DawnM Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 UGH! I hate conflict. We had a VERY bad experience about 9 years ago. Long story short, a guy I knew vaguely and his wife were moving to our area to "make it big in Hollywood." I didn't know that then, but that is what they thought.....anyway, they asked if they could stay with us for a day or two.....it turned into a very, very long couple of weeks with us finally dropping them off at a homeless shelter. We almost had to get the police involved. Anyway, I have another friend in dire straits (no money, no job, nowhere to go) who is asking to come stay with us. Help me say no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon H in IL Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 "That won't work for us. Can I do some asking around for job openings for you? What type of thing are you looking for? I know XYZ is hiring for their third shift." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Help me say no. Home is where if you have to go there, they have to take you (R. Frost paraphrase). Tell them they need to go home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to help you out. I hope you manage to make another plan that works for you. If you do manage to find a place in this town, we'd love to invite you to dinner. Let us know how things go." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 No is a complete sentence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 "That won't work for us. Can I do some asking around for job openings for you? What type of thing are you looking for? I know XYZ is hiring for their third shift." :iagree: "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to help you out. I hope you manage to make another plan that works for you. If you do manage to find a place in this town, we'd love to invite you to dinner. Let us know how things go." :iagree: But I don't think I would offer an invitation for anything. No is a complete sentence. :iagree: Whatever you do, don't make an excuse. Just keep saying "No, we can't help you out" and keep repeating. If you make an excuse, that gives the opportunity to overcome that excuse. Best wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 No is a complete sentence. :iagree: And, I say this because I have had to make that my mantra at times in my life. :grouphug::grouphug: Do not feel guilty!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 BTDT with family and with friends of friends. I have a NEVER again policy. If it is a friend that you want to help but can not help in this way just say: "We want to help you make it through this time but I am sorry you can't stay with us. I am happy to help you find resources for food, shelter and job leads. I know you will come through this." Then offer a list of resources like social workers, shelters, food banks etc where they can get help. Be encouraging but hold firm boundaries. for a "friend" who is not someone you feel helpful towards: "No, that does not work for us. The community help line (in many areas there is a central resource number, here is is 211) number is xyz." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 She doesn't even live close to me or in my state! I don't want to go into too much detail, but I do believe she has some mental illness and opening that door would lead to some real issues. I am hoping a family member will allow them to stay with them. They have burned some bridges there, which gives me even further pause. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 She doesn't even live close to me or in my state! I don't want to go into too much detail, but I do believe she has some mental illness and opening that door would lead to some real issues. I am hoping a family member will allow them to stay with them. They have burned some bridges there, which gives me even further pause. Dawn Sorry, I assumed local friend. Just say no (heck NO!) and if you are inclined encourage her to look for social services options in her area. She is making a request that in no way you should feel any hint of guilt for saying no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyCrazyMama Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Once you say no your job is done!;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 Thank you. It looks like they have found another place for a while. Whew..... I hate the uncomfortableness of the whole thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Thank you. It looks like they have found another place for a while. Whew..... I hate the uncomfortableness of the whole thing. Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Thank goodness. I'm sure you're very relieved -- but keep your guard up, because "a while" may not be very long, and you might be asked again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Well if this person knows you better than your husband, this is where the uncooperative spouse comes into play. (and either of us is willing to play the role) Your husband says absolutely not. Or miss Manners: "Oh dear, I'm afraid we can't possibly help." "Yes, I understand you think we're you're only hope. But we can't help you with this." "I'm so sorry, this must be difficult for you, but we're not going to be able to help." "That's just terrible. I wish we could help, but we can't." Practice in front of a mirror. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to help you out. I hope you manage to make another plan that works for you. If you do manage to find a place in this town, we'd love to invite you to dinner. Let us know how things go." :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted March 28, 2012 Author Share Posted March 28, 2012 Inviting the last guy for dinner is what got us into the mess we were in. He showed up at the door with wife and suitcases in hand. :glare: The thing is, I know even allowing them to stay for a week would turn into disaster. With no job prospects and no money, even if they were to find jobs in the next week or two, it would take months to get enough $$ for a deposit on an apartment, etc..... I am going to have to practice my nos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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