Why can't two straight men sleep in the same bed?

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

I don't like sharing a bed unless it is with my husband or children. Not even my sisters or mother. I need more personal space than that.

[BridgeTea]

I posed the original question to MrTea and he said, "Because most people are homophobes. They're idiots. You know that."

 

My answer is similar, except I won't say that MOST people are homophobes, just SOME. It's the only explanation I can think of.

[Wendi]

They are afraid this will happen:

 

Planes Trains and Automobiles

 

Wendi

[Danestress]

When my women's circle at church plans a retreat or trip they always assume the women will split a hotel room 4 ways. Two women per bed, even though most hotel double rooms in this part of the country use full size beds not queen.

 

 

 

How would it feel even vaguely "retreaty" to have to share a bed with someone else? As a Mom, if I were going to go on retreat, I wouldn't even consider sharing a BED with another person. Are other women willing to put up with that? It makes me want to cry to thinking about getting everything arranged so that I could leave my family for a weekend of "retreat" and then to have to share the bedroom with four other women and not even have my own bed.

 

I'd skip the retreat and just book a room for myself at a Hampton Inn, lol.

[mommaduck]

This one actually makes sense to me. Females can sleep in the same bed with more ease because, while it might be embarrassing if you roll onto the other person in your sleep, you at least know you won't roll onto the other person with an erection.

 

This what I was thinking.

[kiana]

I personally would (and have) shared a bed with people of both genders -- as long as *they* are okay with it too. This has happened on trips with both martial arts people and math people, where we had an awkward number of people to split evenly and were all broke.

[Denise in Florida]

I personally would (and have) shared a bed with people of both genders -- as long as *they* are okay with it too. This has happened on trips with both martial arts people and math people, where we had an awkward number of people to split evenly and were all broke.

 

:iagree: when travelling it is sometimes just easier to share. It is not at all intimate.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I asked my cousin's husband and he said "because it's gay!".

[Denise in Florida]

How would it feel even vaguely "retreaty" to have to share a bed with someone else? As a Mom, if I were going to go on retreat, I wouldn't even consider sharing a BED with another person. Are other women willing to put up with that? It makes me want to cry to thinking about getting everything arranged so that I could leave my family for a weekend of "retreat" and then to have to share the bedroom with four other women and not even have my own bed.

 

I'd skip the retreat and just book a room for myself at a Hampton Inn, lol.

 

Nope not kidding. Of course the retreat I was thinking of was a series of worship workshops, group singing, and personal meditation on a beautiful campus. At night we just went back to the hotel to sleep so the room was not really the 'retreatish' part. Yes, I paid to have a bed of my own. What a weirdo I am. :tongue_smilie:

 

Another time a bunch of homeschooling moms wanted to travel to the big Orlando convention, the resort hotel was kind of expensive and we weren't planning to be in the room much. I ended up taking my dh and dds and they went to Disney while I went to the convention, we shared the room as a family.

 

My older dd likes to attend comic/fandom conventions. It is not unusal for the kids (college age) to pack 5 to 7 to a room and they don't care about the gender mix.

[Danestress]

I think it's just an introvert thing. I would find it so incredibly oppressive to have three women in a room with me the whole weekend that there would be no joy in going. If I didn't have to go, I wouldn't.

[Plucky]

DH and I just talked about this and he said it's pretty much a No Win situation for guys. Either you approach the topic and appear to be eager to share a bed (homosexual) or you appear to be afraid to share a bed (homophobic).

 

So he said you just accept the "one to a bed" rule and move on.

 

This is so true.

[Denise in Florida]

I think it's just an introvert thing. I would find it so incredibly oppressive to have three women in a room with me the whole weekend that there would be no joy in going. If I didn't have to go, I wouldn't.

 

Yeah, I understand. When I was on the retreat I shared the room with 2 other women but I had my own bed. That is where I felt comfortable drawing the line.

 

The traveling time was a large group, kids and adults going to a mission thing. We shared to cut costs and only stopped, ate, slept and got back on the road.

[Heather in Neverland]

Dh says "I don't know. It's just weird."

 

And I don't share beds with anyone but my dh or kids either.

[littleWMN]

My dh said it's not a big deal to him. Now I can't think of a time in our 12 years of marriage when he's had to share a bed with someone other than me, but apparently it wouldn't concern him (with his dad, brother, close friend).

 

Fwiw, he follows the urinal and movie rules. lol

[Osaubi]

Both my dh and I have shared bed space. If it is a guy then they sleep over/under covers. I have shared bed space with guys and girls. It is no big deal. I usually just hug the end of the bed and make sure I have my own covers.

 

We had to do this when we volunteer after major disasters. Only 1 room w/in hundreds of miles avail. We make do with what we have available.

 

I wouldn't sleep in the same bed as a stranger. That would be weird.

[KrissiK]

DH was reading this thread with me and pretty much agreed with the reasons given why men don't share beds. When I was teaching at a Christian School and we'd go to teacher's conventions, there would always be 4 teachers to a room (because the school paid our way and Christian schools never have a lot of $$) and I never thought a thing about it. I actually thought it was fun - like a great big slumber party.

[momofkhm]

I'm glad you asked!

 

I don't know the reason, but I found it odd when a teen boy was telling me about a trip he took with his father and his grandfather. None of them shared a bed! The teen slept on the floor. Maybe, maybe I can understand the erection thing and not sharing with a friend, but not sharing with your dad???

 

See, I grew up in a 2 kid family - one boy, one girl. On trips, I always shared with mom and brother always shared with dad. I figure once oldest moves out, if we go on trips, this is what we'll do to.

[Peela]

And the reason it's ok for women to sleep in the same bed is because 1) being a lesbian is more acceptable and 2) women engaging sexually is a popular straight male fantasy

 

That is the key in my mind- I think being lesbian or at least women being "intimate" with each other (not necessarily sexually, but affectionately) is far, far more socially acceptable than it is for men. We are talking two "active" polarities rather than two "passive" polarities here. The positive poles tend to create sparks- there is a distinct "reaction" more than when two negative poles come together. SO it is pretty instinctive in a sense.

Although I am pretty sure in many other cultures they are far more mature about it and its not such a big deal.

 

However...me....cant even sleep with dh. Give me space. I was asked to share a tent with a gf recently on a trip to the country with 19 people. We needed to minimise luggage because the bus was small. We were camping- they asked us to share tents. YOu wouldn't believe how many of us decided to be the one person who wouldn't share a tent, though! I woudln't. I just said to my gf, I cant sleep with anyone- call me wierd but that's how I am.

[Plucky]

I'm glad you asked!

 

I don't know the reason, but I found it odd when a teen boy was telling me about a trip he took with his father and his grandfather. None of them shared a bed! The teen slept on the floor. Maybe, maybe I can understand the erection thing and not sharing with a friend, but not sharing with your dad???

 

See, I grew up in a 2 kid family - one boy, one girl. On trips, I always shared with mom and brother always shared with dad. I figure once oldest moves out, if we go on trips, this is what we'll do to.

 

That is silly. I'm pretty sure my boys would be sharing with dh, & if one didn't want to they'd get the floor.

[FaithManor]

According to Dh, it's just "WWRRRRROOOOOOOONNNNGGGG!" That's the official reponse.

 

So, he'll sleep with me and of course, he didn't have a problem with the boys climbing into bed with us, but as for other grown men, see the above.

 

I don't like to undress in front of anyone except dh, not even my own daughter or my sister. So, I avoid sharing hotel rooms with anyone that is not Dh. When the kids are along, I change in the bathroom, absolutely. I've been this way for a very long time. If invited on a retreat, I'd either have my own room or not go. It was like that when I was skinny and reasonably beautiful too, therefore, I don't think it's a body image thing but a comfort zone that needs quite a bit of privacy.

 

Faith

[CalicoKat]

When my women's circle at church plans a retreat or trip they always assume the women will split a hotel room 4 ways. Two women per bed, even though most hotel double rooms in this part of the country use full size beds not queen.

 

This is why I no longer go to women's retreats with church. I just won't.

 

 

I would not mind if this were my sister but just some random lady from church? no. I always ask if I can pay two shares and have a bed of my own and then I get looks like. Are you too good to share a bed? It is very embarassing.

 

I have no idea if the mens groups plan 4 to a room or 2, now I wonder, but I sure as heck am not going to ask. :lol:

:lurk5:

[roxanne23]

When I was growing up the youth group in our church consisted of 4 boys and me, all in the same grade. One weekend we went to a retreat type thing at a hotel. There were 4 people to a room. The pastor and the other male adult chaperone had to share a room with two other adult men, and the younger men slept on the floor. The four boys shared a room, and they took turns sleeping on the floor. As the only female, I was assigned to a room with three complete strangers and expected to share a bed. And for some reason, I did. Well, the reason was that the men had the forethought to call the desk and request extra bedding. Sometimes it pays to be a homophobic teenage boy. :rofl:

[happi duck]

I've never shared a bed with a girlfriend or relative either. Well, other than my sister when I was four.

 

I just can't imagine sleeping with someone who wasn't directly and immediately related to me (i.e husband, child).

 

:iagree:

Edited July 11, 2011 by happi duck

[myfunnybunch]

According to Dh, it's just "WWRRRRROOOOOOOONNNNGGGG!" That's the official reponse.

 

:lol:

 

Mine just shook his head, made a face and shuddered.

 

Cat

[YLVD]

I've never shared a bed with a girlfriend or relative either. Well, other than my sister when I was four.

 

I just can't imagine sleeping with someone who wasn't directly and immediately related to me (i.e husband, child).

 

Me too

[Spy Car]

Now, take away the awful fear, and my sensations at feeling the supernatural hand in mine were very similar, in their strangeness, to those which I experienced on waking up and seeing Queequeg's pagan arm thrown round me. But at length all the past night's events soberly recurred, one by one, in fixed reality, and then I lay only alive to the comical predicament. For though I tried to move his arm - unlock his bridegroom clasp - yet, sleeping as he was, he still hugged me tightly, as though naught but death should part us twain. I now strove to rouse him—"Queequeg!" - but his only answer was a snore.

 

I then rolled over, my neck feeling as if it were in a horse-collar; and suddenly felt a slight scratch. Throwing aside the counterpane, there lay the tomahawk sleeping by the savage's side, as if it were a hatchet-faced baby. A pretty pickle, truly, thought I; abed here in a strange house in the broad day, with a cannibal and a tomahawk! "Queequeg! - in the name of goodness, Queequeg, wake!" At length, by dint of much wriggling, and loud and incessant expostulations upon the unbecomingness of his hugging a fellow male in that matrimonial sort of style, I succeeded in extracting a grunt; and presently, he drew back his arm, shook himself all over like a Newfoundland dog just from the water, and sat up in bed, stiff as a pike-staff, looking at me, and rubbing his eyes as if he did not altogether remember how I came to be there, though a dim consciousness of knowing something about me seemed slowly dawning over him.

 

Ishmael

[asta]

nm

Edited July 11, 2011 by asta

[Mimm]

According to Friends, "Because it's weird!" :)

 

[Josie]

I just don't feel right about it. My husband and my daughters, but that is it here. I don't think I would get a good rest sleeping with anyone else. I know, I know...I am strange. Oh well!

[stripe]

Now, take away the awful fear, and my sensations at feeling the supernatural hand in mine were very similar, in their strangeness, to those which I experienced on waking up and seeing Queequeg's pagan arm thrown round me. But at length all the past night's events soberly recurred, one by one, in fixed reality, and then I lay only alive to the comical predicament. For though I tried to move his arm - unlock his bridegroom clasp - yet, sleeping as he was, he still hugged me tightly, as though naught but death should part us twain. I now strove to rouse him—"Queequeg!" - but his only answer was a snore.

 

Quoth the whale, "Nevermore!"

 

These quotes are hilarious, by the way. You've inspired me to tackle Moby Dick.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

I just have to :lol: :lol: at some of these replies--hilarious...love 'em...where's the LIKE button? LOL

[Spy Car]

Quoth the whale, "Nevermore!"

 

These quotes are hilarious, by the way. You've inspired me to tackle Moby Dick.

 

Meanwhile, I lay quietly eyeing him, having no serious misgivings now, and bent upon narrowly observing so curious a creature. When, at last, his mind seemed made up touching the character of his bedfellow, and he became, as it were, reconciled to the fact; he jumped out upon the floor, and by certain signs and sounds gave me to understand that, if it pleased me, he would dress first and then leave me to dress afterwards, leaving the whole apartment to myself. Thinks I, Queequeg, under the circumstances, this is a very civilized overture; but, the truth is, these savages have an innate sense of delicacy, say what you will; it is marvellous how essentially polite they are. I pay this particular compliment to Queequeg, because he treated me with so much civility and consideration, while I was guilty of great rudeness; staring at him from the bed, and watching all his toilette motions; for the time my curiosity getting the better of my breeding. Nevertheless, a man like Queequeg you don't see every day, he and his ways were well worth unusual regarding.

 

Yours truly,

 

Ishmael

[Scarlett]

This one actually makes sense to me. Females can sleep in the same bed with more ease because, while it might be embarrassing if you roll onto the other person in your sleep, you at least know you won't roll onto the other person with an erection.

 

This is EXACTLY what my dh says!

[Scarlett]

My dh (6'3") tells a hilarious story of sharing a bed in recent years with his younger brother (6'8"). It involved a big roll of blankets down the middle and my dh getting kicked out of the bed in the middle of the night because some part of his body crossed the line.

 

:D

[Plucky]

My dh (6'3") tells a hilarious story of sharing a bed in recent years with his younger brother (6'8"). It involved a big roll of blankets down the middle and my dh getting kicked out of the bed in the middle of the night because some part of his body crossed the line.

 

:D

 

Ewwww. :lol:

[eternalknot]

My brothers don't really mind, but they grew up sharing a bed and bedroom with each other; their friends prefer not to, but would in a pinch (bachelor party in Vegas was most recent, but also traveling throughout Europe). The friends stack a literal wall of pillows between them LOL, which my brothers find hysterical.

 

My husband won't even share a bed with his own mother. When faced with an unexpected visit and lack of beds, he chose to sleep on the floor for a week. This is a man with a back and leg injuries who is used to sleeping on a super soft, featherbed type of mattress. I found it odd then, find it just as weird now. Heck, I've shared a bed with his mother! In each situation, a child would have been in between the adults so I don't get the big deal. But to him, it was one :) This is a man who spent 15 years in an all-male unit that was routinely out in the field living in very intimate quarters, showering together, crapping together, etc. But for some reason - not his mom, and never another male. He opts out of my brothers' Guy Trips if he can't afford his own bed on the trip.

[Scarlett]

Ewwww. :lol:

 

It wasn't THAT body part! :tongue_smilie:

[mommyofthree]

For the same reason they have to have an empty seat between them at the movie theater. :D

 

LOL. This is so true.

[NavyWifeandMommy]

cuz of society, imo. everyone has twin beds so everyone just crashes on the floor with sleeping bags.

[Garga]

I don't like sleeping with other women.

 

My neighbor invited me to a retreat with her church group. I knew no one in the group and hardly knew my neighbor. I was horrified to discover that I had to share a room with 3 other women, and was expected to sleep with my neighbor. I didn't like it one bit. One of the women undressed completely in front of us (in her 50's) and my neighbor was a messy tooth brusher. She was all foaming and dripping toothpaste. It was awful.

 

And I detest it when women choose a bathroom stall next to mine when there are others non-adjacent to use. I just don't get it. I'll go to a movie theater bathroom with 15 stalls, and I'm alone. Another woman will come in and choose the stall directly next to mine. I really hate that!

 

And I hate it when people talk to me when I'm on the toilet, too.

 

I NEED SPACE.

[Scarlett]

I don't like sleeping with other women.

 

My neighbor invited me to a retreat with her church group. I knew no one in the group and hardly knew my neighbor. I was horrified to discover that I had to share a room with 3 other women, and was expected to sleep with my neighbor. I didn't like it one bit. One of the women undressed completely in front of us (in her 50's) and my neighbor was a messy tooth brusher. She was all foaming and dripping toothpaste. It was awful.

 

And I detest it when women choose a bathroom stall next to mine when there are others non-adjacent to use. I just don't get it. I'll go to a movie theater bathroom with 15 stalls, and I'm alone. Another woman will come in and choose the stall directly next to mine. I really hate that!

 

And I hate it when people talk to me when I'm on the toilet, too.

 

I NEED SPACE.

 

I bet you don't like it when people talk on their cell phones in the bathroom where you are either. :D

 

But hey, I'm mostly with you. I am not a particularly modest person but I've discovered I need my space too. I can barely tolerate watching my dh brush his teeth (and I ADORE him), much less a total stranger!

 

I can share a bed with my child, my husband, my mother and my best friend. (not all at the same time ;)) I have shared a bed with a neighbor when we went on a camping trip...but that is because it was either the neighbor who had showered or my son who was DIRTY.

 

When I met up with my long lost sister a few years back we were alone at a hotel but had seperate rooms. Now that we are close (and I love her dearly and feel very close to her) she suggested we could share a room next time! YIKES! We wouldn't even share a bed...just a room! Just hoping she doesn't let me see her brushing her teeth!

[T'smom]

I don't like sleeping with other women.

 

My neighbor invited me to a retreat with her church group. I knew no one in the group and hardly knew my neighbor. I was horrified to discover that I had to share a room with 3 other women, and was expected to sleep with my neighbor. I didn't like it one bit. One of the women undressed completely in front of us (in her 50's) and my neighbor was a messy tooth brusher. She was all foaming and dripping toothpaste. It was awful.

 

And I detest it when women choose a bathroom stall next to mine when there are others non-adjacent to use. I just don't get it. I'll go to a movie theater bathroom with 15 stalls, and I'm alone. Another woman will come in and choose the stall directly next to mine. I really hate that!

 

And I hate it when people talk to me when I'm on the toilet, too.

 

I NEED SPACE.

 

Y'know, when I use a public restroom, I go in the first stall that I see that doesn't have feet sticking out! I don't pay any attention to if there is someone in the adjacent stall or not.

 

Now, I would notice if someone was undressing in front of me! But toothbrushing doesn't bother me either. Women at my book club were talking about how much they HATE toothpaste in the sink, but really, I just can't get that worked up over toothpaste!

[lvbnhome]

http://movieclips.com/qRGa-planes-trains-and-automobiles-movie-those-arent-pillows/

[eternalknot]

I don't like sleeping with other women.

 

My neighbor invited me to a retreat with her church group. I knew no one in the group and hardly knew my neighbor. I was horrified to discover that I had to share a room with 3 other women, and was expected to sleep with my neighbor. I didn't like it one bit. One of the women undressed completely in front of us (in her 50's) and my neighbor was a messy tooth brusher. She was all foaming and dripping toothpaste. It was awful.

 

And I detest it when women choose a bathroom stall next to mine when there are others non-adjacent to use. I just don't get it. I'll go to a movie theater bathroom with 15 stalls, and I'm alone. Another woman will come in and choose the stall directly next to mine. I really hate that!

 

And I hate it when people talk to me when I'm on the toilet, too.

 

I NEED SPACE.

 

This post reminds me of training. We were put up in a hotel for six weeks. I'm not sure why I assumed we'd have our own rooms, but ... uh, we didn't LOL. I adjusted quickly because I was still just 22 and had shared a bed, bedroom, and bathroom my entire life. My poor roommate was 56 and didn't even share a bathroom with her own husband, she was so private. Those six weeks were the longest of her life, she said :D. She also later told me that the company assured her we'd all rate our own rooms when out on company business once we had completed training; good thing, too, because anything otherwise would've been a deal-breaker for her!

[lovemyboys]

And why can't teenage boys - both straight sleep in the same bed? Women can sleep in the same bed, usually with girlfriends or relatives.

 

 

They would if they were on spring break together. They'd be fighting for the beds vs. the floors or chairs! (You know, the 10 kids per room kind of spring break.)

[HeidiKC]

and my neighbor was a messy tooth brusher. She was all foaming and dripping toothpaste. It was awful.

 

 

This cracks me up!

[HeidiKC]

I don't think it used to be that way (men refusing to share beds). My dad grew up on a farm and shared a bed with his brother until they went to college! And seems like I've read a lot in books where adult men would share beds in the old days. This sounds crazy - but I think even poor men who were staying an in inn??? I mean strangers! Maybe it was Ireland, 100 years ago or something? I don't know - I remember reading that and thinking how crazy it was. Or maybe it was 1800's in the US?

 

And hey - remember the Willy Wonka movie?!