msk Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 Has anyone successfully had a child's party without gifts? My almost-6yo really, really wants to invite her whole class to her birthday party at a local party place; she's been asking for this for almost a year. We really, really do NOT want 20 gifts, just a fun time with her classmates. Other than putting "no gifts, please" on the invitation (which we intend to do) and crossing our fingers, is there anything we can do? Anything else we can say on the invitation to make it clear that we really do mean it without offending people? This is a public school class and we're afraid most people aren't going to RSVP, so we won't be able to underscore the request through RSVP-type conversations. Thanks in advance for any suggestions! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaffodilDreams Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 (edited) We've had friends who have had "in lieu of gifts, please bring a donation for such and such charity" birthday parties, i.e. dog or cat food for animal shelter, children's vitamins for overseas orphanage, canned goods for local food pantry, children's book for local or school library, etc. That might help you with the no gifts idea, and help your daughter and her friends help out a charity of her choice, as well. Edited January 10, 2012 by kimmie38017 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhschool Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 Hi Put this on the invitation: "Instead of a gift, please bring one canned good. We will donate it to the food pantry at .... Thank you!" and find a good pantry to donate it to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
houseofkids&pets Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 :iagree:My dd's friend had a "donation party" for the local animal shelter when it was her birthday. If anyone wanted to bring a gift, it was pet related (food, toys, etc.). All of the kids ended up bringing items for the animals and I know that my dd enjoyed shopping for pet toys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrappyhappymama Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 We tried putting "no gifts please" on invitations, but some people would still bring gifts and then those who didn't would feel awkward and then we felt obligated to open the gifts in front of the guests who brought them, so it just made things worse. However, we love giving big parties, and really didn't want folks to feel obligated to bring a gift in order to come. We have many friends who have had challenging years financially and we hate for them to miss out on the party just because they can't afford gifts. What has worked better for us is stipulating on the invitation that birthday boy "will not be opening gifts at the party, so please feel free to just join us and have fun." That way, if folks bring a gift anyway (and some always do), they already know it will be set aside and opened later. It's worked out much better, because the kids can focus on socializing together at the party and eating birthday goodies. As a bonus, later in the day, the birthday child gets a second celebration when they open their family gifts and any others they may have received. It's been a big hit with our boys and made the social aspect less awkward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 I hate "no gifts please" parties. :001_unsure: I'll get there without a gift and everyone else will have brought gifts and my child is embarrassed. Or, I bring a gift and then someone else feels bad that they didn't. I would love to bring a charity donation as that tells me what to do. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msk Posted January 10, 2012 Author Share Posted January 10, 2012 The animal shelter idea would be a big hit with my daughter! Would it be acceptable to say "No gifts, please. E will be making a birthday donation to the Humane Society, and you are welcome to contribute a can of pet food or pet toy if you would like?" I know people get touchy about implied gift expectations, are charity requests an exception to this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 I think that sounds great. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 We tried putting "no gifts please" on invitations, but some people would still bring gifts and then those who didn't would feel awkward and then we felt obligated to open the gifts in front of the guests who brought them, so it just made things worse. However, we love giving big parties, and really didn't want folks to feel obligated to bring a gift in order to come. We have many friends who have had challenging years financially and we hate for them to miss out on the party just because they can't afford gifts. What has worked better for us is stipulating on the invitation that birthday boy "will not be opening gifts at the party, so please feel free to just join us and have fun." That way, if folks bring a gift anyway (and some always do), they already know it will be set aside and opened later. It's worked out much better, because the kids can focus on socializing together at the party and eating birthday goodies. As a bonus, later in the day, the birthday child gets a second celebration when they open their family gifts and any others they may have received. It's been a big hit with our boys and made the social aspect less awkward. I like that for "no gift parties" that way no one feels bad about not bringing a gift - as requested, or breaking the 'rules' and bringing a gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 We've had friends who have had "in lieu of gifts, please bring a donation for such and such charity" birthday parties, i.e. dog or cat food for animal shelter, children's vitamins for overseas orphanage, canned goods for local food pantry, children's book for local or school library, etc. That might help you with the no gifts idea, and help your daughter and her friends help out a charity of her choice, as well. We did this a couple of times when my daughter was little. We put wording on the invite explaining that the guest's attendance was enough of a gift, adding that we would be happy to accept donations to the charity of my daughter's choice, if guests felt moved to give. Our guests were always respectful of her wishes. When my son was little, he wasn't really into the charity thing. On his invitations, we usually politely explained that we were trying to keep things simple but that books or home-made cards or tokens would be much appreciated. That worked well, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 The animal shelter idea would be a big hit with my daughter! Would it be acceptable to say "No gifts, please. E will be making a birthday donation to the Humane Society, and you are welcome to contribute a can of pet food or pet toy if you would like?" I know people get touchy about implied gift expectations, are charity requests an exception to this? I think that sounds lovely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 The animal shelter idea would be a big hit with my daughter! Would it be acceptable to say "No gifts, please. E will be making a birthday donation to the Humane Society, and you are welcome to contribute a can of pet food or pet toy if you would like?" I know people get touchy about implied gift expectations, are charity requests an exception to this? I think this sounds great. As Slipper said, there are usually hurt feelings somewhere at a true "no gift party". Being able to bring something specific, with a wide price range should help everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 We do donations to Project Night Night. They accept "like new" picture books & stuffed animals as well as brand-new so it's something that fits even a tight budget (our Friends of Library store sells high-quality used picture books for $0.50 each). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 Our neighbors request No Gifts, and ask *if* people want to bring something, they can bring "pocket change" for the bird rehab center. They put the donation jar away from the main gathering area so that the kids can drop in their donation without others really seeing how much they bring. Someone always brings a gift anyway. The giver is always thanked politely by the birthday child, and the gift is put away to open later. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted January 10, 2012 Share Posted January 10, 2012 Hi Put this on the invitation: "Instead of a gift, please bring one canned good. We will donate it to the food pantry at .... Thank you!" and find a good pantry to donate it to. :iagree: or whatever other kind of "donation" you would like--one friend did a book exchange for a b/day party recently...every kid brought a book and when it was over each kid got to pick a book.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeachingTwins Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 My kids were invited to a party that requested we bring a craft made for the birthday child instead of a toy. I don't remember how she worded it. We made a craft, and included a picture of our kids with the craft gift. I also included a small gift card to Michael's for the birthday girl to buy craft supplies. The gift card was not noticeable to other guests since it was just in the regular birthday card envelope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 Has anyone successfully had a child's party without gifts? My almost-6yo really, really wants to invite her whole class to her birthday party at a local party place; she's been asking for this for almost a year. We really, really do NOT want 20 gifts, just a fun time with her classmates. Other than putting "no gifts, please" on the invitation (which we intend to do) and crossing our fingers, is there anything we can do? Anything else we can say on the invitation to make it clear that we really do mean it without offending people? This is a public school class and we're afraid most people aren't going to RSVP, so we won't be able to underscore the request through RSVP-type conversations. Thanks in advance for any suggestions! Good luck with that. I was never successful. I tried a couple different approaches, including asking gifts be dollar items, asking they be less than $5 and asking no gifts. A couple of moms told me this was a big pain for them. They hated trying to find something cheap but still good. When I said no gifts, some people brought them anyway and then the people who didn't felt like heels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 :iagree:My dd's friend had a "donation party" for the local animal shelter when it was her birthday. If anyone wanted to bring a gift, it was pet related (food, toys, etc.). All of the kids ended up bringing items for the animals and I know that my dd enjoyed shopping for pet toys. My daughter was invited to one of these and were provided with a list of suggested donations. My daughter really enjoyed shopping for this event. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 You cannot say anything on the invitation. Sorry. You'll have to deal with 20 gifts. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
breadnbutter Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 We did gifts for my dd’s first Kid party- and after than I said no more!! Way way too many gifts, way too many things she didn’t want or need. Plus my kids already get plenty of gifts from our family. ( I mention this to parents so they know we’re not intentionally depriving our children of gifts!!) Instead we do a white elephant gift exchange. Every guest brings something from home that they don’t want or use anymore. So everyone walks in with a wrapped gift, then at the end of the party we play a game and everyone gets a gift to open. As with white elephant games, not every gift is of equal value, but we emphasize it’s just for fun, and there’s always a lot of laughs. Once in a while a guest will bring a gift for the bday kid- but we’ll open those privately. All the parents I talk to love the idea- it’s a great way to get rid of something you don’t need anymore but might still have value to someone else. And if they’re in a financial tight spot it relieves the pressure of having to buy a gift. I know these days it can be crazy if you have a few kids and they’re all getting invited to parties every week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 My kids were invited to a party that requested we bring a craft made for the birthday child instead of a toy. One year, we asked guests to decorate a fabric square as a gift for our daughter. When guests RSVP'd saying they were coming, I made arrangements to get them a square cut to the right size. We also sent out blank squares to family members and close family friends in other states with self-addressed, stamped return envelopes. At the party, the kids got started on assembling the squares into a quilt. (I finished it later, but they had fun starting the process.) We did that for a pioneer-themed party the year my daughter turned seven. She was deeply, deeply into American Girl Kirsten at that point, and I planned the party to look like the one pictured in the catalogue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 I've had success encouraging people that "Your presence is the only present we need! If your child just must bring a gift (I understand!), please just let her pick something small out at the dollar spot at Target or something else very small or consumable! She loves stickers, hair elastics, and other little things!" This takes people off the hook, but still allows the kids to do the GIFT thing which is so vital at that age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 My twins put the following on their invite for their party held in October: 'In lieu of gifts, please bring canned or dry dog or cat food. All food will be donated to The Lost Dog and Lost Cat Rescue Foundation - LINK PROVIDED - Our hound, Guidry, was adopted from Lost Dog. Thank you.' We collected about 400 lbs of dry food and I cannot even remember how much canned food. The folks at the rescue foundation were appreciative beyond belief.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 When my kids were younger, they would have been disappointed not to pick out a "fun" gift and see the birthday kid open. They would have been excited by the chance to pick out a cool dog toy or great book for a charity, but being restricted to canned goods or dog food would have been a bit of a bummer, so maybe you could make sure there's still some choice. I know that our animal shelter lists lots of requests, including pet toys, blankets, towels, and so on. Blankets and towels can be used, which is a great way to recycle and nice for those on a budget. If you don't want a hoopla around opening the donations, it can be simpler to have the child open them as the guests arrive, and put them in a corner. Everywhere gets to see the pile grow, without a deal being made about who brought what. It also saves time, while still allowing the giver the fun of seeing their gift appreciated. Just have the birthday kid greeting people, and an easy activity for guests to move onto until the bulk of people have arrived (coloring pages in your theme, etc). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msk Posted January 11, 2012 Author Share Posted January 11, 2012 Thanks for all the suggestions, everyone. My daughter is very excited about the idea of making a donation to the animal shelter (she knows she will still receive some toys from family separately from the party). Not too many people here expressed horror at the idea, and her class is so diverse in terms of people's backgrounds I don't think parents will be sticklers for "traditional" invitation etiquette (or ever agree on what that would be), so I think we'll try wording the invitations this way. I sure hope this works! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoggirl Posted January 11, 2012 Share Posted January 11, 2012 We asked for gifts to stock our church's food pantry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msk Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 Thanks again to everyone who replied to this. For the record, we had a fun party, and EVERYONE brought animal shelter donations instead of traditional gifts, hooray! Several people told me their kids had fun picking out animal toys, thanks to everyone who mentioned that. Over the weekend we took everything to the Humane Society shelter and spent some time walking around looking at the animals. (This particular shelter is very nice and non-depressing-- I would have thought twice about taking a very tender-hearted 6yo walking around some of the others around here unfortunately, anyone thinking about doing this might want to preview theirs.) A cat was adopted while we were there, which was nice. We all really enjoyed this, it was a nice solution to gift-overload. Thanks, everyone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanvan Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Thanks again to everyone who replied to this. For the record, we had a fun party, and EVERYONE brought animal shelter donations instead of traditional gifts, hooray! Several people told me their kids had fun picking out animal toys, thanks to everyone who mentioned that. Over the weekend we took everything to the Humane Society shelter and spent some time walking around looking at the animals. (This particular shelter is very nice and non-depressing-- I would have thought twice about taking a very tender-hearted 6yo walking around some of the others around here unfortunately, anyone thinking about doing this might want to preview theirs.) A cat was adopted while we were there, which was nice. We all really enjoyed this, it was a nice solution to gift-overload. Thanks, everyone! Thanks for posting your update. I think I'm going to use the same idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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