12 yo, 7th grade, no particular curriculum, co-op assignment

[Kimber]

Repost in the new forum.

 

This is my daughter's first contrast paper, if I remember correctly. She is 12, and I helped with the grammar some as well as with the format some. My daughter has mostly done copywork, narration, and dictation, along with CW Aesop and some Homer a few years ago, and some dress-up free IEW assignments. In addition to this, she did Paragraph Writing Made Easy.

 

She has her own style, developed from all of the reading she does, evident in the way she used the word severely. It's correct, just not common.

 

Lords, Serfs contrast paper

 

Feudalism was the system of rank in the middle ages. It depended on the people at the bottom—the serfs. The lords, though not immediately below the king, were higher in rank than the serfs and ruled over them. Lords and serfs were very different. However, there were a few similarities between the two. They both drank ale because it was safer than water. And in both groups the fathers or brothers decided whom the women would marry. And the women were not allowed to make a living for themselves, regardless of their rank, at least not in public. And both lords and serfs served under someone, but the similarities ended there. What they wore, what they ate, and how they worked varied severely.

 

The serfs were very poor, the lowest of the low. The men wore short, simple tunics and thin leather leggings—the richer and longer the tunic, the higher the rank. The women wore clothes similar to the men’s, except instead of leggings, they wore a long skirt, and some of them had no tunic. The children just wore a smaller version of their parent’s clothes. What they ate was also simple-mostly vegetables and bland porridge. They would have been healthier than the lords, but they were very unsanitary and worked every day, except for holy days, from sun-up till sundown. They had to pay the lord to use the oven and the mill because there was only one of each in the village. They were also heavily taxed by the lords. The serfs were starving, poor, and overworked.

 

Unlike the serfs, the lords were rich, powerful, and could waste money on frivolous things. The ladies wore beautiful silk dresses and all kinds of strange hats. The lords wore robes and long decorated tunics. The lords’ shoes had pointed tips so long they had to be tied back. Lords and ladies ate rich fattening foods, like pudding, almonds, unripe grapes, eggs, pheasants, and lots of meat. The lord’s job was to protect and control their manor and the village surrounding it. The lords fought off enemies and in return the serfs, who were under their protection, gave the lords almost everything they made. The lords then gave part of this to the king.

 

Aside from a few similarities the lives of lords and serfs were very different from each other. The serfs worked hard and had almost nothing to show for it. The lords hardly did anything, yet they were very well off. Feudalism was unfair and only beneficial to the people on top.

[Wildiris]

I am curious, since this was a co-op assignment did your DD receive a grade or comment on this assignment from who ever was leading the class?

 

My Opinion: Wow! Your daughter clearly feels comfortable with the written word. She uses a variety of sentence types and lengths that makes for a nice flowing piece of writing. That your daughter has done mostly dictation, copy work and narration before this assignment has me reconsidering my approach to writing with my youngest DD.

 

[Kimber]

Thanks for the nice comments. The teacher made a few corrections grammatically, but I think she received a 5, which is the highest score this teacher gives.

 

Actually the only time my daughter receives 4s are when she doesn't follow the directions. And I'm sorry if I come off like the bragging mother here, but since she wrote this, she has found her voice and her creative writing has just taken off. She's now writing for fun, experimenting with technique. And prior to this, we never did creative writing.

 

I'd like to think that it was my teaching, and all of the copywork, but I think my daughter is just naturally gifted in writing. However, the copywork, narration, and dictation has not left her lacking any of the tools she needs to express herself well. But, in addition to the copywork etc., I have tried to focus in on structure with her--through Paragraph Writing Made Easy and IEW (w/o dress-ups and such).

 

I do actually worry that my son, who is using IEW, may not be given the freedom to develop his writing naturally, if he's forced into a rigid program, something I haven't done with her.

 

I do hope my son will thrive with what we're doing. That's the biggest drawback to co-ops, you have to do the work assigned, and sometimes I wouldn't necessarily do the assignments the same way with my individual kid because he or she needs something different.

 

Kimberly

[choirfarm]

Repost in the new forum.

First of all, good job on her very first compare and contrast paper. I'll mention a few things she might work on.

This is my daughter's first contrast paper, if I remember correctly. She is 12, and I helped with the grammar some as well as with the format some. My daughter has mostly done copywork, narration, and dictation, along with CW Aesop and some Homer a few years ago, and some dress-up free IEW assignments. In addition to this, she did Paragraph Writing Made Easy.

 

She has her own style, developed from all of the reading she does, evident in the way she used the word severely. It's correct, just not common.

 

Lords, Serfs contrast paper

 

Feudalism was the system of rank in the middle ages. It depended on the people at the bottom—the serfs. The lords, though not immediately below the king, were higher in rank than the serfs and ruled over them. Lords and serfs were very different. However, there were a few similarities between the two. They both drank ale because it was safer than water. And in both groups the fathers or brothers decided whom the women would marry. And the women were not allowed to make a living for themselves, regardless of their rank, at least not in public. And both lords and serfs served under someone, but the similarities ended there. What they wore, what they ate, and how they worked varied severely. IT is rare that sentences should be started with the word And.

 

The serfs were very poor, the lowest of the low. The men wore short, simple tunics and thin leather leggings—the richer and longer the tunic, the higher the rank. The women wore clothes similar to the men’s, except instead of leggings, they wore a long skirt, and some of them had no tunic. The children just wore a smaller version of their parent’s clothes. What they ate was also simple-mostly vegetables and bland porridge. They would have been healthier than the lords, but they were very unsanitary and worked every day, except for holy days, from sun-up till sundown. They had to pay the lord to use the oven and the mill because there was only one of each in the village. They were also heavily taxed by the lords. The serfs were starving, poor, and overworked. I would have your child look through this paragraph. Do you see how yo started a lot of the same way. How could you vary the way you say it to make it more interesting to read? Then I might go through and point out the linking verbs she used. Could she reword her sentence and replace some of them with an action word?

 

Unlike the serfs, the lords were rich, powerful, and could waste money on frivolous things. The ladies wore beautiful silk dresses and all kinds of strange hats. The lords wore robes and long decorated tunics. The lords’ shoes had pointed tips so long they had to be tied back. Lords and ladies ate rich fattening foods, like pudding, almonds, unripe grapes, eggs, pheasants, and lots of meat. The lord’s job was to protect and control their manor and the village surrounding it. The lords fought off enemies and in return the serfs, who were under their protection, gave the lords almost everything they made. The lords then gave part of this to the king.

 

Aside from a few similarities the lives of lords and serfs were very different from each other. The serfs worked hard and had almost nothing to show for it. The lords hardly did anything, yet they were very well off. Feudalism was unfair and only beneficial to the people on top.

 

Excellent organization for the topic. She needs to work on what I am working on with my children: sentence variety and better vocabulary. She did a great job, especially since this was her first comparison/contrast paper!!

[Kimber]

Thanks for the feedback. You're right about the lack of vocab and the lack of variety in the sentence structure of that particular paragraph. I thought about saying something to her about that, but decided not to since the other sentences did have quite a bit of variety in their structure, and when everything varies it actually is in reality, less varied, kwim?

 

And I don't worry about vocab with her too much, because her vocab in real life is very bookish, not exactly too advanced but she often speaks like the books she reads.

 

Maybe I could start a vocabulary program with her. I'll have to look at that over the summer.

 

Thanks!