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Age 8, 3rd grade Imitation in Writing: Fairy Tales


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#1 Kfamily

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Posted 30 September 2011 - 07:50 AM

This is her first official writing assignment. She defined the vocabulary words and then wrote a simple sentence outline for each section. She was to include her vocabulary words in the the retelling and those words are in bold. I typed it exactly as she wrote it...spelling and punctuation mistakes and all.
What do you think?
She really wanted to do the Imitation in Writing Greek Myths and also the Medieval Legends which are more difficult. I compromised with her by having her do two fairy tales of her choice. If she handled it well enough, I would let her move up to the next levels (Greek Myths and Medieval Legends). I think I'll let her move up. She worked diligently on this over a week.


Rapunzel

I
Once, there lived a young couple who wanted a child. So one day, as the man came in, he saw her lying in bed. "What ails you, dear wife?" "I am giving birth to a child, but that blue rapunzel, over the wall, I should like to taste, if you would not mind getting it for me, please." So that night the man crept over the wall and stole some blue rapaunzel (rampion). When he came back his wife made it into a salad. But the next morning, she asked for more! As the man was faithful to his wife, and had done it once, he figured he could do it again. That night, he climbed up the stone wall, but just as he was about to get away with the rapunzel, an enchantress blocked his way! "Why are you stealing my blue rampion." "For, ma'ham, my wife is going to give birth to a child, soon." Her face softened into a small smile. "Ah, I see, then take all the rampion you want on one condition, you will promise me your child! The husband promised the child and went back home. Soon the child was born and she was named Rapunzel, after the plant her mother had eaten before her birth. So then they gave Rapunzel to the enchantress, and sadly walked away.

II
After many years passed, Rapunzel grew into a lovely young woman. She was locked in a tower for most of the day and it only had one window, where the enchantress called "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your golden hair," because Rapunzel had lovely tresses of hair, which she let down for the enchantress. She was locked up in a tower so she could not escape and people would not know her. One day as she was combing her hair and singing in her solitude, a prince happened to pass under her window. He had heard her singing and immediately fell to that voice, but could not think of a way to climb up the tower. So he decided to wait until evening. But that evening the enchantress called to Rapunzel to let down her golden hair. So that is the way up, he thought. So at twilight he called, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your golden hair." Rapunzel let down her golden tresses, which fell twenty ells to the ground! The prince climbed up, and at first she was surprised, but then, she was pleasantly startled. As they talked to each other they became even more infatuated with their hearts. The Prince said for her to weave a silken ladder and the next night he would come for her, and they would escape together to his kingdom. But the next day as Rapunzel served some tea to the enchantress she said, "How is it that the Prince comes every night?" The Enchantress was beside herself with anger,"How dare you threaten my words with meeting a Prince, every night Rapunzel, she screamed and her voice was like thunder, booming over the whole country."you shall suffer of the cost of you hair," she cackled. She grabbed a pair of scissors and cut off Rapunzel's long tresses. Rapunzel ran into her bed chamber, weeping.
That night Prince Charles came to the tower, where the enchantress was waiting and called, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your silken ladder." The enchantress let down the silken ladder and he clambered up, so eager was he to have Rapunzel's hand in marriage. he was so startled at seeing the enchantress that sorrow and grief and his own, lonely solitude self filled his heart. "Ha, ha, ha, you have not more authority here, Prince;Rapunzel is gone and will be gone forever," she laughed haughtily. He fell off the ladder and the branches scratched his eyes so that he could not see anymore, for, he was blind, but alive!

III
Many years passed and the Prince found himself wandering throught a great desert, suddenly he heard some soft singing. As he came closer, he walked towards the tune. He realized that same voice was Rapunzel's. He started to walk faster, and then he called out, "Rapunzel, where are you?" She stopped singing and listened, for she had heard a voice. "Do keep singing, dear, Rapunzel" he said. She kept on and soon she had her love back in her arms. Her tears brought back his vision and then they were happily married; with two vows. One to never go back the enchantress, and to love each-other.
The End

Edited by Kfamily, 30 September 2011 - 09:20 AM.
ETA: Sorry, some of these words are my typos LOL!


#2 Kuovonne

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Posted 30 September 2011 - 10:33 AM

Great job!

#3 Kfamily

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Posted 30 September 2011 - 04:12 PM

Thank you, I'll let her know too!:001_smile:

#4 Sahamamama

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Posted 30 September 2011 - 04:29 PM

Rapunzel

I
Once, there lived a young couple who wanted a child. So one day, as the man came in, he saw her lying in bed. "What ails you, dear wife?" "I am giving birth to a child, but that blue rapunzel, over the wall, I should like to taste, if you would not mind getting it for me, please." So that night the man crept over the wall and stole some blue rapaunzel (rampion). When he came back his wife made it into a salad. But the next morning, she asked for more! As the man was faithful to his wife, and had done it once, he figured he could do it again. That night, he climbed up the stone wall, but just as he was about to get away with the rapunzel, an enchantress blocked his way! "Why are you stealing my blue rampion." "For, ma'ham, my wife is going to give birth to a child, soon." Her face softened into a small smile. "Ah, I see, then take all the rampion you want on one condition, you will promise me your child! The husband promised the child and went back home. Soon the child was born and she was named Rapunzel, after the plant her mother had eaten before her birth. So then they gave Rapunzel to the enchantress, and sadly walked away.

II
After many years passed, Rapunzel grew into a lovely young woman. She was locked in a tower for most of the day and it only had one window, where the enchantress called "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your golden hair," because Rapunzel had lovely tresses of hair, which she let down for the enchantress. She was locked up in a tower so she could not escape and people would not know her. One day as she was combing her hair and singing in her solitude, a prince happened to pass under her window. He had heard her singing and immediately fell to that voice, but could not think of a way to climb up the tower. So he decided to wait until evening. But that evening the enchantress called to Rapunzel to let down her golden hair. So that is the way up, he thought. So at twilight he called, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your golden hair." Rapunzel let down her golden tresses, which fell twenty ells to the ground! The prince climbed up, and at first she was surprised, but then, she was pleasantly startled. As they talked to each other they became even more infatuated with their hearts. The Prince said for her to weave a silken ladder and the next night he would come for her, and they would escape together to his kingdom. But the next day as Rapunzel served some tea to the enchantress she said, "How is it that the Prince comes every night?" The Enchantress was beside herself with anger,"How dare you threaten my words with meeting a Prince, every night Rapunzel, she screamed and her voice was like thunder, booming over the whole country."you shall suffer of the cost of you hair," she cackled. She grabbed a pair of scissors and cut off Rapunzel's long tresses. Rapunzel ran into her bed chamber, weeping.
That night Prince Charles came to the tower, where the enchantress was waiting and called, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your silken ladder." The enchantress let down the silken ladder and he clambered up, so eager was he to have Rapunzel's hand in marriage. he was so startled at seeing the enchantress that sorrow and grief and his own, lonely solitude self filled his heart. "Ha, ha, ha, you have not more authority here, Prince;Rapunzel is gone and will be gone forever," she laughed haughtily. He fell off the ladder and the branches scratched his eyes so that he could not see anymore, for, he was blind, but alive!

III
Many years passed and the Prince found himself wandering throught a great desert, suddenly he heard some soft singing. As he came closer, he walked towards the tune. He realized that same voice was Rapunzel's. He started to walk faster, and then he called out, "Rapunzel, where are you?" She stopped singing and listened, for she had heard a voice. "Do keep singing, dear, Rapunzel" he said. She kept on and soon she had her love back in her arms. Her tears brought back his vision and then they were happily married; with two vows. One to never go back the enchantress, and to love each-other.
The End


This is well done for third grade! A few helpers for your daughter:

So = begin fewer sentences with "So"

so = perhaps use another adjective (e.g., "extremely eager" or "suddenly startled") in place of "so"

so = a perfectly acceptable usage for "so"

Good job!


#5 Kfamily

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Posted 30 September 2011 - 04:37 PM

Thanks! And I like your suggestions!

#6 Tsutsie

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Posted 20 December 2011 - 10:51 PM

For 3rd grade, this is excellent! She obviously worked very hard and should be extremely proud of herself.


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