Susan C. Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 My dd has been homeschooled for her whole school career. She is a junior. She has close friends at youth group who are seniors. They have been telling her since last year that they want her to go to their prom with them at the local public school. So tonight, one of the senior guys asked her to go. Supposedly just as friends..... we don't know if the group put him up to it and he didn't want to, or if he is ok with it. He was nervous when he asked her. He recently broke up with his girlfriend, who is also a close friend to dd. And he doesn't have the money to pay her way. So, about a hundred dollars to contribute to the limo, dinner wasn't mentioned, ticket to go, her dress etc. and no details about if there is anything afterward. Deadline for answer: TOMORROW!!! We are homeschoolers, and when I went to my prom, there was not a limo, it was very simple, so we are clueless. So, I don't know how she would be getting home, if they plan on wandering the area all night (which I'm not ok with), or ?? We are both leaning toward no, but would love perspective on this!! Thank you all! P.S. Should this be on general??? But the high school parents are here... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 My dd has been homeschooled for her whole school career. She is a junior. She has close friends at youth group who are seniors. They have been telling her since last year that they want her to go to their prom with them at the local public school. So tonight, one of the senior guys asked her to go. Supposedly just as friends..... we don't know if the group put him up to it and he didn't want to, or if he is ok with it. He was nervous when he asked her. He recently broke up with his girlfriend, who is also a close friend to dd. And he doesn't have the money to pay her way. So, about a hundred dollars to contribute to the limo, dinner wasn't mentioned, ticket to go, her dress etc. and no details about if there is anything afterward. Deadline for answer: TOMORROW!!! We are homeschoolers, and when I went to my prom, there was not a limo, it was very simple, so we are clueless. So, I don't know how she would be getting home, if they plan on wandering the area all night (which I'm not ok with), or ?? We are both leaning toward no, but would love perspective on this!! Thank you all! P.S. Should this be on general??? But the high school parents are here... That would make me think it's a bad idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Photo Ninja Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I wouldn't say no immediately. I would want more info. Can your dd call the boy and get you some answers so you can make an informed decision? Does your dd want to go with him? Will going with him adversely affect her friendship with the girl he just broke up with? This would be a determining factor, but your dd needs to realize the possible consequences. Do you know and trust the boy? Do you know and trust the group of friends she will be with? Does your dd know the boy well enough and trust him? Is your dd willing to set limits for herself and follow your guidelines for the prom? Ask about what her financial commitment is: how much for the limo, dinner, etc. It's acceptable to know before making a decision. Is your dd willing to pay part of these expenses? Ask what the time frame will look like and set some guidelines with your dd that you are comfortable with. Then, after all these questions are answered, you can discuss it with your dd. If you decide to say no, she needs to know and understand why because she will have to face her friends and the guy who was so nervous to ask her in the first place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atozmom Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 My dd has been homeschooled for her whole school career. She is a junior. She has close friends at youth group who are seniors. They have been telling her since last year that they want her to go to their prom with them at the local public school. So tonight, one of the senior guys asked her to go. Supposedly just as friends..... we don't know if the group put him up to it and he didn't want to, or if he is ok with it. He was nervous when he asked her. He recently broke up with his girlfriend, who is also a close friend to dd. And he doesn't have the money to pay her way. So, about a hundred dollars to contribute to the limo, dinner wasn't mentioned, ticket to go, her dress etc. and no details about if there is anything afterward. Deadline for answer: TOMORROW!!! We are homeschoolers, and when I went to my prom, there was not a limo, it was very simple, so we are clueless. So, I don't know how she would be getting home, if they plan on wandering the area all night (which I'm not ok with), or ?? We are both leaning toward no, but would love perspective on this!! Thank you all! P.S. Should this be on general??? But the high school parents are here... I agree with the pp. This could make things awkward with her friendship with his ex-girlfriend. Not to mention that you will be so rushed in trying to find a dress and the expense of it all. When she does finally get to go to a prom, you should be able to take some time and enjoy the prep for it too. Hurried decisions and planning make for stressful situations. I say go with what your feeling and say no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Susan, I talked it over with my dd who has been in ps until this year, which is her senior year. She reiterated the concern for your dd's friendship. Also, do be sure of the costs up front. Ticket prices doubled last year at dd's school and were $60 each. Many of the girls pick their dresses from bridal stores and the costs can run from $120-$500. Dd says to try the discount stores like Ross if you have one. Her dresses have run from $12-$30. For what it is worth, for dd, her friendship with the girl and the cost would be deal breakers. Good luck, Susan. It's a hard call.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Thank you everyone for your replies, dd and I really appreciate them! Well, drum roll...... It seems as though she only had an hour or two to decide.... And she gracefully declined. She wrote that she had a conference with her piggy bank and it squealed and sprinted underneath her bed. LOL Funny, she and ds who is in college share FB friends, and Ds friend's response was "he is not paying.... sounds like a shady deal." How's that for perspective! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Thank you everyone for your replies, dd and I really appreciate them! Well, drum roll...... It seems as though she only had an hour or two to decide.... And she gracefully declined. She wrote that she had a conference with her piggy bank and it squealed and sprinted underneath her bed. LOL Funny, she and ds who is in college share FB friends, and Ds friend's response was "he is not paying.... sounds like a shady deal." How's that for perspective! :lol:Good for her and your ds's friend is probably right. Usually, if the guy asks, he pays. If a group of kids decide to go together as friends, they pay individually. Are you relieved, Mom? Those types of scenarios always make me want to go hide under the covers. It is good when the kids can make their own decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 I like the kids, all great. But the ex of her friend is a little awkward, even though he is a friend. Her paying is a little awkward, especially since she had no say when the plans were made. And I was a little worried about them going an hour away in the limo to eat, then the beach late. I trust the kids, but a few years ago, a great kid was killed in a wreck with a drunk driver after the prom, that is still in my mind. One person said it should be a good experience (either here or on the general board) and I agree with that. I'm so glad she and I could talk about it, post it here, look at the replies, then decide. I loved her reply, that is all her own, she made me leave while she figured out what she wanted to say. She is a junior, and she may still get a chance to go to one of the schools proms, either this year or next. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 And she gracefully declined. She wrote that she had a conference with her piggy bank and it squealed and sprinted underneath her bed. LOL What a cutie!! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atozmom Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 she gracefully declined. She wrote that she had a conference with her piggy bank and it squealed and sprinted underneath her bed. LOL This is priceless. You need to write this down somewhere and save it. I love it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 The lack of details coupled with the fact that the boy recently broke up with a friend of your dd's, would make me very nervous. He's vulnerable, he may not be prepared to have a good time which may not make it worth your dd's time for him to be her escort, the money is a bit ridiculous and the LIMO over the top, etc. I see more negatives than positives. Lack of planning, curfews, ..... it all just seems unsettling. We had an alternative for dd. She wanted an excuse to have an evening gown, go out, do something memorable and we wanted her to have that special experience. DD is a no nonsense kind of gal and wasn't dating so this is what we came up with. We purchased tickets to Swan Lake - American Ballet Company - performed at the Detroit Opera House - for her, her older cousin who looks like a million bucks when dressed up and who is one of her closest friends and BODYGUARD - she may never marry because of this boy! LOL We also got tickets for my sister and her fiance. My mother made her a gorgeous evening gown, she had her hair done, my sister did her nails, etc. Everyone dressed to the nines. Her cousin had his own black double breasted suit, sis's fiance wore his military dress uniform, sis was in an evening gown, we purchased flowers for the girls, boutenierres for the guys, and paid for a 4 star restaurant on the waterfront in Detroit. They had a wonderful evening. It would have really cost us a bundle but sis's fiance paid for her and his expenses and my mom wanted to provide the evening gown and updo. So, we had the tickets and dinner (thankfully, dh's company does some computer work for the Opera House and the DSO and he was eligible for a 35% employee discount) for two and gas money for the group. If it's really important to your daughter to have a "prom" experience, maybe you could think of an alternative outing for her. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Good for your daughter Susan! What wisdom and wit she showed under pressure!!! :) Faith what an awesome prom alternative!!! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I LOVE HER RESPONSE! You've raised a level headed, quick thinking, creative mind. Good for you! Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan C. Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 The lack of details coupled with the fact that the boy recently broke up with a friend of your dd's, would make me very nervous. He's vulnerable, he may not be prepared to have a good time which may not make it worth your dd's time for him to be her escort, the money is a bit ridiculous and the LIMO over the top, etc. I see more negatives than positives. Lack of planning, curfews, ..... it all just seems unsettling. We had an alternative for dd. She wanted an excuse to have an evening gown, go out, do something memorable and we wanted her to have that special experience. DD is a no nonsense kind of gal and wasn't dating so this is what we came up with. We purchased tickets to Swan Lake - American Ballet Company - performed at the Detroit Opera House - for her, her older cousin who looks like a million bucks when dressed up and who is one of her closest friends and BODYGUARD - she may never marry because of this boy! LOL We also got tickets for my sister and her fiance. My mother made her a gorgeous evening gown, she had her hair done, my sister did her nails, etc. Everyone dressed to the nines. Her cousin had his own black double breasted suit, sis's fiance wore his military dress uniform, sis was in an evening gown, we purchased flowers for the girls, boutenierres for the guys, and paid for a 4 star restaurant on the waterfront in Detroit. They had a wonderful evening. It would have really cost us a bundle but sis's fiance paid for her and his expenses and my mom wanted to provide the evening gown and updo. So, we had the tickets and dinner (thankfully, dh's company does some computer work for the Opera House and the DSO and he was eligible for a 35% employee discount) for two and gas money for the group. If it's really important to your daughter to have a "prom" experience, maybe you could think of an alternative outing for her. Faith WOW, what a great idea. Dd was saying that she is a down to earth gal, likes small intimate groups, and has chosen to not date yet. I was even saying last night as we were going through everyone's replies that we should do something cool and different. When ds was a senior, their ballroom dancing group threw a dance, so that was ds's "thing to do." But, the dancing group has dwindled down to no one. I am trying to figure out how to pull of a dance like that again with no people to invite.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 We had an alternative for dd. She wanted an excuse to have an evening gown, go out, do something memorable and we wanted her to have that special experience. DD is a no nonsense kind of gal and wasn't dating so this is what we came up with. We purchased tickets to Swan Lake - American Ballet Company - performed at the Detroit Opera House - for her, her older cousin who looks like a million bucks when dressed up and who is one of her closest friends and BODYGUARD - she may never marry because of this boy! LOL We also got tickets for my sister and her fiance. My mother made her a gorgeous evening gown, she had her hair done, my sister did her nails, etc. Everyone dressed to the nines. Her cousin had his own black double breasted suit, sis's fiance wore his military dress uniform, sis was in an evening gown, we purchased flowers for the girls, boutenierres for the guys, and paid for a 4 star restaurant on the waterfront in Detroit. They had a wonderful evening. It would have really cost us a bundle but sis's fiance paid for her and his expenses and my mom wanted to provide the evening gown and updo. So, we had the tickets and dinner (thankfully, dh's company does some computer work for the Opera House and the DSO and he was eligible for a 35% employee discount) for two and gas money for the group. If it's really important to your daughter to have a "prom" experience, maybe you could think of an alternative outing for her. Faith That's brilliant. Similar thinking: when my (schooled) cousin was about to order her class ring, her mom offered to buy a 'normal' piece of jewelry instead, one she might actually wear, lol. She chose a ring with one of the school colors in the stone, engraved with the graduation year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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