Scarlett Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 http://news.yahoo.com/living-brain-damaged-ex-husband-135900630.html;_ylt=Aje0xa4.6YtpMMExg2xGunXzWed_;_ylu=X3oDMTRvOW4yNGlyBGNjb2RlA2dtcHRvcDEwMDBwb29sd2lraXVwcmVzdARtaXQDTmV3cyBmb3IgeW91BHBrZwNjODUxNDAwMy0zNjFmLTMzN2ItOWY0My00YzcyNjA2OGE1OTEEcG9zAzkEc2V Story of how one woman views 'in sickness and in health.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ravinlunachick Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I don't see what is so terrible about it. She didn't abandon him, and he has continued to be a loved, included member of their family. :confused: FAR be it from me to judge the actions or emotions of those who find themselves caring for brain-damaged spouses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Story of how one woman views 'in sickness and in health.' Not everyone believes one MUST stay married for one's entire life. But it's worth considering that each partner does have their own needs (emotional, physical, financial, and so on). I am not sure what is the best course of action; clearly this is very complicated, but it's certainly better than abandoning him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKidAcademy Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I fail to see how this is disgusting. It's not like the three of them sleep in the same bed; they don't even live in the same house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chepyl Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I would not judge a person for that choice. He is not the man she married, her first husband was supportive. I don't know that it is a choice I would make, but she is still taking care of him, just not on her own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I don't see what is so terrible about it. She didn't abandon him, and he has continued to be a loved, included member of their family. :confused: FAR be it from me to judge the actions or emotions of those who find themselves caring for brain-damaged spouses. :iagree: I think she wrestled with her choice. It's not like he's just plain ill, he's a completely different person than the one she married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicAnn Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 My problem with the story is that the author clearly says that Robert is impaired and it's unclear how much he really comprehends...but then goes on to act like Robert is totally fine with the situation with his wife and this other man. :confused: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 It took her a long time to reach this point and she did so while continuing to care for her first husband. Until someone has been there- caring for a permanently brain damaged spouse- I don't think we can really know what we would do ourselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Honestly....I think it is a beautiful story. One can not know how this feels and what goes along with it unless we have experienced it. My parents are divorced. When my dad broke his neck....my mother, his children, and my mothers boyfriend of a few years cared for him. We are all very close. Life throws some hard curve balls. But I believe that woman deserved someone who could act as a father and a husband....one who would love everyone she loved....including her brain injured husband. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maus Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Wow! Eerily similar to a family I know, except in our local case, the brain-injured man's mother was in a position health-wise and financially to care for him, so she was able to remove him from the care facility. The mother and son attend church in the same congregation we do. The ex-DIL and her husband live one town away and invite them to travel with them, come to dinner, etc. In our local case, they had three really young boys and a fourth born after his accident (he was hit by a bus). On his best, clearest days, he functions at about an 11-year-old level. His wife really needed a spouse capable of co-parenting with her and he will never be that again. His mother completely understands. She likes the new husband and how he has stepped in to help raise her grandsons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 Absolutely gobsmacked that you all think this is ok. Do your spouses know this about you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Honestly....I think it is a beautiful story. :iagree: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I don't think it's disgusting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I would not judge a person for that choice. He is not the man she married, her first husband was supportive. I don't know that it is a choice I would make, but she is still taking care of him, just not on her own. :iagree: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 (edited) Absolutely gobsmacked that you all think this is ok. Do your spouses know this about you? Absolutely yes. We discussed all of this when we made our wills, health care directives and purchased LTC insurance. Neither of us thinks we would want to if the other was permanently brain damaged but each us strongly say that if we were in a permanent vegetative state or other situation where our personality and intellects were gone, we would not want the other spouse to be alone physically and emotionally forever. If I were to die physically, I would want my husband after a reasonable time of mourning to be able to be with someone who could make him happy. I don't see this as substantially different. I would not want my young husband and kids to forever be without some of the day to day, long term, and emotional benefits of a spouse and (step)mother. I think that if I did, that would be unbelievably selfish of me. Edited January 29, 2012 by kijipt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 http://news.yahoo.com/living-brain-damaged-ex-husband-135900630.html;_ylt=Aje0xa4.6YtpMMExg2xGunXzWed_;_ylu=X3oDMTRvOW4yNGlyBGNjb2RlA2dtcHRvcDEwMDBwb29sd2lraXVwcmVzdARtaXQDTmV3cyBmb3IgeW91BHBrZwNjODUxNDAwMy0zNjFmLTMzN2ItOWY0My00YzcyNjA2OGE1OTEEcG9zAzkEc2V Story of how one woman views 'in sickness and in health.' I agree with you Scarlett. :001_smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wabi Sabi Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Absolutely gobsmacked that you all think this is ok. Do your spouses know this about you? Yep. And he knows that if the situation was reversed, I would want him to find another partner who would help care for our children and love them as her own. FWIW, my wedding vows said not one word about sickness and health, obedience, or anything of the sort. Oh? And not only do I think it's "ok," I think it actually goes far beyond that and is quite a beautiful story of love, compassion and responsibility. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura in MI Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I don't see what is so terrible about it. She didn't abandon him, and he has continued to be a loved, included member of their family. :confused: FAR be it from me to judge the actions or emotions of those who find themselves caring for brain-damaged spouses. :iagree: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bubblegum Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 My husband and I both think this is a beautiful story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ipsey Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Absolutely gobsmacked that you all think this is ok. Do your spouses know this about you? I once met a man who had a wife who was dying from a neurodegenerative disease. She had been in the hospital for over three years. Very seldom conscious. He was dating again, visited his wife regularly. I thought this was disgusting when I first met this man (I was in college at the time). When I got married, I talked with my now-husband about these types of situations because my feelings had much changed. I would hope that my husband could take care of whatever part of me was remaining, and find someone her could love who could also take care of him as he needed when I couldn't. So, no, I don't see the story as disgusting. I'd hope the same for my husband, or for me, should something this horrible happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 Yep. And he knows that if the situation was reversed, I would want him to find another partner who would love our children and love them as her own. FWIW, my wedding vows said not one word about sickness and health, obedience, or anything of the sort. Oh? And not only do I think it's "ok," I think it actually goes far beyond that and is quite a beautiful story of love, compassion and responsibility. My comment about in sickness and health was not meant to be literal..those words weren't in my vows either...however, I do expect my dh to stay faithful to me until one of us dies! Not just until it is too inconvient for him depending on how sick I get. So who gets to determine when it is acceptable to divorce a disabled spouse? Wow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TracyR Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Well the vows of sickness and health doesn't mean much to a lot of people anymore. I know I was watching the news one evening and they were saying that less than 50% of the population in the US is married anyways. I don't know what I would do if I were put in that position. I think it was responsible for putting him in the nursing home especially if he was displaying violent behavior due to his health to keep her children safe. Boy, I just don't know. I can't judge because I haven't walked a mile in her shoes. But in the same breath I was taught "til death do us part." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hana Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Absolutely gobsmacked that you all think this is ok. Do your spouses know this about you? Absolutely. This is something we discussed before we married over 21 years ago. We want each other to have full and complete lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 (edited) I don't see what is so horrible about the situation. The ex has the mental capacity of what? A four-year old? She couldn't have marital relations with a 4-year old even if he is in the body of a 50-year old man. What would have been disgusting is if she dumped the ex in a subpar nursing facility, took the money and ran. Yes, I can pretty safely say that dh would be okay with it. Edited January 29, 2012 by Parrothead Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 So I assume the ones who think this is ok would also be ok with your father divorcing your mother once she gets Alzheimers and is no longer 'the same person'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Absolutely gobsmacked that you all think this is ok. You thought that every person on this board would think this was a disgusting story? :confused: I thought you had been around longer than that. It would not be my/dh's course of action due to Biblical convictions about marriage. However, I am well aware that not everyone shares those convictions, and I think this story is a beautiful example of love, selflessness and kindness. She didn't leave him high and dry to go "get on with her life." I think there is a lot to commend in this story. "Disgusting" is rape, human trafficking, racism, child porn, etc. Not this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 (edited) So I assume the ones who think this is ok would also be ok with your father divorcing your mother once she gets Alzheimers and is no longer 'the same person'? Is he divorcing her so that he can dump her at a care facility and forget she ever existed or is he divorcing her in a similar manner as described in the linked story? Or is he divorcing her because they are too financially strapped to pay for full time care and if they are divorced she gets into the system through gov't care for the indigent? Also the story isn't about two elderly people. Even with Alzheimer's the affected partner will die within a few years. The guy in the story could live another 40 years. Edited January 29, 2012 by Parrothead Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeneralMom Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 So I assume the ones who think this is ok would also be ok with your father divorcing your mother once she gets Alzheimers and is no longer 'the same person'? I don't think the two can be equated. This is a young woman with two very small children who had her husband snatched from her in an instant. She lovingly took care of him for 7 years before dating. He didn't forget who she or their children were, he just lost the mental and physical capability to be with them. I think it is a beautiful story about how much she loved and continues to love her first husband, and how much her second husband loves her and her family. Would I want my DH to do the same? Resounding yes. He has a life to lead, my kids need support, and I would hope that I would understand that they did not love me less, but they needed to live their lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 So who gets to determine when it is acceptable to divorce a disabled spouse? Physically disabled/ill and mentally gone (no memories of his life before, no ability to form new memories, no capacity to be an intellectual or physical partner) are two very different things. If God forbid you could not be a partner in any way to you husband or a mother to your children starting tomorrow, you would really want them to never love another? Never find joy and comfort that you give them now ever again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 (edited) So I assume the ones who think this is ok would also be ok with your father divorcing your mother once she gets Alzheimers and is no longer 'the same person'? If he was providing her the same level of care he would have otherwise, yes. OTOH, I would also be okay with him staying married to her. DH and I have watched many of our loved ones waste away due to illnesses like Alzheimer's; we have much more compassion and a lot less judgement now than we did before those losses. Edited January 29, 2012 by BLA5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k2bdeutmeyer Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I don't think the two can be equated. This is a young woman with two very small children who had her husband snatched from her in an instant. She lovingly took care of him for 7 years before dating. He didn't forget who she or their children were, he just lost the mental and physical capability to be with them. I think it is a beautiful story about how much she loved and continues to love her first husband, and how much her second husband loves her and her family. Would I want my DH to do the same? Resounding yes. He has a life to lead, my kids need support, and I would hope that I would understand that they did not love me less, but they needed to live their lives. :iagree::iagree::iagree: This exactly!! I just discussed this with DH and he agrees. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joy at Home Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I don't think the two can be equated. This is a young woman with two very small children who had her husband snatched from her in an instant. She lovingly took care of him for 7 years before dating. He didn't forget who she or their children were, he just lost the mental and physical capability to be with them. I think it is a beautiful story about how much she loved and continues to love her first husband, and how much her second husband loves her and her family. Would I want my DH to do the same? Resounding yes. He has a life to lead, my kids need support, and I would hope that I would understand that they did not love me less, but they needed to live their lives. :iagree: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Is he divorcing her so that he can dump her at a care facility and forget she ever existed or is he divorcing her in a similar manner as described in the linked story? Or is he divorcing her because they are too financially strapped to pay for full time care and if they are divorced she gets into the system through gov't care for the indigent? Also the story isn't about two elderly people. Even with Alzheimer's the affected partner will die within a few years. The guy in the story could live another 40 years. :iagree: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I don't think the two can be equated. This is a young woman with two very small children who had her husband snatched from her in an instant. She lovingly took care of him for 7 years before dating. He didn't forget who she or their children were, he just lost the mental and physical capability to be with them. I think it is a beautiful story about how much she loved and continues to love her first husband, and how much her second husband loves her and her family. Would I want my DH to do the same? Resounding yes. He has a life to lead, my kids need support, and I would hope that I would understand that they did not love me less, but they needed to live their lives. :iagree: as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 So I assume the ones who think this is ok would also be ok with your father divorcing your mother once she gets Alzheimers and is no longer 'the same person'? My grandfather died of Alzheimer's. My aunt has it. My mom will have it. The odds are pretty good that, unless they find a cure, I will too. If my mom was no longer able to function as an adult, had no idea what was going on around her, and required twenty-four hour care, I would have no problem with my stepfather remarrying and he and his new wife both caring for my mom. I would be happy and grateful for her to receive the kind of care the man in the article received. Cared for by people who love you and want the best for you, instead of being dumped in a nursing home? I'll take it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k2bdeutmeyer Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 If my mom was no longer able to function as an adult, had no idea what was going on around her, and required twenty-four hour care, I would have no problem with my stepfather remarrying and he and his new wife both caring for my mom. I would be happy and grateful for her to receive the kind of care the man in the article received. Cared for by people who love you and want the best for you, instead of being dumped in a nursing home? I'll take it. :iagree:again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 So I assume the ones who think this is ok would also be ok with your father divorcing your mother once she gets Alzheimers and is no longer 'the same person'? I'd support my Dad divorcing my mom for any reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 Wow. I think I will get on my spaceship and go back to Mars now. :001_huh: Sure I have compassion for a young mother of 2 small children being faced with a lifetime of caring for her dh who has the mind of an 11 year old. Would I want that? No. Would I consider my life 'over' because I couldn't find another man with whom to be romantic and marry and share my life? No. I would not. There are many many people who live a very full life WITHOUT A mate and many of those raise children alone. I would much prefer that over deliberately breaking my marriage vows and divorcing my husband who can no longer care for himself. I could not live with myself if I did that to my husband. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hana Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Wow. I think I will get on my spaceship and go back to Mars now. :001_huh: Sure I have compassion for a young mother of 2 small children being faced with a lifetime of caring for her dh who has the mind of an 11 year old. Would I want that? No. Would I consider my life 'over' because I couldn't find another man with whom to be romantic and marry and share my life? No. I would not. There are many many people who live a very full life WITHOUT A mate and many of those raise children alone. I would much prefer that over deliberately breaking my marriage vows and divorcing my husband who can no longer care for himself. I could not live with myself if I did that to my husband. And I think that's just it--we all have different "what we could live withs." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 I agree with you Scarlett. :001_smile: Good! I have an extra seat on my spaceship...:tongue_smilie: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdventureMoms Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I don't see anything disgusting about it. If I were reduced to the mental capacity of a 4yo, I would be 100% supportive of my spouse doing something like this. I would certainly prefer it to either abandoning me at a care facility somewhere or DW trying to care for severely handicapped me, three very young children, the house, and her job alone, with no hope of ever getting to have her emotional or physical needs met unless I die. I think that would slowly drive anyone insane. My wife is in full agreeement on this issue. We have discussed it (and other similar issues) since early in our relationship. If my mom were to get alzheimers (my grandma had it for 20 years, so I'm VERY familiar with the disease) and reach the point where she had the capacity of a young child while my dad were still young and healthy enough to want/need companionship, I'd be ok with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I don't think the two can be equated. This is a young woman with two very small children who had her husband snatched from her in an instant. She lovingly took care of him for 7 years before dating. He didn't forget who she or their children were, he just lost the mental and physical capability to be with them. I think it is a beautiful story about how much she loved and continues to love her first husband, and how much her second husband loves her and her family. Would I want my DH to do the same? Resounding yes. He has a life to lead, my kids need support, and I would hope that I would understand that they did not love me less, but they needed to live their lives. :iagree: Reading the story made me cry. He was 46 with two young kids. Some women might be strong enough to continue raising children while caring for a disabled spouse, I'm not one. She did for a long time. His health is not going to change. She did not abandon him to a health facility. She found a man she's known since kindergarten who was willing to share his married life with her and her disabled husband. Wow, I hope my ds can grow up to be such a caring, unselfish man. I would assume she is of similar age as her disabled spouse, I can tell you mid 40s and 50s is not dead. My dh had some health issues this summer, he's not the same, but he's not disabled. My needs as a wife/woman/mother have been put on the shelf for the time being. If I had little kids I would have probably broken by now. I can't imagine years of watching the man you loved, bore children with, and watched suffer not remember you. She was not haughtily out looking for someone to fall into bed with, she found someone who loved her for what she has right now, a family and a disabled spouse. He accepted the whole package. She is still honoring the "in sickness and in health", imo. Bravo, I say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 There are many many people who live a very full life WITHOUT A mate and many of those raise children alone. I would much prefer that over deliberately breaking my marriage vows and divorcing my husband who can no longer care for himself. I could not live with myself if I did that to my husband. I am sure that 8-9 years ago, this lady felt similar. Most people I know say they would want their spouses to find love but that they could not see doing it themselves. I feel similar- like I could never do it emotionally. But what you and I have in common is that we have not lived 7 years in this situation. This woman did and it undoubtedly was not an easy thing for her to come to or something that she did lightly or to be unloving. I personally don't think that we know what we will do till we get there and the vast majority of us will never be in this situation. It is easier to judge this than it is to live it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 So who gets to determine when it is acceptable to divorce a disabled spouse? The one who is married to one. Not me. I have a relative who is brain damaged who was dumped by his girlfriend. I think I see the issue as a bit more complex. I wouldn't think my husband was "betraying" me if he chose to do something else with his life for 40+ years than wipe my chin, but I would be touched and appreciative if he did. I just don't think I'm in a position to be so harsh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 I am sure that 8-9 years ago, this lady felt similar. Most people I know say they would want their spouses to find love but that they could not see doing it themselves. I feel similar- like I could never do it emotionally. But what you and I have in common is that we have not lived 7 years in this situation. This woman did and it undoubtedly was not an easy thing for her to come to or something that she did lightly or to be unloving. I personally don't think that we know what we will do till we get there and the vast majority of us will never be in this situation. It is easier to judge this than it is to live it. FTR, I don't want my dh to 'find love' (read: commit adultery) while I am still alive. I want him to honor his vow to me, made before God and our children. And sure I haven't lived in her situation. But you know what? We all need to think about what we believe is upright and moral and then VOW to act properly when/if ever faced with such a situation. Doing what you believe is RIGHT even when it is really really difficult is called integrity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 There is little enough happiness in the world. I'm glad this little group could be mature enough to try to do the best by everyone. We humans are as imaginative and creative as we are to cope with zillions of unpredicted situations. I would be willing to be any part of this story, any person in it, and feel happy it could happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnsinkableKristen Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Wow. I think I will get on my spaceship and go back to Mars now. :001_huh: Sure I have compassion for a young mother of 2 small children being faced with a lifetime of caring for her dh who has the mind of an 11 year old. Would I want that? No. Would I consider my life 'over' because I couldn't find another man with whom to be romantic and marry and share my life? No. I would not. There are many many people who live a very full life WITHOUT A mate and many of those raise children alone. I would much prefer that over deliberately breaking my marriage vows and divorcing my husband who can no longer care for himself. I could not live with myself if I did that to my husband. I agree with you, Scarlett. It would be awful. I would go crazy. But when I married DH, I put no qualifiers on my vow. He is it for me. He is it for me even if he dies. He is it for me even if he is in a terrible accident and isn't himself anymore. He is it for me even if he is in a vegetative state. I'll take care of him no matter who he is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I have to agree with Scarlett. I am astounded that she and I are the only ones that feel this way...or there are people not responding because there is such a response for the opposite. I will say, I didn't feel disgusted per say, just sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hana Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 The one who is married to one. Not me. This. I don't see where anything described in this story has hurt anyone. I'd save "disgusting" to a situation in which someone is being hurt. If I used it at all--I just don't see it as my role to judge the decisions of others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 The one who is married to one. Not me. I have a relative who is brain damaged who was dumped by his girlfriend. I think I see the issue as a bit more complex. Interesting that you describe the action taken by a girlfiend---not wife---as 'dumping' your relative. I wouldn't think my husband was "betraying" me if he chose to do something else with his life for 40+ years than wipe my chin, but I would be touched and appreciative if he did. I just don't think I'm in a position to be so harsh. Ah, but see I never said I thought the woman in the story or any mate of a disabled person should 'do nothing for the next 40 years except wipe the chin of their disabled mate.' I believe there could be a full and relatively happy life that included many things---while remaining faithful to marriage vows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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