Thoughts/opinions for homeschooling teens...I am in need of support, please

[Melinda TX]

Hi all - I am a long time member who dropped off the boards for awhile. But I can't find the wisdom and help you guys willingly provide anywhere else!

 

I have 4 dc, 13 ds, 11 dd, 8ds, 7dd. All have been hs since beginning, with the youngers spending a semester in a local charter school. Oldest son is enrolled to attend PS freshman next year. BUT - I am getting such cold feet and a bad feeling about it. He is average smart (not a genius, unless it is hiding somewhere!), great character, quiet, very phlegmatic (if you have ever done a personality test). Not super motivated, and does just enough to get by. By great character, I mean- respectful to others, no foul language, is not involved or interested in most of pop culture (for us, that is a plus).

We intended to send him to PS to provide that "push" for motivation and make him more independent for his schoolwork. But the things I have seen lately with local teens (I know, I am grouping them into one big stereotype) have me seriously reconsidering because of the character issue. Even some teen boys from our church were at our home while parents joined us in a Bible Study, and their behavior was appalling. Enough that we had to disband the Bible Study because we didn't want our kids exposed to it.

But dh feels firmly about sending him to school. DS has no interest in attending high school, by the way.

I guess my long-winded bottom line - how do you manage a high school homeschool student who is unmotivated, combined with a mom with some self-discipline challenges (sanguine! I want to have fun!). I think I can out-source many of his classes (a friend teaching Konos HOW, biology thru a co-op, etc.) Will he be scarred for life if he doesn't have a lot of pre-AP or AP classes? Are the opportunities that PS provides (clubs, extra-curricular) enough tobalance the onslaught of pop culture?

He is very involved with Boy Scouts, and we have a great co-op through our church that I help lead. He has a few close friends, and that is all he feels he needs (I agree). I would love to involve the whole family with volunteering on a regular basis, but he would be busy with long school hours at PS.

AACK! :confused:

Thanks for hanging in there with me!

melinda

 

I am praying, praying, praying that God brings my heart and dh's heart on the same page.

[Chris in CA]

I personally wouldn't do it. Sending my dd to the local hs would be tantamount to sending a baby lamb to the slaughter. I just got off the phone with dh and was thanking him for working so hard so I could hs the girls through hs. We are going to look to the local CC for those harder classes and more challenge when she reaches her junior year.

[Gwen in VA]

If I were you, I would investigate on-line classes.

 

I too had a boy who was a VERY reluctant learner. But somehow having a teacher who wasn't Mom, having to hand in assignments ON TIME, and discovering that other students really did do the work so he had no excuse did WONDERS for my reluctant learner (who graduates this Saturday!)

 

On-line classes are not cheap, but if you can even afford one per year it might have a spill-over effect. After finding out (via the online class) that I wasn't so unreasonable for asking him to do the kind of work that I did, my ds was considerably more willing to do schoolwork for me.

 

I wish you the best -- homeschooling teen boys can be a REAL challenge! :tongue_smilie:

[newbie]

We have done ApexLearning.com online school. I just would not have patience to try and fight through high school. The tween ones are hard enough.

 

Therfore a teacher handles her and she meets the schools deadlines. It has worked well for dd. Great primer for college. The only thing is no diploma. So we are transferring last two yrs.

 

Otherwise great school.

 

Jet

[Sharon in MD]

Having someone else to whom he must be accountable for a course or two can be a huge help. Another thing that worked for us when our ds, now a rising senior, was dragging his feet was the initiation of a homeschool contract that spelled out what was required of him if he wanted to continue in homeschool. In our case, since he didn't want anything to do with our local cesspool PS, it was strong motivation. I am sorry if that is offensive to anyone, but our particular ps offering is really not good. There are some decent ones around, but not in my backyard, so to speak.

 

I wouldn't send him if you can avoid it. The issues you saw at the Bible study should be a red flag as to what is happening to those young men's characters under the influence of goodness knows what. I have watched with great dismay as the character of a dear friends children deteriorated after they moved into the ps our son would have attended. I'm so glad we have stayed the course.

 

When we were considering the possibility of PS for high school a very wise friend of mine who has homeschooled all her kids encouraged me that homeschooling is like gardening.....she told me not to plow my field under before the harvest! It made me think....I believe she was and is right. I also wouldn't want an insect infestation in that hard worked garden either, KWIM?

 

I'll be praying for you and your husband!

[Pamela H in Texas]

I too had a boy who was a VERY reluctant learner. But somehow having a teacher who wasn't Mom, having to hand in assignments ON TIME, and discovering that other students really did do the work so he had no excuse did WONDERS for my reluctant learner

 

This has been our experience with ds doing the state's virtual academy also. Best thing in the world for him without all the negatives of public school (and for my son, there were some definite negatives).

[Melinda TX]

Thanks ladies for ALL the suggestions. I hope even more moms chime in - it is very helpful to know we aren't the only ones going through the same challenges! I would love to know more about online options. I am looking at Apex; Pam - you're in Texas like me - are you using K12 as an independent??. We have several university model schools near us, but the tuition is out of reach for us.

Sharon - if you read this - would you mind sharing your contract that you wrote up? Or just the highlights? I think that is a grand idea - I may have to make one for myself as well.

I am planning on preparing a "business plan" to show my dh; the pros and cons of PS, what classes we can outsource to other teachers, etc. He is very much a linear thinker, and in his mind, once the decision is made, why on earth are we looking at it again? He has said, if ds goes and it is not a good experience, we could bring him home again. The hard part with that is - then we are jumping in in the middle of the school year, and I don't know if we could join the classes that would benefit him (and me).

Again, thanks ladies.

[LoriM]

Well, public school is the not the death-knell of education, depending on the school, and the involvement of the parent in his/her child's life. After all, most of US had public school educations, and here we are, life-long learners, and vested in the educations of our children!

 

So, since your son doesn't actively *desire* attending PS, then that would be where I'd start. What is he passionate about? Many people homeschool their teens because it affords them the opportunity to effectively and efficiently complete academics while allowing time for individual pursuits. Does he rebuild engines? Design computer programs? Play guitar? Garden? Paint? If he has any area of interest that he'd love to be able to pursue 24x7, then I'd build that into his high school plan. If he DOESN'T have a passion (or even peaked interest), then a general education a la PS is not a bad thing. He'll be exposed to lots of different ideas, interests, and opportunities in clubs and sports and music and arts.

 

Is he pursuing Eagle Scout? If so, that can absolutely be his "passion" that balances academics.

 

If you are determined to keep him home, then you can absolutely build a "general" education experience for him with lots of activities to give him opportunities to develop a passion by outsourcing courses, and creating or finding some volunteer opportunities for him.

 

And don't forget, he is rapidly approaching the age where he can get his first job. Employment is a great way for a young man to find his feet.

 

I only have two children, but what I found was that once my older dd was in "high school" she took AT LEAST 50% of my time. Don't think he can "self-educate" high school while you focus on the littles. If anything, I think he'd get 50% of your time, while the younger ones shared the other 50%. Even if you outsource some courses, even if you merely "monitor" his studies and not actively teach...you'll find that your availability to a teen must be much higher than you'd believe.

 

But it is OH SO WORTH IT. I wouldn't give anything for homeschooling the teen years!!! I have had to modify my approach to meet the needs of the individual child, but with flexibility, availability and lots of love, sharing the high school years is just an amazing blessing to the family.

 

When you are preparing an argument for your dh, you might explain to him what adding outside-expectations (scheduling tests, homework, etc. all leaves your control when he goes to PS) and limited holidays will do to the family's time together. My DH was amazed by how our world shifted when my dd started her community college courses, for example.

 

HTH,

 

Lori

[newbie]

This has been our experience with ds doing the state's virtual academy also. Best thing in the world for him without all the negatives of public school (and for my son, there were some definite negatives).

 

Apex is very rigorous and good curriculum. Pamela, what is K12 doing for high school state virtual academy?

 

Jet

[Kathleen in VA]

Both my older boys (now graduated) were reluctant learners - not the academic types. They both were and are active in Civil Air Patrol and that has been their main focus during their teen years. I think if you can find something your son is passionate about I wouldn't push heavy academics on him, I'd just let him pursue his passion and let him get by with the basics otherwise. Our society rewards specialists. Let him find something he really enjoys doing and build his schooling around that. My boys enjoy learning when it interests them. Aren't we all like that? Also, there is no hard and fast rule that says high school has to be completed by the time a student is 17-18 years old. If it takes a bit longer it doesn't matter.

 

I would avoid ps. It is true that a lot of us are products of that system, but it is not the same as it was and even if it were, I'd be reluctant to send my child there. If you want to know what's really going on in public schools I highly suggest you read "The Underground History of American Education" by John Taylor Gatto. Gatto was voted Teacher of the Year in New York State once or twice and is intimately acquainted with the system. His book is a real eye-opener.

[coopers5]

There is a lot of good advice here already, but I would just add, pray very earnestly about this. And as I read the first few replies, I kept thinking, "but her husband has really already spoken."

Then I saw people begin to address that. At any rate, I believe you, your children, your family as a whole is best protected and provided for when you follow your husband's leadership. So, while it's great to appeal to him and show him your arguments and research (all great and wonderful!) - I would keep in mind that God uses him to speak to you. I, personally, couldn't imagine placing my children in public school, or even any private schools in my area; so I am totally sympathetic to your feelings.

I also know I am tempted way too often to run on my emotions without really trusting God. He will lead you through your husband (even in imperfections!) :) So, to me, in the meantime, continue to pray for wisdom for both of you.

This is something I'm sure you already know. But these were my thoughts as I read. I will pray for you, as well.

 

HTH.

Jo

[Liza Q]

Melinda- I have no real advice but I did want to say that your plan is a very good one! I find that is better to be practical and organized when I want my husband to consider something that does not originally appeal to him :001_smile:

[Melinda TX]

I love reading all the suggestions and encouragement! Jo - I agree - dh has said, and I will ultimately support what he decides. I thought I would make one last attempt - with a real plan, instead of just mealy-mouth "Aaah, I'm not sure about PS!"

I will look more into k12 - I have two of my youngers who are going to try it in the online charter school for Texas. I didn't see where that was an option yet for high school, but something like that would be right up ds's alley. He most likely will head into a computer field as he gets older. DH is a programmer, so it must run in the genes.

Anyway - I appreciate everyone taking the time to answer. It helps me clarify my thoughts. (and emotions)

Melinda

[Denisemomof4]

and I have nothing but regrets. BUT, it was something I simply had not choice over - I absolutely HAD to put my kids in school because I was burning out FAST. My youngest is adopted and has a LOT of consuming issues, both my parents almost died last year, my mother in law almost died last year, and I suffered a head injury. If I had to homeschool a high schooler, along with THREE other kids, I would have ended up in the hospital. PERIOD.

 

ANYWAY, I have HUGE regrets. My son sounds a lot like yours, GOOD morals, very kind and polite and accepting TO and OF EVERYONE, etc. PS has been a HUGE eye opener. He's a very good looking kid who, after 2 years in PS, feels awful about himself. It's about destroyed his self confidence. He could not BELIEVE how mean the "popular" kids are and although he was picked on, it bothered him more to see others picked on. And he couldn't believe how awful life is for the kids. Many of them use him as their sounding board, especially the girls, and it has depressed him knowing how awful other families have it. He also knows two kids who have tried to commit suicide this year.

 

His grades in 9th were very, very good, his PSAT scores in 10th quite exceptional in most areas, but the rest of his grades tanked this year. My happy go lucky, KIND kid has buckled under the pressure and his grades have shown it all. Now it's like pulling teeth to get him to complete his work.

 

I didn't want to make decisions for this 6'2 kid, wanting him to make his own, but I finally decided that we only have 2 more years to make decisions for him and we've decided he's going to do dual enrollment next year. He's taking 2 AP classes and science through the HS, the rest at home. And he's SO happy about it now. He fought it at first, now he's so glad. He's been told he can hang out with friends after school 1 x per week, but his home and school studies are THE priority, and if he gets anything lower than a B he will lose privileges. I say this because I KNOW WHAT HE'S CAPABLE OF. He blew it in 10th grade and I won't let it happen again in 11th.

 

I feel like sending my son to school was like throwing him in a pool of sharks. He's SO different from the average kid (kind, respectful, etc.) that he stood out like a sore thumb. Yes, he's got lots of friends, but the segregation bothers him and he HATES the fact that in order to be popular you need to be MEAN, an IDIOT.

 

On top of that all, he was BULLIED BY TEACHERS. I called the principal a few times but I've given up.

 

If your husband really wants him in hs, you need to make that decision with him. Why does he want him there?

 

And, mom, you MUST hold yourself accountable if he's home! He's got to get it all done, this is HIGH SCHOOL! :) YOU CAN DO IT AND STILL HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Again, discuss this with your husband and son. You all need to work this out. But what you will find in the local public high school will be, I'm sure, shocking.

 

Denise

[elizam]

and I have nothing but regrets. BUT, it was something I simply had not choice over - I absolutely HAD to put my kids in school because I was burning out FAST. My youngest is adopted and has a LOT of consuming issues, both my parents almost died last year, my mother in law almost died last year, and I suffered a head injury. If I had to homeschool a high schooler, along with THREE other kids, I would have ended up in the hospital. PERIOD.

 

ANYWAY, I have HUGE regrets. My son sounds a lot like yours, GOOD morals, very kind and polite and accepting TO and OF EVERYONE, etc. PS has been a HUGE eye opener. He's a very good looking kid who, after 2 years in PS, feels awful about himself. It's about destroyed his self confidence. He could not BELIEVE how mean the "popular" kids are and although he was picked on, it bothered him more to see others picked on. And he couldn't believe how awful life is for the kids. Many of them use him as their sounding board, especially the girls, and it has depressed him knowing how awful other families have it. He also knows two kids who have tried to commit suicide this year.

 

His grades in 9th were very, very good, his PSAT scores in 10th quite exceptional in most areas, but the rest of his grades tanked this year. My happy go lucky, KIND kid has buckled under the pressure and his grades have shown it all. Now it's like pulling teeth to get him to complete his work.

 

I didn't want to make decisions for this 6'2 kid, wanting him to make his own, but I finally decided that we only have 2 more years to make decisions for him and we've decided he's going to do dual enrollment next year. He's taking 2 AP classes and science through the HS, the rest at home. And he's SO happy about it now. He fought it at first, now he's so glad. He's been told he can hang out with friends after school 1 x per week, but his home and school studies are THE priority, and if he gets anything lower than a B he will lose privileges. I say this because I KNOW WHAT HE'S CAPABLE OF. He blew it in 10th grade and I won't let it happen again in 11th.

 

I feel like sending my son to school was like throwing him in a pool of sharks. He's SO different from the average kid (kind, respectful, etc.) that he stood out like a sore thumb. Yes, he's got lots of friends, but the segregation bothers him and he HATES the fact that in order to be popular you need to be MEAN, an IDIOT.

 

On top of that all, he was BULLIED BY TEACHERS. I called the principal a few times but I've given up.

 

If your husband really wants him in hs, you need to make that decision with him. Why does he want him there?

 

And, mom, you MUST hold yourself accountable if he's home! He's got to get it all done, this is HIGH SCHOOL! :) YOU CAN DO IT AND STILL HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Again, discuss this with your husband and son. You all need to work this out. But what you will find in the local public high school will be, I'm sure, shocking.

 

Denise

 

Ouch, I feel the pain in this post. I almost could have posted it myself. My own ds has changed so much from PS. And it's so true about the MEAN popular people. Sadly, they are often the ones liked most by the teachers as well as the students, as they tend to be the "gifted", "honors", etc. kids. I can't wrap my mind around it. :confused:

[elizam]

Hi all - I am a long time member who dropped off the boards for awhile. But I can't find the wisdom and help you guys willingly provide anywhere else!

 

I have 4 dc, 13 ds, 11 dd, 8ds, 7dd. All have been hs since beginning, with the youngers spending a semester in a local charter school. Oldest son is enrolled to attend PS freshman next year. BUT - I am getting such cold feet and a bad feeling about it. He is average smart (not a genius, unless it is hiding somewhere!), great character, quiet, very phlegmatic (if you have ever done a personality test). Not super motivated, and does just enough to get by. By great character, I mean- respectful to others, no foul language, is not involved or interested in most of pop culture (for us, that is a plus).

We intended to send him to PS to provide that "push" for motivation and make him more independent for his schoolwork. But the things I have seen lately with local teens (I know, I am grouping them into one big stereotype) have me seriously reconsidering because of the character issue. Even some teen boys from our church were at our home while parents joined us in a Bible Study, and their behavior was appalling. Enough that we had to disband the Bible Study because we didn't want our kids exposed to it.

But dh feels firmly about sending him to school. DS has no interest in attending high school, by the way.

I guess my long-winded bottom line - how do you manage a high school homeschool student who is unmotivated, combined with a mom with some self-discipline challenges (sanguine! I want to have fun!). I think I can out-source many of his classes (a friend teaching Konos HOW, biology thru a co-op, etc.) Will he be scarred for life if he doesn't have a lot of pre-AP or AP classes? Are the opportunities that PS provides (clubs, extra-curricular) enough tobalance the onslaught of pop culture?

He is very involved with Boy Scouts, and we have a great co-op through our church that I help lead. He has a few close friends, and that is all he feels he needs (I agree). I would love to involve the whole family with volunteering on a regular basis, but he would be busy with long school hours at PS.

AACK! :confused:

Thanks for hanging in there with me!

melinda

 

I am praying, praying, praying that God brings my heart and dh's heart on the same page.

 

 

(((Melinda))),

 

Hugs to you,and prayers. We are in a similar boat here. Only my oldest is in PS (rising 10th grader) and my next oldest is a rising 9th grader, and a girl.

 

Dh wants her to get into the magnet school. Don't know what he wants if she doesn't. He also wants our younger 2 in school (or so he says 50% of the time) so they "get used to it" and don't have to adjust at some later time like our oldest did.

 

I am unsure anymore if I even want to homeschool anymore. I get little support and my kids are not motivated. But, like you, I have seen and heard enough about PS to make me have very cold feet. Even if my kids were in the "good kids" crowd and making good grades, i still feel like I wouldn't be able to relate to them. I just don't like most of what I see coming from PS kids. Adults shock me, too, including teachers. It is scary considering what kind of people hold my kids' future in their hands.

[Sharon in MD]

if you will send me (pm) your email address, I'll send you the contract wording. It is too large to upload.

 

:glare:

[Tammyla]

:grouphug:I hope you find the best fit:grouphug:. We are going with an accredited school along with a dual enrollment option this year. I'm also hoping to avoid or at least delay entry into high school.

[pianoplayer]

I have 4 dc, 13 ds, 11 dd, 8ds, 7dd. All have been hs since beginning, with the youngers spending a semester in a local charter school. Oldest son is enrolled to attend PS freshman next year. BUT - I am getting such cold feet and a bad feeling about it. He is average smart (not a genius, unless it is hiding somewhere!), great character, quiet, very phlegmatic (if you have ever done a personality test). Not super motivated, and does just enough to get by. By great character, I mean- respectful to others, no foul language, is not involved or interested in most of pop culture (for us, that is a plus).

For what it is worth, our son is roughly a year older than yours, and we have seen some of the same "not super motivated" behavior from him, too :)--enough to wonder whether it could be partly related to his stage of growth. Here's something for thought and comparison: is schoolwork the ONLY activity in which your son is unmotivated, or is he unmotivated across-the-board? The answer might give you a clue as to how to respond. For example, you might conclude that a child who is very unmotivated about EVERYTHING is lazy, in which case he needs to work on character qualities like diligence and initiative. However, if your son is very motivated in things he enjoys (say, scouts), but just not in schoolwork, perhaps you and your husband need to "clue him in" on just how important his schoolwork is to his adult life, how various subjects prepare and equip him for life and adult responsibilities, etc.

We intended to send him to PS to provide that "push" for motivation and make him more independent for his schoolwork. But the things I have seen lately with local teens (I know, I am grouping them into one big stereotype) have me seriously reconsidering because of the character issue. Even some teen boys from our church were at our home while parents joined us in a Bible Study, and their behavior was appalling. Enough that we had to disband the Bible Study because we didn't want our kids exposed to it.

Why do you think that public/private school could provide a motivational push for your son? (I do understand that traditional school might be an eye-opener in some respects, and even that some children who relish competition might work harder in such an environment.) Ultimately, the motivation for which you are looking is internal, i.e., your son pushes himself to learn and achieve because he is convinced of its intrinsic importance and its applicability to his adult life. Short-term, of course, I believe that that motivation can best be strengthened by you as parents as you guide him and explain the direct relevance of his studies to his life and responsibilities as an adult.

I guess my long-winded bottom line - how do you manage a high school homeschool student who is unmotivated, combined with a mom with some self-discipline challenges (sanguine! I want to have fun!).

(Gulp!) I really hope that this does not come across as critical or uncaring, but you have to be the adult here, along with your husband. In my opinion, self government is the most important government! To the degree that I, as a mom of two, have self-discipline challenges, I should expect to see those mirrored in my children. When I, as Mom to my two, just want to have fun . . . and so my children rarely see me exercising self discipline to do the hard but necessary things . . . why should I expect them to think and act any differently from me? Please understand, I don't mean to imply that this is easy, or that I don't give myself this lecture a thousand times a day! :glare: You obviously love and care deeply for your dear children and want to give them the best possible start in adult life. Part of that "best possible start" means teaching, with every means at our disposal, our children to exercise self discipline (i.e., to govern themselves) in steadily-increasing degrees as we prepare them for adulthood and independence.

 

I realize that none of this answers your core question about your husband's desire to send your son to public school. I hope and pray that you and your husband will be able to share all of your concerns with each other and come to the wisest decision for your family. :grouphug: