King Alfred Academy Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 My head is spinning and my heart is pounding. I am having every kind of emotion you can think of all at once and I can't pin point any of them. I feel as if death is surrounding me and I can't do anything about it. Heath Ledger died this week (suicide? I haven't heard the latest). A young lady in my parish was murdered in her house last month. My dh's gma is going to be with the Lord any minute. This morning my neighbor was placed in a body bag right outside my door. Not sure if it was foul play...there was evidence of a struggle or if it was due to poor health...he was a diabetic. Either way, he was laying in his apartment, 25 feet away, with only a thin metal door separating us, for a few days and I never knew it. I don't know how to work through this because I am unsure what I am feeling and exactly why I am feeling it. I have written this post on 4 different occasion through out the day and deleted them. Mainly because I don't know what I am asking for, also because I don't want to offend anyone, and because I don't want to get any bad comments and have my "reputation" suffer. but, even as I type this, I am feeling a bit better. Just getting this off my chest is helping a bit. So thanks for listening/reading and any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frogpond1 Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 I'll pray for you. No words to fix things, but trust God, He won't forsake you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 I don't have any words of wisdom for you. That is a lot for anyone to have to deal with. It's no wonder your head is spinning and heart pounding. (((K A A))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Of course you don't know what your are feeling - of course your head is spinning. Mine would be too! You need some of that peace that surpasses all understanding. Will pray. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 is some time alone, a bath, a walk, a bus ride to sit someplace lonely and look out at a valley or beach. Then, when I have my thoughts in order, when I've come to some conclusion, then I start telling those dear to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Can you get some counseling? If you don't have medical insurance, perhaps from your church? It sounds as if you would benefit from just talking this out with someone who is neutral and can help you sort out your feelings. That's a lot of trauma to experience in such a short period of time. (((hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeanne in MN Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 It's too much exposure to death at one time. That's enough to make anyone feel sick. In the past three years my dh and I have each lost a grandmother, I've watched my sil lose both her parents and a brother-one each of those three years. I've lost a classmate to cancer and the mother's of two good friends from high school have also died. A sixteen year old boy died near our place in a car accident last summer. All that death just all hangs heavy on me. It's too many doses of reality and I've been trying to deal with it. I think I can understand what you are going through. Accept what's happened as best you can. Don't be afraid to see someone about it if it would help. Especially if you are physically ill from thinking about it all and/or near panic. Give yourself time to deal with the emotions. I'm sorry you are dealing with all this right now. :( Hang in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Alfred Academy Posted January 26, 2008 Author Share Posted January 26, 2008 Thank you for all of your encouraging comments, hugs, and prayers. I am feeling somewhat better now. I'm going to do some more journaling and talking with dh. It just really threw me off seeing the things I saw this morning and not knowing how it happened. It's a little creepy. Anyhow, thank you.:) I am going to try to get some sleep now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 This happened to me when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. (She is 4 years past diagnosis now and fine). For the first time in my life I couldn't sleep. I would wake up at night and be paralyzed with total overwhelming irrational fear. I walked around at night feeling as if a black cloud was hanging over me. The doctor gave me something (I forget what), but honestly what the others recommended works too. I quit taking the meds after a month and just sort of pulled myself out of it. Disclaimer: Not saying EVERYONE can feel better without meds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andie Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 You've had more exposure to death in a tiny piece of time than many have in years, or a lifetime, in this tidy, *real* life kept behind curtains and euphemisms, world. It's natural to be overwhelmed! I think you had a panic attack; I think all the advice given so far as been very sound. Don't worry about whether you should be worrying, though. ?!lol) Hoping you have peace soon, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doran Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 I feel as if death is surrounding me and I can't do anything about it. I hope you won't feel as if I'm being callous, but the fact is, you are surrounded by death, and you can't do anything about it. It's scary, and overwhelming to consider, particularly because it confronts us with our own mortality. Much of the time, we get nudged - when we read about someone else's death, or console a friend who has lost a loved one. Hopefully less often, we are shoved - when we face the death of someone we know, someone we care about. It's a knockdown when the one we lose is one we love deeply. It takes our breath away, and makes us question everything that we believe. We grapple with not wanting to lose them, wishing for the pain to go away, for the loved one to come back. And, there's nothing we can do. It's not in our hands. The only way I, personally, can process death is to remember that souls go on forever. That doesn't take away the pain of missing the person, but it gives me hope. You've seen too much. It's too close. It closes you in, and steals your air. But, at some point, you stop, look around, reassess, and realize that it's all part of the gift of being here at all. Hug yourself today. Be gentle with you. Cry if you can. Seek joy. And know that you are very, very normal to feel the way you do. Peace, Doran Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Me Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 I am so sorry you are going through this! (((KAA))) I will be praying for you today, if that is okay with you! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisawa Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Brittney... I didnt notice this yesterday.... How are you today? I wish I could come and visit w/ you... Please know that Im saying a prayer right now for you.... Warmly, with hugs and prayers... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Alfred Academy Posted January 26, 2008 Author Share Posted January 26, 2008 I hope you won't feel as if I'm being callous, but the fact is, you are surrounded by death, and you can't do anything about it. It's scary, and overwhelming to consider, particularly because it confronts us with our own mortality. Much of the time, we get nudged - when we read about someone else's death, or console a friend who has lost a loved one. Hopefully less often, we are shoved - when we face the death of someone we know, someone we care about. It's a knockdown when the one we lose is one we love deeply. It takes our breath away, and makes us question everything that we believe. We grapple with not wanting to lose them, wishing for the pain to go away, for the loved one to come back. And, there's nothing we can do. It's not in our hands. The only way I, personally, can process death is to remember that souls go on forever. That doesn't take away the pain of missing the person, but it gives me hope. You've seen too much. It's too close. It closes you in, and steals your air. But, at some point, you stop, look around, reassess, and realize that it's all part of the gift of being here at all. Hug yourself today. Be gentle with you. Cry if you can. Seek joy. And know that you are very, very normal to feel the way you do. Peace, Doran I don't think you are callous. You are right and were gentle in presenting this. I am overwhelmed because it seems like it is all coming at me at once. No, it's not people who are close to me, but it's still people. So, I guess I am being "shoved"...not "knocked down". (great description by the way.) Earlier this week, we learned of Heath Ledger's death. The media was all over it and saying how tragic it was because he was so young and such a great actor, ect. Then hours later we received a call from family in WA that dh's gma hasn't got much longer. That is tragic too, but do you think People magazine is going to do a story on her life and the great and wonderful things she a done and what a great woman of God she was? No. So, I was dealing with that. Then we find out a lady in our parish was murdered last month. Tragic. Then I wake up and my neighbor is only a few feet away from my front door in a body bag. Tragic. I have not had to deal with this much death at once. It's forcing me to think about a lot of things and "reassess". I do believe in the eternal soul and am confident where mine will find rest. I'm starting to ramble now so I will stop. Thanks again for your prayers, hugs, and thoughts...I am feeling them.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Alfred Academy Posted January 26, 2008 Author Share Posted January 26, 2008 Brittney... I didnt notice this yesterday.... How are you today? I wish I could come and visit w/ you... Please know that Im saying a prayer right now for you.... Warmly, with hugs and prayers... I would give anything to have a visit from you right now. I am dong better than I was last night. I find myself looking out my front window only a few times an hour now. Don't know what I am looking for, but I can't bring myself to stop. It's just weird. I'm going on a date with my husband and a bunch of close friends tonight so that will help get my mind off things for a bit. However, I know there are some things I need to work through and I am willing to do that. Just not tonight. Your prayers are lifting me up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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