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Home for the weekend?


Blue Hen
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My DS lives less than 30 min from home and we have dropped off water/juice/futon/rug in different trips. DS came home for a few hours on one Saturday but we've kept our contact to short drop-offs and then only when he has asked for a specific item. This past Saturday DS called and asked if we could stop by and stay awhile cause....

 

"I really like you guys and would like to spend some time with you."

 

Music to my ears since this DS last winter and spring was constantly spewing venom at me, wanting to get away and on his own.

 

Oh, we took him out to eat.

 

Today DS called me. He has a rough week ahead with 2 major tests, a 10pp report for English and a computer program project all due on Thursday. Tonight he realized he lost his calculator too.

 

He asked if he could come home for the weekend. It's going to be parents weekend but DS said he just wants to get away and be someplace where it isn't stressful. On the one hand I'm happy that he sees that as 'home.' On the other hand I'm wondering if he should stay there at school. Once at school I never came home, never wanted to. So I don't know whether I should push DS to stay at school or let him come home for the weekend. Sure could use some wise advice!

 

Carole

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I think it's wonderful that he wants to spend time with you! It sounds like he is doing just fine socially, but just needs some time away from from the pressure, and someplace quiet (?) to study.

 

I would definitely encourage him to come home for Parent's Weekend if he'd rather not do the family activities there. It sounds like he doesn't feel like he has time for them anyway. If he stays, he will be terribly homesick when he sees his friends with their families.

 

Have a great weekend with your son!

 

Blessings,

GardenMom

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Said in the nicest, gentlest way possible . . . I think you're overthinking this. They way you did things in college was your preference--your ds is a different person with different preferences and ideas. I say let him come home as often as he wants and don't fuss unless his grades are suffering or he's sick.

 

FWIW I went home for weekends all the time in college. It was 3 1/2 hour drive--lots of students considered it an easy trip home and back.

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My DS likes to come home to unwind as well. I think he sees home as a more stress-free environment than school. If your ds feels the need to come home, he may really need the peace/stability that he feels home offers. I always go with "whatever you think you need to do".

 

Are you worried that he needs to spend the weekend studying instead of socializing with the family?

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Parents weekend is about when my children have needed a break from college. We get a campsite and they come camp with us. That way, they get a break from campus life but can still show up at the required events. I think probably parents' weekend is scheduled now because it is normal for families to need to be together about now. : ) I wouldn't worry about it. Even my 23yo, who lived on his own for awhile before college, was glad to get away about now.

-nan

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I wasn't a student too long ago (on-campus, older student) and I remember going absolutely stir-crazy when I was on campus too long. Those four walls in my dorm room got mighty small at times. I felt like the proverbial hamster in the wheel.

 

Though I didn't have parents nearby, I did have two "older" friends (couples in their 30's) nearby who were kind enough to let me stay in their guest bedrooms in their homes. Both families had pools which I could use. And real adult conversation! A peaceful environment! Maybe a playful dog or a fluffy kitty!

 

Consider that your son just needs a change of scenery and home, to him, is like a cozy inn with a very caring host and hostess.

Edited by distancia
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your ds is a different person with different preferences and ideas

 

Thank you for the reminder. He is a totally different person than me, and raised totally different too.

 

It is sooooo nice to hear everyones thoughts too and to gain perspective on this.

 

Carole

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Are you worried that he needs to spend the weekend studying instead of socializing with the family?

 

No, that isn't it. I'm actually concerned that he has been so focused on studying that he hasn't socialized on the weekends. Home is less-stressed and quiet compared to dorm-life :)

 

It will be nice to have him home.

 

Carole

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A peaceful environment! Maybe a playful dog or a fluffy kitty!

 

Consider that your son just needs a change of scenery and home, to him, is like a cozy inn with a very caring host and hostess.

 

We have 2 large dogs and DS has expressed missing them. He even had me bring the Leonberger by one day for him to see :)

 

You're right, home is cozy with nice quiet spaces.

 

Thanks!

 

Carole

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Carole, when my oldest was a teen we constantly heard about how she couldn't wait to GET OUT! She was not nice to her sisters and had little respect for us. We helped her move out at 19 to house sit for her grandparents (15 minutes away). She accused us of kicking her out :confused:. Suddenly she was super nice and caring to the family. It was like the alien which had possessed her had moved out and our real girl had reappeared.

 

Enjoy your weekend!

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We have 2 large dogs and DS has expressed missing them. He even had me bring the Leonberger by one day for him to see :)

 

You're right, home is cozy with nice quiet spaces.

 

Thanks!

 

Carole

 

That's sweet! My ds keeps trying to convince me that he could have a little lap dog in his dorm/apartments. He truly misses having Lucy in his lap while he studies. Actually Lucy is getting quite spoiled because all the boys want her in the mornings:tongue_smilie:

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My dd comes home basically every weekend. Why wouldn't she. School is where she stays during the week to accomodate her school/ work schedule. Home is where she lives, where her siblings, parents and dogs are. Home is where she can be herself, let her hair down, relax. School is where she WORKS and WORKS hard.

She was homeschooled her whole life...why would I cut her off from her home the minute she was old enough to attend college??

 

My oldest came home most weekends

 

My ds goes to college and commutes from home.

 

I guess I just don't get it. Why would there even be a question?? Is your son a problen to your other kids? On drugs? abusive...then no, I wouldn't let him back home unless he was repentant and willing to go by my rules...BUT if he is just a college kid who wants to come home and get a break from campus life...why would you even consider saying no? Being 18 doesn't make you an adult...and a teenager still needs their family and parents to love them and welcome them home.

 

I am not trying to be snarky...I just am not quite sure I understand the problem.

 

Faithe

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Dog was huge for our son. She was his dog and he'd slept with her for years. Leaving her was probably almost the hardest part about going to college. This is how we wound up camping, that first year - dogs can go to campgrounds. This last family weekend, he slept in his apartment one of the nights, but he snuck the dog in. It still makes me tear up to think about the two of them.

 

I will never, ever forget how heavenly it was to come home from college to my parents' quiet house, with its wooden floors and antiques and orientals and the winter sunlight streaming in. It didn't stink. My cat was so soft. All the chaos and pressure of school was far away. I just wanted to sit in the sun on the rug with the kitty and soak up the silence.

 

-Nan

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I had a chinchilla, a fish, and a crayfish in the dorms. A chinchilla was my mother's counter suggestion when my father suggested that I would enjoy a monkey (he went to high school in Panama). He used to steal my pencils and run back and forth inside the radiator with them, bumping them along. At one point, I had a baby squirrel living in my backpack for a few days, but the man who ran our dorms persuaded me to give it to him to give to his brother who had raised baby squirrels before and released them back into the wild. As an adult, I am amazed at his knowledgableness and kindness. Thank goodness I was in his dorm. It is really difficult for people who grew up with animals to live in dorms without them. I think I lasted about two weeks before I aquired a kitten when I moved off campus.

-Nan

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I will never, ever forget how heavenly it was to come home from college to my parents' quiet house, with its wooden floors and antiques and orientals and the winter sunlight streaming in. It didn't stink. My cat was so soft. All the chaos and pressure of school was far away. I just wanted to sit in the sun on the rug with the kitty and soak up the silence.

 

I think this is how my ds feels as well. Home is peaceful, smells of good food, has lots of lap animals, and plenty of brothers to wrestle with.

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