How do you handle it when your teen wants to go to public school?

[razorbackmama]

We have homeschooled from the beginning. My 13yo seems to think he'd like to attend the local public high school for high school. That is *so* not an option, for numerous reasons. I *think* he mostly feels he's missing out on something (not sure what, and he can't verbalize it to me). He has a lot of friends, though maybe we need to do more to encourage some unstructured friend time (he mostly sees his friends at church and AWANA).

 

Anyway...how have you approached this with your teen, if you've had one that wants to attend public high school?

[mommaduck]

Would a private school be an option?

[razorbackmama]

Would a private school be an option?

Nope. Many reasons, but the major two are that 1) We do not have the money for it, and 2) I don't even know of any private high schools around here. I've even asked people - what do the kids do once they get to high school? Because all of the private schools I've seen are K-8. I have been curious about that exact thing!

[mommaduck]

Nope. Many reasons, but the major two are that 1) We do not have the money for it, and 2) I don't even know of any private high schools around here. I've even asked people - what do the kids do once they get to high school? Because all of the private schools I've seen are K-8. I have been curious about that exact thing!

On the money issue, many have scholarships ;) However, I can't help you with the other issues. I was just thinking of a possible compromise. Public school has never been an option with us and I'm pretty darn picky about private schools (however, that said, our oldest just started at a private highschool this year).

[rwjx2khsmj]

We have been dealing with our teen wanting to go to public school full time. We try to highlight the positives of homeschooling. Even she has to admit there are many. Though she won't admit it very loudly.

 

We also talk a lot about values and how it is our job as parents to do what we believe is best. How can she possibly want any less than the best for herself?! Our stunning logic rarely makes her see things our way so then we go for the "you'll thank us later" argument. We'll see if she does, someday.

 

Usually, we let her rant, tell her we love her and get to work.

[gingersmom]

My daughter is applying to boarding schools for next year but we shall see. I had planned on homeschooling through high school.

 

I would also suggest looking into private schools.

[razorbackmama]

I'm curious as to why some of y'all think I should actually entertain his idea of going to building school. (He'd be eager to attend private as well, but I mentioned public in the OP since private isn't an option.) So far whenever we've talked about it, his reasons have been purely "the grass is greener" type things. Would y'all seriously put your child in school simply because they wanted to?

[mommaduck]

I'm curious as to why some of y'all think I should actually entertain his idea of going to building school. (He'd be eager to attend private as well, but I mentioned public in the OP since private isn't an option.) So far whenever we've talked about it, his reasons have been purely "the grass is greener" type things. Would y'all seriously put your child in school simply because they wanted to?

Not simply because, no. There were many factors behind our putting our oldest in school (private). I think the only thing we feel we can do is 1) commiserate as parents and sorry you are dealing with this as a difficulty. 2) inform him that you and his father have made a decision and inform him of the whys, perhaps countering his reasons with logic and your reasoning. 3) find some means of compromise. Perhaps he wants more of a classroom experience. He's a young man and is growing up. May taking a community college course (double dipping), may private school (but yes, you've already stated that it's not available and not an option), find an apprenticeship he can do on the side, getting involved in sports, or some other that may open him up to the outlet he is looking for (maybe try to dig deeper beyond "the grass is greener"). Not sure what else you would want.

[HappyCrazyMama]

We just said no and that was that. She was upset for a couple days but soon got over it the subject never came up again.:)

[cindergretta]

It is a constant theme with my oldest. <yawn> He really thinks the grass is greener. But nope. The public high schools around here are NOT an option. There are some private schools, but the only one we could even attmept to afford (with financial aid) is Catholic, requires attendance at that Catholic church, and has a rep for being a "party" school. :glare:

 

We aren't Catholic and I refuse to spend money I don't have b/c ds thinks his life would be perfect if he went to a brick and mortar. He is a struggling student. I mean, struggling. And he has one-on-one help here. How does he think he is going to keep up in a classroom?? :confused:

 

We listen. We offer empathy. We commiserate. But we are the parents and we made this choice (hs'ing) for pretty serious reasons. We try to ensure that he isn't a total outcast. LOL He has a cell with texting, we take him to the football games, we facilitate get togethers with friends, etc.

 

Our 14 y/o talks about it, but then gets on with her life and schoolwork, kwim? It doesn't consume her and I don't think she thinks the grass is greener, just different. I think she is curious but realistic. While she wouldn't mind attending a "real" school, she isn't losing any sleep over being hs'd, either. I wish she would rub off on her older brother. <sigh>

[razorbackmama]

It is a constant theme with my oldest. <yawn> He really thinks the grass is greener. But nope. The public high schools around here are NOT an option. There are some private schools, but the only one we could even attmept to afford (with financial aid) is Catholic, requires attendance at that Catholic church, and has a rep for being a "party" school. :glare:

 

We aren't Catholic and I refuse to spend money I don't have b/c ds thinks his life would be perfect if he went to a brick and mortar. He is a struggling student. I mean, struggling. And he has one-on-one help here. How does he think he is going to keep up in a classroom?? :confused:

 

We listen. We offer empathy. We commiserate. But we are the parents and we made this choice (hs'ing) for pretty serious reasons. We try to ensure that he isn't a total outcast. LOL He has a cell with texting, we take him to the football games, we facilitate get togethers with friends, etc.

 

Our 14 y/o talks about it, but then gets on with her life and schoolwork, kwim? It doesn't consume her and I don't think she thinks the grass is greener, just different. I think she is curious but realistic. While she wouldn't mind attending a "real" school, she isn't losing any sleep over being hs'd, either. I wish she would rub off on her older brother. <sigh>

Your oldest sounds very much like mine. He has quite a few learning issues. Honestly if he went to public school he'd probably flunk, if they still flunked kids.:tongue_smilie:

[Starr]

DD had some interest and curiosity about ps but she got over it. We found other activities for here to be involved with. She did confess that she really wanted a locker. :lol: So a friend found her an old one and she scraped and sanded and painted it. It's in her room filled with stuff. I would just say no. I find it easier than having them trying to change my mind all the time.

[razorbackmama]

DD had some interest and curiosity about ps but she got over it. We found other activities for here to be involved with. She did confess that she really wanted a locker. :lol: So a friend found her an old one and she scraped and sanded and painted it. It's in her room filled with stuff. I would just say no. I find it easier than having them trying to change my mind all the time.

I can totally see where ds's reason might be something silly like that.

[Julie in MN]

I'm curious as to why some of y'all think I should actually entertain his idea of going to building school. (He'd be eager to attend private as well, but I mentioned public in the OP since private isn't an option.) So far whenever we've talked about it, his reasons have been purely "the grass is greener" type things. Would y'all seriously put your child in school simply because they wanted to?

 

I don't. You're the parent. I tell my son that it is my job to do the very best thing for my children, and some day when he has kids, that will be his job.

 

My son has long wanted to go back to public school. I'll never forget the time he said that what he really missed was the school bus. This is a kid who literally cried, begging me to drive him to school each day, so he wouldn't have to take the bus. Suddenly, that's the one thing he misses? He's the child. He can't make those types of major decisions. In fact, that was one thing I really disliked back when my kids were in public school, before I ever thought of homeschooling. Too many decisions were left to my children in the public schools, and they made choices that were... children's choices. Even in high school.

 

But I agree, I try to make things as comfortable as possible for him at home. We follow a public school calendar and schedule, so he has the same free time that his friends do. We allow lots of boys in our house at all hours. We participate in outside activities. These are especially needed because he's the only one at home right now.

 

Julie

[Catherine]

My oldest, now 17, wanted to go back to school for high school. I allowed it, because a reasonably good math\science magnet school is very close to where we live. It's rigorous, the kids basically all go to 4 year colleges, and while it has many of the negatives of a high school, I believed there were fewer of those negatives.

 

He went for a year, dd very well and was happy, and decided during the summer not to go back. I am SO glad I allowed it, and he voluntarily decided not to return. He was too accustomed to the freedom we have, and he also is a kid with very specific interests that he wanted to pursue in more depth.

 

I think it's a decision that every family has to make for themselves. I was able to because I believed that our magnet was a reasonable educational and social option, and because I trust that my kids' characters are formed enough to forego some of the negative I knew they'd come into contact with.

[AngieW in Texas]

I'm open to it. My oldest went to ps for 6th and 7th grades and then returned to hs. She wanted nothing to do with ps after that. She's been very happy with taking courses at the community college (cc), but she couldn't start doing that until the summer after 10th grade.

 

My middle dd has never had any interest in ps. She is in 10th grade this year and will get to start taking cc courses this summer.

 

My youngest is likely going to ps next year for 8th grade. She wants to try to go to the same charter school a couple of her friends are going to. We'll have to put her name in the lottery in February to see if she can get in (the school only takes 100 students/grade). I'm not sure what she'll choose to do if she doesn't get into the charter school through the lottery. I'm okay with her continuing to hs or going to the charter school or going to the local ps (although I'd definitely prefer the charter school over the local ps).

[Michelle in AL]

Truthfully, I would consider it if my child was contentious and as a result started to resist learning for an extended period of time. A student has to want to learn and I'm not willing to sacrifice that for what I think is best. Also, I would consider it if I truly thought continuing to homeschool would be a relationship breaker between my child and me.

[razorbackmama]

Michelle, very good point. Fortunately he's not contentious at this point. I know it's something he wants to do, but he's not hostile about it. I brought it up yesterday and asked him why. Just as I suspected - "I don't know." So I told him if he wants me to take him seriously and to actually consider what he wants, I have to know WHY. I gave him several examples - does he want a locker (thought that was a great one!)? Does he want to wake up at 6 am? Does he want to ride a bus? Does he want different teachers? Does he want to play sports (though honestly I don't know if we'd be able to afford it anyway since it's not free even if he went to ps)? Does he want to see his friends more? Etc. He was very "I dunno" about all of it. I also suggested that maybe it was a "grass is greener" situation (and thanks to his language issues, I had to explain what that even meant - I THINK he understood finally?????). Still "I dunno." So we'll see. I told him I WANT to accommodate him and WANT to compromise with him, but I need to know specifics in order to do so....

[Greta Lea]

We changed churches about a year ago. Most of the kids in this youth group all go to the same magnet school in our public school system. This particular school is an academic school (we also have magnet technical school and an arts magnet) and not easy to score high enough to get into. Oddly enough, every kid in this youth group, minus 2 brothers, were either homeschooled all the way up through highschool *or* went to a private classical school that goes up through 8th grade.

 

Anyway, no other church in town is like this. Most youth groups in town have a mix of kids going to all different public schools and also some going to the 3 private schools for highschoolers in town. Our former church was exactly like this.

 

Anyway, the fact that all the kids in youth (minus 1 other boy, my 2 sons and one of the pastor's dd) go to the same highschool makes going to school seem VERY appealing to my boys. These kids have all been at this same church together their entire lives, now they all go to highschool together. They are a close knit group. I've been pleased at how they include my boys in their tight group, but when they talk about stuff they do at school or *after* school (like going to games or hanging out at Sonic right after school) my boys hear ONLY *that* (especially my 16yo).

 

My 16yo has finally admitted that he realizes that he is glamorizing the actual school day at a regular school. But he does make a good point that kids who are friends and passing each other in the hall or eating lunch together (very quick lunch, but still a moment to connect and make plans) seem to do more with each other than he does with his homeschool buddies.

 

Even the highschool kids who go to a local homeschool tutorial that meets 2x a week seem more "connected" outside of the tutorial program than the other homeschool kids do.

 

Anyway, I'm sharing all this to say that I do see what is appealing about school to some of our kids...the social connections. BUT is that a reason to send them to school? No. I don't think so. At least not for us, it isn't.

[AnitaMcC]

I'm curious as to why some of y'all think I should actually entertain his idea of going to building school. (He'd be eager to attend private as well, but I mentioned public in the OP since private isn't an option.) So far whenever we've talked about it, his reasons have been purely "the grass is greener" type things. Would y'all seriously put your child in school simply because they wanted to?

 

 

My simple to the point answer would be... nope. They would have to have a very good reason/argument for us to consider what they want.

 

This way Dh and I know that they thought about what they want to some degree beyond just going with the "grass is greener on the other side" idea or "so and so does this or has that ..." idea. This goes for when the kids want a certain item or to do certain activities that Dh and I feel that it is important for the kids to think beyond the surface or immediate impulse.

 

For big decisions... they have to list the pros and cons of their options. Dh and I will help them with this if needed since there are some things in life that the kids just don't know about yet, especially when it comes to their futures.

Edited November 22, 2010 by AnitaMcC

[AnitaMcC]

We have homeschooled from the beginning. My 13yo seems to think he'd like to attend the local public high school for high school. That is *so* not an option, for numerous reasons. I *think* he mostly feels he's missing out on something (not sure what, and he can't verbalize it to me). He has a lot of friends, though maybe we need to do more to encourage some unstructured friend time (he mostly sees his friends at church and AWANA).

 

Anyway...how have you approached this with your teen, if you've had one that wants to attend public high school?

 

 

In this scenerio... I would probably allow my teen to attend school for a week or two if possible. Often kids (and even adults) just want to know what something is like when they haven't had that experience. Parental/adult opinions and stories of school/life just won't appease a child'd curiosity. A child just has to live it before truly comprehending what they are being told.

 

But this also depends on the overall situation. I would not allow my kids to do something that is not safe or against our beliefs just to appease their curiosity.

Edited November 22, 2010 by AnitaMcC

[Rhonda in TX]

We dealt with this when my DD was younger. She would actually cry about wanting to go to school. Our compromise was to find an enrichment day that was set up sort of like a school. They did some schoolwork, a couple of plays, and had the Christmas and Valentine's parties. She met other homeschooled kids and made friends with them. She saw that she was not the only one and began to see the advantages. She is now perfectly content to be homeschooled.

 

Does your son have other homeschooled friends? Are there opportunities for outside classes? We will continue to have DD in at least one outside class each year to fill any possible need for "school".

 

What it boils down to, though, is that we are her parents and we are making the choices that we feel are best for her. We would not let her attend just because she wanted to, but we do try to meet her needs in other ways.

 

(DS has never had any desire to go to public/private high school, so this is not an issue.)

[Laura Corin]

We respected Calvin's wish to go to school. We are able to afford private school, but the local state school is decent so we would not have opposed his going there had the private school not been an option. I would only have vetoed his plans if the local school had been dreadful.

 

Laura

[rlugbill]

We are starting to deal with the same thing for our 12 year old dd. We're not quite sure what to do either. I asked her why she wants to go to school and she said to be around other kids her age (she's an only child). She does have lots of friends and is in a lot of activities.

 

We are considering a private school. The public school where we live is "very good". It has an International Baccalaureate program, has good test scores, in an upper-middle class suburban area, etc.

 

But, even in this "good public school", there are drugs (including cocaine and heroin), drinking, parties, sex, a lot of peer pressure for young girls to dress inappropriately, and not to be too smart (geek). It's the typical football and cheerleader and pep rally kind of place.

 

But here are some of my thoughts. I wonder, but don't know, if having some contact with other kids who think homeschooling is "weird" is a factor. In other words, I wonder if there is some subtle peer pressure to "fit in" by going to school, like the other kids she is friends with. We somehow think that peer pressure stops at the schoolhouse door, but it is a basic way of being for many kids that continues into after-school hours and play-dates with homeschoolers.

 

I also don't consider the school to be a good place for socialization, so the idea that my dd should go there to be around other kids is more of an argument for not allowing her to go to school than a good reason to allow her to go to school.

 

She does see some of the advantages of not going to school, such as sleeping in. I would hate to have to wake her at 6 am like the neighbor kid does. The neighbor kid is always sleep-deprived from not getting enough sleep, so she is irritable and cranky a lot.

 

Anyway, here is an idea I had. Make it into a research project, where you research the options. Homeschool, public school, private school, on-line school, community college or whatever is an option. Then, you can go on-line and come up with all the information pro and con for each option. Look at the homeschool research, the info. about the local public school. Visit the local public school and do a tour of the school. Conduct some interviews with people who have done different options. Write it all down and make it into a 10+ page report.

 

We happen to have a friend from church who has been public schooled, homeschooled, and now is in a private school. She, her parents, and her siblings have a lot of information about the different options.

 

In my professional life, I find that even people who are often poor decision-makers will come to the appropriate decision once they are well-educated about the options. It isn't their first impulse necessarily, but once they learn some more about their choices, most people end up making a good decision. Doing the research and becoming informed is the key factor.

 

At this age (12), I don't consider it my daughter's decision, but her input and desires are taken into consideration. If we actually did all the research with her, she might at least better understand our decision, and probably agree with it.

[Julie in MN]

I wonder, but don't know, if having some contact with other kids who think homeschooling is "weird" is a factor. In other words, I wonder if there is some subtle peer pressure to "fit in" by going to school, like the other kids she is friends with. We somehow think that peer pressure stops at the schoolhouse door, but it is a basic way of being for many kids that continues into after-school hours and play-dates with homeschoolers.

 

There is definitely some of this for my son. I often have boys at my house, in my car, telling my son that he ought to go to public school. Even telling *me* :001_rolleyes: Usually I just make a joke out of it, such as, "I didn't hear you saying your day at school was so wonderful an hour ago!" But sometimes I've had to remind them that it is my job to parent my children, thank you very much, or even forbid the subject in my presence because I have already heard everything they have to say.

 

It's hard to swim against the current. I don't see that changing unless homeschoolers become a majority :001_smile:

 

Julie

[razorbackmama]

My 16yo has finally admitted that he realizes that he is glamorizing the actual school day at a regular school. But he does make a good point that kids who are friends and passing each other in the hall or eating lunch together (very quick lunch, but still a moment to connect and make plans) seem to do more with each other than he does with his homeschool buddies.

 

Even the highschool kids who go to a local homeschool tutorial that meets 2x a week seem more "connected" outside of the tutorial program than the other homeschool kids do.

 

Anyway, I'm sharing all this to say that I do see what is appealing about school to some of our kids...the social connections. BUT is that a reason to send them to school? No. I don't think so. At least not for us, it isn't.

 

I can TOTALLY understand what you're talking about above.:iagree:

 

I wonder if this has a lot to do with our situation. At youth group (when he went) he was the only homeschooled kid. (He doesn't go anymore, and a very small part is because of how anti-homeschooling the leaders are, but I digress.:tongue_smilie: ) In Sunday School he's one of 5 homeschooled kids. There were 2 more, but they graduated last year. At AWANA there are a whole slew of homeschooled kids, but of his "buds," I think only about 3-4 of them are. He's not super close to anyone really, and fortunately one of the ones he's closest with homeschools, but that's about it. I know one friend (who, oddly enough is best friends with ds's homeschooling friend) keeps asking ds where he's going to go to high school, and of course, since ds doesn't "own" the fact that he homeschools, this plants seeds of doubt, I'm sure.

 

I'm looking into different opportunities for him to take some outside classes, but I'm also waiting for him to verbalize just WHY....:tongue_smilie:

[razorbackmama]

Just got done talking to my dh about it. He said, "He's always been a very discontented soul." That sums ds up well. He ALWAYS wants what he doesn't have. He's never satisfied.

 

He bought a little mp3 player at a garage sale. It wasn't good enough, so he saved for an iPod. He had it for less than a month and wanted to take it back and save up for an iPod Touch (or whatever it's called).

 

He bought a Nintendo DS at a garage sale. It works perfectly fine. He wants to get rid of it and buy one that has internet capabilities (I had to break it to him that um, NO, he would NOT be having mobile internet...I guess he thinks the reason he doesn't have it is because he doesn't have the technical capabilities:confused:).

 

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO very common for him. So I *think* that this whole "wanting to go to school" thing is mostly because of that (and would explain why he can't explain why) - he's just dissatisfied. I'm sure if he went to public school he'd be dissatisfied too.:tongue_smilie:

 

BUT to give him the benefit of the doubt, I told dh to be on the lookout, to maybe bring it up as well, etc.

[Lori D.]

- Incorporate something DS enjoys into the schedule that he *wouldn't* get to do if he were in school

(work on a novel; woodworking; dog training; auto mechanics; build his own computer; computer software project; compose music/songs; etc.)

 

- Do fun social activities on the weekends with other teen boys

(airsofting; chess; hikes; book club; archery; build something; etc.)

 

- Take a course that allow DS to develop a personal interest and possible meet friends

(Parks & Rec. or community class such as pottery, martial arts, etc.)

 

- Volunteer regularly to get out, meet people, and focus on others rather than self!

(Red Cross, soup kitchen, tutor younger students at a local library, animal shelter, nursing home/elder care home, etc.)

 

- Do an internship / apprenticeship in a field of interest to DS.

 

- Get involved in a homeschool group.

(fun activities such as student council, social events, volunteer opportunities and other socializing opportunities; educational activities such as a co-op, field trips, "shadowing" for a morning or a day a person in a career you are interested in, etc.)

 

- Get involved in a community group of some sort.

(Fiction Writing group or club; Society for Creative Anachronism or other History Reenactment group; book club; Junior Orchestra; Community Teen Theater or Christian Youth Theater; Youth Choir; Teen Pact or Youth & Government; National Forensics; etc.)

 

- Join a public school after-school club or sports team.

(Deka; Junior Achievement; Chess Club; Debate Team; tennis, softball, volleyball, or other sport; etc.)

[ValRN]

the same situation. My 10th ds thought he wanted to go to public school. He talked about it all summer. I had him accompany me and our exchange student to registration and sit in while exchange student registered. DS still thought that he wanted to go to ps. We got the forms, brought them home and started filling them out. By the time we got to the last form, ds said that he had changed his mind. Even so, I had him accompany me and exchange student to orientation. He was even more convinced that he didn't want to go. When I took him to the ps to take the PSAT, he was disgusted with the ps and vowed to NEVER EVER step foot in a ps. ;):D

 

So I say, let him get a little taste of it anyway you can and prayerfully he'll see what a blessing it is to be home schooled.

[Jeanne in MN]

Their teens wanted to try public school and they allowed it. One returned after one year after seeing how much time was wasted and how silly the kids were in regards to social status stuff. Another went for her senior year and loved it. There are a lot of Christian kids there and she's playing a lot of sports. The third went for his 9th grade year and decided to come back home his 10th grade year.

 

Personally, I think it would be great for our kids to try it if they really wanted to. I might prefer they went part time so we could still do some things at home that I think we can do better, but there's a lot to learn in a school setting too.

[TXMary2]

I'm curious as to why some of y'all think I should actually entertain his idea of going to building school. (He'd be eager to attend private as well, but I mentioned public in the OP since private isn't an option.) So far whenever we've talked about it, his reasons have been purely "the grass is greener" type things. Would y'all seriously put your child in school simply because they wanted to?

 

Nope. My oldest briefly attended PS before I pulled him out to homeschool. His biggest concern was "what about the prom?" and the socializing he got to do between classes and at lunch. Fast forward- he graduated in 2009 and he thanked me for homeschooling him and said he wouldn't trade it. His employers love him and he trains guys older than him that don't know their heads from their rears.

 

Bottom line, at my house, while it may seem archaic, the parents are in charge. We make the decisions because we know better. I can't think of any circumstances in our home that would make PS be an option. Least of all just because a kid may want to go for social reasons. Lots of times kids think school will be like they see it on the Disney Channel or in movies. They have a fantasy of being popular, dating etc- all the tv stuff - it isn't reality. One of the reasons my oldest son wanted to go was because he wanted a locker. We got him a locker. LOL

 

My 14 yo has no desire to go to public school and is very goal oriented - knows what he wants. I can see that with my youngest the topic may come up sometime because he is intrigued by the school buildings with playgrounds. He also takes speech therapy at a public school twice a week and some of the kids have asked him why he doesn't go to school. :tongue_smilie:

[razorbackmama]

Bottom line, at my house, while it may seem archaic, the parents are in charge. We make the decisions because we know better.

 

:iagree:That's pretty much how I view it too.

 

I also wonder if part of his problem is that he doesn't want to have to deal with the 3yo and 10mo crying all the time while he's doing school. Can't say I blame him - I hate it too!:lol:

[mommaduck]

BTW, those of us that may have sent our children to school, also believe parent's make the decision. Our decisions are usually based on a variety of factors with socialisation not even playing a role. But talking with your kid and finding out if there are any legitimate concerns is called PARENTING, not being "pushed over" or anything else that was implied here. If your kid's ONLY reason is that he feels he's missing out socially, then I agree that that is not a good reason. But many times there is more depth to a kid and it can take some work digging out what the issues are that they have a harder time expressing. So before people get holier than thou, maybe consider what is actually being said by others.

[Laura Corin]

BTW, those of us that may have sent our children to school, also believe parents make the decision. Our decisions are usually based on a variety of factors with socialisation not even playing a role. But talking with your kid and finding out if there are any legitimate concerns is called PARENTING, not being "pushed over" or anything else that was implied here. If your kid's ONLY reason is that he feels he's missing out socially, then I agree that that is not a good reason. But many times there is more depth to a kid and it can take some work digging out what the issues are that they have a harder time expressing. So before people get holier than thou, maybe consider what is actually being said by others.

 

My major reason for sending Calvin to school was his desire to bounce ideas off other people, both adults and children. That could have been misinterpreted as his wanting more social time. In fact, he is not highly social at school but is really relishing a wider intellectual field.

 

Laura

[AngelaNYC]

High school I'm ok with. NYC is just different than the rest of the country when it comes to high schools, so I always supported the kids' desire to go. But, I understand how your feel. I feel that way about the middle schools here. No way would I want my kids in those - especially for a "grass is greener" situation. I sat down with them and explained what I felt, showed them some articles, and went over how much we actually get to do as compared with their schooled friends. It worked and it did make them appreciate their lives.

[Jann in TX]

This thought is NATURAL for most teens--but it is often hard to articulate.

 

I hope I do not get flamed--but I'm not one who thinks that homeschooling is always the best option--or that parents always make the right decisions...But parents DO have the final say.

 

My middle dd wanted to go to PS in Jr High-- so we let her. She flourished! Was the school and her academics everything that "I" wanted-- NO. But she had a POSITIVE experience and she did learn!

 

This dd ended up back at home in 10th due to medical issues... dual enrollment has helped her independence quite a bit--but she still rather NOT learn from me--she desires to be INDEPENDENT from her parents (but at the same time respecting them). She is NOT a good independent learner--she thrives on verbal discussion... we live too far out to join homeschool co-ops so she was VERY lonely and depressed in 10th grade at home...once she could dual-enroll she perked up!

 

I could not be/provide everything that my dd needed. I wish that she could have stayed in PS--but I'm also thankful that we had the option of bringing her home again--and that dual enrollment in 11th and 12th was available.

[razorbackmama]

My major reason for sending Calvin to school was his desire to bounce ideas off other people, both adults and children. That could have been misinterpreted as his wanting more social time. In fact, he is not highly social at school but is really relishing a wider intellectual field.

 

Laura

 

I can understand that. I'm like that with my college classes. I take classes online, and sometimes I would love to be in a classroom again just to actually hear the instructor's voice and hear the interaction between the instructor and the other students. (I don't actually like to interact much, but I like to see others interact.:lol: )

 

In my ds's case...I highly doubt that's his motivation. He's not into intellectual stuff LOL.

 

I actually suspected for a time that it was because he wanted to be able to put something for his school on FB.:lol: I asked him, and he said no, so who knows. I still don't think he knows. I still think it's a grass is greener, simply because that is the way he is in ALL aspects of life. (Drives us NUTS.)

[razorbackmama]

dual enrollment has helped her independence quite a bit--but she still rather NOT learn from me--she desires to be INDEPENDENT from her parents (but at the same time respecting them). She is NOT a good independent learner--she thrives on verbal discussion...

This makes sense. Perhaps it's something like this, and he just can't articulate it. The schools here are absolutely OUT (no way, Jose'), so maybe I can find a good combo of independent stuff and online/DVD classes so that he's not learning "from Mom." He does want to do more online stuff. We do have some sort of dual enrollment thing, but I don't think he's a good enough student for it. (Of course, I'm assuming that you have to qualify in some way for it??????)

[mommaduck]

With my oldest, he's very intellectual, he's very mature for his age with dealing with people and handling situations, and he grew beyond me. There were some areas where, even though I had gotten expensive DVD teaching subjects, I could not help him when there was a problem because he already knew more than I did in the subject (algebra). He thrives off of challenge. And today, after being in an excellent private school since the beginning of the year, he was finally able to put into words something I had suspected last year anyhow...he was burnt out on homeschooling. He's loving school, loves his teachers, and the education is excellent. He's a beyond his history level, but they won't track him up a level till next year, but tracked up in other courses and is making excellent grades while being challenged. You also have to consider, he has many siblings at home...so this has been a blessing for him to grow and moved beyond.

 

Each kid and each family is individual.

[razorbackmama]

With my oldest, he's very intellectual, he's very mature for his age with dealing with people and handling situations, and he grew beyond me. There were some areas where, even though I had gotten expensive DVD teaching subjects, I could not help him when there was a problem because he already knew more than I did in the subject (algebra). He thrives off of challenge. And today, after being in an excellent private school since the beginning of the year, he was finally able to put into words something I had suspected last year anyhow...he was burnt out on homeschooling. He's loving school, loves his teachers, and the education is excellent. He's a beyond his history level, but they won't track him up a level till next year, but tracked up in other courses and is making excellent grades while being challenged. You also have to consider, he has many siblings at home...so this has been a blessing for him to grow and moved beyond.

 

Each kid and each family is individual.

 

Yep. This is SO not our situation. I'll be doing good if I can get ds up to grade-level by the time he graduates (and his speech therapist is telling me to not hold my breath). So him outgrowing me is most definitely NOT a concern here.;)

[Moni]

 

 

Anyway...how have you approached this with your teen, if you've had one that wants to attend public high school?

 

 

Family policy is Homeschooling.

So public high school wouldn't bring us closer to the goal. :lol:

 

If they are homeschooled from the beginning, they don't even know What they are Asking For, really.

 

Find out what they think they will Gain/Get/Experience by going to PS and if you value what they say, find a way to make that happen. Maybe not this semester, maybe next, maybe a summer, etc.

 

Sports? Friends? Fun Social Events? Classroom setting?

There are lots of non-PS options for each of these.

 

They usually aren't seeking the Sit in Lecture for 55 minutes, repeat six times daily, week in week out, portion of PS. ;) But if they Really Want that part, an eight-week sit-down Hmsc local class (on any topic) offering might be an option.

 

:seeya:

[razorbackmama]

Ah HA! He wants teachers other than me. I can fix him up.;)

 

And yes, the thought of no kids screaming is very appealing to him. I told him that he can be very involved in the reduction of the screaming, since he's usually the cause.:lol:

 

He wants to join the Young Marines - I'm going to do what I can to make it happen (I just hope it doesn't cost too much) because I know how much he wants to do it.

[Storm Bay]

Truthfully, I would consider it if my child was contentious and as a result started to resist learning for an extended period of time. A student has to want to learn and I'm not willing to sacrifice that for what I think is best. Also, I would consider it if I truly thought continuing to homeschool would be a relationship breaker between my child and me.

 

This is exactly what was happening in our house with my eldest.

 

This thought is NATURAL for most teens--but it is often hard to articulate.

 

I hope I do not get flamed--but I'm not one who thinks that homeschooling is always the best option--or that parents always make the right decisions...But parents DO have the final say.

 

:seeya:

 

 

Although I haven't always thought this way, I have to agree with this.

 

Ultimately it's up to you, of course, and there have to be good reasons to do so. If all he wants is different teachers, there are plenty of homeschool ways to do that. If not, perhaps your ps allows a homeschooler to take one or two classes. Now while I'm not saying this about any of the posters here, just as many people who probably ought to be homeschooling refuse to consider it or think it's too hard (perhaps it is, but perhaps not), I think there are times when parents who refuse to let their dc go to ps are making a mistake and I personally loathed public high school and am very unhappy with a number of things in public education.

 

My dd was ruining homeschooling for the entire family. Anyone who has simply put their foot down and had their dc give in has done what they have thought right, but they don't in any way have a dc as resistant as my eldest is or some other dc are. OTOH, my dd has access to a good honours program in the subjects of her interest, is not at all interested in smoking/drinking/drugs/s*x as a teen, etc. She's not even interested in dating yet, although she does like a boy that way. In the end, I put her in so that I could continue homeschooling my others and to save our relationship. So far, that's working and she's doing her assignments all on time, even composition. We tried classes, we tried a tutor and we can't afford a private school. She doesn't fit in with the homeschooled dc around her, and, in fact, doesn't fit in with a whole lot of people. At school she already had a friend (not one she sees outside of formal things or school, etc.

 

So, would I do it in the OP's case NO! But in my case, yes. Now I have another one talking about going, so I'm looking at a coop and am considering her going part time for band or something like that next year.

 

So, like one other poster on these forums, but for very different reasons, I expelled my dd from homeschool, at least for now. She has the option to return to homeschooling, but at this point isn't even considering it.

Edited December 1, 2010 by Karin

[Peela]

I do think its worth considering that a teenage boy might need a break from being with his mum so much. It may well be an instinctive thing- and , if not school, maybe some other way of getting out of the house more.

My ds15 will be going to school in February (new year here) and I just feel it my heart that he needs to rub with different people- be taught by teachers who are specialists in their area..learn subjects I can't do with him. But...I got him into a top state highschool.

He is 15. Up until the day I decided to send him...he wanted to go, but we said no. And we could have continued to do that. But...in our case, mine actually (dh was very surprised that I decided he needed to go), I changed my mind.

We will see how it goes. In his case...his reasons for going are purely social. However....mine are many faceted, and his reasons arent bothering me. He has a stinky attitude at home...I am hopeful someone else might be able to inspire him.

[Nan in Mass]

It was a mistake. I think keeping him at home and teaching him myself would have been a mistake as well. I wish now that I had signed him up for the American School for a year or two and then sent him to community college. Or just plain had him take the tests for CC and go. He wouldn't have placed into composition, but he would have scored ok on the reading and placed into college algebra. He needed to be taught by somebody other than me, but the public high school, excellent though it is, was not a good choice for him. It all worked out ok in the end, but our lives were a mess for a long time. My advice is to explore all your options. I didn't know there were other options than public school, super expensive private school, or homeschooling totally at home.

-Nan

[unsinkable]

BTW, those of us that may have sent our children to school, also believe parent's make the decision. Our decisions are usually based on a variety of factors with socialisation not even playing a role. But talking with your kid and finding out if there are any legitimate concerns is called PARENTING, not being "pushed over" or anything else that was implied here. If your kid's ONLY reason is that he feels he's missing out socially, then I agree that that is not a good reason. But many times there is more depth to a kid and it can take some work digging out what the issues are that they have a harder time expressing. So before people get holier than thou, maybe consider what is actually being said by others.

 

My major reason for sending Calvin to school was his desire to bounce ideas off other people, both adults and children. That could have been misinterpreted as his wanting more social time. In fact, he is not highly social at school but is really relishing a wider intellectual field.

 

Laura

 

Thank you both for these posts.

 

I had someone IRL tell me that she would "love to take the easy way out" and send her DS to school like I was doing with my DS. I have felt that in the "homeschool world" sending a child to school is seen as an easy choice or seen as the child is making the decisions. That is not always the case.

Edited December 3, 2010 by unsinkable