odd, adha, and aspie all in one ideas please

[Robin@SJAFB]

Anyone dealing with oppositional defiance disorder? I think that’s what my son has along with being ADHD, an aspie and some emotional problems. How do you deal with it? We are in an endless power struggle over school work and haven’t gotten any school work done in two days now. He wants to do it all orally and I want him to write two days a week. He’s in 4th grade using Rod and Staff Math and English, and Story of the World vol 2. Next year he’ll most likely go back to school because I just can’t handle him at home unless some thing changes . I’m at my last straw, and it’s only been a month. I need help and have nowhere to turn. We just started a new therapist who in not in favor of home schooling.

I have home schooled two other kids for 10 yrs, I thought I could handle this. Right now I just want to give up and cry. Any ideas would be great. Thanks for listening Robin

[EKS]

My son has been diagnosed with ADHD and Asperger's (and then undiagnosed by another doctor; I guess I don't really know what he has). I find that it works better to keep the output expectations fairly consistent from day to day. It might help (in the long run) to expect him to write something every school day, even if it is just a little bit. That way you won't be flip flopping between "easy" and "hard" days. Also when I increase the output expectations it takes him a few months to completely accept it and stop arguing about it.

[periwinkle]

My middle ds is undiagnosed, but I highly suspect ODD and ADHD. I have cried many tears of frustration over him...ages 9 to 12 were the absolute worst!! He is 15 now and homeschooling him has gotten so much better. He is actually very manageable at this point. I did have to get his dad involved when he was younger because he absolutely refused to do math. We switched it to the evenings when his dad was home and things went more smoothly.

 

The biggest tip I can give involves you and not him: Keep your cool! Do not let him rattle you...things just go downhill and tend to implode.

 

I read several books our library has on ODD, but I liked this one best:

 

The defiant child : a parent's guide to oppositional defiant disorder by Douglas Riley.

 

PS-I agree with EKS, make the expectations as consistent as possible-these kids have such a hard time dealing with change!

 

Blessings to you,

[Guest MA in Kansas]

I really commend you for hanging in there. Days get very long when children act the way you describing. I wouldn't throw in the towel but rather throw away your baseline (ie writing 2 days a week). After years in special ed, my experience tells me these kind of children want control, especially males. Don't get me wrong, you can still have your baseline in mind but just don't vocalize it to him. Agree with him on what he is willing to do in each subject and start from there. The thing with home schooling is you do have the freedom to make judgement calls and you do not have to pull him through the curriculum or plan. Start with where he is willing to start and the time he wants to put in. When you both agree and he complies then reward him with something tangible--since dad seems to be a playing card that makes a difference-- like playing soccer or video games with dad. If he doesn't comply then maybe he needs to sit with dad that evening until he completes what HE agreed to do. You're not giving in but rather figuring out what makes him tick.

 

It is really tough. After homeschooling my own three and 8 years in special ed, I now sub in our local school and it seems I deal with this with many 4th graders with resistive behavior. So you are not alone. I think you seriously need to think about rewarding yourself too for every day you make it through without losing your cool. Maybe while kiddos are with dad, you can go get a latte with a friend or scrapbook by yourself or something to look forward to.

 

I will pray for you.:grouphug:

[Rod Everson]

My son has been diagnosed with ADHD and Asperger's (and then undiagnosed by another doctor; I guess I don't really know what he has).

 

This is off-topic a bit, but does anyone else find the above situation a bit disturbing? I mean, one doctor tells a parent her child has two fairly significant issues, and a second doctor says he doesn't?

 

This is really what bothers me the most about all of these labels. If it's not ADHD, Asperger's or autism or dyslexia, well, then we'll just call it PDD-NOS (persistent developmental delay-not otherwise specified.)

 

My understanding is that these diagnoses are all done by symptom lists, and not any sort of blood test or lab work-up of any sort. I'm not saying that nothing is going on in these situations, because the problems are real enough, but if the medical community can't even begin to agree on the diagnosis what does this say about the validity of their recommendations for addressing the problem?

 

And I'm not anti-modern-medicine, either; this situation has just always bothered me and the more I learn, the more I wonder if they really have a handle on this at all.

 

Rod Everson

[Stacy in NJ]

This is off-topic a bit, but does anyone else find the above situation a bit disturbing? I mean, one doctor tells a parent her child has two fairly significant issues, and a second doctor says he doesn't?

 

This is really what bothers me the most about all of these labels. If it's not ADHD, Asperger's or autism or dyslexia, well, then well just call it PDD-NOS (persistent developmental delay-not otherwise specified.)

 

My understanding is that these diagnoses are all done by symptom lists, and not any sort of blood test or lab work-up of any sort. I'm not saying that nothing is going on in these situations, because the problems are real enough, but if the medical community can't even begin to agree on the diagnosis what does this say about the validity of their recommendations for addressing the problem?

 

And I'm not anti-modern-medicine, either; this situation has just always bothered me and the more I learn, the more I wonder if they really have a handle on this at all.

 

Rod Everson

 

Yep. I keep seeing on the news how we have an Autism empidemic; 1 child in 150 is now diagnosed with an ASD (autism spectrum disorder; including PDD, aspergers and HFA). I saw a program on Frontline (PBS) last night probing the creation of a bi-polar diagnosis for kids. Prior to 1990 there were NO diagnosed bi-polar kids in the USA, now there are about 100,000 taking prescription meds. These medications were not designed or tested/studied in children prior to their wide-spread use.

 

So, here's my unqualified opinion; these doctors don't really know what they're doing. Here's my qualifier, I know that there ARE kids who have very real issues (hey, I have two of them), but these doctors are way to cavailar with their diagnosis' and their distributions of meds. They lack thoughtful follow through.

[Jill]

Hi all, I had a discussion regarding autism diagnoses with a friend who specialized in addiction therapy and social work. We are no professionals in that realm but she was aware of families who accepted a diagnosis from a doctor in order that they could get assistance from their insurance companies and access to special programs such as in the school district. That made me pause. So if you go to a doctor and want help, they may say, "okay, it's a label but you will then qualify for program x, y, or z..." Hence, an increase in diagnoses?

 

Robin, this may be an obvious question but is there no other therapist on base you can go to? Also, have you ever visited wrongplanet.com? You may find some ideas there amongst other parents of aspies. all the best - Jill

[EKS]

I just want to clairify our situation.

 

First, I want to say that I don't blame the doctors. They are each looking at a child through a lens that is shaped by their own training and expertise. I think (after so many diagnoses and much reading on my part) that my son has dyslexia, is gifted, has sensory issues (APD, vision problems, and motor planning problems), and has more than the usual amount of anxiety.

 

I wrote a blog entry a while back that talks about our diagnosis odyssey. Here's the link:

 

http://theknittedear.blogspot.com/2007/09/digger-then-and-now.html

[Oakblossoms]

It's highly unlikely to find a therapist who will agree with homeschooling. Does your area offer any type of support groups or co-ops?

 

We sent our son back to school on advice of a therapist and he developed many ticks and coping mechanisms. It was awful.

 

I don't expect what I used to out of him and I've allowed him more control over what he learns. He gets small bites of stuff everyday. It will get better if you are consistent and just start small. Tackle one issue at a time. Pick the first subject you want to cover and we can help you break that down into bite size pieces if you need to.

 

Once sentence a day. We use Italics Handwriting for this. He is up to a page after doing one sentence a few times a week during this year. I'm happy with that progress.

 

We use Math U See because it gives me another "boss". I've found I have to do the lesson with him and I have to oversee him for everything but reading. I would rather not, but that is life.

 

My son likes to discuss. So, we do a lot of stuff orally. You can type while he talks and then you have documentation of work done if ever needed. If you have any worries about therapists doubting your "work" then you can create a plan that says what you do for each subject. Consider it special education.

 

We are much more relaxed then a lot of people on this board. But, it is needed in our home. My son's sanity is much more important to me than his Math level. He is setting up his brain, thoughts, relationships etc...for the rest of his life. I had a Grandpa (who I love dearly..he has passed on) who was definitely an Aspie. He had no relationships with anyone really although he was intelligent and a hardworker. My son is so much like him, so it's important for us that he shares and learns to be in healthy relationships. Those healthy examples start at home.

 

My dh and I are constantly learning how to parent him better and develop a strong foundation for him.

 

What are you doing socially for him right now? How is your personal relationship with him right now? Are you punitive with him? Punitive measures seem to really break down Aspie's and cause them to be more stubborn, depressed...