choirfarm Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I'll be brave and go first. I think my boy is behind in his writing skills. This is an essay he turned into me this week. He did it all on his own. He and I will sit down and revise. I will post our revisions and discussions later. I told him to either read it out loud or have his brother read it as there were some simple mistakes ( capitalization, leaving out words or it instead of in) that he didn't catch, but he obviously didn't do that!!! Grr. MacArthur- A great leader? As skilled as MacArthur was as a general, his lack of respect for those in authority was why he lost his command. A leader is not judged on just his accomplishments. He is also judged on his character. Unfortunately for MacArthur, opinion of him decreased when people learned about his character, especially in how he treated the President. Douglas MacArthur had the skills necessary to be a great leader. He was a great student. He graduated from West Point with one of the highest academic records in the school’s history. He proved he was an outstanding combat leader in World War I when he won seven silver stars. In World War II, he defended the Philippines so bravely that he won the Medal of Honor. However, the Japanese forced him to evacuate. Before he left, though, he made a pledge that he would come back. Sure enough, he slowly but surely took Japanese islands and fulfilled his pledge by liberating the Philippines. MacArthur’s actions in World War II made him a public icon. In the Korean War, MacArthur wanted to slip past enemy lines and invade from the port town Inchon. Truman thought his idea was crazy, but MacArthur did it anyway and succeeded. The invasion from Inchon it thought to be one of the greatest military moves in U.S. history. MacArthur showed he could be a leader by his skills as a general. Most leaders, especially military leaders, are judged by how they treat authority. MacArthur’s biggest weakness was that he had no respect for people above him. He would ignore or change orders all throughout his career. In World War I, he had orders to surprise the Germans by charging at them. He did eventually charge, when he wanted to. When he was called on to move protesters, he was told not to cross a river. He did anyway. In the Korean War, he did not clear his orders with the Pentagon. He was told not to fight close to Chinese soil. He continued to fight. He made an ultimatum to china to surrender of be invaded that horrified Truman. However, the final straw was when he publicly criticized Truman’s decisions. It led to Truman removing MacArthur from his post. MacArthur had a mixed character. While he had great strengths, he also had great weaknesses. He treated his soldiers well. He always led them personally. In World War II, he had the lowest casualty rate in the pacific theater than anyone else. He also had a forgiving spirit. After the war, he was put in charge of Japan. He could have kept a grudge from the war and treated the Japanese poorly. Instead, he made a constitution in which everyone could vote and helped the economy and left Japan in a much better state. However, MacArthur always had to be at the center of attention. He also could not grasp the fact that there was someone over him and that the people above him knew better than he did. He always assumed the he knew what was best for the county. MacArthur was a great man, but he also had great weaknesses. No one doubts MacArthur’s military genius. However, his career will always be stained by the way he treated authority. While MacArthur will be remembered for his leadership in battle, he will mostly be remembered for he fell out of his command. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choirfarm Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 This was 5 paragraphs, but the format is weird here. I'm not sure how to paste it the way it looks on his paper. Christine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LidiyaDawn Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I think it's fantastic! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveswife Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 You know what? I really like it! Your son does not appear to be behind at all. I can see that he is not using a formulaic type of writing, which is actually preferable in my book. Any weak areas (redundancy, some simplistic sentences) in this paper seem to be typical of a fifteen year old student. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in TX Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I think it's an excellent essay. Clearly organized, with plenty of support for thesis. Wonderful intro. As a pp said, it could use a little polishing, but you said it's not the final draft. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
74Heaven Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 This may seem like a silly question, but how did he get so knowledgeable about MacArthur? I am just wondering where he got all his facts and what the actual assignment was? Could he open with better "attention getter"? Even a rearranging of his intro para: A leader is not judged on just his accomplishments. He is also judged on his character............. then go into his paper? Also, the more he can strengthen his thesis, the better! I am very impressed with his logic and thinking skills. He has specifis that support his thesis. His second paragraph is very good! I would like to see him state his conclusion much better. He mentions "character" in the first paragraph, I think he could state more succinctly the flaws in MacA's character. (i.e. pride, insubordination, conceit, grandstanding, etc.) LIsaj, hope that helps Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choirfarm Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 We are studying this in TOG, the assignment was from TOg's writing. We also watched American Experience: MacArthur. Yes, I also wondered about an attention getter. I normally have him do something: start with a question, an interesting anecdote, etc. Christine This may seem like a silly question, but how did he get so knowledgeable about MacArthur? I am just wondering where he got all his facts and what the actual assignment was? Could he open with better "attention getter"? Even a rearranging of his intro para: A leader is not judged on just his accomplishments. He is also judged on his character............. then go into his paper? Also, the more he can strengthen his thesis, the better! I am very impressed with his logic and thinking skills. He has specifis that support his thesis. His second paragraph is very good! I would like to see him state his conclusion much better. He mentions "character" in the first paragraph, I think he could state more succinctly the flaws in MacA's character. (i.e. pride, insubordination, conceit, grandstanding, etc.) LIsaj, hope that helps Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zee Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I think this was a super 1st draft. Others have given you some ideas for polishing, but I thought it was well-organized. I'd be pleased to get this as 1st draft. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1Togo Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 (edited) Like other posters, I think this is the beginning of a great piece. When your son revises, he could restructure the last paragraph something like this for more impact; i.e. MacArthur had great strengths. He treated his solidiers well.... However, he will be remembered most for his weaknesses. MacArthur always had to be the center of the attention. In addition, he could not grasp the fact.. In the final analysis, MacArthur's career will always be stained by... Or, do it the other way. MacArthur had many weaknesses... However, he will be remembered most for his strengths.. In the final analysis, his leadership in battle... It's a bit tangled as it is written. MacArthur had a mixed character. While he had great strengths, he also had great weaknesses. He treated his soldiers well. He always led them personally. In World War II, he had the lowest casualty rate in the pacific theater than anyone else. He also had a forgiving spirit. After the war, he was put in charge of Japan. He could have kept a grudge from the war and treated the Japanese poorly. Instead, he made a constitution in which everyone could vote and helped the economy and left Japan in a much better state. However, MacArthur always had to be at the center of attention. He also could not grasp the fact that there was someone over him and that the people above him knew better than he did. He always assumed the he knew what was best for the county. MacArthur was a great man, but he also had great weaknesses. No one doubts MacArthur’s military genius. However, his career will always be stained by the way he treated authority. While MacArthur will be remembered for his leadership in battle, he will mostly be remembered for he fell out of his command. Edited February 21, 2011 by 1Togo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted March 23, 2011 Share Posted March 23, 2011 Spam reported. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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