Withdrawing a former book recommendation

[8filltheheart]

I had posted a few weeks ago that I had purchased Keys for Writers at our local library book sale. It is a college handbook and I have been going through the pointers with my 11th grader. As of today, however, the book is being trashed. (glad I only paid 50 cents for it!!)

 

For the last couple of weeks it had been building up writing a well-researched and documented paper. Today we actually reached the example. After reading the first 5 paragraphs, we closed the book and discussed how that is the perfect example of how NOT to write. :tongue_smilie:

 

The thesis was that vegan diets are safe for children. The first 2 paragraphs developing the thesis were actually well written. The 3rd paragraph, however, discussed motivations for vegan diets. The 4th paragraph continued to develop the moral reason for vegan diets. The 5th paragraph focused on celebrities that are vegans and how some won't wear anything but synthetics.

 

I am thrilled that my dd is as grounded in proper writing techniques as she is. She looked at me as soon as we hit the 3rd paragraph and stated that she believed the writer had gone off topic. By the time we hit the wardrobe of celebrities, she said, "Well, mom, they have now demonstrated how not to write a paper that supports your thesis!" We didn't read the entire paper b/c it was not worth wasting our time. But, even my 6th grader knows that that topic required information on nutrition not wardrobe!!!:tongue_smilie:

 

Yikes!!! I cannot believe that paper is used as an example for students. It is absolutely shameful! I would be embarrassed if I produced a student that actually wrote that way! I can't imagine a publisher embracing it! :confused:

[Guest]

Sometimes a book like this can be a great teaching tool, even better than one with exemplary papers that seem so seamless you can't quite figure out how they did it.

 

When I teach poetry I often use the man widely considered the world's worst poet, William McGonagall (the lone dissenting voice would appear to be his own). He wrote volumes of poetry during the Victorian period, many centering on disasters such as the collapse of bridges, train crashes, etc. He was quite serious but his poetry is absolutely ludicrous, and I use it to talk about the problems with rhythm and meter that are too predictable and consistent, repetition, and showing vs. telling.

 

The essay you describe sounds very useful in a similar way.

[PeterPan]

And just in case anyone needs a little levity this evening, here's a bit by Mr. M... :)

 

The Tay Bridge Disaster

 

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!

Alas! I am very sorry to say

That ninety lives have been taken away

On the last Sabbath day of 1879,

Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

 

'Twas about seven o'clock at night,

And the wind it blew with all its might,

And the rain came pouring down,

And the dark clouds seem'd to frown,

And the Demon of the air seem'd to say-

"I'll blow down the Bridge of Tay."

 

When the train left Edinburgh

The passengers' hearts were light and felt no sorrow,

But Boreas blew a terrific gale,

Which made their hearts for to quail,

And many of the passengers with fear did say-

"I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay."

 

But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,

Boreas he did loud and angry bray,

And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay

On the last Sabbath day of 1879,

Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

 

So the train sped on with all its might,

And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sight,

And the passengers' hearts felt light,

Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,

With their friends at home they lov'd most dear,

And wish them all a happy New Year.

 

So the train mov'd slowly along the Bridge of Tay,

Until it was about midway,

Then the central girders with a crash gave way,

And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!

The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,

Because ninety lives had been taken away,

On the last Sabbath day of 1879,

Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

 

As soon as the catastrophe came to be known

The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,

And the cry rang out all o'er the town,

Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,

And a passenger train from Edinburgh,

Which fill'd all the peoples hearts with sorrow,

And made them for to turn pale,

Because none of the passengers were sav'd to tell the tale

How the disaster happen'd on the last Sabbath day of 1879,

Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

 

It must have been an awful sight,

To witness in the dusky moonlight,

While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,

Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,

Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,

I must now conclude my lay

By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,

That your central girders would not have given way,

At least many sensible men do say,

Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,

At least many sensible men confesses,

For the stronger we our houses do build,

The less chance we have of being killed.

[Kendall]

What a riot! I've never heard of his poetry, I guess for good reason. Thanks for sharing.

[Rhonda in TX]

A

I must now conclude my lay

By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,

That your central girders would not have given way,

At least many sensible men do say,

Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,

At least many sensible men confesses,

For the stronger we our houses do build,

The less chance we have of being killed.

[/i]

 

Oh, my word! So horrible it's hysterical! :lol: (although I do feel bad laughing about such a tragedy)

[lionfamily1999]

Awww, I hope that poet got a few pats on the head :lol:

 

That was pretty bad.

[8filltheheart]

Oh, my word! So horrible it's hysterical! :lol: (although I do feel bad laughing about such a tragedy)

 

:iagree: :lol::tongue_smilie: