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Tell me this isn't the result of homeschooling...


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My 5yo behaves very well in public when I'm around, yet at ballet class, library storytime, and sometimes CCD, she is terribly distracted & disruptive. It's almost entirely due to boredom, but I know she gets bored during church yet still manages to control herself because I am right there. I have told her ballet teacher, and today also the storytime leader, to please kick her out if she isn't behaving, and I hope that will make an impression (if it actually happens). At ballet, parents can watch through a mirror/window, and I know she gets away with much more than she would with me - multiple warnings, "just one more" chance many times, etc.. This is definitely a kid who needs a firm hand.

 

One of the main reasons we homeschool is to allow her to work at her level. Is that somehow depriving her of the ability to deal with boredom? :confused:

 

After she was absolutely the worst-behaved kid in the room for a spelling bee (I was there but out of reach), we started doing "sitting still practice" daily, and she can sit motionless for 3 minutes or more (it sounds short, but try it sometime). Our schoolday is short (averages about 1 to 1.5 hr), and they only get one video a day, so she has to entertain herself a LOT at home. We use mostly a "Love & Logic" discipline style, which works great, except when we're not there! :doh:

 

If you've managed to get through to the end of this rambling, thanks so much. Any thoughts?

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She's a wiggly 5yo. And some (usually boys, but not always) are wigglier than others. Is she ordinarily pretty high energy in her free time? If so, then expecting her to sit still for more than 5 min. probably isn't realistic. Unless she has a hyperactivity disorder, then this is something she will grow out of as she matures. Remember that we always expect our oldest children to act older than their years. Oh, the torment I sometimes put my oldest daughter through because she was acting like, well...a child!

 

The best thing to do at this age is to control the environment while gently guiding the child. Maybe she needs to wait until she's a year or two older to do outside activities. You'll be amazed at how a year or even a few months will make this problem disappear.

 

Hugs,

Barb

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Thanks, I have been leaning toward "she's 5, of course she can't sit still" but I'm so frustrated because she used to be able to.

 

This is her 3rd year of ballet (yes, she started at 3, because one of her friends was in it too), and the first year I got SO many compliments on her manners, attention span, listening. She'll sit and read for an hour or more; she's never been a totally physical type of kid, though more so now than a year ago. I've talked to her about this, and am really convinced it's boredom.

 

If we hadn't already had to commit to the spring recital, I'd take her out of ballet. The storytime is for 3-5 yo, so I'm not surprised she's bored, but she wants to go because one of her closest friends goes (and little sis still loves it so we'll be in the building anyway).

 

You're right that I expect more because she's the oldest, too, and I'm trying to be more careful of that. Where exactly is the line between "let them be kids" and "make them civilized" ????

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I just finished the Love & Logic book and enjoyed so much of it. However, one area that I felt was lacking falls kind of into this category. First off, I think she's a 5 year old girl and is gonna wiggle. I'm not sure anything NEEDS done. This is really a spin-off conversation-type post.

 

I felt the Love & Logic theory was great at getting the child to recognize the consequences their actions have on themselves, but not so much on other people or the world around them. I have an older looking book so perhaps there is an updated version that tackles it better. One scenario that stuck out to me was that of a child who hit a playmate. The parent was instructed to NOT intervene. Let the playmate run home crying. Don't correct or lecture your child. If the playmate's mom complained, invite her to lecture your child. If someone invited me to lecture their child, I would probably respond with "Since you are incapable of parenting your own child, fine, I'll let her know that's not acceptable behaviour." I think this is an area where it is our job as parents to make it very apparent to our kids that they have a responsibility to those around them. When they are mean, they are hurting people. When they are disruptive, they are distracting people. Kids don't necessarily realize this.

 

Other than this one area, I gleaned a lot of insight from this book.

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When they are disruptive, they are distracting people. Kids don't necessarily realize this.

 

I have tried to explain this, and will stop reading when she gets fidgety - she knows right away and stops, so I start reading again. That's why I'm hoping the other adults will exclude her from the class when she's distracting them. That way it's a consequence that makes sense, and might have some impact. At ballet, in particular, parents are asked NOT to step in for discipline issues, because they want the kids to focus on the teachers as authority there.

 

Also, either I totally missed the hitting example in the L&L book, or have a different edition. I completely agree with you there!

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You're right that I expect more because she's the oldest, too, and I'm trying to be more careful of that. Where exactly is the line between "let them be kids" and "make them civilized" ????

 

Ha! When you find the line, will you please let me know?

 

Since she is doing story time out of her choice, that's a perfect opportunity to let her own her behavior. Before she goes, acknowledge how difficult it can be to sit still, but explain how her behavior is affecting the others. Turn the situation around for her. Ask her to tell you a story about something that happened to her, or to simply make one up. After a few seconds, interrupt her with a completely straight face about something unrelated. Try to to bust out laughing when she looks befuddled. Apologize and tell her to go on. After another second or two jump up to show her a book on the shelf or something. If you keep your good humor, this can really bring the point home of how it feels to be on the receiving end of such behavior. Explain that you know she wants to attend storytime, and that you want her to be able to go with her friend, but that she has to be grown up enough to handle it. If she makes a really good effort to behave she can continue to go, but if she continues to follow her impulses without attempting to control herself, she will have to miss a week. Then follow through...no fair threatening and then giving in ;)

 

Barb

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I sent a son like to SCHOOL. Talk about making a problem worse. :eek: He is a bright fella and too many teachers he had geared their classrooms toward the slower students.

 

In first grade, during January and February, he would get sent to the principal's office every Thursday like clockwork. By Thursday each week, he and the teacher were simply sick of each other. Sigh. Is it any wonder that we homeschool?:rolleyes:

 

Boredom is boredom. Learning to control your impulses is part of growing up. I agree that your little gal is just five. Keep working on the situation, but cut her some slack still. She sounds like a delightful little girl.

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I would have a talk with the adults in charge in those situations. For ballet, I assume you are paying for the lessons, I would let them know that I expect more from the teachers as far as discipline is concerned- they need to handle it appropriately or you WILL step in- if the teacher isn't exhibiting the capacity to handle her supposed "authority" then I would not hesitate to step in and remove my own child. Their choice to not hold her accountable for her actions is causing her and others to be disadvantaged as far as the use of their time in the lessons. Does that make sense? I wouldn't be harsh or rude about it, I'd be sugary sweet but firm. :)

For the reading time, I'd step in and remove her too. It can't be more disruptive to remove her than to leave her and let her continue disrupting everyone else. *I* would not allow my child to continue participating in activities that she was not able to participate in, due to behavior issues.

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Thanks, I have been leaning toward "she's 5, of course she can't sit still" but I'm so frustrated because she used to be able to.

 

This is her 3rd year of ballet (yes, she started at 3, because one of her friends was in it too), and the first year I got SO many compliments on her manners, attention span, listening. She'll sit and read for an hour or more; she's never been a totally physical type of kid, though more so now than a year ago. I've talked to her about this, and am really convinced it's boredom.

 

If we hadn't already had to commit to the spring recital, I'd take her out of ballet. The storytime is for 3-5 yo, so I'm not surprised she's bored, but she wants to go because one of her closest friends goes (and little sis still loves it so we'll be in the building anyway).

 

You're right that I expect more because she's the oldest, too, and I'm trying to be more careful of that. Where exactly is the line between "let them be kids" and "make them civilized" ????

 

My firstborn decided it was OK to run circles around everyone in Kindermusik class... with me sitting right there. This was (and still is) a very compliant kid. But for some reason he felt he needed to cut loose at this class. I was utterly flabbergasted.

 

The bottom line? His behavior embarrassed ME. My pride could not take it. I lectured the poor boy all the way home, told his dad, yada yada.

 

Fast forward 14 years. This son is now 17, and absolutely delightful to have around. I have had entirely unrealistic expectations of him in many ways... a great cure for this was for me to have more children ;)

 

I think it's important that you continue with your Love & Logic training - it's the best stuff out there, in my opinion. Also, quit peeking in on her classes. Let her ballet teacher handle her. If it comes to it, pull her out.

 

Talk to her at home about listening and obeying right away. Brief her on the way to class, asking her things in the positive, such as "How should we act in ballet class? If teacher says something, what should we do?" and soforth.

 

Remember that parenting is a m-a-r-a-t-h-o-n. She is not yet who she's going to be, and you'll change much as a mom as she (and her sibling) grow and change.

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She is young, but you can help her. Choose activities that are interesting and well suited to her. If story hour or ballet are boring, either skip it/them or plan to keep a close eye on her. Immediately go in and remove her. Then follow up with a discussion about the expected and appropriate behavior. Please be sure to explain what she did and why she must leave. Then hug her and assure her that you know she can do it.

 

You mention that she does well with you near, but don't expect a story teller or ballet instructor to teach or discipline your child. (Discipline to me = teaching and is a positive thing.)

 

My experience with my kids and classrooms full has been that one time loosing the benefit was a real motivator.:)

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and she has many children as young as your dd who misbehave just as much, so no, it certainly isn't because she's hsed.

 

Maybe when you learn that she has misbehaved in a class you could take some disciplinary action when you get her home. She's old enough to remember, after all. Part of that discipline could be to apologize to the teacher.

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