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What kind of friends do your kids have?


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This past year, it became obvious to my very social 7yo dd that her friends are very different than she is. I really started noticing it when she was helping design the science class we teach at our co-op. She would find interesting books or have ideas about projects to do, then would get a deflated look and let me know that most of her friends wouldn't be able to do that type of assignment.

 

She confided in me that many of her friends don't understand her because her vocabulary is so much higher than theirs, and she often has to simplify what she is saying. She doesn't know anyone that enjoys the same books she does or shares her love of math puzzles or art or science or history. She wants to start a spelling club in our co-op next year to encourage her friends to love spelling as much as she does.

 

This year I am enrolling her in a ps outreach program for home schoolers that has multi-age groups of kids and offers "enrichment" opportunities like a robotics club, math club, and Mandarin Chinese. Hopefully, she will find some kids with similar interests.

 

Finally to my question.... What kind of friends do your kids have? And where did you find them?

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and they tend *not* to be friendships based on academics. I realized early on that coops and classes wouldn't generally be a great way for my dc to find friends b/c of the academic acceleration issues. Kids working on the same levels would be a couple/few years older, typically, and that wouldn't be ideal in other respects. That's not to say that coops can't be a wonderful thing, and I am sure there could be ways to make them work, but it didn't seem worth the effort or time to me.

 

Sooo, we spend our social energies doing music, community soccer, basketball, etc. I throw big birthday parties and am always open to hosting a playdate or sleepover. We go to church. . . I have signed them up for all sorts of dance, sports, lessons. . . led a hs brownie troop. . . Etc. It *is* hard to facilitate friendships when we don't do a coop and are tied up most of the time on our own homeschool plus music commitments, but I try to make it a priority to be open to opportunities and I suggest playdates whenever possible. (And I make sure to be the super-spleep-over mom by making chocolate chip pancakes, big desserts, having fun craft/cooking/etc activities available. .. )

 

The kids play with their friends -- running around outside, at a pool, playing sports, painting their nails, dressing up, making cookies, etc. There are many ways to be together that don't draw attention to the vast academic separations between my dc and their bright-but-mass-educated peers. :) It seems to work fine for them so far.

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Quirky kids with a strong sense of their own "thing" who aren't put off by kids whose interests and quirks are different. I don't doubt that most of DS's friends are at least "pretty darn bright" but not all of them express that in any kind of academic way... some are creative, some are studious, some are a little of each. The one thing they all seem to have in common is that they're all confident individuals. The kids who you find up a tree in a cape and mismatched socks. The ones that made it necessary for me to have a house rule that I will not mediate arguments about imaginary things -- they have to work out their imaginary arguments themselves. ;)

 

We do have a lovely bunch of voracious readers to make up a book group, and for that group I do think the reading level and maturity has been important. But just for friends to play with, the academic level isn't anywhere near as important as just a streak of something --anything-- unique. DS is definitely quirky, but in a group with his friends, his quirks aren't any more noticeable than theirs. They're not the same quirks, but everyone's got something. LOL

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Dd6 has several different kinds of friends.

 

Her "everyday friends" are neighborhood kids and kids she knows from dance and other activities. They tend to be girls around 8 years old or so. One thing that helps dd in the "everyday friends" dept. is the fact she is somewhat girly. She likes things like iCarly, High School Musical, fashion, pop music, etc.

 

When it comes to kids her age, she gets along better with boys. Although somewhat girly, she also likes to climb trees, is majorly into Star Wars (can you tell -lol) and dabbles in superhero types, and she likes to play with cars and boy things sometimes too.

 

She also has gifted kids she interacts with on a regular basis, just not as often as the everyday friends. There is a local girl dd's age who attends public school and has been grade skipped. They just had a tea party a couple weeks ago. There are some other girls and boys that live an hour or two away that we see as often as we can.

 

Once a year she gets to travel to attend a gathering of other EG/PG kids for three whole days. The first time I saw her with "her people" it was a really moving experience. Even just this short time makes a world of difference in dd's self esteem and outlook on life.

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They have yet to meet and make friends because of academic similarities though. Their friends tend to be made through their extracurricular activities like sports, taekwondo, music, etc... or neighborhood kids.

 

They will play with anyone and always find some way to get along. They have even been known to make friends with kids who don't even speak English while camping at a campground with a lot of French speaking Canadians.

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My oldest is getting ready to into 3rd and I have been looking for friends forever.

 

We tried church, ballet, storytime at the library, swimming at the pool, hanging out at the park, homeschool co-ops and field trips, and we just didn't find any children that she really clicked with.

 

This past fall, a friend of mine who has a son who is also advanced (more so than my dd) and I put together a weekly playgroup so that our children could socialize more. Through this playgroup, we have found a lot of friends who are a lot like our children. Our group seems to attract families who have children who are gifted in some aspect, a little different and a lot of fun.

 

The children have built up wonderful friendships over the past year and we have even added an enrichment class which basically consists of show and tell, co-operative games, songs, crafts and stories. For children who sometimes struggle socially it has been wonderful watich these friendships unfold as very shy children and socially ackward children grow and blossom into confident and comfortable friends.

 

It is interesting too that they are all gifted in different ways--the singer, the readers, the engineer, the scientist, but they all find things in common to talk about. It is often nature that draw them into games--animal homes, sticks, flowers, trees, seed pods that sort of stuff. But they also talk about things like super heroes, webkinz and things like that.

 

Basically, I helped my dd find friends by helping to create a group for others like her where they could all be friends in a safe harbor. I don't know if this would work for anyone else but it does for us. And it just so happens that most of the kids we hang out with have parents who walk the Unschool line.:001_smile:

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I was very worried about the friendship subject. The boys' best friends were found through a preschool my oldest attended. But they will be leaving (military) soon. I'm very crushed. And I was worried about trying to find a "fill in". I just don't want them to feel abandoned or lonely. I do realize that these feelings are part of life. But....

With that said, though, my boys find friends through tae kwon do and soccer. Soccer has been particularly helpful. When Huck is practicing, Tom plays with the younger siblings.

My dh and I have made a conscious effort to make sure my older ds has things to talk about with other kids. We let him watch spongbob (gag!). He loves Pokemon and reads Captain Underpants books. All of these are not on my list of great passtimes but it certainly helps avoid those dull, blank stares when he starts talking about this cool thing he just learned in physics or points out the awesome sedimentary rock he just found.

I think both of my boys are very social, although it is the one thing that I truly obsess about. They can pick up games at the playground or with neighborhood kids easily.

For this, I am grateful.

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My dss tend to get along well with girls a few years older than they are. They've made a few friends at an art class with multi-grade classes.

 

Interesting--this is my oldest as well! He likes adults, older kids, and then children much younger then him (he likes to be in charge and the leader ;) in these situations, and he is used to his younger siblings).

 

It has been difficult to find lasting friends who weren't adults! He loves to play, but would rather talk about history or engineering. I used to worry about him not having any good friends, but he does have his brother--and they really enjoy each other (most of the time).

 

We are probably moving in the next few months, where we have cousins and stuff, and hope to find some new friends through hs-ing groups.

 

It can be difficult!

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My oldest boy, Christopher, is a natural leader, very social and very charismatic. We talk a LOT about being a good example. Most of his friends are from cub scouts. He can play and get along with boys years older, or boys years younger. Not picky -- everyone is his "friend." Very naiive. It was harder when he was younger. He was just so far ahead of his peers intellectually and physically. Now that he has more "boyish" interests (Star Wars, Bionicle, Legos, etc.), he has more to talk about with boys of his age. The boys he's with tend to overlook some of the data he spews like a computer sometimes -- but the adults notice and comment.

 

My daughter Kathryn is more reserved. She prefers girls, doesn't have a lot of friends, and I'm trying to find more outlets for her to meet one or two good girl friends. She's my "deep" child, she can scare other girls with what she thinks about. But, get her playing with ponies, dolls, tea-parties and she's pretty normal -- so as long as she doesn't "get serious" on them, we're good. I really want her to do girl scouts, but can't find enough people in our area to start a troop (our homeschool boys troop don't believe in girl scouts -- and I don't really want to lead some of the alternatives, and neither does anyone else.)

 

My son Joshua plays with anyone and marches to his own drummer. Not necessarilly the leader, but will definitely follow his brother into ANYTHING. Including calling 911 when suggested by big brother:001_huh:. Friendly, but can take friends or leave them. Happy to play legos by himself... He'll start Tiger Cubs in another year, and will begin to develop more "real" friendships.

 

Daughter Lizzie is just under 2yo... so everything (especially mommy) is hers. Friends aren't an issue.

 

The church we normally attend is mixed age group (everything from 4-jr. high) are all in the same class. The older children help with the younger, and my children just love it. For once, I don't have to worry about "what class" to put them in.

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DD5.5 doesn't have many "friends" - meaning people that she interacts with, shares with, talks about/with, etc. frequently. I would say there are three or four. I think this has something to do with her personality (she isn't a socialite), as well as her giftedness. However, she also thinks of everyone as her friend (and says as much). The people she is happiest with, gravitates towards, plays with, talks to me about, etc. are almost all older than she, and quirky and exciting little people. She tells me her brother (3) is her best friend, although sometimes she says it is her 8yo cousin who lives out of state.

 

Those three or four kids (non-relatives) which are her friends, she met at church.

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My son makes friends easily. He'll play with just about anyone - from 2 yo to college students. He comes across as sincere, creative, funny, and playful. He likes to "herd" younger kids- steer them into doing things he wants to do. It's funny to watch. They go for it everytime.

 

His small group of best friends are accelerated/gifted too. It's entertaining to see the friendly power struggles and manipulation when they're together. They have the most emotional effect on him also. He trusts them dearly.

 

I, too, worry if they ever move away. I'm not sure how he would deal with a vacuum. He's had these friends for 4 years and he's only 7yo. Finding substitutes seems unimagineable.

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ya know.. I thought it was normal that my kiddoes don't really have any "friends". DD is VERY outgoing so when we are at the park or something she always finds some one to play with. and the girls that are her chronological age are academically below her. she doesn't seem to care though. DS is the same way. but he is 5. does that matter?

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We tried Lego robotics, but quickly realized it was way to unorganized, and loud! Our children were too serious for the group.

The teacher (charter school) is trying to get our kiddos involved again, but I don't think it would work. My kids have very few friends (rural area) but are eachothers best-friends.

It is a trade off. Dont worry!

Moki4:001_smile:

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I was hardly a gifted kid, but did have different interests to the other kids my age and consequently didn't find many friends. Now I'm all grown up, I've found the SCA. Finally, a place where other geeks hang out! No kid growing up in the SCA is going to bat an eyelid if another kid is talking about war techniques or medieval styles of calligraphy. I'm not saying they will neccessarily be interested, but they won't dub your kid a freak because of it.

Try something like that maybe?

Rosie

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We don't have friends come over to play or stay the night one-on-one. Instead we do family activities where we meet with other families and we all visit while the children play. We meet weekly year round at various places and also host weekend get togethers at eachother's homes. This has succeeded in allowing our children to have the opportunity to find friends of all ages to build close bonds with. It has become our family's preference.

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So, for my daughter, the best source of friends has been community theatre. That's her passion, and by going and doing theatre, she meets others who are similarly inclined. These also tend to be mixed-age groups, so she has been able to interact freely with kids a few years older than she is. It worked well.

 

The other place where she's made friends has been church, although those friendships rarely go much beyond hanging out during church functions.

 

Now that she's away at school, she's made friends both in the early entrance program and in the various groups in which she participates (theatre again, and two singing groups).

 

My son is still struggling a bit with the whole friends thing. He's friendly with boys he's met through dance, and they get together occasionally outside of class and rehearsal time. But his best friend is actually a boy we met several years ago at a homeschool group function. They are no longer homeschooling and our schedules don't mesh as often as we'd like for the boys to get together. But they remain good friends.

 

Other than that, it's mostly acquaintances/playmates for him, rather than "friends." He plays quite a bit with the boy next door, even though the other boy is younger. He enjoys hanging out with the boys in his choir, and they do lots of social stuff outside of rehearsal time. (He just got back this evening from a six-day tour during which they sang a few concerts but mostly did fun activities.)

 

I have a hunch he'll have to wait until he's in a very different environment (perhaps something like the program my daughter is in) to find any significant number of real "friends."

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What kind of friends do your kids have? And where did you find them?

 

My ds13 has one neighbor friend and the rest of his friends are from scouts. None of them are his academic equals, nor wish to be. They just hang out together. DS's deeper interests (like teaching himself calclulus) are strictly an individual thing. He wishes he could have friends who share his interests, but it just isn't happening. Sadly, it's probable that this will be true his whole life, unless he really does become a mathematician. Sorry not to have a wonderful solution for you :(

 

Karen

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