Guardianship for my kids question

[momofkhm]

We are about to change our designated guardians from friends from college to friends who live locally and homeschool. We are very comfortable with this.

 

My question is that we have our parents are listed as secondary guardians. When we wrote our wills 14 years ago, this was not a problem. But now both of our mothers have health issues. MIL has some major issues going on, my mom not so much. The point is that neither one would be able to keep up with a boy of 7 (if something happened tomorrow). Well, my dad could but he is the only one of the four that could. Then there's my brother. He could easily keep up with my kids, but we do not want our kids to be in his lifestyle. Having children to take care of could very well change him for the better, but I don't want to chance that it wouldn't. :(

 

As secondary guardians go, would you chose:

(1) parents, at least they'll still be family?

(2) current guardians?

(3) someone else local that the kids know but do not homeschool?

(4) someone else I haven't thought of?

 

Thanks!

[Jean in Newcastle]

As secondary guardians I would choose to keep the current ones. You chose them initially because they have values etc. close to yours (I'm assuming here - also assuming that hasn't changed). The likelihood of having to go to the secondaries is probably pretty small unless the primaries back out - and I assume you've talked to them about if they really want to do this! If location really is an issue I would look to see if there are other people who share similar values close-by (you may have to prioritize your values to see which ones are "really" important to you - since it sounds like homeschooling is pretty high up there on the value list and isn't for many people around you).

[Arch at Home]

We currently have as guardians for dc one of my dc's godparents. They do not live locally and their children are grown. I don't know whether they would homeschool but I do know that any decision they would make would be in dcs' best interest which is all that I can ask for. In fact of all the people currently in my children's lives they know them best and would be best able to take over their care.

[Harriet Vane]

My number one consideration is who will love my children as their own. All else is secondary to that. The ones who love my children wholeheartedly--AS THEIR OWN--are the ones who will work around whatever difficulties fall their way.

 

My other consideration has to do with core spiritual values. My thought is that, while I passionately believe in homeschooling, it is even more important that whoever is my kids' new "parents" guide them spiritually/emotionally as I would. That way they can navigate ANY system.

 

We originally designated dh's sister first, then parents, then dear friends of mine. When we altered our wills, we dropped dh's parents to last place because they are getting older.

 

HOWEVER we also wrote an extensive, highly specific letter for our children's guardians about how to handle specific relationships. So whether dh's sister or my friends raise our children, there is still a record asking/requiring them to facilitate frequent, intensive contact with dh's parents. Our letter also specified who should NOT have relationship privileges with our children and WHY. No one has seen this letter except our lawyer and dh's sister--and that is the way it will stay unless we die. It was important to specify some of these more negative things because I have family members who are really, really dysfunctional and cannot be allowed to impact my children negatively. Our lawyer advised this, and I appreciate her foresight in doing so.