Why not just homeschool?

[Mommybostic]

My middle schooler is in the gifted program in our local ps. He gets no challenges, rarely has homework, and is basically just attending a big social event every day.

 

I want to homeschool, but feed back from the peanut gallery consists of statements like "let him be a kid" and "he needs to be around his friends" and "he has to be able to make difficult choices and know how to interact with his peers." It's hard to make a stand when basically it makes you feel like you would be doing more harm than good to homeschool.

 

However, I am afterschooling with Algebra, Spanish, and now I have added science and the MCT work. Seems like it would be easier for him to be a kid if he didn't have to go to school all day and then come home and do more lessons.

 

I guess I'm just looking for someone to pump some sunshine and be my yes man and tell me that homeschooled children are socially well adjusted and that they don't "miss out on being a kid." :confused:

[Cynful]

 

I guess I'm just looking for someone to pump some sunshine and be my yes man and tell me that homeschooled children are socially well adjusted and that they don't "miss out on being a kid." :confused:

 

I find quite the opposite to be true. My kids GET to be kids for much longer than kids in a school setting, imo. There are kids in schools who are not socially well adjusted either. Find a homeschool group in your area that fits your style and have fun. It sounds as if you are teaching alot of it already yourself. Now you just need to relax and have fun with it. :)

 

Good luck,

[ReneTL]

Here was our day yesterday; granted it isn't typical because I had to work my part time job, but to me, this is what being a kid is about. We finished a history read aloud. Did a few math drills. My oldest finished a literature reader. Then both girls spent the rest of the day doing a "photo shoot" with these tiny little bears they bought from the doll house section at Hobby Lobby. They put them into a slide show, complete with music and transitions; it really was like a little movie. I know it sounds silly, but the scenes they created using other toys were quite elaborate. There was even a poker tournament, complete with two straights, but one was a king high, so he was the winner. Thanks DH and World Poker Tour! :)

 

Although we didn't do any tangible work to raise an SAT score yesterday, it was time well spent and they were able to create something really cool from their imagination. I certainly would NEVER have thought of assigning something like that and if they had not had a large enough block of time to see it through, it never would have happened.

 

Homeschooling is truly a blessing. And yes, my kids are social, have friends and are well adjusted.

 

Peace,

Rene

[regentrude]

I was in the same situation: my gifted kids were in Middle school, not challenged in school, and after the long school day, resistant to afterschooling. I did not know any homeschoolers and was worried whether I could pull it off and whether they would be lonely.

Fast forward two years of homeschooling. DD13 has a hard time fitting all her numerous friends and social activities into her schedule. We get together with a group of other homeschoolers once a week, just to play and hang out. She sings in a children's choir which is half ps kids and half homeschool kids. She still has her best friend from school. And she rides horses and spends 15 hours per week at the barn, hanging out with the girls there, going on weekend trips to horse shows. So, she is around young people - mostly younger ones in choir, all older ones at riding, her best friend is her age - and does not feel lonely.

DS11 is an introvert; he is quite content to just come to homeschool group and see his friends once a week, and to occasionally get together with his two old friends from school for playing. He is not interested in joining homeschool PE or chess club or any of the other activities that are available for homeschoolers.

Both of my kids do not miss out on anything. They are happy and well adjusted kids who have a great childhood. They are both happier now than they were while enrolled in school.

Go for it.

[Luckymama]

:iagree: with regentrude. My (gifted) now-highschoolers spent their gradeschool years bored, with homework done during the 10 min car ride home, and with math afterschooled. We decided in January that dd10 would not face the same path. She already was bored, crying about going to school, acting out, resenting time spent afterschooling math (so I couldn't imagine adding other afterschooled subjects!). We didn't pull her out right away because there were a few things she was really looking forward to (first Science Olympiad competition, first band concert), so I used that time to plan homeschooling :)

 

It's been the absolute best decision we have ever made! I only wish I had the guts to pull my older two out when I first thought about homeschooling (ds17 was then 10yo).

 

As for social activities, dd10 is involved in the same Girl Scout troop since kindergarten, she goes to ballet three times a week, she gets together with her good friends from school. She is now involved in a few homeschooling activities like their Science Olympiad team :D, the math competition for her grade level (MOEMS--too young still for Math Counts), she's prepping for the National Mythology Exam, and she takes a few science classes each month at our local state park.

 

She also has the time to just be a kid :) She plays outside with neighborhood kids, does artwork, writes stories, all the things she liked to do before but didn't have the time for each day.

 

You can do it!

[prairiegirl]

I giggled when I read one of the reasons to keep them in school was so that they 'could be kids.' That is one of my reasons for homeschooling them. With homeschooling they can have oodles of time to 'just be kids.' They have time to play, read, play outside, explore, discover, etc. They wouldn't have this time if they were own school. I also think that school adds layers of stress onto a child that bogs them down and keeps them from 'being a kid.'

 

My children are quite social and better behaved than some of the ps kids from our church. One area that is a negative for us with hsing is that my kids do not have many friends but that is because we live out in no-man's land where there aren't any children. If we lived in town I don't think this would be an issue.

[Verity]

My middle schooler is in the gifted program in our local ps. He gets no challenges, rarely has homework, and is basically just attending a big social event every day.

 

I want to homeschool, but feed back from the peanut gallery consists of statements like "let him be a kid" and "he needs to be around his friends" and "he has to be able to make difficult choices and know how to interact with his peers." It's hard to make a stand when basically it makes you feel like you would be doing more harm than good to homeschool.

 

However, I am afterschooling with Algebra, Spanish, and now I have added science and the MCT work. Seems like it would be easier for him to be a kid if he didn't have to go to school all day and then come home and do more lessons.

 

I guess I'm just looking for someone to pump some sunshine and be my yes man and tell me that homeschooled children are socially well adjusted and that they don't "miss out on being a kid." :confused:

 

Since bringing my kids home from ps they've never been happier. I feel like they can really be kids now. Between being able to sleep in (especially for the middle schooler), less hours spent sitting at a table/desk, more freedom of choice about what we study, freedom to choose our own fieldtrips and more time for their hobbies they have never been happier!

 

My husband and I notice this all the time, kids who used to be mopey now really seem more like kids - happy and energetic. I love that the boys have more time to play as siblings and we are all closer. Homeschooling has been good for our relationship. Find yourself a homeschool group for play/fieldtrips and start enjoying! :)

[Hedgehog]

I want to homeschool, but feed back from the peanut gallery consists of statements like "let him be a kid" and "he needs to be around his friends" and "he has to be able to make difficult choices and know how to interact with his peers." It's hard to make a stand when basically it makes you feel like you would be doing more harm than good to homeschool....I guess I'm just looking for someone to pump some sunshine and be my yes man and tell me that homeschooled children are socially well adjusted and that they don't "miss out on being a kid." :confused:

 

I think most of us have to deal with naysayers for a shorter or longer period of time!

 

I've met a lot of homeschoolers over the last 7yrs (and over 5 different counties). From a social point of view, I've not noticed that they're hugely different to the PSed kids I know, except maybe the HSed ones might be a bit better at relating to different ages.

 

My DD11 has far more free time than her PSed counterparts, with the increasing homework load that kids seem to have nowadays. She does schoolwork 4 days a week, for a total of 3-4hrs a day. She's currently writing a play of Esther (the Biblical story) for the entertainment of her grandparents at Christmas, starring herself, DD9, DS5, and their two girl cousins. Quite her own idea, and done entirely by her own motivation. I would venture to say, that if she was attending PS, doing all the homework required, practising piano, and doing her 2 ballet lessons a week plus practices, there would be very little time for such interests.

 

So I would say, if you want to homeschool - go for it. I can almost guarantee that your DS will have more time "to be a kid", and provided you approach social situations positively, he won't suffer in that regard either. :001_smile:

[Granny_Weatherwax]

My gifted son was brought home in 6th grade. It was the best thing we could have done for him. He gets to study the topics that interest him, read the books he wants to and doesn't have to babysit the students who 'need help'.

 

He is in Scouts, youth group, 4H, and volunteers.

 

I think he is much happier for being homeschooled.

[Stacy in NJ]

Some of the folks that talk down the social aspect of homeschooling can usually be quieted down when you remind them of the social opportunites homeschooling offers. Get connected with local groups, attend a few meetings/activites. You'll be able to counter this argument with, .."DS loves going to XX. The kids there are fabulous."

[mom31257]

I agree with the others posters that your child will have more time to be a kid if you homeschool. This is our 6th year homeschooling and we plan to continue. Follow what you know is right for your child, not what others say. If you are concerned about the social aspect, try to find programs to be involved in. I started an enrichment co-op in our area for just that reason. We meet 8 weeks each semester, offer the classes that moms are willing to teach, and have a great time. We had 17 families and 50 kids this fall. My kids really enjoy the time with others. We go to church, so they get a lot of socialization there.

 

 

Now as far as gifted programs, what a can of worms for me! I can believe it about him not being challenged. My dh is a public school teacher and going through gifted certification right now.

 

So far, the emphasis has been all about how to get more minorities into gifted programs and nothing about actually teaching gifted. He had a whole week about how to get more girls in math and science, yet there's been nothing about how to get more boys in English or social studies? Humm? He read an article where a certain organization for minorities had asked for math scores to be left out of determining who went into gifted programs because their minority doesn't do as well in math. The article said that the organization was demanding equal numbers because there is equal giftedness. What???

 

My husband worked in private schools for years and went to public 5 years ago. He loves to teach, but the system is really messed up. It may be worse in some areas than others, but he's seen enough that I don't ever want my kids in it.

 

Sorry for the rant.

[AuntPol]

Let them be kids longer by keeping them in school? We have 2 neighbors in the same grade as my DD11. They used to be close with my DD but now that they entered middle school don't really have much in common because these girls are trying so hard to be "cool" and fit in with the other kids. Everything they liked just this past summer is now "babyish" and "boring."

 

I am a Preteen Sunday School teacher and I have to say I am not impressed with the behavior of many of the public school kids in my class or in the middle and high school classes. They dress inappapropriately, act like morons, and have no real social skills except how to be mean.

[Karen in CO]

I pulled my gifted ds out of school in 7th grade. It was the best thing for him. He later went back for a year in 9th grade, but was quickly bored again. He began taking college classes in 10th grade. I had naysayers before I took him out of school, but they all politely held their comments once I did. We also all held our breath until he was accepted to the college(s) of his choice. It wasn't until that first acceptance later that we were all convinced I didn't ruin his life be taking an alternative route.

 

If and when you take him out, please don't rush to fill the void with homeschooling. GIve him a few months to adjust. Take lots of field trips and lots of trips to the library. My ds had no idea what he was interesting in when he first came home. It took him some time to find something to be passionate about and to believe that he truly excelled at things.

[Ali in OR]

Agreeing with others that if you want him to be able to just be a kid, bring him home.

 

I also want to tell you about an interesting school board meeting I went to. A middle school principal was presenting data on how his school was doing. A big push statewide here is to "close the gap" between the poor performing and high performing students. There is no incentive to help gifted students do better. A parent was wondering why there was no honors math (students can accelerate to a higher grade's math, but it is not taught with higher expectations). There is no interest at the staff level in offering such a course. Finally the principal presented testing data where they can track individual performance. He was excited that the lowest performing students improved while at his school. He noted that something to be addressed, maybe with some enrichment activities, was that kids in the top quartile in elementary school showed no growth in the middle school years.

 

This will be different in different parts of the country. I know that where I taught in CA there were honors classes in the middle school. But here, the elementary schools are strong, the high schools have honors and AP classes, but the middle schools don't offer anything to gifted students.

[lisabelle]

My ds was never recognized as gifted. In fact, since he's quiet and well-behaved it's more like he was regarded as a little bit slow. I admit, I put him in the worst possible environment--he was in a "choice" public school, one that parents have to enter a lottery to get their kids into. This school was known for its mixed-age classrooms: K, 1st-3rd, 4th-6th and 7th-8th. The classes are oversized: Each 1st-3rd grade class had 48 students and 2 teachers; each 4th-6th had 54 students and 2 teachers.

 

He did really well in 1st-3rd grade. His teachers took the time to get to know him and by the beginning of 2nd grade he was working with the 3rd graders. He was happy and challenged.

 

But everything fell apart in 4th grade. Frankly, 2 teachers with 54 students is *not* the same as 1 teacher with 27 students. The chaos in that classroom was unbearable. Ds was, as I said, regarded as a little bit slow, I think because he was overwhelmed by all the noise. He was placed in remedial math, remedial language arts. He never spoke up. When I'd peek in the classroom at the end of the day he'd have his nose in a book, trying to drown out all the noise.

 

Homeschooling has been *wonderful* for him. His writing has improved by leaps and bounds. He is constantly making connections between what he's learning and the world around him. He's taking classes at the District Homeschool Resource Center--on his FIRST Lego League team he's been named lead programmer. Shortly after starting there he was invited to join the Math Team and is doing 8th grade math there. He has the time and energy to pursue his interests--he just recently passed his General Class Amateur Radio exam.

 

There are lots of ways to make sure your child gets enough social time--ds is up and doing things at the HRS 4 days/week. He still goes back to his former public school 2x/week for Orchestra. And he joined Boy Scouts this year and LOVES it.

[plimsoll]

Forget the peanut gallery and do what's best for you and your family.

 

We pulled our son out after second grade for similar reasons. Haven't looked back once, and it only gets better as they get older. The peanut gallery continues to throw peanuts. No big deal. Someone will always have a problem with something.

 

Why limit his education to a few hours after school when he's already tired and has had enough of "school" for the day? With homeschooling you can have real school every day.

Edited November 19, 2010 by plimsoll

[lionfamily1999]

My children sleep until 8 or 8:30. Normally, they're done with work early enough to play for an hour before the local school lets out (two hours or more before the buses get here). Some days, like today, they opt to play outside in the morning and work in the afternoons.

 

Dd is home. She's stopped worrying so much about her peers and gets to learn as much as she wants without facing cruelty. Ds gets to be as wonky and crazy as he wants without getting picked on. Youngest ds gets to wear his cape while he works without fear.

 

My kids are good. They're sweet. They have friends, good friends. They can be silly and young and happy and there is no one here to tear them down for it. They can be giving and kind without having to stand against peer pressure. Sure, one day they'll have to face down bullies again, one day they'll have to choose between what is right and what is cool, but for now they get to be themselves, they get to be kids and they get to learn about the world around them while they're at it.

[prairie rose]

Forget the peanut gallery and do what's best for you and your family.

 

:iagree: Around here, the peanut gallery doesn't get a vote. ;)

[HSMom2One]

Some of the folks that talk down the social aspect of homeschooling can usually be quieted down when you remind them of the social opportunites homeschooling offers. Get connected with local groups, attend a few meetings/activites. You'll be able to counter this argument with, .."DS loves going to XX. The kids there are fabulous."

 

I agree with Stacy in NJ, it helps to accentuate the positive whenever possible. And if you have not already done so, check out a copy of TWTM from your local library. Among other wonderful information you'll find in this book, you will gain a great understanding of the issue of socialization when you read Chapter 36, The Confident Child: Socialization. The point that really got through to me was how the authors discussed peer dominated socialization vs. multi-generational socialization that is found in everyday life at home, at church, in the community, on the job, etc. The ONLY time children are in a setting that is completely made up of same-aged individuals is in the institutional school setting. How can we call that normal, and how does that prepare our students for life in the real world? Instead, the authors describe how the outcome of the school environment may only lead to a damaging dependency on the approval, direction, affection of their peers. I agree with SWB and JW in that this type of dependency is dangerous.

 

After reading this chapter of the book, you very well may find the motivation to remove your dc for ps like I did. Once you make that decision and commitment, it matters less and less what others think.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[Mommybostic]

Thanks everyone!

 

We are in a very rural area and homeschooling is a very rare thing that is almost unheard of. He could still be in scouting and his friends live reasonably close.

 

I have TWTM on my Kindle, but I wanted to finish a review of homeschooling curricula I've been reading. We did our first MCT lesson today and it was wonderful. I'm going to do Algebra and science one day, and then MCT and Spanish on alternate days, with varying things thrown in as we encounter them. He reads history on his own for enjoyment and watches most of the Discovery Channels and NatGeo. He also still plays with the LeapFrog Globe, which some may view as childish, but I think it's great.

 

I guess it just boils down to having the courage to do it. I already know the middle school enviroment is a toxic one, and our school system is pitiful. It is absolutely geared towards the weakest link, and while those children need help, why leave the strongest link out in the cold? Worse still, our sytem was recently taken over by the State, if that gives you some idea of how things were/are. The girls at this time seem to be particularly mean, and some of the habits and words that I think are circulating among his peers are quite shocking.

 

I also absolutely agree that education is a last priority, especially in the area where I live. Here it is all about being cool and playing sports and keeping open old buildings that should have been closed long ago, just because our grandpa went to school there.

 

Like I said, it's only a matter of my courage and doing what I know is right, which is usually the hardest thing to do. I really appreciate the encouraging words and I plan to let my husband read all of these posts! He's not totally against it, but he's not totally convinced, either.

[Tracy]

I was a gifted child. I always got good grades, and the lack of challenge did not appear to affect me at the time. But I have spent the rest of my life fighting what I learned in public school--that learning is and ought to be easy; that if it is hard, it is not worth it. It affected me in college, in grad school, and it continues to affect me as a homeschooling mom.

[Mommybostic]

I was a gifted child. I always got good grades, and the lack of challenge did not appear to affect me at the time. But I have spent the rest of my life fighting what I learned in public school--that learning is and ought to be easy; that if it is hard, it is not worth it. It affected me in college, in grad school, and it continues to affect me as a homeschooling mom.

 

This is where my thoughts are now. It was easy, and so I had no study skills and NO concept of time management. This made college a near impossibility, though I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person. My thought is that homeschooling delegates a lot of the responsibility to the kids, especially the older ones, because they are working indepedently in many cases and so are learning to prioritize and not procrastinate (a great flaw in my personality, btw!) I want him to be a THINKER, not a MEMORIZER. Therein lies the main issue of the public school system, in my humble opinion. Memorize facts for a test and then forget them. This is not an effective way to learn, and especially not an effective way to retain any information, as I learned to my sorrow.:crying:

[smilesonly]

subbing here as i can greatly relate, but am crazy tired and emotionally exhausted after listening to a new hsing mom at my dd's BB practice tell me a horrid story of the bullying her dd put up with for 2 yrs at school, before giving hsing a try two weeks ago.

whew-onehelluvalongsentence.:glare:

[smilesonly]

My middle schooler is in the gifted program in our local ps. He gets no challenges, rarely has homework, and is basically just attending a big social event every day.

 

I want to homeschool, but feed back from the peanut gallery consists of statements like "let him be a kid" and "he needs to be around his friends" and "he has to be able to make difficult choices and know how to interact with his peers."

I guess I'm just looking for someone to pump some sunshine and be my yes man and tell me that homeschooled children are socially well adjusted and that they don't "miss out on being a kid." :confused:

 

I did hs my dd K-5th and put her into a brick and mortar building aka middle school for 6th and half of 7th(she chose to come back home). Her experience was much like what you describe. There was no real learning taking place. So much so, that when we gave her placement tests to determine where to stick her in with L.A. and Math-after being in the "gifted" system for 1 and 1/2 yrs-she placed exactly right back to the very place she had left off in August before her 6th grade year.

 

In her own opinion, she wanted to come back home as there was nothing new to learn, except how to get/do drugs and have s*x. Oh-and which brands of clothes were acceptable and which were not.;)

 

As for the comment about letting him be a kid-I really am not understanding what that statement means. If someone is saying that, they obviously haven't visited a middle school in decades! Older teachers will be the first to say that kids these days are so grown up, as it is reflected in how they dress and how they choose to spend their free time. Imo-the exception would be the way they talk(slang and really, cripted slang at that!) and what they choose to read-which I find a double edged sword. A lot of what a typical ps middle school child will read has the reading level of a 4th grader, but subject wise it is college(adult).

 

Socialization is a joke. Saying he needs to be around his friends is very valid. But does that mean he needs to be around them 35+ hrs per week? Frankly, to be around this same age peers for that long will zap any ability to authentically display true social skills out of a child!

 

Yes, he absolutely does need to be able to make difficult decisions regarding his peers. Again, in my expereince-there aren't too many kids this age that are strong enough to think for themselves when up against intense peer pressure. NONE of these kids are truly thinking for themselves-most base their decisions on what will be acceptable to their peers. My response to this statement would be that I want my dc to be able to make difficult choices with ALL people regardless of their age. And, a child is not able to do this when the majority of his time is spent with his same age peers. I mean really, does anyone need to be around others for 35+hrs to be able to discern what is the right thing to do and what isn't?

 

I don't mean to brag here, but when my(previously homeschooled!) dc entered the PS system, teachers young and old ALL commented on the exceptional social skills my dc had. Remembering that most kids behave better when around others;), I usually responded with a smile and gracious comment. What drove my dd crazy and was a huge factor in her begging to come home, was the utter LACK of respect, kindness, compassion, empathy, sympathy, generosity and basic manners the kids showed to both teachers and other kids. An ex: dd sat next to a boy in the "gifted" math class. She often described him as being very smart, but performing way below his intellectual ability and very disrespectful toward the teacher. Oh, this kid was always a distraction, too-often taking up a good chunk of class time with his lack of decent behavior. One day the teacher was announcing to the class whose assignments she still had not received, and this boy had 44 missing assignments. He "high-fived" the boy across the isle and was in a constant state of snickering for the remainder of class-with many disrespectful remarks aimed at the teacher. Once out in the hallway, dd said he was proud of himself as he was close to his record of missing assignments and went on to call this teacher every name under the sun. That was just one of the many examples of the great social influence she received while attending school.;)

 

But a warning! Do not think for one moment that just because a kid is homeschooled, they will have great social skills and be a great influence on your own child! Improperly socialized kids are in homeschool groups, church youth groups, and your own neighborhood-everywhere! I will be the first to admit that my kids have been at the receiving end of some horrid kids while attending our homeschooling group's functions.

 

In a homeschool group(ours is large as we live in a medium-sized city) you will have your own set of problems too-politics with the parents, judgments regarding what curricula you use and how your kid dresses, cliques abound,division based on what church you belong to-or don't, etc..

 

Now as far as gifted programs, what a can of worms for me! I can believe it about him not being challenged. My dh is a public school teacher and going through gifted certification right now.

 

So far, the emphasis has been all about how to get more minorities into gifted programs and nothing about actually teaching gifted. He had a whole week about how to get more girls in math and science, yet there's been nothing about how to get more boys in English or social studies? Humm? He read an article where a certain organization for minorities had asked for math scores to be left out of determining who went into gifted programs because their minority doesn't do as well in math. The article said that the organization was demanding equal numbers because there is equal giftedness. What???

 

My husband worked in private schools for years and went to public 5 years ago. He loves to teach, but the system is really messed up. It may be worse in some areas than others, but he's seen enough that I don't ever want my kids in it.

 

Sorry for the rant.

 

I'm thankful for your "rant!";) Just...Wow. That may explain the lack of education my dd received while in these "gifted" classes.

 

Forget the peanut gallery and do what's best for you and your family.

 

We pulled our son out after second grade for similar reasons. Haven't looked back once, and it only gets better as they get older. The peanut gallery continues to throw peanuts. No big deal. Someone will always have a problem with something.

 

Why limit his education to a few hours after school when he's already tired and has had enough of "school" for the day? With homeschooling you can have real school every day.

 

I totally agree!! Someone will ALWAYS have a beef with our own decsions about how we are raising our kids. I'm not really concerned about what others think when on the topic of my kids. Don't get me wrong here, I am far from perfect and my kids are far from perfect-but the basic life decisions regarding our kids and the following consequences, will be placed neatly in my and my husband's lap-and to a great degree-our kids, too. The "peanut gallery" will be long gone, or at least a small whisper.

 

[quote name=lionfamily1999;2193043

 

Dd is home. She's stopped worrying so much about her peers and gets to learn as much as she wants without facing cruelty. Ds gets to be as wonky and crazy as he wants without getting picked on. Youngest ds gets to wear his cape while he works without fear.

 

My kids are good. They're sweet. They have friends' date=' good friends. They can be silly and young and happy and there is no one here to tear them down for it. They can be giving and kind without having to stand against peer pressure. Sure, one day they'll have to face down bullies again, one day they'll have to choose between what is right and what is cool, but for now they get to be themselves, they get to be kids and they get to learn about the world around them while they're at it.

 

Yes and yes!!

 

We are in a very rural area and homeschooling is a very rare thing that is almost unheard of. He could still be in scouting and his friends live reasonably close.

 

That is plenty of social interaction and that his friends live nearby is (hopefully) a bonus!

 

If it's any comfort, my dh is considered profoundly gifted, teaches college, and relishes in sitting on the floor and building legos and doing puzzles maybe more than our kids do! And our Wii? Dh was definitely WAY more excited than the kids when we first got it.:D

 

Like I said, it's only a matter of my courage and doing what I know is right, which is usually the hardest thing to do. I really appreciate the encouraging words and I plan to let my husband read all of these posts! He's not totally against it, but he's not totally convinced, either.

 

Husbands are usually slower to come around to homeschooling than us moms. There are exceptions,and there are some awesome articles (and books) that would appeal to a dad who is hesitant about homeschooling. I suggest you ask over in the "General homeschooling" forum for direction to some of these articles.

 

Good luck with your decision!!

[Capt_Uhura]

AFter reading what you wrote below, I think you have your answer. :001_smile:

 

I spent the summer trying not to think about HSing. August finally came and I had to make a decision. I was physically ill. I couldn't sleep. I was a mess. I was cranky. I filled out the intent to HS form and dropped it. That first day of school, the bus came and went. The decision had been made. That was 3yrs ago. My son is now a 5th grader. I watched my son go unchallenged for years, I saw the toll it took on him. He never learned to be bored as everyone suggested. He just internalized it and developed stomach aches and headaches. HSing is not that common in my district. There are very few. But I did find one family that matched ours and our kids play together 3-4x per week and do we field trips together.

 

I'm not feeling well and my thoughts just flew out the window......

 

 

Thanks everyone!

 

We are in a very rural area and homeschooling is a very rare thing that is almost unheard of. He could still be in scouting and his friends live reasonably close.

 

I guess it just boils down to having the courage to do it. I already know the middle school enviroment is a toxic one, and our school system is pitiful. It is absolutely geared towards the weakest link, and while those children need help, why leave the strongest link out in the cold? Worse still, our sytem was recently taken over by the State, if that gives you some idea of how things were/are. The girls at this time seem to be particularly mean, and some of the habits and words that I think are circulating among his peers are quite shocking.

 

Like I said, it's only a matter of my courage and doing what I know is right, which is usually the hardest thing to do. I really appreciate the encouraging words and I plan to let my husband read all of these posts! He's not totally against it, but he's not totally convinced, either.

[Tracy]

Socialization is a joke. Saying he needs to be around his friends is very valid. But does that mean he needs to be around them 35+ hrs per week? Frankly, to be around this same age peers for that long will zap any ability to authentically display true social skills out of a child!

 

Yes, he absolutely does need to be able to make difficult decisions regarding his peers. Again, in my expereince-there aren't too many kids this age that are strong enough to think for themselves when up against intense peer pressure. NONE of these kids are truly thinking for themselves-most base their decisions on what will be acceptable to their peers. My response to this statement would be that I want my dc to be able to make difficult choices with ALL people regardless of their age. And, a child is not able to do this when the majority of his time is spent with his same age peers. I mean really, does anyone need to be around others for 35+hrs to be able to discern what is the right thing to do and what isn't?

 

I highly recommend reading Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Then Peers by Gordon Neufeld. It is not a book about homeschooling but very relevent to homeschoolers nonetheless.

[AuntPol]

But a warning! Do not think for one moment that just because a kid is homeschooled, they will have great social skills and be a great influence on your own child! Improperly socialized kids are in homeschool groups, church youth groups, and your own neighborhood-everywhere! I will be the first to admit that my kids have been at the receiving end of some horrid kids while attending our homeschooling group's functions.

 

In a homeschool group(ours is large as we live in a medium-sized city) you will have your own set of problems too-politics with the parents, judgments regarding what curricula you use and how your kid dresses, cliques abound,division based on what church you belong to-or don't, etc..

 

 

I agree. We've had luck with most of the girls but not much luck on the boy end. It seems most of the boys of my son's age in our group go to a different church and they are just ill-behaved. One think could be okay if he was separated from the pack. He's Aspergers like my son though and this child is particularly easily influenced. One is a major bully and I seem to be the only one that sees it. He completely controls the first kid. The third is just always bored, never wants to do anything but play his video games, never puts effort in anything, no interests, etc. Then we have one child that does go to our church and I swear he's undiagnosed ODD/CD but not quite a sociopath (but is always the perfect angel when his mother is around). We have a true sociopath masquerading under the austistic label in our swordfighting class but most of the others are great (just live too far away). We have two boys I really like in our support group but they do not do the co-op and so we rarely see them. I've joined a second group that has more boys and they seem pretty normal but we've only been to two things. They are slow in socializing. My son had to make all the moves to get things going. Same with the moms. The first time they only talked to me if I initiate and the time I got there first at sat down, they sat somewhere else and ignored me. There seemed to be two groups- a mother clique and the rest of the moms sat by themselves and put themselves in unapproachable positions (reading, grading, on the phone, on a laptop, etc). It was frustrating. We haven't gone back in a few weeks but today will be our third try.

[Allearia]

This is the reason we are homeschooling - my son was so advanced that he would be going to school exclusively for "socialization" and getting his real education at home after school. He went to preschool but since kindergarten we have been homeschooling. He loves it and never wants to go to school. I always have doubts (Still!!!) because he is so social and loves to play with kids and is great at it. But he loves having time for learning all the stuff he wouldn't at school. Sometimes we look up what he would be doing at his actual age/grade level and it looks so boring! At home he has time for Chemistry, Latin, Spanish, History, which he would not study at school for many years if ever.

 

If you already have the scouts and friends then you will be ahead of the game. Depending how old he is you could look into community college classes soon if there is one nearby, or some online classes if that is in the budget. But he could keep involved in scouts, and it will be some work but you can make sure the friendships are kept up. You could commit to the end of the year. If you change your mind the school will still be there.

 

It will be scary, and you will continue to have doubts. I will tell you that up front because if you want your decision to feel right and to absolutely sure, that may not happen. You may continue to worry about socialization, in which case reading the book Hold Onto Your Kids will help or talking to the parents on this board. But if you jump in with both feet, get comfortable (you already have some curriculum you are working on, that is a huge head start!) you will feel better and better about it.

 

It will turn out great. Your son will be able to move as fast as he wants, spend time on his projects, and because he is not wasting all that time at school he will have more time to be a kid. As you get more confident you will see the family benefits. Reading WTM and implementing some of those ideas will let you see the wonderful custom education your son can have at home.

[smilesonly]

I highly recommend reading Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Then Peers by Gordon Neufeld. It is not a book about homeschooling but very relevent to homeschoolers nonetheless.

 

Read it. Loved it. Heavily bookmarked it. :D

 

I agree. We've had luck with most of the girls but not much luck on the boy end. It seems most of the boys of my son's age in our group go to a different church and they are just ill-behaved. One think could be okay if he was separated from the pack. He's Aspergers like my son though and this child is particularly easily influenced. One is a major bully and I seem to be the only one that sees it. He completely controls the first kid. The third is just always bored, never wants to do anything but play his video games, never puts effort in anything, no interests, etc. Then we have one child that does go to our church and I swear he's undiagnosed ODD/CD but not quite a sociopath (but is always the perfect angel when his mother is around). We have a true sociopath masquerading under the austistic label in our swordfighting class but most of the others are great (just live too far away). We have two boys I really like in our support group but they do not do the co-op and so we rarely see them. I've joined a second group that has more boys and they seem pretty normal but we've only been to two things. They are slow in socializing. My son had to make all the moves to get things going. Same with the moms. The first time they only talked to me if I initiate and the time I got there first at sat down, they sat somewhere else and ignored me. There seemed to be two groups- a mother clique and the rest of the moms sat by themselves and put themselves in unapproachable positions (reading, grading, on the phone, on a laptop, etc). It was frustrating. We haven't gone back in a few weeks but today will be our third try.

 

Yeah, that sounds like a nightmare!:grouphug:

I will say, that the ole cliche, "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" strongly applies to bullies and cliques. Sadly, the worse personal violations our family has endured have come from the Christian community-and yes, we are Christians.

This sort of thing is just rampant.Yuck.

[HSMom2One]

We are in a very rural area and homeschooling is a very rare thing that is almost unheard of. He could still be in scouting and his friends live reasonably close.

 

Four years ago when we started hs'ing our dd, we were the only family we were aware of in this rural community that was doing it. I felt very isolated, but was still determined to do what I knew was best for my child. We eventually found another hs family and have forged a close friendship with them, even starting a small co-op for science and art classes. This past summer I learned that there is a growing number of hs families in our community, and that they have actually formed a group. Our town is quite small, so I was surprised. Some of the families in the group are still linked to the ps through k12 and other programs that are available, but others (like us) want to hs independently. All in all, the group has mostly younger children and my dd is not interested in participating.

 

I guess I'm sharing this to point out that there just may be others under the radar that are hs'ing in your community and you have not met them yet. The majority of the population in our town is very PRO ps to the point that you don't fit in unless you have that connection. Yet still, underneath the surface, there are families like ours that want more for their dc. Many hs families are just private about what they are doing, not willing to be "out there" going against the flow of the community norm. My guess is that after you've been hs'ing for awhile, you too will discover the same as I did.

 

FWIW,

Lucinda

[nd293]

I feel dd10 spends so much more time "being a child" than she ever would in school. School work is quicker and more efficient at home. Her time is not filled with empty social acitivities, but rather with the specific ones she chooses to be part of (specific friends or activities that interest her). I don't think there's any way to quiet the critics until you start (and possibly even not then). Finding out about homeschooling in your area ("there are x homeschooling families in our area and these are the types of social activities on offer") might help, but in the end it will be about how you and you son find he experience. Dd settled into homeschooling quicker than I did, I think!

 

Nikki