Help me brainstorm some *firsts* if you would, please?

[Halftime Hope]

I have decided that I don't want this summer to be all about the "lasts" with dd. Our life is not going to end when she leaves. Her life is not going to end because she is a graduate; we are both beginning new chapters, and hers will be a WOW. Yet we are both stuck in a rut looking at things nostalgically and with tears, realizing that, in many ways, we are coming to the end of what has been a very good thing.

 

We need some balance. Not everything is ending, although much is changing. I need to start establishing some "firsts" with her, things that we do or share for the first time this summer, things that might turn into traditions that we share when she comes home to the family.

 

Anyone have any experience or suggestions? What have you done with your young adult?

 

I think, honestly, that we've had so much loss and so much stress in the extended family and with dh (health, injuries, and work issues) that I could be diagnosed with depression. Yes, I am taking steps to address that, but...one of the things that seems to have disappeared is my creativity and imagination! I'm hoping to find it soon, but in the mean time, could you all prime the pump for me and send any great ideas my way??

 

Thanks ever so much!

[Nan in Mass]

You could start the I'm-spoiling-you-because-you-are-on-vacation firsts as soon as school ends. You could wake her with coffee or tea or coco in bed. We ask ours when they want to be woken each night before they go to sleep. When the time comes in the morning, we go give them a shake. If they sit up, we bring them mocha. If they roll over and say they want to go back to sleep, we go away and leave them to get up on their own. If they stagger out of bed to the bathroom and then stagger back to bed to wake up slowly with the email on their laptop, we bring mocha. Yes - it is spoiling them, but it works both ways. When I nap and wake up, they voluntarily bring me some tea. Ok, so the reason I wrote all that out was to try to show the mechanics of adult living together. It is a delicate balance - letting them decide when to wake up, letting them change their mind, and yet still providing a nice family service for them. The same delicate balance applies to all aspects, like whether they will or will not be home for meals. Mine often are not, since they are out and about a lot, visiting friends, doing odd jobs, fishing, or whatever. We encourage them to tell us their plans, and to keep us up to date with phone calls. Because there wasn't much overlap with meals, I began asking what they would like me to buy when I went grocery shopping. That is another I'm-spoiling-you-on-vacation thing we do. They will ask for a certain kind of chips to take to their friends' house, or cookies, or a certain flavour of ice cream. Another spoiling thing is that I will randomly offer to take them for ice cream cones occasionally. I buy individually packaged foods like yoghurts or cheese sticks when they are home, which is something I don't normally do. I also buy things that are quick to prepare, like sliced ham, plenty of eggs, pre-grated cheese, and wraps, and I cut up chicken and put it in a ziplock. One of the "firsts" of the last summer was to show my son how to cook himself meals using these things. Cooking lessons make great firsts GRIN. You could try baking different sorts of cookies together, picking out a few that will work well for you to mail to her at school. We had lots of firsts associated with going off to school. We had the first checkbook, the first how-to-iron, the first how-to-cut-hair and others adult personal care items. There was shopping to be done, too. You could start emailing each other now. You could figure out how to use skype together. We began a family night tradition when we all eat supper together. Sometimes we take a picnic. Sometimes we eat out. Sometimes we pick something that we all prepare and eat together at home. We do bookstore treats, too, to get vacation reading. Maybe you could make hammocks together? I'm in a tearing hurry so I hope something in all this muddle is of help. If you concentrate on this being the beginning of your adult-to-adult relationship and establish some habits and traditions for that, maybe it would be easier?

-Nan

[Leanna Tomlinson]

My dds decided we need to establish an annual trip to the Tea Parlor with their grandmother and me before they leave for school. We already have reservations for the 2nd week in August. :)

 

It is strange getting used to having a family with young adults...mostly independent, but then still the same little girl you raised....lots of mixed emotions.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

uh oh, your post made me teary eyed.

 

My DD is a rising senior and I am already thinking about the 'lasts'. I will be reading this thread hoping to glean ideas.

[JennW in SoCal]

I found shopping together for the new life to be lots of fun, making sure my ds had enough socks, coffee, extra toothpaste and shampoo, cold medicines. I was so excited for him and his new adventure, I think, that it made his leaving not too big a deal. I also made him a blanket to take so a little bit of love would be there (along with some dog fur that got caught in the yarn) to cuddle up in when he didn't feel good.

 

We made sure to really enjoy family time before he left, not dwelling on the upcoming change, but just enjoying our togetherness and our unique and quirky family style.

[Nan in Mass]

I knit mine hats and was happy about the dog and cat fur that got knit in. : )

[Halftime Hope]

When I originally posted, I wasn't thinking about this being a transition to her becoming an independent young adult, but that is part of the reality as well!

 

Thanks so much for your suggestions (...except for the knitting--anything but knitting!--LOL) and, as always, anyone with experience navigating these waters or simply good ideas related to them, is invited to post their thoughts as well!

 

Thanks, all!

Edited June 17, 2010 by Valerie(TX)

[JFSinIL]

Ds has admitted he is resigned to going shopping with me "I know you love shopping, Mom" for dorm supplies, etc. He has also (he is 18 - 19 in Sept.) opened his first checking account, got a debit card (and a lecture from the bank official of being responsible and avoiding fees, etc. ;) the bank guy was obviously a dad of similar aged kids!) , signed his first forms at the hospital (minor wrist surgery). Still no driver's license - he does not want to deal with the costs yet (nor will he need to, or be able to, anyway.)

[Nan in Mass]

No you aren't. This is very much like what last summer was like for us. Thrift shops and GPS and cooking and taking care of clothes and own medical apt.'s and checking account I can put money into and safety lectures and son away lots. No double dislocation but a disoriented teen due to losing two major home-away-from-home's, both associated with his definition of himself. For years he had spent every afternoon at gymnastics several months a year peacewalking. College is a huge change for any homeschooler, and when something especially disorienting happens, it is even worse. Ok, now I am rambling, too, but hopefully the rambles give some examples of what this transition time is like.

-Nan