mazakaal Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 I usually hate receiving forwarded e-mails, but I got this from my aunt yesterday and thought it was absolutely hysterical. I thought you guys might enjoy it too. :D ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE BY JOHN CLEESE The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level. -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 :lol: Brilliant! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pie Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 :lol::lol::lol: love him!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 :lol::lol::lol::lol: I am cracking up and everyone else is still in bed!! best email forward ever! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 :lol: Have you ever seen the additional tracks on the Life of Brian DVD. He is brilliant. He remarks on the only American member of Monty Python Terry Gilliam: "He's American, so everything either is "really, really great" or "really, really p*sses him off". Eric Idle once said that Cleese was funny because he never cared if anyone liked him or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faithr Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 He is so funny. Love him and his biting humor! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 :lol::lol::lol: that is SO funny!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 Hi-larious! Thanks for sharing. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 :D. Love John Cleese. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 This is great!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leeannpal Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 He is, without a doubt, one of the funniest people on the planet! That was awesome!!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodhaven Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 :lol::lol: Thanks for sharing that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GinaPagnato Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: That was fabulous! I'm soooo forwarding that. Thanks for the early morning laugh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 :lol: When I got to Spain, I almost had a hernia laughing. :smilielol5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 I LOVE this! Thanks for posting it.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OLG Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 Love the Cleese wit! Thanks for sharing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 :lol::rofl::smilielol5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suppleasthewind Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 I love him! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 I'm fairly certain this isn't by John Cleese. I'm having trouble tracking down an origin though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirch Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 I'm fairly certain this isn't by John Cleese. I'm having trouble tracking down an origin though.Yeah, it's definitely not Cleese. So far I've figured out that it was making the rounds in 2007 without any attribution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazakaal Posted August 27, 2011 Author Share Posted August 27, 2011 Yeah, it's definitely not Cleese. So far I've figured out that it was making the rounds in 2007 without any attribution. How weird that it was attributed to him years later. Was the text exactly the same, but just with no author listed? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 I've heard of this before too, and remembered it wasn't John Cleese. There isn't much out there about where it came from; not even on Snopes. There was a thread on the Snopes forum about it though earlier this year. It's still funny, regardless of where it came from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I'm fairly certain this isn't by John Cleese. I'm having trouble tracking down an origin though. I found it here: NLP Connections. I don't know if that's original or not, but that post is dated July 2007. But it was funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazakaal Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 Oh, well. Sorry for miss-attributing it. I was just passing it along as I found it. It was funny though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeachGirl Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 The part about Spain just about killed me. I was laughing so hard at the end. John Cleese. British writer, actor and tall person The tall person also got me. I loved watching Monty Python and all comedic British imports. I love this and will be forwarding to friends.:lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 The part about Spain just about killed me. I was laughing so hard at the end. John Cleese. British writer, actor and tall person The tall person also got me. I loved watching Monty Python and all comedic British imports. I love this and will be forwarding to friends.:lol::lol: as long as you don't attribute it to Cleese, because it's not from him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Yeah, it's definitely not Cleese. So far I've figured out that it was making the rounds in 2007 without any attribution. John Humberstone http://www.nlpconnections.com/chill-out-room/2318-security-alert-status.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I saw that, but I also saw it posted in March of '07 without attribution. Humberstone doesn't say that he wrote it as far as I can see, and down the page he posts that joke about the guy in the flood, so I can't call that a solid claim of authorship. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.