Do you make kid's share?

[cara]

I am watching a 8 and 12 year old this summer. Everyday they bring their computers, Nintendo DS, and other toys / games. But they never want to share. It's causing issues and I've had enough. I noticed, this with DS's friends did the same this week.

 

So I just made a new rule.

 

"If you bring something over to play with, you have to share it. If you don't want to share, then it can't come over."

 

I don't want to be mean but it's starting to cause issues because DS is forced to share his toys, his Wii, and everything all day long yet they won't share their things with him. It's also causing fights.

 

Anyway now the girls are mad at me for telling them they have to share. The oldest goes to tutoring on Thursday's and the youngest just told me "I think I'm going with C tomorrow" in a very snotty way like I don't it here and I don't want to be here. SIGH

 

WDYT? Good rule?

[lionfamily1999]

I do, but then ds has a ds and Luke has a pretend ds (handheld memory game).

[charmama4]

I personally dont' think what you're asking is so horrible. I would expect my kids to share what ever they bring to some ones house and vice versa.

 

The Thursday's thing, if the younger one wants to go with her sibling (and it's ok with parents) let her. I dont' put up with attitude, then again that's just me.

[Goldilocks]

That is our rule. If it is one of my children, the rule is if you can't share it, then you play with it in private. If it is a guest, if you can't share it, leave it at home.

 

I think you did the right thing. They are old enough to understand that their actions are rude and hurtful.

[bairnmama]

For the most part I do. But I do not require them to share things like a Leapster or DS (they just don't get brought out unless the other kids has something similar or just likes to watch it being played). Now, if it's a kid I'm just watching occaisionally I normally ask them to put away anything they're not willing to share until they go home. I also tell my dc when they're getting ready to go to a friend's house that anything they take over needs to be shared or it's not going!

 

Of course, I assume you're just talking about sharing with your 8 yr old and not the youngest, right?

[secular_mom]

Oh that is a necessary rule for caring for Other People's Kids. And when I did daycare, I allowed my child/ren to put some toys 'away' that they didn't want to share with the day care kids.

[Parrothead]

I'd talk to the mom. She would know why I was insisting that electronics are not to come over.

[cara]

I plan on talking to mom tonight about it, I don't mind them bringing their electronics, but the not wanting to share has to stop.

 

Thanks guys, I was just making sure I wasn't being unjust or mean.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I say you should hold your ground. You are absolutely right. When my kids have guests over, they need to put away/out-of-sight any toys they are not willing to share. I couldn't imagine them bringing something to a friend's house and not sharing. What does their mother say to all of this?

[fhjmom]

I think your proposal is completely reasonable. The electronics are causing a problem and the two choices to eleminate the problem are either 1.) share or 2.) don't bring them. You have given them a choice and by bringing them and not sharing, they are just being brats.

 

BTW, if I found out my kids were doing something like that (bringing a toy and not sharing) not only would I not allow them to take them for a while, they would also loose those privildges at home for quite a while too! (I'm am not saying you should recommend any punishment to their mom, just saying that I would be really upset with my own children for behaving in such a way and there would be consequences.)

[NanceXToo]

Hm. Maybe you could tell them they are allowed to bring one thing each for their own use that they are permitted to keep to themselves and not be forced to 'share.' If one just wants to play on her Nintendo DS all the time, and doesn't want to worry about another kid dropping it or breaking it or misplacing it or whatever the case may be, I would consider that her prerogative. I would just tell my kids, "Look, you have belongings that you wouldn't want other people touching. So and so does, too."

 

But there is no need for them to bring over multiple things that they won't share, especially if it's causing drama.

 

Let them have their one personal item each, and tell them anything beyond that, only bring it if you're okay with sharing it.

[ChristusG]

You are perfectly reasonable in your request! And you are completely right....your child has to share his toys all day long, why shouldn't the other child? If I were you, I would allow your child to put away a few favorite toys that do not have to be shared. That's what I do when we are having other children over. If it is not put away, then it needs to be shared. Same would go for if I were watching someone else's child. I'd talk to the parents and explain the situation in case the children tell the story differently.

[Wheres Toto]

When I have watched other kids in the past I didn't allow any electronics other than personal items such as phones.

 

Especially in the summer, I would also make sure there were lots of other activities for them to do besides sitting inside on electronics all day long. If the weather is really hot, I'd provide a shady area with lots of water activities.

 

Edited to add: the reason I didn't allow these items wasn't just the sharing issues. I also didn't want to be responsible if something was broken. Replacement value on these items is more than I'm willing to pay for someone else's stuff.

[mrs.m]

I'm going to be on the other side here. I don't allow my children to share their DS's with other children. I don't allow it because he did share it one time and his friend dropped it!!! It's cracked now. :( They are not cheap toys to be handing around and allowing other's to use.

 

So if I was in that situation I would say they shouldn't bring anything over that they aren't willing to share. I go over that with my children before we go anywhere. The DS's just don't go because as a family we don't share. If that makes sense...

[cara]

I'm going to be on the other side here. I don't allow my children to share their DS's with other children. I don't allow it because he did share it one time and his friend dropped it!!! It's cracked now. :( They are not cheap toys to be handing around and allowing other's to use.

 

So if I was in that situation I would say they shouldn't bring anything over that they aren't willing to share. I go over that with my children before we go anywhere. The DS's just don't go because as a family we don't share. If that makes sense...

 

That makes sense, which is why I said if they aren't willing to share, then it can't come over with them anymore.

[Danestress]

If I sent my kids to your house all day for daycare, I would send books. And while I am always happy to pass books on, I would be really surprised if you resented my children wanting to read their books without having to have a "it's your book for half an hour, then it's Johnny's book for half an hour." I would assume that it's my kid's book all day until he decided he's done with it and then he can pass it on or not.

 

But that is daycare. For a play date, it would be a little odd to take a book. I think. But then, playdates don't last all day, typically. I guess it depends on the relationship between the kids. My kids and I would definitely need some time to unwind without having to interact with other kids. Maybe for them, that's what the computer really is. I know for me, I sometimes get the kids to bed and then end up on the computer as sort of "unwind" time.

 

I guess part of it depends on what the relationship between the kids is. I can totally see having a "no electronics" rule in a daycare. But then I would expect to keep the kids really engaged in other activities that are fun for them, and also to give them "down time" that they enjoy. Hopefully for them that would be books. But maybe there is a time of day when your baby is napping that you could designate as "alone time" for the kids, and you could let that be computer time for the daycare kids.

[Sherry in OH]

I would inform the mother of your rule and the reasons for it. Also tell her that if they bring toys and and then refuse to share that the toys will be confiscated for the remainder of the day.

 

My children do have toys that they do not share. These toys must remain in their bedrooms. They are not allowed to play in their bedrooms when other children are visiting.

[MelanieM]

I watched a couple of boys after school a couple days a week this past year, and that was our rule; if you bring it into the house you need to be prepared to share, or else you need to keep it in your bag. The only other alternative that would be acceptable to me would be if there was a private place they could go to play alone.

 

This is the same rule I have for my own children when they have friends over... share, or don't bring it out. Of course, they don't have the option of choosing not to share (put away) all of their belongings, but they can put certain special toys out of reach.

 

We also have the same rule with 'treats'. For example, there's no way I'd let my kids take come in the house to get cookies or ice cream and take it outside to eat in front of others without offering to share. If there's not enough to go around, you simply wait until you're alone to enjoy it.

[kewb]

The rule in our house is: If you don't want to share put it away.

For guests: If you don't want to share don't bring it or leave it in your bag.

[AuntieM]

I'd talk to the mom. She would know why I was insisting that electronics are not to come over.

 

I would also have a no-electronics rule. And that rule would apply to my children as well.

 

If you want to have a wii game tournament where everyone participates and gets a turn, alrighty. Otherwise, don't even turn it on.

 

Bottom line is that their electronics are causing these children to be snotty TO YOU, the one who is supposed to be their authority figure.

 

I know this will probably require more work from you to plan/oversee the days' activities, but in your shoes I would have to consider it character training for my own children. They are taking it all in.

 

In general, I feel about "forced" sharing the same way I feel about "forced" giving. Neither is from the heart. The quality of generosity is something that is gained by observing it in others one knows, respects, and wishes to emulate. JMO.

 

Just curious, are you watching for pay or as a favor? Either way, it's your home and you have the right to decide what is invited in under your roof. Meanness of spirit would not be welcome here.

[cara]

Thanks everyone, I talked to mom and she agreed that if they can't share then they can't bring it with them. The 8 year old doesn't really know how to play, she's starting to get better as the summer goes on, but she's all about her computer and video games.

 

Mom said she's starting to notice that the two girls (step sisters) are getting very cliquish when they are together and she's not liking it and is trying to stop it. So this is part of that.

 

I think tomorrow we may cut all electronics down to one hour a day and try other things to do, which I've tried before but the girls always go back to the video games.

[rwjx2khsmj]

"If you bring something over to play with, you have to share it. If you don't want to share, then it can't come over."

 

WDYT? Good rule?

 

This is the rule for our house. Even with my dc. If they don't want to share something then it needs to be put away while others are around. I don't make them share everything but if they are playing in front of others, then they must be willing to share.