Jump to content

Menu

Funny disclaimers we could attach to a classical education (something light?)...


Recommended Posts

I think many of us didn't really know all the ramifications of trying to give our children a classical education. I'm sure we all have funny stories, as well as horrified or uncomfortable ones, and ones about our struggles. Wouldn't now be a nice time to have a thread where we shared them?

 

I had no idea my youngest would gain status amongst his fellow warhammer players for knowing so much mythology. The Latin turned out to be desirable, too. Who knew that stuff was considered cool among gamers?

 

I am still recovering from my sons' gleeful appreciation of Dante's Inferno and their crys of "sick" and "twisted" as we read it.

 

They adopted some of Shakespeare's insults, also. "Thou cream-faced loon" is quite good for stopping friends in their tracks GRIN.

 

-Nan

 

PS - I am not trying to make light of the concerns of the parents trying not to expose their children to things that their family considers inappropriate. I think we all try to do that, and that we ought to shelter our children until the appropriate time. I have had my own struggles and failures in that department. I am just trying to lighten the atmosphere a bit.

Edited by Nan in Mass
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay, I'm not sure this is what you're looking for, but when my boys remudded and painted their bathroom walls, they engraved on the wall, "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat"...in Latin. When guests ask what it means, we hem and haw but never say. Most of them think it's a Bible verse or something.

 

When 22yod heard about this she exclaimed, "You guys are such nerds!" Like she wasn't raised in this same family.

Edited by Luann in ID
Link to comment
Share on other sites

This week we were learning the Latin for nobody, which is nemo (with macrons). This led to a discussion of The Odyssey, where Odysseus calls himself nobody. Which led to us cracking up comparing Odysseus with Nemo in Finding Nemo. A story about lost people (or fish) at sea trying to get home. :lol: He was throughly amused.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Beware - If you give your children a classical education, you will have to constantly remind them that parents are exempt from the rules of logic. As they get older, you will have to spend quite a lot of time carefully thinking out your arguments to make sure that they are really watertight because you have oh so carefully taught your children how to question everything and examine every argument and motivation carefully.

 

If you teach your children to write, they will like to write emails and facebook entries and spend way too much time socializing via computer. Beware their book reviews.

 

If you teach your children to read well, you may have trouble dragging them out of a book long enough to do any schoolwork.

 

LOL

-Nan

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not disclaimers, but general hilarity. I had no idea this would be my life. I started collecting the funny things the boys say a couple years ago, inspired by, I think, Julie, on the General board. Here are some history-related hilarity highlights from 2009, when the boys were 12 (Seth) & 17 (Eli). I've removed most of the ones that would be offensive, I hope.

 

JANUARY

 

20th

Seth, during a math lesson: “You are the most stressful mother to work with in my life. In fact, you’re the only stressful mother to work with in my life.â€

 

23rd

Eli, looking up from his history book: "I'm not sure I like this Martin Luther. Or Zwingli. In fact, I don't know if I like Calvin, either. I know the truth about the Bible! No, I do. No, this is the truth!"

Seth, growling: "Let's fight about it!"

 

later…

Eli: "I think I really hate this John Calvin. No dancing? Really. No dancing. And Oliver Cromwell actually tried to outlaw Christmas? And I thought these people were Christians."

 

23rd

Seth: “Everybody knows the Tale of the Two Dragons, in King Arthur. EVERYBODY. Okay, maybe not everybody, but maybe like 90% of the population in Washington. Or maybe like 40 to 50%. I don't know.â€

 

later…

 

Eli: “Dad. That joke was actually almost funny.â€

Seth: “Like, 40% funnier than your usual jokes.â€

 

27th

Seth: “You ruined my tactical defense strategy!â€

 

31st

Found note, dated 6/19/08:

Grammar and capitalization practice, Nicole is reading, “The Mediterranean sea almost surrounds the countries of Italy and Greece.â€

Seth: “That’s because it is called a peninsula, you don’t-know-it-alls.â€

 

FEBRUARY

 

10th

Nicole, asking a second time: “Seth, could you please hop into some clean clothes?â€

Seth: “But I’m just making a trebuchet!â€

 

11th

Nicole: “Seth, shall we start with some math?â€

In the thinker pose: “I’m probing my mind about what to do.â€

 

26th

Spelling test, Nicole: “Horseback… John Wesley rode horseback to some meetings. Horseback.â€

Seth: “That’s just… cheese factory. I mean. Horses are probably illegal in cities!â€

“Honey, John Wesley is an historical figure, the founder of the Methodist church, and he did ride horseback to some meetings.â€

“Well how was I supposed to know that?â€

“Because I just told you. Did you write the word?â€

“Oh. No. What was it again?â€

 

27th

Eli: “They have this wrong. John Locke didn't write the Treatise, Hobbes did. John Locke wrote Levitation.â€

Nicole: “That’s Leviathan, honey.â€

 

MARCH

 

4th

Nicole, reading spelling sentences: “Did that bird swallow the grasshopper?â€

Seth: “Actually, they beat it to a pulp first and then they eat it.â€

 

4th

Seth, about a copper garden plaque that we'd just hung on the new garage: “And that face, by the way, is not the Green Knight.â€

Nicole: “I know. It’s the Green Man, not the Green Knight.â€

Seth: “In other words, it’s Bacchus, or Dionysus. Bacchus is the Roman name for Dionysus.â€

 

5th

Seth, noticing a restaurant while driving: “Mmm! Mongolian Grill! That sounds good. Except. I do not really… appreciate the Mongols very much.â€

 

6th

Seth: “Stop that internal racket!â€

 

13th

Eli, incredulous: “You were an honors student?â€

Nicole: “Yes, why does that surprise you?

Eli: “Well, considering your math scores on the SAT….â€

Seth: “Mom’s more of a moving dictionary than a moving calculator.â€

 

16th

Eli, admiring Seth’s Playmobil Castle set-up: “So they’re under siege by Angles and Saxons and barbarians and stuff?â€

Seth: “Actually, they’re Visigoths.â€

 

25th

Seth: “I’m bored. Do you have any suggestions about what I can do?â€

Nicole: “Um. Poke in the eye with a sharp stick?

Seth: "EWWW! Polyphemus got the same treatment, and you know what? That's gross!"

 

30th

Nicole, reading aloud from Huston Smith’s The Illustrated World’s Religions: “Sufis honor their ecstatics, but in calling them ‘drunken’ they serve notice that they must return to sobriety, bringing the substance of their visions back with them. In plain language, transcendence must be made immanent; the God who is encountered in isolation from the world must also be encountered within it…â€

Eli, “So… the Sufis are like the hippies of Islam.â€

 

MAY

 

8th

Seth: “What’s your favorite ancient people, Eli?â€

Eli: “That’s a toughie. I would have to say the Athenians. The Greeks.â€

Seth: “I would say the Romans. Except for the slave part. Because they were cleaner and rarely got the plague.â€

Eli: “I like the idea of city-states. And democracy’s always nice.â€

[This discussion devolved into an argument about which civilization was better.]

 

JUNE

 

14th

Seth, at Eli’s piano recital: “Was that forte forte or metro forte?â€

 

20th

Driving to Ikea, Seth: “Why do they call that place Apollo’s Spa? They should call it Helios’ Spa. Because Helios was the true sun god, until the Romans changed it. [Pause.] Hey! What are you doing? Are you writing this down? Let me check it to see if you got it right. 'Romans' should be in italics.â€

 

JULY

 

7th

Grammar lesson oral drill, connecting sentences with a conjunction, Nicole, reading: “The wise man’s house stood. The foolish man’s house collapsed.â€

Seth: “What’s that from?â€

Nicole: “The Bible. The wise man built his house on rock, and it stood, and the foolish man built his house on sand…â€

Seth: “Quicksand?â€

Eli, from the other room: “It’s called liquefaction. It’s a geologic process.â€

 

9th

Eli, moaning.

Helpful Mommy: “Are you sure you don’t want to spend some time on the pot?â€

Seth: “Oooh! Ooooh! Oooh! Like that one guy who did most of his thinking on the pot?â€

Nicole: “Martin Luther.â€

Seth: “Aren’t we so educated?â€

 

AUGUST

 

22nd

Nicole: “Heresy is speaking out against the Bible or church doctrine. So, for instance, the Catholics considered Martin Luther a heretic.â€

Seth, incredulous: “Of course he was a heretic!â€

 

23rd

Eli: “You should teach me how to cook some stuff so that when I go to college I won’t be a complete ignoramus.â€

Nicole: !!!

 

23rd

Seth: “Mom, you’re so old school.â€

Eli: “A simpleton, you mean?â€

 

24th

Seth: “When can we listen to the end of The Return of the Native? I want to hear Eustacia DIE! DIE! DIE!â€

 

26th

Nicole, wondering aloud during Eli’s history lesson: “Why are peace treaties always being signed in Paris?â€

Seth, from the other room: “The French! Fashion is their thing, not war!â€

 

SEPTEMBER

 

5th

Seth: “We could have lived without Shakespeare.â€

 

18th

Eli: “Seth, don't hug me. I have a tomato and I'm not afraid to use it.â€

 

21st

Seth: “Rome could have been called Reme. If. You know. Romulus hadn’t killed Remus.â€

 

28th

Seth: “You know what, Mom? I think school is fun until math.â€

 

29th

Nicole: “Some people think Thomas Hardy is too depressing.â€

Seth: “That guy selling his wife?! Yeah. That’s depressing. I mean. That guy needs… some ginkgo biloba or… some serious drugs… or something.â€

Eli: “No he doesn’t. That guy is an alcoholic.â€

Seth: “Whatever! Dude. It’s depressing.â€

 

30th

Seth, finishing a report on his history reading, “I simply despise the modern world.â€

 

OCTOBER

 

2nd

Mom: “Honey, I have no idea what you’re talking about.â€

Eli: “Oh, yeah. I forgot. You don’t read The Economist.â€

 

3rd

Seth, looking at the Playmobil catalog: “Why would a tribune be fighting with a gladiator?!â€

 

5th

Seth: “The Bible doesn’t have very accurate battles.â€

Nicole: “How do you know? You haven’t read all the battle scenes in the Bible.â€

Seth: “Well, compared to the Romans…! The Romans marched in and BOOM! I mean, in the Bible… blowing their horns and making the walls of Jericho fall down? That’s not accurate. That’s just pathetic.â€

 

11th

Seth: “Why don’t you go check your email, Mom?â€

Nicole, “Oh. Okay. What did you send me?†Checks email. “Hey. You didn’t send me anything!â€

Eli: “I know. He just wanted you to leave the room.â€

Seth: “We’re having a bloody battle!â€

 

12th

Eli: “Semi-colons are fun, once you know how to use them! I mean, you just slap it in there, and you don't have to worry about commas and an “and†– and so long as your sentences are related, you’re good!â€

 

16th

Seth, watching Nicole typing: “Women! They type as fast as they talk. Revolting.â€

 

21st

Seth: “You have to be kidding me! Microsoft Word doesn’t know Mithras? It needs to touch up on its history.â€

 

21st

Nicole: “That was mean, Eli.â€

Eli: “He's mean to me, like, 24/7! And do I ever get an apology? No.â€

Seth: “It's more like 12/7, actually.â€

 

23rd

Seth, reading about Dante: “Really! Pope Bone Face was such a butt head.â€

Nicole: “Boniface?â€

Seth: “No. He should be Bone Face.â€

 

28th

Nicole, looking at a chart describing graduation requirements for high school students in Washington state: “This is just amazing.â€

Eli: “What? The low standards?â€

 

NOVEMBER

 

2nd

Seth: “Get that out of my sight or I'll start reading. I'm that kind of person! I see a good book, and I start reading.â€

 

5th

Seth, looking up from his book: “I think this Don Quixote had some mental problems.â€

 

11th

Eli: “Hey, Mom. If you could go back in time, would you change that one line about God creating the woman out of the rib?â€

Seth: “Of course she would! The question is, how would she change it?â€

 

16th

Nicole, reading from the grammar book: “Pompeii was an ancient Italian city.â€

Seth: “Italian?! Italian?! It was ROMAN!â€

 

DECEMBER

 

1ST

Seth, muttering at the computer, doing his history summary: “I might need a second page for Petrarch. He was one busy dude.â€

 

6th

Eli: “So, Mom. What do you think of the electoral college system?â€

Nicole: (gasps) “Are you mad? Why would you ask me such a thing?â€

 

24th

Seth: “Why do we celebrate Christmas in December when Jesus was actually born in March?â€

Nicole: “Tradition.â€

Seth: “They just stole it from Mithras worshippers. I mean, they’re just thieves, those villainous Christians.â€

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1. My son insulted a punk downtown in Latin. He was all of 8yo.

 

2. Same son corrected the priest in a homily (I could have died!) because the priest mispronounced a Greek word. (Kyrie, if you want to know)...

 

funny, now I realised that when we quietly stepped away from a 'pure' classical education and switched gears to a more standard education. :glare:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nicole -

 

Those are WONDERFUL!

 

Oh, dear. I just realized how long that post is! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

 

I want to mention here that I think we are superior poster children for classical education, precisely because my children are not precocious, not gifted, just ordinary kids who have had exposure to a lot of good stories, and have had an opportunity to explore a wide variety of perspectives to hone their critical thinking skills.

 

That said, I do often feel like my life is a joke. ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When you attend a staged production of Homer's Odyssey, be prepared to elbow your kid in an unmistakable "No Snorting!" gesture when the actor pronounces Nausicaa differently from the way Prof. Vandiver does.

 

I love this.

Edited by Nicole M
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had no idea my youngest would gain status amongst his fellow warhammer players for knowing so much mythology. The Latin turned out to be desirable, too. Who knew that stuff was considered cool among gamers?

 

Er, me :)

 

We used to have a small gaming group, and one participant was another member's younger brother. Since he was only a young teen, I used to nag him about his education every other week (all in good fun, we all knew they mostly ignored me ;) ) About a fortnight ago, he messaged me telling me he's "got cred" both from the other students and his history teachers for knowing "so much" history and mythology, which had him laughing since he picked up his very scanty knowledge from conversations over the gaming table and the occasional book he borrowed from me and only half read.

 

Rosie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

E., in analysis of her written assignment: There are no many errors di mortografia. (Instead of morphology. Made me wonder what type of subjects I was teaching her... writing the death LOL.)

 

G.: Nonne (Latin) is used for rhetorical questions with a positive answer... like grandmothers (nonne in Italian), who never say no to your wishes.

E., silently: Except for our grandmothers, we were unlucky enough to get stuck with the standard deviations.

 

E.: Apoleone was a god of beauty.

(Napoleon or Apollo? LOL)

 

G.: The sculpture of Theseus over Minotaur was sculpted by Casanova. (instead of Canova)

 

G. [upon learning about transubstantiation in Catholicism]: So, Christianity derives from a particular form of cannibalism, as we can see from the rite.

 

E.: Circolo degli scorpioni (instead of Scipioni)

 

E.: Ponzio Pelato (instead of Pilato; pelare in Italian means to peel / skin off, so pelato is a participle of that)

 

Me: What thoughts does a word Tasso [a famous Italian author, which is what I aimed at] invoke to your mind?

E.: Interest tax (il tasso d'interesse).

Me: *facepalm*

 

Me: When I went to school...

E.: In other words, in the time of the Trojan war...

 

E.: In Broccolino...

Me: Where?!

E.: In Brooklyn. You said we were not supposed to use English whenever we can even theoretically use Italian.

 

Me: Could you give me an example of fraud? [aiming at the Trojan horse]

G.: A fraud is when you fail me.

Me: :001_huh: Why?

G.: The definition of the fraud is when you profit from somebody's ignorance to hurt him. My example fits the situation.

 

In their defense, they were really small and cute when they said most of those. :D

 

And the most recent one:

Me: I told you a zillion times that there is no subjunctive after "I think that" in French! Write a pseudo-national-psychology paper on it that will make you remember it or I am going to have a heart attack!

G. [after 2 days, reading her writing which she actually did, even though she knew I was joking about it]: The French are a strong, confident and proud nation with a sense of dignity associated with one's opinions and honesty attached to the language, in that they consider their thoughts to be on pair with fully factual statements. Unlike us Italians, who seem to suffer from a severe lack of self-esteem and thus feel the need to disassociate from our personal statements, it is unimaginable that a person of a French mindset and psychology use a subjunctive in that particular instance. The dignity of the confident French spirit far surpasses the need to state one's thought in a semi-doubting fashion. But every good Italian considers his thoughts the ultimate truth, too. I believe that we should learn from the French and abandon false modesty about it - by stopping to use subjunctive in this particular instance.

Me: :001_huh: Traitor.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Learning about seafloor spreading in 3rd grade.

 

Me: "Sebastian can you explain seafloor spreading."

Sebastian: Holds his hands up, thumbs together in front of him.

Me: "What are you doing? I asked for an explanation of seafloor spreading!"

Sebastian: I am demonstrating in geological time....

 

Typing his own story at 5 years

"How do you type a silent-e?" (like it must be invisible or something)

 

At 6 years

Me: "Sebastian, get out of the bath."

Sebastian "Just a minute, I'll have to evolve into an amphibian first."

 

At 9

Silo the cat is draped languidly over grandpa's lap.

Sebastian: "I think cats should be classified as a liquid!"

 

Acadia (5): "He gave it to him and she."

Sebastian (9): "him and her."

Acadia: "Leave Paragraph Town out of this!"

 

Acadia: "I read, therefore I am.

Sebastian:" Reading is my destiny."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My kids LOVE mythology and my husband recently brought them some graphic novels on some myths. They were looking through the story of Perseus then start laughing.

 

When I ask them about it, "Mom, this is so wrong!" Not being the expert they are, I ask, "why"

 

"the Krackon is from NORSE myth, not Greek and Perseus wouldn't have used an EGYPTIAN sword! This sword should be straight not curved"

 

"ok, if you say so."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nate, "If I were the ruler, I would want to be in a dictatorship. If I were a citizen, I would want to be in a democracy. It wouldn't be so fun to be in a dictatorship if you were the one being dictated to. I mean, sure, taxation without representation is easier in the short run, but in the long run? Three words: hell. to. pay."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, and we act out stories all the time.

 

Last week we were acting out the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal on Mt. Carmel. None of the kids wanted to be a false prophet. I finally just chose a child and snapped, "Just worship the freaking false god already, okay?"

 

They looked at me like I'd lost my mind.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Not sure if this counts, but I recently had a nightmare where the requirement for renewing my driver's license was to write a 5 paragraph essay in 45 minutes. The page was empty when the buzzer went off, I lost my license, and the DMV woman corrected my grammar on the way out the door.:tongue_smilie:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Overheard in the play area:

 

9 yr old, "I don't want to do that it will be too hard and take too long."

12 yr old, " We choose to do things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard."

9 yr old, manaical laughter then, "okay, if you're gonna go all JFK on me."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We now have a running classical joke about our house. Our address is the same as a popular movie about the battle of Thermopylae. Ds hasn't even seen the whole movie, but we've heard the tag lines, "This is Sparta." Our house is even beige with dark red trim. Ds and I keep telling each other we live in Sparta. He wants to put a sign in the front yard. :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

...I recently had a nightmare where the requirement for renewing my driver's license was to write a 5 paragraph essay in 45 minutes. The page was empty when the buzzer went off, I lost my license, and the DMV woman corrected my grammar on the way out the door.:tongue_smilie:

 

I finally just chose a child and snapped, "Just worship the freaking false god already, okay?"

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: Oh my goodness, these two just struck me as hilarious today!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...