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My 3yo is driving us all crazy.


Guest Virginia Dawn
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Guest Virginia Dawn

He is a dictator wanna-be. He wants control over the entire world and every single itsy-bitsy thing in it. When he doesn't get exactly what he wants down to the minutest detail he moans, groans, wails and cries. So of course he moans, groans, wails and cries most of the day.

 

This is not about giving him choices. You could give him all the choices possible and he would deliberately choose the impossible.

 

This is not about not getting enough positive attention. He gets plenty of one-on-one mommy and daddy time, lots of hugs, kisses, and positive praise.

 

This is about control.

 

I am worn out from trying to be patient and trying not to over react.

 

Current example. Son wants a piece of toast. Mother puts bread in toaster. Son yells, "I wanted to do that." We have been through similar scenarios many, many (did I say MANY?) times so I restate the house rule that has become necessary to keep sanity. No do overs. Screaming and wailing commence. Mother ignores noise and butters toast when it pops. She hands one piece to older brother but puts 3yo's toast on the counter. 3yo, is seen mentally searching for something else to yell about. 3yo begins to scream, "pick me up!" Mother reminds 3yo to speak kindly and politely. 3yo wails and stamps feet while saying please. Mother reminds 3yo to speak kindly and politely and gives an example of what to say and how to say it. Repeat last 2 steps. Finally 3yo responds appropriately and is picked up. Mother hands 3yo toast. 3yo yells, "I don't want it!" and throws toast back on counter. Mother patiently acknowledges 3yo's decision and walks out of kitchen. 3yo commences to wail and scream and orders mother back in the kitchen to get his toast. Mother replies (softly) through clenched teeth that if 3yo wants the toast, he may go back into the kitchen when he chooses and get it. 3yo explodes. 3yo is now sitting on mother's bed cooling his heels.

 

Imagine similar occurances happening at least 3 times a day. :(

 

I'm at my wits end.

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is that mine just turned 4 and I can see improvements over the last years. Day to day still can seem darn near impossible, but when I look back over the big picture I realize that consistency is working. There are things he used to do that he no longer does (of course, he replaces those with other things that wear me out, but he's proven he can learn).

 

(((Virginia Dawn)))

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I've always found 3 to be the most challenging age. Consistency is the key. The only thing I might suggest is to stop explaining/talking so much. I really think most kids (especially the boy version) hear that Peanut's adult voice (wah wah wah) after the first five words.

 

Pick the behaviors you most want to work on and how you want to handle them. For us, time outs worked really well. They were a pain to consistently implement, but it worked. I'd give a very brief explanation of the behavior I was looking for before we started anything. If after one warning, they didn't follow my instructions, they went to the chair (I say they because I'm remembering doing this with my twins) for three minutes. The three minutes didn't start until they stopped screaming or kicking or whatever. When they realized I was serious and that I would do this all day long, their behavior improved DRAMATICALLY in a short time. But, it IS hard on the mom - it's very time consuming initially. For us it was worth it, though.

 

If nothing else, they do usually get nice again when they turn four.

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I've always found 3 to be the most challenging age. Consistency is the key. The only thing I might suggest is to stop explaining/talking so much. I really think most kids (especially the boy version) hear that Peanut's adult voice (wah wah wah) after the first five words.

 

Pick the behaviors you most want to work on and how you want to handle them. For us, time outs worked really well. They were a pain to consistently implement, but it worked. I'd give a very brief explanation of the behavior I was looking for before we started anything. If after one warning, they didn't follow my instructions, they went to the chair (I say they because I'm remembering doing this with my twins) for three minutes. The three minutes didn't start until they stopped screaming or kicking or whatever. When they realized I was serious and that I would do this all day long, their behavior improved DRAMATICALLY in a short time. But, it IS hard on the mom - it's very time consuming initially. For us it was worth it, though.

 

If nothing else, they do usually get nice again when they turn four.

 

I agree, also - we don't allow screaming, fits or attitudes to exist in anyone's presence. If you feel like you are going to have a fit you must go to your room. If you have a fit or start screaming and don't go to your room then someone will carry you there and shut the door. You are allowed to come out when you can be polite again. This goes for mommy too :D (very useful when I am pms'ing).

 

Also - I can't remember who said this, but I totally agree - NO NEGOTIATING WITH TERROISTS! Which 3 year olds usually are!

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This is my 3 yo. And we've been through it before with ds #2 ( my 3rd dc.)

 

You've already been given the right advice: consistency, patience...and yes, it will get better when he turns 4.

 

I don't know when your 3 yo's birthday is but my little guy's isn't until December 27. It's going to be a long year....;)

 

Amy

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