Brag Alert but DD acts like a dummy

[RoughCollie]

My DD, who attends a parochial school for 7th grade, after being hs'd for many years, got her standardized test results back. She took the test right when school started, so the results are actually what she learned at homeschool.

 

She placed in the 92nd %-ile overall, and in the 98th %-ile in math!!!!

 

Yet she acts like she doesn't have a brain in her head. For instance, when I tell her to do her homework, she says other things are more important (meaning her friends and her clothes and hair and her working on me to let her wear makeup and drawing and watching t.v.).

 

The words "so, yeah" populate her vocabulary now that she is in this school. This is the new "whatever ..." I guess.

 

She did poorly on a science test last week because --"I knew 100% of the material except where blood enters and exits the heart". Well, wouldn't anyone realize that a test on the heart would include that information?

 

She flunked -- big fat red F -- Spanish last term. She just didn't want to study it because she doesn't like it.

 

She doesn't think she needs to study. She does her homework, but never bothers to actually learn the material.

 

how can a 12 year old girl do so well on a standardized test (Terra Nova) and perform so poorly in school? her other grades on her last report card were A's B's & C's -- but she could have had all A's with very little additional effort.

 

What is going on -- there's a disconnect somewhere. This baffles me.

 

Thanks for your advice and help.

 

RC

[Jean in Newcastle]

It sounds like she is majoring in school social life right now. That is what she is studying and mimicing and it doesn't look pretty. Now of course, many kids are in schools (whether public or private) and manage to look past those social things and see the value of working hard etc. I'm not quite sure how to advise you to help her do that though.

[Ottakee]

If she really is capable of higher level work, then her SOCIAL life would END until her grades matched her ability. That means, no phone calls, friends over, social outings, TV, computer time, etc. until her grades are up to snuff.

 

You could even allow these things on a daily basis AFTER she shows you her completed homework, you drill her on test items, etc. Or you could do it on a week by week basis, etc.

[BamaTanya]

Apparently, you and I are raising the same kid. It is frustrating.

 

I don't know how to fix it, but I certainly pray that God will put something into her that I haven't been able to impart.

 

And, I remind myself daily that my relationship with her is more important than school (academic) success. You didn't say it in your post, but *I* have a hard time being nice when I watch her brush off valuable opportunities. I'm trying to build more "relationship time" into our schedule -- time that doesn't mean nagging about assignments and chores . . .

 

I remember reading TWTM and wishing -- WISHING -- that I'd had opportunities to study and learn in the classical style as a young student. I tried to offer it to my dc, but it didn't *fit* them. Sigh.

[RoughCollie]

Oh yes, she signed a contract with me. She has to do schoolwork for 2 hours a day -- be it homework or studying. I get her homework off the internet site where her teacher posts it and I have to check everything to see if it is done, and done properly. I bought the Saxon solutions manual so I can check her math. For everything else, I read the assigned chapter so I know the answers to the review questions.

 

We are now on a regular routine that is set in stone. The kids look at the chart to see what they are suposed to be doing and when so they will stay with the program. Otherwise, they get grounded from one thing at a time until they are willing to obey.

 

I have several free time periods dispersed throughout the schedule and the only way privileges are earned is to have completed everything required between free times. I personally check to see that the requirements are met and I personally check them off on my master chart.

 

I have a list of expected behaviors and the consequence for each that will result if my expectations are not met. It is posted on the refrigerator.

 

I hope after a month it all becomes habitual so I don't spend all my time supervising 4 kids on every little thing they do. Except for the homework and studying, of course -- that I have to clamp down on until the next report card (they come every 12 weeks).

 

DD is not happy about this. My sons aren't either, but they have to toe the line until conduct and study skills improve.

 

I have one compliant homeschooled son, two willful, demanding and argumentative kids, and one seemingly compliant but actually passive resistant child.

 

 

 

If she really is capable of higher level work, then her SOCIAL life would END until her grades matched her ability. That means, no phone calls, friends over, social outings, TV, computer time, etc. until her grades are up to snuff.

 

You could even allow these things on a daily basis AFTER she shows you her completed homework, you drill her on test items, etc. Or you could do it on a week by week basis, etc.

[Susan in IL]

Throught 8th grade, he would not study for anything. Whatever he learned in class or through doing the homework was all the effort he would put into school. He would accept a B or a C if it was a class he didn't like. Part of it is that he knew that grades don't count till high school.

 

Now he is in high school. I have forced him to study and it has been an adjustment. He has lost his computer except on breaks. Not even available to him on the weekend. Sometimes, no TV either. He accepts it and his grades are much better but not what he is capable of. He is taking one honors class and next year will take two honors classes, both in subjects he does not like. He wants the challenge.

 

He is slowly "getting it" on how to study. Up until high school, they were spoon fed and hand held. In our district, about 25% of kids fail at least one class freshman year because the teachers expect them to study and they don't have a clue.

 

Our district has online gradebook access for parents so I can see exactly what homework, quizzes, tests, are low, missing, etc. to be able to address poor performance quickly. I use it as a tool and so do many other parents.

 

Not sure if this helps.

[RoughCollie]

My DD and I spend time alone doing something she wants to do every Thursday after school and every Sunday afternoon, at her request.

 

Despite her attitude and behavior, she seems to want to spend as much time with me as she can -- as long as we are alone. I can't figure out why, since everything is a battle unless she gets her way.

 

I don't understand why she doesn't hate me since I stand between her and what she wants to do more than half the time.

 

DD is in 7th grade and when she is in high school, her grades will count. I hope I can get her to study and to see the value in it before then.

 

My kids just don't like having to learn anything they don't want to. Yet they all have big plans for their future careers, all of which require that they go to college and graduate school, that they make great grades, and that they learn things they aren't interested in to build the foundation for what they want to learn about. Well, except for one kid -- he wants to be a writer and is always in the middle of writing books -- yet he hates to learn grammar and punctuation and fights me every step of the way!

 

 

 

Apparently, you and I are raising the same kid. It is frustrating.

 

I don't know how to fix it, but I certainly pray that God will put something into her that I haven't been able to impart.

 

And, I remind myself daily that my relationship with her is more important than school (academic) success. You didn't say it in your post, but *I* have a hard time being nice when I watch her brush off valuable opportunities. I'm trying to build more "relationship time" into our schedule -- time that doesn't mean nagging about assignments and chores . . .

 

I remember reading TWTM and wishing -- WISHING -- that I'd had opportunities to study and learn in the classical style as a young student. I tried to offer it to my dc, but it didn't *fit* them. Sigh.

[Sophia]

You are not alone.

 

8th grade ds's standardized test scores were in the high 90's across the board last spring.

He was complaining about how easy it was while his sister was falling apart over the difficulty of the test (she's two years younger).

Yet...she consistently gets better grades throughout the school year because she does her work and pays attention!

Dh has begun having ds read the classifieds and work out a budget on a minimum paying job so ds can see how difficult life is going to be if he chooses to not use the intelligence God has given him.

Kind of like "scared straight" therapy :-).

We shall see how that goes...