A home for their hearts Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 I am struggling, I mean really struggling to get everything in. Between schooling, cooking, cleaning, looking after the little ones I feel like I barely get anything done. I just don't know how I can fit everything in. I get so overwhelmed that a lot of the time nothing gets done. Help!!! I feel like I'm drowning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 It took me awhile, but I've learned to let some things go. I *don't* do it all because that is impossible. School is our top priority. Our house will be much cleaner after the kids are grown and gone. It does bother me that my house is not as clean as I want it to be on a daily basis, but I've realized that moderately clean is clean enough. I'll never get the chance to go back and have this time with my kids again. I want them to remember a mom who loved learning with them and teaching them, not a mom who was always stressed put because she was trying to be superwoman. :) :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 i joined the yahoo group largefamilylogistics.... i didn't follow her system completely, or maybe much at all, but it opened my ideas to alternatives i hadn't thought of before, and that really helped. i still say "just do the next thing" which came from her. i also really focused on teaching each child how to do a chore thoroughly and well, and then reinforced that as they went along. and the idea of reading aloud to them while they work in the kitchen, or listening to story of the world while picking up bedrooms transformed our lives. mostly, it helped me see how being intentional made all the difference. and that it never ends.... :grouphug: ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasharowan Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 We only have 4, but when ds5 was little, dd11 and ds9 took turns entertaining him and doing school. That way they had some one on one time with me and ds5 was entertained and kept safe. Cleaning is usually done on weekends with just pickup and food cleanup on weekdays. Getting organized was the best for my school. With a weekly checklist, they can move on if I am working with another kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 I don't have a large family, but I just wanted to say that you are in the thick of it now with your kids the ages they are. Michelle Duggar said something about that on her website; that it was hardest when the oldest kids were still young and the needs were just endless. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NancyNellen Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 First off, things get so much easier when they are a little older - keep that in mind! Here are some simple, practical tips that I have learned over the years: *CHORES: One of the really nice side benefits of having a lot of kids is that you have a lot of helping hands. I cannot overstate how important it is to train your children to do chores well and consistently. We have morning and afternoon chores here. My oldest 4 do everything from loading/emptying the dishwasher, emptying the trash cans, vacuuming, dusting, washing floors, shaking out rugs, wiping down the bathroom sinks/counters, watering plants, switching dirty towels for clean, and putting away clean laundry. It only takes 15-20 minutes in the morning and 15-20 minutes in the evening. Make a list of what needs to be done and assign them chores. Teach them how to do them well and check on their work consistently. Soon it will all operate like a well-oiled machine! *ASSIGN TIMES FOR OLDERS TO LOOK AFTER YOUNGERS: When my littlest was a baby and toddler, my older 4 children would take 30-minute turns playing with him. My oldest daughter loved to do crafty things so she would get out the paints/crayons, etc. and create. My oldest loves to build things, so he would build towers for baby to knock down, or later, train sets w/ the Thomas track. Assign one child puzzle time, or an older child can push baby on the baby swing. *ROOM/QUIET TIME: This was crucial for my sanity. Until age 2 all of my kids did 45-60 minutes playing in a pack and play every morning. I had special toys that I rotated for that time. They began by doing 15 minutes and eventually worked up to an hour. Once they can be trusted to play in their room quietly they switch to room time. I have a large collection of books on CD which are an hour (or slightly longer). They know to play quietly until the CD ends - then they may clean up and come out. My four year old still has his room time and will sometimes call downstairs that the CD ended but he's not ready to come out :-) He just wants to play a bit longer. *AFTERNOON QUIET TIME: While the littles nap the olders must read quietly on their bed. This gives you time to recharge, make phone calls, take a nap, plan school, read, bang your head against the wall, whatever you need to do. :-) *COOK/BAKE ON THE WEEKENDS: On Saturday morning I like to make a huge pot of soup or tuna/chicken salad for some fast/easy lunches during the week. I will also make muffins for quick breakfasts/snacks and cookies for treats. This reduces the amount of time I need to be cooking during the week. Also get in the habit of setting the coffee maker and setting the table for breakfast before bed. It helps so much to get started on the right foot in the morning! Just a few simple ideas. I hope they are helpful. Hang in there - they grow up so fast!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyCrazyMama Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 It took me awhile, but I've learned to let some things go. I *don't* do it all because that is impossible. School is our top priority. Our house will be much cleaner after the kids are grown and gone. It does bother me that my house is not as clean as I want it to be on a daily basis, but I've realized that moderately clean is clean enough. I'll never get the chance to go back and have this time with my kids again. I want them to remember a mom who loved learning with them and teaching them, not a mom who was always stressed put because she was trying to be superwoman. :) :grouphug: :iagree: I can't fit everything in, it is my reality that barely anything gets done.:) We school M-Thurs. and on school days if school gets done and everyone eats regular meals I'm happy, if anything else gets done that's a bonus. We clean on Fridays and work outside on Saturdays. We don't often go places and are not involved in outside activities except Girl Scouts every other week. My high schoolers get out more since they can drive themselves, I just can't do it.:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmy Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 I have kids similar in age to yours; it really is hard. Here are a couple things I do: - after lunch chores for my 3 oldest kids, things that actually help me out (folding a load of laundry, unloading/loading dishwasher, etc) - late afternoon chores for my 4 oldest kids, at this time the each have a zone that they are responsible for getting picked up and squared away, dusted and vacuumed if needed - I like not doing morning chores because then we can jump right into school when I'm fresh. - I often start dinner in the crock pot or prep it in the morning so I'm not rushing at the end of the day. I also always have an emergency meal on hand for when I couldn't pull dinner off. :) - I reduced the subjects I was doing in school with the kids when I was pregnant with my twins up until just recently (so about 3 semesters). I don't think my kids have suffered any for it, truly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 I don't get it all done. I just keep doing the next thing...whatever that happens to be. After all these years, I kinda have a groove....but I still have backed up laundry...dishes that seem to multiply....lesson plans that need to be written, work that needs to be checked and graded....etc. etc.... This is the season of homeschooling. It is part of the package. I don't beat myself over the head about it anymore. I do the best I can...and do it happily and keep in mind that this too shall pass...and I will be missing these beautiful days. Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmy Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 Faithe has a good point. I don't get it all done either. There's really no way. I often joke with my husband that I can really only do 2 things well at a time - so what should it be this week? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 I got nothing done when my kids were that small. Give yourself some grace, and learn what your priorities are. ;) No one will dies from dishes in the sink overnight. Dust Bunnies have not sucked the blood out of anyone yet. Really-know your priorities. If there is one gift that having a large family has given me-that is it. What is it that matters most to YOUR family. That is the most important thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 I got nothing done when my kids were that small. Give yourself some grace, and learn what your priorities are. ;) No one will dies from dishes in the sink overnight. Dust Bunnies have not sucked the blood out of anyone yet. Really-know your priorities. If there is one gift that having a large family has given me-that is it. What is it that matters most to YOUR family. That is the most important thing. :iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 Just love your family and enjoy your kids. Bake cookies and don't get stressed over the house cleaning. Let the kids help out with chores and don't worry if they aren't perfect. You can clean the house, burn it down, or sell it later on when they are grown up. At my house we have simplified our possessions, gotten rid of most of the clutter, and downsized. It isn't perfect but it works for us. I used to stress over trying to keep up with everything the way I thought I should, but I have found that it is a lot more important to let the less important stuff go and get to it when you can. Do what works for you and your family and don't try to keep up with anyone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jld Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 Just love your family and enjoy your kids. Bake cookies and don't get stressed over the house cleaning. Let the kids help out with chores and don't worry if they aren't perfect. You can clean the house, burn it down, or sell it later on when they are grown up. At my house we have simplified our possessions, gotten rid of most of the clutter, and downsized. It isn't perfect but it works for us. I used to stress over trying to keep up with everything the way I thought I should, but I have found that it is a lot more important to let the less important stuff go and get to it when you can. Do what works for you and your family and don't try to keep up with anyone else. Very nice!:) And consider dropping all schoolwork until middle school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A home for their hearts Posted February 13, 2011 Author Share Posted February 13, 2011 And consider dropping all schoolwork until middle school. Hmm I don't think I could drop all the schoolwork until middle school. We really haven't done a lot of schoolwork the past few years and my dc feel like they are behind. Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 Don't have a lot of kids, but I can say my 11 yo can run the house without me. She can clean the kitchen, do her laundry, cook the meals, grocery shop, etc. Maybe you were raised with the mother doing everything? I've heard of families like that. You need to teach them to do it. You might find it interesting to read the Duggars' book. They assign their dc "jurisdictions" or chore tasks and leave them on them long enough to get good at them. You might combine that with the teaching idea and see where you get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tantechell Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 We have 6 in our family, ages 4-18. Each month a kids gets a different job. Example:: kid A gets dishs, kids B gets floors/trash, kids C gets laundry...ETC... there is no "who didn't wash their plate?", "i don't have any socks, who's turn?" The 4 yr old helps the older ones- he can unload dryer , stack& carry dishs, wipe table and cabinets-- he loves to help! Good habit training (something we didn't do until late) is vital. Had to train MYSELF TOO! My grandma always made me put something back right when I was finished with it or put clothes away right when they finished drying---I hated that--but NOW I know why:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A home for their hearts Posted February 13, 2011 Author Share Posted February 13, 2011 Chores are definitly a problem for us. My dc don't really have any set chores. They, the older two, are suppose to be in charge of the disherwasher and taking out the trash but my dh and I are always reminding them to do it. I struggle how much is too much for them. I don't think they should have to do everything but I really do need them to help out and be responsible for their stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yellowperch Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 Sometimes I read posts like this and dare to give advice. I'm not having one of those weeks. Just wanted to say I'm right here with you. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 It took me awhile, but I've learned to let some things go. I *don't* do it all because that is impossible. School is our top priority. Our house will be much cleaner after the kids are grown and gone. It does bother me that my house is not as clean as I want it to be on a daily basis, but I've realized that moderately clean is clean enough. I'll never get the chance to go back and have this time with my kids again. I want them to remember a mom who loved learning with them and teaching them, not a mom who was always stressed put because she was trying to be superwoman. :) :grouphug: This is so beautifully said. I started tearing up. I printed this out and it's now on my fridge. I need to see this wisdom every. single. day. Thank you. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherryanne Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 I don't have several children but I still feel like it's impossible to get it all done sometimes. I'm a perfectionist which doesn't help matters much. For those of you who have learned to let things go, what do you do when people come over? I always end up cleaning like a crazy person when people are supposed to come over and I find myself inviting people over less and less because of this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 Chores are definitly a problem for us. My dc don't really have any set chores. They, the older two, are suppose to be in charge of the disherwasher and taking out the trash but my dh and I are always reminding them to do it. I struggle how much is too much for them. I don't think they should have to do everything but I really do need them to help out and be responsible for their stuff. Well, maybe it would help you if you think of it as teaching them to cook and clean and keep a home. I think it is appropriate for girls and boys as young as seven or eight to be able to sweep, mop, dust, wash dishes by hand, dry dishes and put them away, and prepare simple meals that don't involve the oven. Usually that mean cooking oatmeal on the stovetop, making tea, heating up soup, making toast, that kind of thing. They take out the trash. I have the kids bring me out their laundry and load the washer by that age, then I check the load and add detergent. They are responsible for finishing the laundry and putting away their own clothes as well as family towels, ect. My three year old is expected to put away the silverware (except knives) in the appropriate bin for each type of utensil, he is allowed to assist in putting away pots and pans. He also independently gets the dry clothes out of the dryer when asked, brings me his own laundry and puts his clean folded clothes away. He puts a trash bag in the kitchen can when one of the older kids takes out the trash. He can make his own peanut butter sandwich. He clears his own plate from the table. He picks up his own toys. As they get older I gradually teach them to bake muffins, cook eggs, make easy dinner meals like spaghetti, ect. By age 12 at the latest they are responsible for their own laundry from start to finish. When I do one of those jobs that you only do now and then like clean out the frig or the oven I have them with me and I explain what I am doing and why. I let them help. Then the next time the chore comes around I let that child give it a try with me coaching. My gauge of how much is too much goes sort of like this: if the child is under the age of eight, then he or she isn't as busy as the older people and will be sitting down or playing before the older ones are done. A child age eight to twelve should be up and busy right along with me when we are working together to get chores done. That child doesn't sit down before I do. A child older than twelve should be able to handle most chores on his or her own and may end up having some chores that he or she is still doing when I am sitting down. We pretty much work together as a team, though, so what needs to get done is done pretty quickly and then we, meaning all of us on the 'team', can go do other things instead of one person (usually me!) working while everyone else is playing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 This is so beautifully said. I started tearing up. I printed this out and it's now on my fridge. I need to see this wisdom every. single. day. Thank you. Alley Aww.... You're welcome. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zusjames Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 i joined the yahoo group largefamilylogistics.... i didn't follow her system completely, or maybe much at all, but it opened my ideas to alternatives i hadn't thought of before, and that really helped. i still say "just do the next thing" which came from her. i also really focused on teaching each child how to do a chore thoroughly and well, and then reinforced that as they went along. and the idea of reading aloud to them while they work in the kitchen, or listening to story of the world while picking up bedrooms transformed our lives. mostly, it helped me see how being intentional made all the difference. and that it never ends.... :grouphug: ann Thanks for posting about this yahoo group... Very curious to see if it's helpful! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oakblossoms Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I had to post a schedule. The kids have chorepacks ala the Maxwell Family. I do anything I can to keep from nagging or thinking:lol: Seriously got tored of spending my preciuos brain power reminding someone to take out the trash or do Math or wipe off the table. The schedule and regular chores keep me sane. I went to more do the next thing type of school stuff. I give regular breaks so the kids can give their brains a break. We sleep in because we like it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 When I get up in the morning, I flip the stuff in the dryer to the washer and start the next load of laundry. All four kids eat breakfast (the older two usually serve this), brush their teeth (after being reminded) and get dressed. If it's Monday or Friday, we drive the 5yo to the school for speech, wait around for him, then come home. Then the older two work on schoolwork for about an hour before lunch. Everyone does chores for 15-20 minutes. We usually fit in another 60-90 minutes of schoolwork in the afternoon. Things that help me are: - the list of our subjects for each day that I keep on the fridge. The kids know what subjects we do each day of the week. If we miss something that day, I don't try to catch up, I just pick up where we left off the next time that subject is scheduled. - Whenever I can afford it, I pay someone to come clean the house. Last year it was about once a month. Once we pay off this debt we're working on, I'm going to start having her come again. - Occasionally, I spend time reading on the flylady (or other homemaking) websites. It motivates me to clean and organize. The other great motivator for cleaning is watching a show like Hoarders or Clean House. It just makes me want to declutter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meriwether Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Faithe has a good point. I don't get it all done either. There's really no way. I often joke with my husband that I can really only do 2 things well at a time - so what should it be this week? :D This caught my eye, because I say this, too. And I only have four kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairie rose Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Don't have a lot of kids, but I can say my 11 yo can run the house without me. She can clean the kitchen, do her laundry, cook the meals, grocery shop, etc. Maybe you were raised with the mother doing everything? I've heard of families like that. You need to teach them to do it. Therein lies the problem though. I am from one of those strange houses you've heard of where mom did all the housework. I was actually punished once for trying to clean the bathroom floor. My job was to go to school, learn and get good grades so I could go to college, get a good job and hire someone to do the housework. My mom even cleaned our rooms for us. When you have no childhood memories of helping around the house, it's hard to know how to teach that...it's even hard to figure it out for yourself when your parents' plans for your future didn't pan out exactly as they expected. We are in the midst of trying to teach our children how to help around the house but I can't say that any of my children could run the house or even do half the things you mentioned. I wish they could, I wish I knew how to teach them those things. My 9 year old can cook dinner and likes to on a regular basis. I'm sure my boys could make food for everyone if they needed to but the kitchen would be a mess. We are working on trying to teach them but I don't have hours to spend everyday making sure they do it correctly (and yes it does take hours around here). Chances are pretty good we aren't doing it right because we have no idea how to teach them because we barely know how to do these things ourselves but that is our reality. Just wanted to say when you did grow up in a household where mom did it all, it's hard to know how to teach your own unless you are lucky enough to have a mentor in adulthood. To the OP, I agree with everyone else. You have to decide on your priorities. As I type this, all but two of the scheduled lessons for today are done, there is a pile of laundry (3 loads worth) next to me waiting to be folded (will probably have the kids do it), both bathrooms still need cleaning, kids' bedrooms are in desperate need of a good clean out, dinner is in the oven, my 4yo dressed herself and her 2yo brother (tutus are involved, use your imagination ;) ), there is way more clutter in this room than I would like but it's basically clean, just a little lived in looking and my kids are happily playing together. ;) Since we crossed the line from average to large family, some days it's all I can do not to pull my hair out but today was a good day, most of my goals were met and everyone is fed and happy. ;) Some day I will have all the laundry done, immaculate floors and have time to dust on a regular basis (not just when I notice the dust bunny armies are on the verge of battle) but right now is not that time. ;) And I'm ok with that. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NancyNellen Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Let me encourage you that 10 and 11 year olds can (and, in my opinion, should) do quite a bit. They may grumble and complain in the beginning, since they are not used to it, but eventually you will all get into a groove and it won't seem like a big deal. Set one or two times for chores each day (for us it is immediately after breakfast and 6PM, while I am making dinner). That way they know what to do when and you do not have to nag incessantly. Because my children handle a lot of the household chores there is much more time to do fun stuff. There can be so much more time to bake cookies, go to the park, read aloud on the couch, make crafts, and just play if everyone is diligent to do their work. I am certainly NOT Superwoman. There are plenty of things that I don't have time for every day. But it IS possible to homeschool, keep a clean house, stay up with chores, and have plenty of fun family time. Homeschooling and a clean, organized home do not have to be mutually exclusive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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