Vocab experts:

[HollyinNNV]

Hey vocab experts! Quick question. My daughter wrote

 

Five zeppelins were sent out to bomb Britain and by the end of the fight, the Treaty of Versailles ordered the Germans to turn over all the airships.

 

My thought is that a treaty cannot order the Germans. It is a piece of paper. Politicians would order the Germans.

 

Would it be correct to say the Treaty stipulated that the Germans turned over the airships?

 

Thanks a bunch,

Holly

(with my editor cap on)

[Michelle in MO]

"The Treaty of Versailles stipulated . . . "

 

I think that should help clear up the confusion! Writing is difficult! I'm going over some papers with my girls right now!

[Laura K (NC)]

Play up that tension, man! Draw it out into one or two more sentences. That's high drama! The zeppelins are going... going..., then "With the signing of the Treaty of Versailles, [the gig was up] the Germans were ordered to turn those puppies in, payload intact, or something like that.

 

I was reading a church history book by Henri Daniel-Rops concerning the French Revolution and I have been studying his writing style. Without diluting the information he was able to really make the events of the Revolution riveting. Maybe some people on the ground saw the zeppelins in the sky, fearing what seemed like inevitable damage. Wait! They've been called back! What happened? Ah, thank goodness for the terms of the Treaty of Versailles, forbidding the Germans from operating aircraft! (okay, that's a little too informal. The idea could be presented many ways, I think, like from the point of view of the devastated Germans or the elated Allies. SWB writes like this also.

[HollyinNNV]

"The Treaty of Versailles stipulated . . . "

 

I think that should help clear up the confusion! Writing is difficult! I'm going over some papers with my girls right now!

 

Thanks Michelle!

[HollyinNNV]

Play up that tension, man! Draw it out into one or two more sentences. That's high drama! The zeppelins are going... going..., then "With the signing of the Treaty of Versailles, [the gig was up] the Germans were ordered to turn those puppies in, payload intact, or something like that.

 

I was reading a church history book by Henri Daniel-Rops concerning the French Revolution and I have been studying his writing style. Without diluting the information he was able to really make the events of the Revolution riveting. Maybe some people on the ground saw the zeppelins in the sky, fearing what seemed like inevitable damage. Wait! They've been called back! What happened? Ah, thank goodness for the terms of the Treaty of Versailles, forbidding the Germans from operating aircraft! (okay, that's a little too informal. The idea could be presented many ways, I think, like from the point of view of the devastated Germans or the elated Allies. SWB writes like this also.

 

Actually, dd wrote the introduction from the point of view of a little town in London. "Imagine a beautiful overcast London town. Despite the lack of sunlight, the delicate fog is mysteriously breathtaking. Going about their daily lives, the citizens of the town suspect nothing. All is peaceful and calm. Suddenly, a shape is distinguishable below the clouds. A cage-like box is seemingly floating through the air. Little do the people know, but above the clouds a monstrous grey balloon is taking advantage of the low hanging clouds. Below the balloon, a box is being dragged along containing the crew and an impending doom no one can forsee. The peaceful town is suddenly torn apart by explosions. Although the citizens may not be aware of what attacked them, a German zeppelin just bombed the small town. The low clouds were a perfect cover for the zeppelin, because the zeppelin would float above the clouds while the crew dangles below in a small compartment, which carries numerous bombs, merchants of death............"

 

The conclusion is from the point of view of the bombers themselves. What was it like to be in the zeppelins.

 

I like your ideas, too. And I agree that history should be very interesting and even entertaining. We are listening to a Teaching Company lecture on WWI and have been very entertained!

 

I will show her your comments! I bet she'll love them. Your suggestions are just the type of writing she enjoys.

Thanks,

Holly

[FloridaLisa]

I would probably choose ". . . the Treaty . . .required. . .because it close to her original and keeps the pace of the sentence.

 

JMHO!

Lisa