mixednuts Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 I just put my 12yo ds in ps this year and it's been ok other than his personality has changed dramatically. He's constantly sarcastic and joking around. it really gets old and dh doesn't think it's too funny at all. I can over look some of it but then it's exhausting. when i'm serious and trying to tell him to be respectful or stop running his mouth, he just stands there with this look on his face like i have 3 heads and that he just can't believe that i'm telling him this. i actually think he believes that our family revolves around his happiness. i hate to say it but he drains me.. then i feel guilty because i don't want him to be unhappy. i realize that he is going through a huge transition mentally and physically but i don't know how to get through this. and my husband on the other hand, just gets mad. i feel like i'm the referee alot of times between them. can anyone relate? is there a bible study maybe that i would be good for his age that me or my husband could do with him? sometimes i think this has been a huge mistake putting him in school. but, then again, i don't blame the ps it's just that i don't have alot of time with him. he's gone all the time between school and sports. no time for anything else. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennifersLost Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 I've had to deal with several variations of this problem. When my 13 yo/now 14 yo went to ps he got very sarcastic, etc, too. I had to tell him a bunch of times that I'm not 14 and I'm not his friend - I'm his mom. If he pushes it too far he gets in trouble - loses computer time, etc. It will be interesting to see how this goes when he starts homeschooling again in two weeks. My 10 yo is challenging me right now because he is getting very sloppy with his work, very hard on all our stuff, and has a lot of attitude, too. He would be miserable if we pulled him out of school, but boy am I tempted these days. I hope you get some good advice I can follow, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam "SFSOM" in TN Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Your problem is you don't want him to be unhappy. Trust me, a little "unhappy" is very, very good thing for a mouthy 12 y/o boy. :) (Edited to make sure you know that I was totally joking with the phrase "your problem." Which wasn't probably very funny. :P) Make a plan with your dh and stick to it. If your dh gets mad at your son, step aside and let him parent. (Unless he's being truly abusive, of course.) Men can generally put their finger right on it when a boy is getting too big for his britches. Sounds like he needs to be a lot more unhappy when he oversteps. And at the same time, find things about his jokes that you like when it's appropriate and turn the tables on him and be more joking yourself. It's apparent that he is comfortable with dishing out "joking," so it's likely he'll be good with "taking" it. Not sarcasm, but being as lighthearted as possible while showing what the boundaries are. 12 y/o's still desperately want to please us. Make sure he DOES please you much of the time. Set him up to succeed just like you did when he was 3. Give him reason to be truly appreciated, like hard physical work that contributes to the family that he can complete. Make the most of the time you have together. Good, solid parenting without much time can be done, I promise. You just have to be focused on the end result. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mixednuts Posted January 25, 2008 Author Share Posted January 25, 2008 oh yeah, the computer is off limits from now on.... you know, i've been dealing with attitude with my 10 yo too. I sent him to his room probably 4 times today. it's like he's put out when i tell him to get his work done. i've had to start setting a timer on his work because he'll sit there forever and stare off and not get anything done. that seems to help. but he acts like im interrupting him when i tell him to get to the table for school. it really ticks me off. :mad: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mixednuts Posted January 25, 2008 Author Share Posted January 25, 2008 Your problem is you don't want him to be unhappy. Trust me, a little "unhappy" is very, very good thing for a mouthy 12 y/o boy. :) i know, you are absolutely right! Make a plan with your dh and stick to it. If your dh gets mad at your son, step aside and let him parent. (Unless he's being truly abusive, of course.) Men can generally put their finger right on it when a boy is getting too big for his britches. your right. i have to remind myself of that. my husband is not abusive but he does raise his voice. that's upsetting and i don't like it. but, i know that i need to not interfere so much.... Sounds like he needs to be a lot more unhappy when he oversteps. And at the same time, find things about his jokes that you like when it's appropriate and turn the tables on him and be more joking yourself. It's apparent that he is comfortable with dishing out "joking," so it's likely he'll be good with "taking" it. Not sarcasm, but being as lighthearted as possible while showing what the boundaries are. 12 y/o's still desperately want to please us. Make sure he DOES please you much of the time. Set him up to succeed just like you did when he was 3. Give him reason to be truly appreciated, like hard physical work that contributes to the family that he can complete. Make the most of the time you have together. Good, solid parenting without much time can be done, I promise. You just have to be focused on the end result. thank you. i need to hear this on a daily basis! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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