. My mom always gives me either (1) an item of clothing that I don't want and would never wear, or (2) another pair of gold hoop earrings, because she forgot that she gave me similar ones last year. Honestly, for me, a card or phone call is more than enough :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Yes, I give my adult children and their spouses something for their birthday. They are very good about telling me what they want. :001_smile: We also still have a birthday dinner at my house with a cake and the works. Birthdays are a big deal to our family, but I know every family is different. Maybe ask your dd if there is something she would like to have, but maybe can't afford to buy herself? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 i don't have adult children. i wanted to say that my parents give me (and even my husband) money every year for our birthdays & i'm 40. i certainly don't expect it, but i always appreciate it. my mom is a huge gift giver though and literally celebrates every.single.holiday. i definitely plan to give my children birthday gifts, as well a their spouses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Absolutely! Small gifts and a gift card or cash. Just sent my daughter in law three pairs of earrings and a some cash so she can buy a book or two on Kindle and something fun like shoes. If they lived closer, we would have done a family supper together, too. I'm finding that a small gift and some cash are easier for me to do for the adult kiddoes. One very important aspect is a heartfelt card. Say something in writing about how proud you are of them. Tell them something you admire about their character. Reinforce the very best parts of them on their special day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Absolutely! Small gifts and a gift card or cash. Just sent my daughter in law three pairs of earrings and a some cash so she can buy a book or two on Kindle and something fun like shoes. If they lived closer, we would have done a family supper together, too. I'm finding that a small gift and some cash are easier for me to do for the adult kiddoes. One very important aspect is a heartfelt card. Say something in writing about how proud you are of them. Tell them something you admire about their character. Reinforce the very best parts of them on their special day. you sound exactly like my mom:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k2bdeutmeyer Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Coming from another viewpoint here. My mother has been halfhazard about my birthday since I was in my teens. My family isn't very good with regards to consistancy. Dh's grandmother always remembers my birthday. It is really nice to have someone think of me instead only sending gifts to the children. Just because I grew up doesn't mean I stopped existing. Sometimes I feel this way when the children are the only ones that get presents (esp at Christmas). My father only sends birthday and Christmas presents to my children, but what about ME? I am HIS child. A card with a twenty would be great, something that says "I was thinking of you, and go get a coffee and have a small splurge" Perhaps if money wasn't so tight I wouldn't want this, but I don't think so. I don't want anything big, just a note that says I matter to my own parent at least as much as the grandchildren. I don't know what is in the heart of your children, but I know that everyone wants to be remembered. I come from very strange family dynamics and that makes me not want a big deal made of my birthday, I would be embarrassed with a party or an expensive gift (even from DH). But I would like to be special enough for a card and a thoughtful, small token gift. Lara Yes....this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 My adult child isn't yet married and still lives at home, but I will always buy my kids a gift. I'll even get spouses and girlfriends/boyfriends gifts. That's typical in my family. My mom drives over an hour to see me on my birthday and brings me a cake/pie and a present. When we can't see each other, we send a gift card. Even a $10 subway shop card is appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 My parents typically send a gift card, but....sometimes they don't. Sometimes it's something else, or sometimes nothing at all. Depends on if they have the money or not. I usually send them money, because that's what they need the most, but sometimes a gift car or an actual gift. Or, sometimes nothing, if money is tight. We don't sweat it either way. If we have money and send something, that's great. If not, that's fine, too. A card or a phone call is nice. I guess I just see gifts as gifts, and not obligations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIch elle Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Yes, I give my adult children and their spouses something for their birthday. They are very good about telling me what they want. :001_smile: We also still have a birthday dinner at my house with a cake and the works. Birthdays are a big deal to our family, but I know every family is different. Maybe ask your dd if there is something she would like to have, but maybe can't afford to buy herself? :bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 My kids aren't grown, but my folks usually get something for me for my birthday--a book or something small. Sometimes it's just the cake. :) If your kid is grown, she's plenty old enough to understand that you have a hard time choosing gifts and would appreciate some suggestions! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristinaBreece Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 My dad pretty much gives cash, every birthday without fail. And for Christmas, sometime's it's money/gift cards and sometimes it's gifts. (This year, it was quite a few gifts. :001_smile:) My mom hasn't given me a birthday or Christmas gift since DS was born, but always gets me a small something for Mother's Day. My stbxH's parents give me gifts for every holiday. All year long. I plan to keep gifting to my kids as long as they're my kids. So.... yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 I send my girls gift cards for their birthdays. They love it. I will always send my children/son-in-law something on their birthdays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 I don't have grown children but I am the grown child of someone who gives me gifts. :) My mother usually gives me a gift card to some place to indulge myself. Some place that I usually don't get to go. The last two years, it's been Sephora. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 We always get gifts from our parents. I receive from mil and dh gets from my parents. They are very generous as well. Money has been super tight the last few years. Our coffee pot died two days befor dh's birthday. My parents brought us a much nicer one than we could afford. This year my computer died thee week before my birthday. They bought me a new laptop. I was stunned because we didnt have the money to replace it. Our families arent wealthy, but they enjoying giving on holidays. We will always give on ds's birthday. He was born on my mom's bithday and we celebrate together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 I don't have adult kids, but my parents and my ILs (and sibs) do not exchange gifts any more now between adults now that there are so many grandkids on the scene. It just gets to be too much and people just end up exchanging gift cards which is so boring. For milestone events for grandparents, we might do something. But it would probably be more personal like a photo album or a nice meal out with all of us. Sometimes we just hook up and have a meal to celebrate a birthday, get a cake, etc but don't do gifts. Before I had my oldest, my mom and dad would still buy me gifts. Mostly practical household stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 I don't have adult marrieds yet... but my parents still give me gifts. They give my husband gifts too. I give to them too. I can't imagine not giving my children gifts on their birthdays, no matter how old they are. When they marry, their wives will be included too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 :bigear: My adult child buys a gift for me. Last birthday, she gave me a gift certificate to the Amazon Kindle store. So way cool. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hathersage Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 This is timely as today is my birthday. My parents gave me money. Enough that I retired a credit card debt today. This made me VERY happy. (I would have done it two months on my own, but this feeling of it being paid off now is the best birthday present). Next year I predict they will go back to gift-giving, instead of money, but this was very nice. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbecueMom Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 This is timely as today is my birthday. My parents gave me money. Enough that I retired a credit card debt today. This made me VERY happy. (I would have done it two months on my own, but this feeling of it being paid off now is the best birthday present). Next year I predict they will go back to gift-giving, instead of money, but this was very nice. :) It's my birthday today, too. My mom put a gift bag on my kitchen counter a couple hours ago and said, "Don't look in that." So this married adult child is apparently getting a present.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 (edited) Birthdays have always been stressful for me. I'm just not a good birthday present giver and now that several of my children have reached adulthood, it's getting even harder! My oldest's b-day is this coming week. She's married and off on her own. I have NO IDEA what to get her - or if I even should anymore. Last year I gave her money for her b-day, but honestly, I'm a bit uncomfortable with it because it seems kind of tacky. I was surprised to hear that anyone wouldn't give their adult children birthday gifts. How would it ever be considered tacky? :confused::confused::confused: I think it would be tacky and mean to not give a gift. (If finances are an issue, it doesn't have to be a "big deal" kind of gift, just a little keepsake.) Edited May 12, 2012 by Catwoman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 :party: :party: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HATHERSAGE & BARBECUE MOM!!! :party: :party: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 My parents will give me something simple, like a book, if we happen to celebrate my birthday together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Not usually. A card and a telephone call is about it. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMom Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Yes! I give a birthday gift to my adult children and their wonderful spouses! Usually it is a nice card, meant especially for them, & cash to spend on themselves or a gift card to their favorite place! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Yes I do! My grown son is hard but dil is easy, I send her flowers. I'm 50 freaking 4 and my parents both send me mad money for my birthday. I love it. Who doesn't love cash to spend? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edelweiss Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 My parents (they are divorced so they no longer act as one entity) haven't given me a birthday gift in years. I usually do get cards from both of them. A lack of gifts from them does not bother me though. DH and I are much better off than they are, and I don't really need them to spend money on me (particularly when they need it much more than I do). I do plan to always give my daughters birthday gifts though. If I can't think of anything, I would have no problem sending them money in lieu of an actual gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 I get birthday gifts for my parents, and they get them for me. The last few years my mom has given me: jewelry, VS gift card, Barnes and Noble gift card (for my Nook), books, stuff like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 I think my mom stopped giving me birthday gifts when I turned 30. Maybe a gift card would be good at this point? I know if my mom wanted to get me something, that's what I'd ask for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Year Round Mom Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 (edited) My mom is a practical gift giver and I've become a practical gift receiver, so gift-giving has been working out well in my married-with-kids years. :) (It was NOT exciting to receive a steam iron for Christmas when I was a freshman in college.) She combines my birthday (autumn) and Christmas gift, usually. She bought my Kitchenaid mixer and my Cuisinart blender. For the birth of my fourth baby, she contributed cash to my baby carrier, a Lenny Lamb bamboo blend mei tai, yeah! Whenever I use one of her gifts, which is often, I think of her and I'm thankful! I'll definitely be gifting to my kids forever, though right now, their gifts are related to their interests. When they're older, I hope they'll appreciate practical gifts! Edited May 12, 2012 by LivingOutLove Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth S Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 My dear mother gives us gift checks, for most occasions. Everyone gets the same amount for birthdays, but for Anniversaries (and even Mothers/Fathers Day) we get $1 per year. So the amount of the check increases each year. I think it's overly generous, but it is much easier logistically to keep up with everyone's special occasions with cash or gift card. I don't believe I will keep up this tradition--I'm more likely to slip a $20 into a homemade card. But it's fun to read of The Hive's ideas. My point is to make it something you can keep doing year after year, for ALL your (eventually adult) children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertDweller Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 I have one adult child that's married. We still give him a card and gift along with doing the same for dil on each of their birthdays. I'm a huge fan of gift cards, and they are always happy to get them. I like to do cards for dinner and a movie that way they both get to enjoy the gift together. They live on a fairly tight budget, so they are always glad to have an excuse to go out for an evening. My mom gave me a card and birthday present up until about the age of forty. I think she still would now, but they went through some tough times with their finances and that was about the time she stopped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PentecostalMom Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 I send my older dc gift cards. At first it did seem kind of tacky, but they appreciate it more than some gift that I am not sure they will use/want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 My parents have always give me and my dh $100 for our birthdays. We do the same for our own kids, and will for their future spouses as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah C. Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 I don't have adult children, but I am an adult child. ;) Why don't you ask her what she would like for her birthday? Or you could get her a gift card to a store which you know she likes. I am bad at presents and I get people gift cards somewhat frequently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 I don't have adult children, obviously, but we almost never buy for our parents and they almost never buy for us either. A text message is all that is required. We hardly ever buy birthday presents for our siblings. None of us are made of money. We all buy Christmas presents for each other, and that's the gift giving budget blown for the year. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Both my mother and MIL gave us gifts as adults for years. With that precedent set in our family, we will do the same tradition with our only child -- who is close to being an adult in a few years. ;) My mother used to send me ridiculous items that were from the Dollar Store and completely unnecessary or not my likes/taste. I would have better appreciated a card instead of a box of cheap junk. She died back in 1992, so I was spared from years of surprise boxes for my bday. Now I miss those crazy boxes. :D One thing I liked about my MIL was she really tried to gift me things I needed. Like gift certificates, teaching items, kitchen gadgets or clothing. Mind you, she was wealthy, lived out of state and we only saw her 2 times a year. Some years, she would send me a check (usually $150) for my birthday. My husband would always get the same amount for his birthday from his mother. We'd always plan a date night out with the gift and money set aside for a babysitter. She would get a photo of us seated at the restaurant or venue and we would always thank her for making our day special. Or if it was a much needed item, she got a big thank you letter from myself with a photo. She loved it. She would also spoil her only grandchild for his birthday. The sky was the limit for that child, which he loved. Now dear MIL is resting in heaven and celebrations are not quite the same. I can't wait to surprise my adult child when he is on his own, my future DIL and grandchildren for bdays. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted May 12, 2012 Author Share Posted May 12, 2012 I was surprised to hear that anyone wouldn't give their adult children birthday gifts. How would it ever be considered tacky? :confused::confused::confused: I think it would be tacky and mean to not give a gift. (If finances are an issue, it doesn't have to be a "big deal" kind of gift, just a little keepsake.) Well... I didn't say it was tacky to get them a *present*. I *said* I thought it was tacky to give them money as a present. But, apparently a lot of people dont' think so so perhaps I'm wrong. We're just not a big gift giving family. My parents don't get me gifts - although I usually get a call and/or a card (a card is not a gift, IMO). It's no big deal... I think that's why it's always been difficult for me, because society says it SHOULD be a BIG deal. Good mom = b-day presents. So it stresses me out. KWIM? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted May 12, 2012 Author Share Posted May 12, 2012 Both my mother and MIL gave us gifts as adults for years. With that precedent set in our family, we will do the same tradition with our only child -- who is close to being an adult in a few years. ;) My mother used to send me ridiculous items that were from the Dollar Store and completely unnecessary or not my likes/taste. I would have better appreciated a card instead of a box of cheap junk. She died back in 1992, so I was spared from years of surprise boxes for my bday. Now I miss those crazy boxes. :D One thing I liked about my MIL was she really tried to gift me things I needed. Like gift certificates, teaching items, kitchen gadgets or clothing. Mind you, she was wealthy. Some years, she would send me a check (usually $150) for my birthday. My husband would always get the same amount for his birthday from his mother. We'd always plan a date night out with the gift and money set aside for a babysitter. She would get a photo of us seated at the restaurant or venue and we would always thank her for making our day special. Or if it was a much needed item, she got a big thank you letter from myself with a photo. She loved it. She would also spoil her only grandchild for his birthday. The sky was the limit for that child, which he loved. Now dear MIL is resting in heaven and celebrations are not quite the same. I can't wait to surprise my adult child when he is on his own, my future DIL and grandchildren for bdays. :) yes, yes... exactly. This and others who wrote similar stories. I don't want to be the parent that gift useless junk either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted May 12, 2012 Author Share Posted May 12, 2012 I don't have adult children, obviously, but we almost never buy for our parents and they almost never buy for us either. A text message is all that is required. We hardly ever buy birthday presents for our siblings. None of us are made of money. We all buy Christmas presents for each other, and that's the gift giving budget blown for the year. Rosie This sounds similar to our family. Although now a days, because many in our extended family (siblings, siblings in-laws) money is quite tight, we've all opted for no presents even at Christmas for the last several years. At least for the older kids and adults. We're all trying to be sensitive to those who have it a lot harder in this economy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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