What principles guide your decisions on how much time is spent away from home? m

[bkpan]

I have 6 dc, ages 10 to 6m, and I feel a constant inner turmoil on how many "extras" we do. I am doing some classical lite, MFW ECC with my 10 and 8yo, and MFW 1st gr with my 6yo twins. Add in PS with the 4yo and daily care of the baby and it is so darn HARD to get out of the house!! Yet, the guilt is always there that my dc should have activities other than academics in their lives.

 

I am not talking about a separate activity per child, just being able to manage a daily routine and get out now and then. I thought that I would try taking them to a hs PE class two afternoons a week and it is utterly exhausting trying to cram all of the school into the AM and then to spend the enormous amount of time that it takes to get all of the dc out of the house in the afternoon.

 

What do you all think? Am I probably just being really disorganized, or totally unrealistic about wanting to do outside activities with so many young dc? What have some of you with large families been able to accomplish??

 

I am so weary of all the guilt over not doing all of the many things that I want to do and seeming to always spin my wheels :(

 

Thank you for any insights you all might have.

 

Kim in TN (used to be in NV)

[MOCA]

Check out Marilyn Howshall's Lifestyle of Learning philosophy. (It does have Christian content.) She advises staying home as often as you can in order to really nurture your child's heart vs just rushing out the door. Obviously, there is a balance but perhaps her words will be a welcome perspective to you.

[sdWTMer]

We just can't afford to put them into any activities. :( We don't go very many places. We do have the occasional field trip w/ our homeschooling group, but that is few and far between. The only reason we do those is because the activities are sooo much cheaper or they are free.

 

I have had to let the guilt go! The kiddos that I know that are in extracurricular activities all have mom's who work outside the home. My boys have the bonus of not being slave to a clock (except at lunchtime - ;) ), not always be on the go and have me around all the time.

 

Hang in there.

[NancyinCA]

We try to have some priorities for our kids, so we measure up a potential activity against those priorities. For example, it's important to us that our kids have a chance to just be kids-riding their bikes in the neighborhood, catching frogs in the creek, that type of thing. If an activity being added to our schedule prevents that from happening on a semi regular basis (like at least two times a week) than we don't do it. This has kept us from participating in youth football and youth theater. Another priority is family time together in the evenings. We limit evening activities to one out per child in the week, and we try to make them happen on the same night (two kids go to AWANA, 1 goes to youth group on a separate night). While oldest dd is at youth group, we go on our date night. Cumulatively, that leaves us with 5 nights together.

 

If we were trying to do the PE class like you are, we might schedule a lighter school schedule that day. It sounds like it would be a healthy activity for the kids, and probably good for you to get out of the house, too.

 

Just my two cents,

[KristineIN]

I thought about doing the homeschool gym & swim but decided 1, it was expensive and 2. 2 days a week is a big commitment.

 

We do co-op every other week, 8 weeks in the fall & 8 in the spring, (3 hours on Tuesday)

Wednesday evening we attend Bible Study

about twice a month we have the option to do field trips/play days with a support group. I do some, if they are local and affordable (most are, but there are a few that cost more money than I want to pay. Some upcoming things are Planetarium field trip $1.00 each, Electric field trip, free, pottery field trip about $13.00 a student for an hour class, I don't have extra money for this, so I'm not going. I don't tell the kids what the field trips are, it's not their decision, unless it's something that's free and I'm not sure about. Also, there have been times that they've been excited only to be sick, so I usually wait until right before to tell them. Also, we have the opportunity to attend convocations at the local university. We get to see Beakman Live here in March I think. But those have to be committed to way in advanced.

 

Anyway, I just stay home whenever I can. Oh we are also in 4-H, once a month. This is all plenty for us.

 

Kristine

[GothicGyrl]

Believe it or not, we only do one activity a week--bowling--which I coach and run an entire homeschool league. monday mornings and that's it.

 

Nothing else. that's why I have no restrictions on tv/game time. I just can't. We go to Busch Gardens once a month and that's it as well.

 

It's really ok to not have them in all this stuff. Honestly.

[Excelsior! Academy]

Well, since you asked. I believe that homeschooling for us means staying home. And, no, we are not antisocial. Up until last year the girls did competitive gymnastics, we had 1 in public school, I worked full time, many field trips, etc. This year all we do is church related activites. We do average a monthly field trip, but not always with the same group of kiddos.

 

It has been like a breath of fresh air. The kids are happier, DH is happier, *I* am happier. I was scared when we pulled out of everything that it would limit our opportunities. Wrong! We have had many, and even turn down more than we take. Do what feels right for your family. You will be glad you did.

[chiguirre]

I'm at a totally opposite place. We literally have an activity every day of the week. I do this because I worry that my autistic ds will miss out on social skills if he doesn't constantly practice them. I am beginning to see that he can behave in class and I hope that next year we can have a saner schedule.

 

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't worry about taking the kids out too much. They have so many siblings that they don't really need a lot of group activities to learn to take turns, be polite, follow directions, etc.

[Pretty in Pink]

our balance has been found in having a 4 day school week, which does mean that we school year round, but it is worth it to me to have that built in day every week of flexibility. if we have nothing planned for the week we just take friday off. if we do have a field trip or other activity planned then we use our day off for that.

[Sharon H in IL]

My principle is one from C.S. Lewis. Paraphrased, he said one must say no to a great many good things in order to be able to say yes to the best things.

 

What is your family's *best* thing? It will be different for every family, and each season of life brings a different balance. Babies and toddlers and preschoolers have to have naps. Period. That puts a certain solid lid on a homeschool family's activity level.

 

After that, you have to balance the emotional and physical toll taken by the exertion on the children, and on you. You're important too, you know.

[Tracey in TX]

We have activities every day of the week:

 

soccer (Tu,W,Th,F,Sa,Su)

gymnastics (Tu,Th)

basketball (Th,S)

guitar (Tu)

dance-theatre (Tu)

track (MTuWThF)

 

I am very social and need to be around people often. My children also like to be involved in sports, so we do as much as possible. We thrive with this pace; when it changes we become sluggish and bored.

[Ellie]

My primary rule was that we didn't do things with others before, oh, about 3 in the afternoon (excepting our monthly park day, which began at noon). That would mean no co-ops, no classes just for hsers, nothing.

 

I made an exception for a year or so for a homeschool choir, which was on Wednesdays at noon.

 

Every Thursday was our field trip day; we left the house every Thursday to do *something.* So another rule was that we didn't do field trips with others unless they were on Thursdays or they were very exclusive or expensive and they needed a large group for us to be able to go.

 

Wednesday evenings was church. Outside classes couldn't be on Wednesdays.

 

My dds did 4-H, Camp Fire (which we mostly did independently), marching band, Scottish country dance, Missionettes, and more, but we did them as part of the community, not with homeschoolers. Along with our Thursday field trips, they were able to have many wonderful experiences, without losing our home life.

[ChrisN in NY]

I have 6 dc, too, who are now ages 8 to 21. For a LONG time, the only things we did outside of home were church (Sunday and Wednesday) and a local homeschool recreational baseball league (all the kids at the same time in the same place on night a week) on Friday nights in the spring and a similar league for soccer on Saturday mornings in the fall.

 

Don't feel guilty. The insanity of outside activities appears all too quickly... we 4H once a month 8 yrs ago that was very-well led by a mom from our church, added piano lessons a year later (the teacher came to my house for 3 or 4 years)... and now it's absolutely crazy.... I won't even go there, lest I feel like pulling my *own* hair.

 

Stay home; relax and enjoy.

 

:-)

ChrisN

[gardenschooler]

I think that if we were to try to do something two afternoons a week, we'd have to be much earlier risers than we are now, or we would not be getting in a full school day on those days. I don't schedule anything in the afternoons for this reason - it always cut school short.

 

I don't doubt that trying to get six kids under ten out the door by yourself leaves you exhausted! What about doing something once a week, on a Saturday or in the evening, and leaving the ones too little to do the activity home with dad?

 

When mine were little (and I only have 3), Saturday was 'Daddy Fun Day' (also called 'Save Mom's Sanity'). Bike riding in the park, gymnastics lessons, the playground, anything, as long as they were gone 3-4 hours and the kids came home worn-out.

 

I also found that there were things I just didn't have the time and energy to do with the two olders when the youngest was a baby. The baby needed a nap in the afternoons, and I just wasn't going to run around rushed all the time. They didn't suffer much for it, though. Instead of a group activity in the afternoons, we'd go for a walk and stop by the playground before dinner.

 

I can't live being overscheduled, and I think it is the #1 stress factor in a lot of moms' (especially homeschool moms') lives. There's no need for it - the kids are happiest when Mom isn't so frazzled, and actually has some time to enjoy with them, even if it's just in their own backyard.

 

Some things I followed for our activities:

1-If it's church/church-related, we might do it. We're there anyway, and that was one thing I did want them involved in.

 

2-If it's something I deem very worthwhile, we'll do it. But it has to be something spectacular.

 

3-If it's close to home, we'll more than likely do it.

 

4-If it's inexpensive (or free), we'll probably do it.

 

Field trips, OVER-volunteering, signing kids up for classes/sports they really didn't care about, and just plain feeling obligated had us a little busier than I cared to be for too long.

 

Honestly, most field trips are a waste of time, to me, in big groups. Maybe I've done too many, because I cannot emphasize enough what a time-sucker so many of them were. Now we just do our own, and we're much happier for it.

 

We do co-op on Tuesday mornings, and I find that worth it because even though it doesn't meet #3 or #4, it meets #2. It's a catch-all - classes, fun group activities, homeschool group for me (I think I'm the one that needs socialization, the kids are fine!). We have a whole lot going on there, and that helps me feel like we've done our socialization bit for the week ;d. I can also rest easy that the kids have had their art, music, and all that good stuff that I don't always make time for, or have the expertise/interest to teach.

 

We also do a lot at church, and Awana at our hsgroup's church (dh takes them to Awana, though - no way could I handle that much 'out' time - Tuesday mornings AND Wednesday nights? NO WAY).

 

I've let my older girls play on a softball team at a church down the street, but we didn't start this until they were around 12 (in other words, old enough to go without me).

 

My older two are also in Girl Scouts, but they're Cadettes, so it doesn't require as much mom effort, and what is required, dh helps with A LOT.

I gave it my best try when they were Brownies, but I've since become disillusioned with the whole thing. The youngest doesn't care for scouts, and dh & I are thrilled. We think now we can see the end of the tunnel! This one activity has required a whole lot of effort on our part for very little in return, and has had some negatives. I'm not making my older girls quit, but I'm not pouring my energy into it anymore, either.

 

I don't mind spending our time and energy on things that are very much worth it (as I feel our homeschool group has been, especially since I, too, get something out of it), but I'm much more selective now.

 

So you have to figure out if it's really, really worth it, overall, considering the stress *any activity* causes. If it is, go for it and realize you have to make some sacrifices in other areas (time, for one) to be able to do it. But if it's not truly worth it, drop it like a hot potato and guilt be gone!

[angela in ohio]

What worked out well for us was to do many activities up until oldest hit about 10/11. Then we needed to be home long hours for her to get everything in and still ahve time for her own pursuits. My rule now is that unless the activity replaces something I would have to do at home if we didn't go (art, music), we don't even consider it. I don't do as many weekly activities, so that we can go out on field trips or such, which I can control more easily, also.

[JudoMom]

I suffer guilt over this, but it's just not realistic for my boys to play baseball (or another team sport), because looking down the line there is the possibility of having to have 5 different boys on 5 different fields at the same time.

 

Instead, we do Judo together, because I think the physical activity is important and it helps develop coordination and self-discipline (in addition, it is inexpensive). We also participate in our church's Wednesday night program. We have piano lessons 1X/week at a friend's house, so the boys who aren't having a lesson get a play date. And we're starting a co-op this Friday. Dh wanted the boys to learn some of the skills that come from a classroom setting, and this program is close, free, and my 4 older boys will have classes.

 

There are many great opportunities. We evaluate any opportunity with what our ultimate goals are for our boys. For us to homeschool, we need to be home because we (me, even moreso than the boys) thrive on routine. We try to keep our evenings and weekends free for family time. If we do an activity during the day, it has to provide something important that I can't easily provide at home.

[Laura K (NC)]

Us too. We have three boys ages 11-14.

 

It's a rare day we stay home. I try to stay home most days of the week before 2pm except on the day we have co-op. We get most of our schoolwork done then. The kids also have some academic classes in the afternoons as well.

 

I choose activities based on whether it will be enriching, whether we have the money (we usually do for worthwhile things), and if it won't conflict with the activities or subjects we aren't already doing. The boys must finish each thing they start and do it well as long as they do it.

 

If we stayed home they would have more excuse to play video games or watch TV. Now they don't do much of that, but they still have time to do some daydreaming... and so do I.