:( Anyone ever use school work as a punishment?

[Excelsior! Academy]

Okay. So I am up for the Mom of the year award.

 

My dd11 has been having a bit of an attitude lately. We've been cracking down and being more consistant. Well this morning when I told her to get up for the nth time she batted an empty gumball machine across the room and hit the opposite wall. It made a loud noise, but I honestly don't think she realized she threw it that hard. (She is not an agressive type person, really!)

 

Well, before I could think it through I said, "Okay, 2 math lessons today." The thing is she really does not like math right now. I do believe she needed some type of discipline, but I am thinking loss of MP3 or dishes, etc. Is it horrible that I gave her extra school work?

[Myrtle]

If my kid had a physically violent response to a request he'd be dealing with more than just a few extra assignments.

 

The mitigating "I didn't mean to do it that

hard" is the defense of every abuser out there. The majority of the people in prison say "ooops."

 

I'm not saying we'd rush off into expensive therapy, but I'd be doing a lot of soul searching and thinking about the bigger picture and other changes other than giving an extra assignment.

 

There is a child down the street from me that was expelled from school (sixth grade) for having a violent tantrum. I'm sure he didn't intend the consequences of what he did either. I'm just saying, many people in society treat this as a more serious issue than "giving the kid some extra assignments" at this age.

[Tammyla]

School work is school work, not a punishment. I can't say I haven't been tempted. Discipline is not part of our lessons, even if in my heart I know they would hate it. kwim? My feelings are that it would back fire somewhere down the road. Lessons are for learning.

 

I hope you have a better rest of the day. (((Hugs)))

[Joanne]

I've found that unrelated imposed punishment is counter - in the long run - to my goals as a parent and family manager.

 

Throwing an item at a part of the house is a lack of respect for property. Therefore my consequence would include *respect for property".

 

The gumball machine, of course, would be gone.

 

And I'd probably find a part of the house/wall that needs cleaning or repair.

 

No, I don't use school as punishment. But "everything else" including breaks, fun, or food will wait until school is done in an age appropriate, acceptable manner.

[Serendipity]

{{{EA and daughter}}}

 

You're not the first mom to give schoolwork as a punishment, and you won't be the last.

 

I think the discipline could take the form of getting herself out of bed in a timely manner or she makes everyone else's beds.

 

It's okay to take back the extra math work.

 

Is she getting to bed early enough?

[Excelsior! Academy]

She didn't say she didn't mean to do it. Her eyes just got big. She just moved it out of the way by batting it and it hit the wall. Still NOT okay! But I really don't think it is indicative to an underlying problem.

 

I feel like I should follow through, but I think the cleaning the walls and making beds sounds like a good idea for any issues that may arise in the future. I really needed the hugs, even the virtual ones. Thank you!

 

She gets to bed early. Getting to sleep is a whole 'nuther issue!

[Serendipity]

Our almost 10 year old dd had a lot of trouble getting to sleep a couple of months ago, so we increased her physical activity during the day and limit usage of electronic devices an hour before bed time...which we pushed back to 9:30PM instead of 8:30PM.

 

However, even though she is up by 7:30AM, she is able to better concentrate on schoolwork in the afternoon, rather than in the morning.

 

more Hugs...

 

Edited to add: No video games, movies, or computer an hour before bedtime.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have spoken in haste. It is ok (and does not erode your authority unless you do it all the time) to say, "You know, I've had some time to think about what happened this morning. You were wrong to ignore me when I asked you to get up the FIRST time. And you were wrong to try to brush me off when I kept repeating my request. But I think the consequence of two math lessons is not the best consequence I could have come up with. Because you did not obey, the consequence will be ____________." Then, in my opinion, I would work on having first time obedience. She is 11, so she may respond better too, to having an alarm clock in her room that she is required to "obey" the first time it rings. You would need to set it together at night, and forbid her from changing the wake-up time! If you think the issue is simply one of obedience (you did mention having "issues" with her lately) then this is probably good enough. But if she really does need more sleep, I would (at a later time) sit down with her and discuss what needs to be done about it - an earlier bedtime? a slightly later wake-up time? Sleep is an important health need!

[Excelsior! Academy]

Thank you Jean in Newcastle. I think that will work. They do have an alarm clock in their room, but it manages to get unplugged occasionally. Hmmmm. Little elves?

[PariSarah]

I've found that unrelated imposed punishment is counter - in the long run - to my goals as a parent and family manager.

 

Same here. I have used extra schoolwork or chores as a consequence only for a school- or chore-related problem (lying about having finished an assignment, doing a chore sloppily so that he can go play basketball, whatever). But I wouldn't have done it in the situation you (OP) described. I would have stuck to property and respect issues.

 

(And, for what it's worth, I don't ask ds to do anything N times. I ask him a maximum of twice, and then I make his life very, very uncomfortable.)

 

That said, I don't think you've ruined her for life! :p And what I'd do is not necessarily what would work best for your family. Now that you're not in the thick of things, you might sit down and brainstorm ways to deal with bad behavior, and maybe a priority list of behaviors you want to work on. Having a plan, being intentional about how you parent and why, can help you make choices you can really feel good about.

[Plaid Dad]

I have used copywork as a punishment once or twice - the text to be copied being a pointed commentary on the behavior in question.

[Stephanie in FL]

No. I don't want them to think or learn that education is a punishment.

 

I find that good physical labor does the trick. Depending what situation had occurred determined what work they had to do. My oldest son did something similar to your child when he was younger, except he damaged the wall. First, the object that he took his anger out on was thrown away. Second, he had to pay for and repair the damage to the wall. This took some time on dh's part to properly teach ds how to repair a large hole in the wall, but it needed to be done. I mentioned he had to pay for the materials to repair the damage (restitution), this required him to work other than his required chores.

 

I will say that we have implemented both, the physical labor and taking away privileges or personal items for our other children as well and it seems to work.

[PariSarah]

. . .she may respond better too, to having an alarm clock in her room that she is required to "obey" the first time it rings.

 

That's a very, very good idea. Transferring the authority to a neutral object works wonders around here, too.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I am quite happy to assign extra school work for bad attitudes, sloppy work, or saying something was complete when it wasn't. These are assignments that fall more into natural consequences. (You said you were done and you're not, well you will do all the assigned math before you have any free time. Your work was sloppy so you will now have extra assignments to practice on.) I have even assigned copy work as a consequence, especially for reporting work complete that wasn't. (It is much easier to just do the Latin right the first time than have to write a Latin prayer 50 times.)

 

But I agree with others that there doesn't seem to be a clear connection between the extra math assignment and the actions of your dd. I think that giving her an opportunity to practice obedience (perhaps while cleaning a bathroom) would be good. You could give her each individual step and have her report completion and ask for the next task.