my poor, deprived homeschooled kids

[Denisemomof4]

Oh, I think I need to send them to school so they can get it right. Do I teach them nothing?

 

:D Ds 14 was teasing dd 10 today, and he called her a "liar, liar" so she called him a "liar, liar, pumpkin eater." :lol:

 

I laughed so hard, then called her a "cheater, cheater pants on fire."

:D

 

probably not that funny to many........ but it doesn't take much for me these days. I just NEED to laugh. Regularly.

 

Any other funnies?

[Saille]

OK, well, we are turbo dorks, but I have this habit of answering any "where?" question with "Topeka, Kansas". This morning, just as we started seatwork, my oldest headed downstairs. (Our only bathroom is downstairs). "Where do you think you're going?" I asked. "Topeka?" No answer. Dd6 chimed in, "Topeepee?" Which was pretty apropos and funny, I thought...but then the four year old chimed in, "Topoopoo?" We laughed like fools. Nothing like a bit of timely potty humor.

[Denisemomof4]

OK, well, we are turbo dorks, but I have this habit of answering any "where?" question with "Topeka, Kansas". This morning, just as we started seatwork, my oldest headed downstairs. (Our only bathroom is downstairs). "Where do you think you're going?" I asked. "Topeka?" No answer. Dd6 chimed in, "Topeepee?" Which was pretty apropos and funny, I thought...but then the four year old chimed in, "Topoopoo?" We laughed like fools. Nothing like a bit of timely potty humor.

 

oh, now I LOVE that one. Most women are appalled by potty humor but after raising two sons, I learned to just go ahead and join in. Or at least laugh. :D

[Liz CA]

Ahhh, reading things like this makes me miss the ole' homeschool days.

This is the stuff kids will remember. You are making memories. :)

[m0mmaBuck]

My 4yo told me that she knows God's name. I asked her how she knows and she told me that we say it every time we pray the Lord's Prayer: "Our father, Howard in Heaven...." This is the same child who thought the Sign of the Cross was "In the the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Carrot..."

[GWOB]

My 4yo told me that she knows God's name. I asked her how she knows and she told me that we say it every time we pray the Lord's Prayer: "Our father, Howard in Heaven...." This is the same child who thought the Sign of the Cross was "In the the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Carrot..."

 

:lol: While I am a huge fan of potty humor, I cannot help but snort at Jesus humor!

[Liz CA]

My 4yo told me that she knows God's name. I asked her how she knows and she told me that we say it every time we pray the Lord's Prayer: "Our father, Howard in Heaven...." This is the same child who thought the Sign of the Cross was "In the the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Carrot..."

 

:lol: This thread is just what I needed!

[coffeefreak]

My 4yo told me that she knows God's name. I asked her how she knows and she told me that we say it every time we pray the Lord's Prayer: "Our father, Howard in Heaven...." This is the same child who thought the Sign of the Cross was "In the the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Carrot..."

 

:smilielol5:

 

I always thought the man who had the "Whole World in His Hands," was wearing a brown hat and had a beard. . .

[Dandelion]

LOL!! :lol:

 

These stories are great... I actually really like "Howard in Heaven" - it has a very fatherly, comforting ring to it! :)

[Hathersage]

OK, well, we are turbo dorks, but I have this habit of answering any "where?" question with "Topeka, Kansas". This morning, just as we started seatwork, my oldest headed downstairs. (Our only bathroom is downstairs). "Where do you think you're going?" I asked. "Topeka?" No answer. Dd6 chimed in, "Topeepee?" Which was pretty apropos and funny, I thought...but then the four year old chimed in, "Topoopoo?" We laughed like fools. Nothing like a bit of timely potty humor.

 

 

 

As one from Topeka, Kansas, we frequently go for ToePukeA. Vomit humor, what can I say? :lol:

[5LittleMonkeys]

My dd7 has a hard time remembering to keep her room clean. I was on her several times one day to get it tidied. Finally toward the end of the day I said, "What shape is your room in?" To which she replied very matter of factly, "Square."

[Kim in Appalachia]

by the fitting room. My dd was trying on clothes. The 8 and 5 year old get in front of the tv and yell, "Oh no, I'm stoned!" and then they fall down.

 

I was completely shocked. I couldn't figure out where they would learn something like that. They kept saying and doing it, all the while the lady at the counter by the fitting room is watching.

 

I asked my dd where they learned it. She laughed and said they were pretending to be Stone Angels from a Dr. Who episode. :tongue_smilie:

 

They had no idea of any other meaning. They are clueless to that kind of stuff. After a few more minutes of watching them do that I made them stop. They were confused, they thought it was fun.

[lmrich]

my 13 ds, when studying Joan of Arc, said he had always thought she was Noah's wife.

 

:001_smile: gotta laugh

[Mommyfaithe]

my 13 ds, when studying Joan of Arc, said he had always thought she was Noah's wife.

 

:001_smile: gotta laugh

 

My kids had such a hard time differentiating between "Noah's Ark" and "Joan of Arc". SO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

I asked my daughter about the the reason for the Revolutionary War and she answered, "There is no respiration without perspiration." Ummmmmmm...hahahahaha.....

 

This was the same kid who loved meatballs and forget it for dinner...ahhhh!

[Halftime Hope]

For years, I've fought the battle of what my kids say when they must exclaim over something like a stubbed toe. We've nixed cuss words and cuss-word knockoffs, but for some reason we've just never found anything that works well to vent pain, anger, or frustration, without being disrespectful or indecent.

 

This past year fall, my youngest son and I drove 5 hours to an 80th birthday celebration for my uncle, my mom's one older brother. We barely know the family, but they are all very nice people. As his children and grands were telling stories, one recalled how ludicrous it was one year when another child's mother went to the t-ball coach, accusing my uncle of swearing at another child. His children all knew how ridiculous that was, b/c their dad never swore, in fact he was infamous for tripping over the vacuum cleaner in the pitch black one night and waking many of the kids up when he yelled, "Humphrey Bogart!" after the vacuum cleaner handle hit him in the middle of the forehead.

 

So, now, Humphrey Bogart is routinely invoked by my teens...apparently he has The Right Stuff, as when he is called upon, consternation is invariably followed quickly by sheepish giggles and then full-blown belly laughs!

[SeekingSimplicity]

by the fitting room. My dd was trying on clothes. The 8 and 5 year old get in front of the tv and yell, "Oh no, I'm stoned!" and then they fall down.

 

I was completely shocked. I couldn't figure out where they would learn something like that. They kept saying and doing it, all the while the lady at the counter by the fitting room is watching.

 

I asked my dd where they learned it. She laughed and said they were pretending to be Stone Angels from a Dr. Who episode. :tongue_smilie:

 

They had no idea of any other meaning. They are clueless to that kind of stuff. After a few more minutes of watching them do that I made them stop. They were confused, they thought it was fun.

 

"Blink" is one of our fav Dr Who episodes!

My dd was walking down the hall the other day and her little 'bother' was following her with his hands over his face, giggling. She'd take a step and he'd take a step. She'd turn around and he'd cover his face and giggle. She'd say stop it! you're not a weeping angel! Then take another step and he'd take another step. Stop! You're not a weeping angel. He'd giggle.

I know it wasn't funny to her, but I thought it was hilarious.

[Kim in Appalachia]

one of my kids favorites is to turn off the light switch and yell, "Hey, who turned out the lights":D

 

But "Blink" is probably the second most quoted and acted out episode in our house. I'm not sure why it didn't occur to me at the store.

[Denisemomof4]

by the fitting room. My dd was trying on clothes. The 8 and 5 year old get in front of the tv and yell, "Oh no, I'm stoned!" and then they fall down.

 

I was completely shocked. I couldn't figure out where they would learn something like that. They kept saying and doing it, all the while the lady at the counter by the fitting room is watching.

 

I asked my dd where they learned it. She laughed and said they were pretending to be Stone Angels from a Dr. Who episode. :tongue_smilie:

 

They had no idea of any other meaning. They are clueless to that kind of stuff. After a few more minutes of watching them do that I made them stop. They were confused, they thought it was fun.

 

:lol:

 

Your story reminds me of the time I had all four kids and two dogs in the Suburban and got pulled over. I was shaking like a leaf (hadn't gotten pulled over in DECADES!) and I asked ds to open the glove box to get my registration. Tampons and pads fell out onto the floor, I blushed, the cop turned away to respect me :D and I'm SURE he saw all the family/dog stickers on my back windows.

 

I didn't even get a warning that day. BUT, ds asked on the way home what that stuff was. :001_huh:

 

Thank God my kids didn't tell the cop I was stoned. :smilielol5:

[Saille]

oh, now I LOVE that one. Most women are appalled by potty humor but after raising two sons, I learned to just go ahead and join in. Or at least laugh. :D

 

We have never, in the history of our marriage, had more than one bathroom. At times, a little levity is a verygoodthing.

[1bassoon]

Here's mine. . . . .

 

On Fridays, I add another little guy to my mix - only child, who has had a fun time "learning the ropes" of interacting with our very amusing 5-year old. He's really taken to her, and is clearly getting into the act with the other kids.

 

Last week, I was coaching dd5 on word families by writing them on our white board. . . cat, sat, hat, etc. Extra boy says, "Mrs. H, can I try?"

 

He writes on the board, "cl-ass", and proceeds to help her sound it out. She couldn't get the "cl", so he erased it, and coached her for about 2 minutes on saying. . . . .

 

 

Wait for it. . . . . . .

 

 

"a$$"

 

Best part? My dd11 chimes in. . . . . "You see, a$$ is like a donkey. Can you say a$$?"

 

I. Almost. Died.

[stephanie78]

oh, now I LOVE that one. Most women are appalled by potty humor but after raising two sons, I learned to just go ahead and join in. Or at least laugh. :D

 

:iagree: Although I do draw the line at potty humor at the dinner table! My ds is 6 so right now he thinks it's the funniest thing ever. We were doing phonics the other day and one of the pictures was a gas tank, and he had to write the word gas. Which he thought was absolutely hilarious!

[littlebug42]

My 4yo told me that she knows God's name. I asked her how she knows and she told me that we say it every time we pray the Lord's Prayer: "Our father, Howard in Heaven...." This is the same child who thought the Sign of the Cross was "In the the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Carrot..."

 

When my oldest was about 4, she thought our priest's name was Beata God. When asked why, it was because we always say in mass "Thanks Be to God" and she confused it with "Thanks, Beata God". :lol:

[michelle l]

Apparently our poetry book made it sound to ds10 as though Walt Whitman only had one well-known poem. So he said, "Mom, Walt Whitman was a lot Vanilla Ice."

 

:001_huh::lol:

[babysparkler]

These are too funny. :lol:

 

I have one to add, thinking of the Lord's Prayer... not necessarily a funny one, just a cute one :) My son was about 2 when he started picking up on the Lord's Prayer in church. He wanted to pray it at bedtime each night. When he just hit 3 he prayed one night: "... Give us this day our daily bread" (here he paused and then continued) "With Jelly on top." :D