My son found your critique interesting EM and wants you to critique this...

[Joan in GE]

EM=Ester Maria. Others are welcome to critique as well. He doesn't mind negative comments.

(An aside about his economics paper is that he will go back to it later. He'd run out of time for his half credit of economics and needed to get on with Health as he was behind already. So comments were appreciated. He said this paper's citation is just Beowulf.)

 

 

 

 

 

Climactic Qualities in Beowulf’s Structure (ETA c - thanks regentrude)

 

 

 

 

His soul fled from his breast; Beowulf, the battle-hardened warrior king, lay dead. He triumphed three trials, proved himself increasingly, grew older, grew prouder. The reader’s anxiety rises; apprehension augments. Climax, the framework of this narrative, plays a pivotal role in this suspense. It dramatizes and adds tension to both Beowulf’s three duels with his ever more formidable foes and his increasing pride.

 

The most remarkable origin of suspense in this epic is the gradation of Beowulf’s three duels. Indeed, Beowulf goes from using “no weapons” (683), to slaying with an “ideal weapon” (1559), to lastly a Beowulf who “needs sound men to give him support” (2647-8) and a “stabbing knife” (2703). The escalation in the ravages of Beowulf’s enemies also manifests this quality: Grendel mauls a man, then the monster’s mother murders a counselor, whom Hrothgar laments saying: “Yrmenlaf’s elder brother and a soul-mate to me, a true mentor, my right-hand man” (1323-6) (here, climax rhetorically adds emphasis). But in the end, the dragon creates the most carnage when he conflagrates the whole country, even destroying the throne-room that Grendel “was kept from approaching” (169). In all these ways climax magnifies the tension, but also underscores the prince of the ring’s strength. At every battle, Beowulf proves himself more and more, giving the reader a stronger and stronger impression.

 

Parallelly, the increasingly powerful enemies guard increasingly larger treasures. Grendel doesn’t possess any treasure, his mother has “treasures in abundance” (1612), but the dragon watches “a treasure-trove of astonishing richness” (2757). So sumptuous is this last hoard, that it was “won, bought and paid for by Beowulf’s death” (2843-4). Thus culminates, consummates, and consumes Beowulf’s life in this staggering climax. Even leading up to this is a climatic foreshadowing: “He was sad at heart, unsettled yet ready, sensing his death. His fate hovered near, unknowable but certain: it would soon claim his coffered soul, part life from limb. Before long the prince’s spirit would spin free from his body” (2419-24). This omen gives a foretaste of the culmination of the epic. With each of Beowulf’s encounters, the reader is time after time torn by anxiety when Beowulf seems on the verge of death. Hence, the effect of three events of increasing tension and drama is one much greater than that of a single major battle.

 

As the reader becomes more and more aware of Beowulf’s strength, so does Beowulf’s awareness of his own abilities increase as well –and thus does his self-esteem. As a young but already accomplished warrior, he proves himself with a “proud deed” and “proudly” asserts his renunciation to the use of weapons (637,676). After the defeat of Grendel’s dam, Hrothgar foreshadows Beowulf’s pride as his demise when the Shield king admonishes “do not give way to pride… death will arrive” (1760-7). But as an aged king who trusts “in his own strength entirely” (2540), Beowulf’s presumption reaches its pinnacle when it gets the better of himself. “Too proud… he had scant regard for the dragon as a threat, no dread at all of its courage or strength, for he had kept going often in the past, through perils and ordeals of every sort” (2345-51) even though this cursed hellion would ultimately end his life. From the beginning, the reader senses that the ring-giver’s pride will be his downfall but doesn’t know how, or when. The reader’s agitation is further accentuated by the ominous implications of Hrothgar’s warning. Certainly, climax in the pride of “the keenest to win fame” (2540) adds excitement and teaches a lesson as well: too much pride leads to one’s fall.

 

With climax as the major structural element, tension and drama rise throughout the epic with the mounting conflict and the warrior’s increasing pride. Culminating in an extraordinary battle with a fire-breathing dragon, the story ends in Beowulf’s victory and death. Victory reveals the full extent of Beowulf’s supernatural power. Death reveals the result of Beowulf’s pride. At last the reader’s anxiety and anticipation subside.

Edited March 7, 2011 by Joan in Geneva

[regentrude]

No time to read the whole essay right now - but the title is confusing:

should it not be climactic if related to climax? Climatic relates to weather, doesn't it?

[Joan in GE]

You're right regentrude - thanks!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Not EM, but a couple of comments which I have to confess that I do not have total confidence to back up.

 

Line 1 - . . . "proved himself increasingly" (I feel like this needs an object here because it is a transitive verb. . . worthy? capable?)

 

Line 2 - . . ."apprehension augments" (another transitive verb. . not sure how to fix it.)

 

3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence - . . . "Thus (needs a noun or pronoun - "it" would fit best) culminates, consummates, and consumes Beowolf's life in this staggering climax"

 

I don't know too much about Beowulf other than having read it, but he seems to have argued his points well.

[Joan in GE]

Thanks for looking at it Jean!

 

I'm passing the comments to him. I do not have enough experience with writing myself to be able to discuss with you much. I did look up the transitive verbs, but saw that "augments" can also be intransitive and the definition changes slightly. In that case it would work wouldn't it?

 

Maybe people with more education in English know?

 

Thanks!

Joan

[Ester Maria]

I'm commenting the paper in another window right now, hopefully I will post it today (if not, tomorrow). ;)

I don't know about English, but in Italian to augment can be both transitive and intransitive. I don't dare to correct anything language-wise even though I see some potentially problematic stuff; I'm focusing only on structure, though.

Edited March 8, 2011 by Ester Maria

[Ester Maria]

Beowulf is not at all a fresh reading for me (nor one of those I have read that many times in that I can spot factual errors about them right away at any time), so all of this is with the assumption that there is no factual confusion, as I cannot check all the details now.

His soul fled from his breast; Beowulf, the battle-hardened warrior king, lay dead. He triumphed three trials, proved himself increasingly, grew older, grew prouder. The reader’s anxiety rises; apprehension augments.

I have mixed feelings on such a start.

 

On one hand, it's not technically wrong to start this way; on the other hand, it's an approach maybe more suitable for journalism type of writings than literary essays - it has a slightly "bombastic" beginning, in medias res, and the shift from what's "literature" to what's "about literature" is a bit blurred (a very sudden switch between the second and the third sentences). Maybe quoting those parts would be more suitable? Or preceding them by saying you're describing the scene from X part of the work, then the flow would be more natural to proceed to describe how it affects the reader?

 

In any case, even leaving it as it is would be fine as it is within the limits of "allowed", but just as a point to think about rewording it slightly, maybe.

Climax, the framework of this narrative, plays a pivotal role in this suspense. It dramatizes and adds tension to both Beowulf’s three duels with his ever more formidable foes and his increasing pride.

What does it mean that the climax is the framework? Talking about climactic elements of the framework is fine - but equating the two is an extremely bold claim. Have him rethink that and reword it: he can talk about, for example, repetitive nature of that element and its role, as such, within the structure (I recommond using that word, since framework has slightly different connotations in theory in general) of the epic on the whole - but the climax is only a part of it, even if a repetitive one, and is mitigated with other parts, so it cannot equal the whole.

 

gradation of Beowulf’s three duels.

Careful with the words here: what does gradation of the duels mean? You're speaking about gradation of something else (weapon use) within those three duels.

The explanations are fine, but the similar problem, linguistically, happens here:

giving the reader a stronger and stronger impression.

What type of a strong impression? That it's "strong" denotes the intensity rather than the quality, I believe quality should be specified here too.

With each of Beowulf’s encounters, the reader is time after time torn by anxiety when Beowulf seems on the verge of death. Hence, the effect of three events of increasing tension and drama is one much greater than that of a single major battle.

Very good.

With climax as the major structural element, tension and drama rise throughout the epic with the mounting conflict and the warrior’s increasing pride. Culminating in an extraordinary battle with a fire-breathing dragon, the story ends in Beowulf’s victory and death. Victory reveals the full extent of Beowulf’s supernatural power. Death reveals the result of Beowulf’s pride. At last the reader’s anxiety and anticipation subside.

This leaves a bit of an impression of a "rushed" finishing (as though you were running out of time / desire to write / etc.), with too much repetition rather than a conclusion. ;) It's okay as a summary, maybe, but in this form it's more suitable as a beginning than as an end.

 

On the whole, looking at the elements which make the essay, it's quite good. As for polishing it, it's the organization of those where I would suggest some changes: make a clear division between factual parts (first; a sort of a conclusion thing moved there and combined with the beginning, a nutshell of what it's about), then how those are organized, structurally, in a work (central part of the essay, which is good) and then last focus on the effect on the reader and hypothizing why such a structure is made (there you write the whole tension of the epic and how it's perserved as a constant through the whole epic, why it's more effective to have three duels and organize the work around three instances of climax than a single one, how that connects to the type of the work).

 

It's quite good (how old is he? lower or upper high school?), but it lacks some finer points of organization and clarity, on a linguistic level, in a few places, if he wants to make it great. :)

Edited March 8, 2011 by Ester Maria

[Joan in GE]

Thank you so much for your analyses Ester Maria and Eliana!

 

He is digesting the comments and I'm sure they will help his writing and thinking become clearer and more organized.

 

It is great to be able to get feedback like this.

 

Thank you for all the time and effort you have put into it!

Joan

 

ETA

(how old is he? lower or upper high school?)

I forgot to say that he is 17 but wrote that last October while still 16. He is finishing high school this spring at the end of 11th, but is in a science track. Edited March 9, 2011 by Joan in Geneva

[Joan in GE]

it double posted when editing somehow

Edited March 9, 2011 by Joan in Geneva